If you’ve been with your partner for quite a while, you’re more than likely thinking about moving in together. You get to sleep next to each other every night. Sharing a cup of coffee in the morning sounds like heaven.
The two of you can take showers together whenever you would like. It instantly sounds like a great idea, but not so fast. There are quite a few things you need to consider before packing your things.
- 0.1 What To Consider Before Moving In Together
- 0.1.1 1. Have the money talk
- 0.1.2 2. Shared expenses
- 0.1.3 3. Make sure you’re on the same page in the relationship
- 0.1.4 4. Stay together before moving in together
- 0.1.5 5. Spend more time at each other’s houses
- 0.1.6 6. Consider a date night
- 0.1.7 7. Decide on the ideal living space
- 0.1.8 8. Stay at their place for a month
- 0.1.9 9. Discuss the chores
- 0.1.10 10. Do your own thing
- 0.1.11 11. Set boundaries
- 0.1.12 12. Don’t only focus on how long you’ve been dating
- 0.1.13 13. Make a game plan
- 0.1.14 14. Enjoy routines together
- 0.1.15 15. Start fresh each day
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 To Sum Up
What To Consider Before Moving In Together
Even though it seems like a great idea, it’s important not to jump into moving into a new place. There are quite a few things that you’ll need to learn about each other first.
Instead, take the process of moving in together slowly. Make sure that you both have time to determine if you’re compatible, and are able to compromise in areas where there are differences. Keep these things in mind and talk about these things before renting a U-Haul.
1. Have the money talk
Discussing finances is important before moving in. It’s great that you can both actually save money by living together (there’s only one electric bill), but there are also some things you’ll need to consider.
When it comes to paying bills, who is going to pay what? Are you going to split every bill, or have one person pay rent and the other pay the utilities? Figuring out how that will work before moving in together is ideal.
You both need to discuss how much money you make, too. This can help you avoid the talk later, and you’ll both know what you’re getting into. It will help you in determining future financial goals, and what to spend on the new place, and it will help you figure out what your budget is for moving.
During the initial talk about finances, you’ll want to hash out the bigger expenses, such as rent. At some point, you’ll need to consider all of the other expenses there are too. You both need to be open and honest at this point.
If you’ve been hiding the $100 worth of makeup subscription boxes from your man, it’s time to come clean. Likewise, you need to know how much he spends on things such as shampoo, face wash, etc. Before ending that discussion, decide whether you’ll be sharing expenses or if both of you will be buying your own things. Don’t forget groceries!
3. Make sure you’re on the same page in the relationship
It’s a little too easy to slide into moving in with each other. Don’t do that. Instead, you want to make sure that you’re both thinking along the same lines. When a person is attempting to jump into living together, they might not be looking for along-term relationship. Some people seriously do not think about what they want five years from now before living with their partner.
If you’ve already thought about it, and are imagining your perfect wedding gown, it’s going to be a problem when he hasn’t thought that far ahead.
4. Stay together before moving in together
You get to know a person more when the two of you are together for a long time. You’ll learn his annoying habits, and he’ll discover what you like to do before going to bed. If you don’t know those things about each other, it can cause some problems when the two of you move in.
For example, I was in a previous relationship with a man. We moved in together after only four months. It was way too soon. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that he was cleaning before I came over. It drove me crazy the way he only cleaned the middle of the floor. It was a big deal to me.
If we had been together longer and spent a week together, I would have known those things before we were sharing living spaces.
5. Spend more time at each other’s houses
When you enjoy a lot of time together, you get an idea of what it’s like to live with one another. This can help you find areas that you’ll need to compromise on before moving in together.
It’s best to hash out as much as you can before making the big move versus finding it out later. This can also help you discover whether the two of you have the communication skills and ability to compromise that living together is going to take.
You’ll also get to know your partner on a more intimate level. You will see them go through every emotion. That’s something you need to see before living together. (If they have anger management issues, you want to know sooner rather than later.) Spending time together that is quality time is very important.
6. Consider a date night
When the two of you are living together, you might be busy with work or other things. This is where having a night that you dedicate to spending time with each other is a great idea. You can both pick one night a week to enjoy together. Trying this out before you move in with each other is a great idea to make sure that it will work.
7. Decide on the ideal living space
Consider the differences between your two houses. If neither of you has ever lived outside of your parent’s house, pretend to decorate a house together.
Browse through Walmart and talk about what you like and don’t like. This will give you an idea of what it will be like once the two of you live together. Living together is a big step. You don’t want to throw arguing over what color towels go with the rest of your new apartment into the mix.
8. Stay at their place for a month
If there is one way to find out what it’s like to live together, this one is it. It’s a trial living together scenario. I wish I would have done this with the before-mentioned ex. He had children too.
There were quite a few things I didn’t find out until we lived together. From what it was like to have a shared space to realize that it wasn’t going to be all fun. If I would have stayed with him for a month, I would have learned a lot.
9. Discuss the chores
If one person hates doing dishes, and the other person hates having dirty dishes piled in the sink, it quickly turns into one person doing all of the dishes. Likewise, if one person is used to cleaning every night and the other isn’t, it can cause quite a bit of conflict. You don’t want to figure out who is doing what at the apartment after moving in together.
Instead, have a talk about who will have what responsibility. If necessary, break out a piece of paper and make a list. This is another thing I wish we would have discussed before moving in.
10. Do your own thing
When you first move in with someone, it feels like the two of you should always be together. It’s common for couples to even try to do this. However, it’s not the best idea. Too much time together can lead to you both damaging relationships with other people and becoming too unhealthily enmeshed with each other.
It’s important that you both still make time for yourself. Consider creating an area of the house that is your own space. When you need personal space, you can always go there. You also need to remember that you and your partner don’t always need to be in the same room. It’s always okay for you to enjoy time with other people and do other things.
11. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries is important in any relationship, but especially when you’re under the same roof. It’s important that both partners respect the other person’s boundaries.
For example, one person might not care if friends randomly drop by. The other, however, might have a serious problem with it. Personally, I prefer it if people call or text first. Everyone else doesn’t feel that way. This is where communication and respect come in.
12. Don’t only focus on how long you’ve been dating
Yes, the two of you should have been dating for quite some time before moving in together. However, that is not the only thing you should be focused on. There are plenty of couples that have been together for years that have a hard time communicating, for example.
In addition to the length of time together, you need to look at your relationship. Make sure that you have similar core values. Can you both compromise? How are your communication skills?
When you’re having a conversation about who is paying the rent or other things are you able to come to an agreement? You should both be respectful of one another as well. Take a look at your entire relationship when deciding if you are ready to move in with each other.
13. Make a game plan
In addition to discussing the above, you need to come up with a plan. When will you move? Who is saving up how much money for moving expenses? Will it be an apartment or a house?
Figure out all of the details for your plan. You’ll find that you hash out a lot of potential conflicts while you’re coming up with the plan. This can make the entire process of moving in together and learning to live with each other a bit more seamless.
14. Enjoy routines together
When you live by yourself, you develop your own routines. You have your own way of doing things. That is going to change. Granted, there are some things that will stay the same.
However, there are other things that will change. In some ways, this can give you a fresh start. You’ll learn new habits and ways of doing things as you and your partner both compromise to make things work.
For example, your new morning routine might involve spending a few extra minutes in bed with your partner. Because of that, you might decide to start taking showers at night.
15. Start fresh each day
It’s easy to go home and ignore your significant other for a few days while you cool down. That’s not the case when you share the same space.
Instead, you need to learn how to respectfully argue, how to compromise, and how to communicate. Don’t let arguments spill over into the next day. Once you’re done talking about it, move on. If you can learn to do this before moving in with each other, it can benefit your relationship.
You should be in a relationship for at least 6-12 months. Make sure that you two have a future together. Look at your communication and ability to compromise. Consider core values, and common goals and look at what problems might come up. You need to be able to live together.
Yes, they do. You get to see the nitty-gritty of each other. For example, you never see your partner cutting their toenails or picking their nose when you don’t live together. This can also make you have a deeper, more intimate relationship. Your partner can quickly become your best friend.
Some relationship experts recommend waiting at least a year. However, it’s up to you. Every person is different. Make sure that you two can communicate, compromise, and are on the same page before you start sharing a space. If not, it can quickly lead to a bitter breakup.
Yes, it is a big step. This is one of the biggest steps in a relationship outside of marriage. It’s because living together takes more commitment than simply dating. You’ll also have a deeply intimate relationship. Being with one another every day for every emotion shows you every inch of a person, and you don’t get that when you don’t live together.
You should discuss finances, chores and who will have what responsibility. It’s important to set boundaries and discuss how those boundaries should be respected. Talk about personal space, and how the two of you will give each other space. Parenting is important if one of you has children.
To Sum Up
Moving in with your partner is a big step in the relationship. I’ve moved in too soon before, and it was a disaster. How soon do you think is too soon? What tips would you give couples?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.