Married But Curious (5 Tips On What To Do If You’re Bi-Curious And Married)

Welcome to the 21st century! This is a time many are discovering themselves, especially when concerning sexual orientation. Before, being heterosexual was imposed on you. At a young age, women were encouraged to date guys who are marriage-worthy. 

Then, we were told to make babies with our husbands and live together until we die. We never had a chance to explore our sex lives.

But now, many women are becoming curious. They find themselves harboring a certain sexual desire for that sexy waitress who always serves you breakfast at the coffee shop, even though they are married. The truth is some women suspect they might be bisexual, but are not certain. 

No doubt, bisexuals are physically, emotionally, or romantically attracted to both men and women. However, the term is subject to different interpretations. You should note that the fact that you harbor such feelings doesn’t necessarily make you a bisexual. You might be what they call bi-curious. 

Experts say that being bi-curious is suggestive of someone who wants to explore whether they are bi or not. As such, it is a temporary identity. Perhaps, you are married and curious about your sexuality. If so, here are some tips on what to do.

5 Tips On What To Do If I'm Bi-Curious Even If I Am Already Married

1. Make sure you understand this sexual orientation

In this current generation, how women perceive sex has gradually changed. Sex is not only a means of making babies, but it can also be an avenue to self-empowerment. So, it is normal to see women in their early twenties having fun with the idea of sex. This way, they know which sexual orientation they belong to early in age.

More women are learning that every day that they have a choice, where sex is concerned. Thus, understanding your sexual state is very important. Before admitting to your partner about your bisexual orientation, you need to understand a lot of things about being bi. You need to ask yourself the hard questions. 

For example, are you curious because you want to try something sexually new and different? Is it just one person you are attracted to or you are attracted to multiple people? Is your sex life the problem? Are you not happily married? You need to be honest with yourself and answer all these hard questions. That is why you need to be very sure that you are bisexual.

I say this because accepting your own sexual identity can be relatively difficult. And it is even more difficult if you happen to be in a union. 

However, before you talk to your spouse, who may or may not be accepting of your sexual orientation, you would have to consider certain factors. Some of which include religion, ethics, societal stereotyping, etc.

Also, before coming clean to your husband about your sexual orientation, you need to be very sure you are ready to tell him. This is because this is a ‘you’ thing, and you don’t have to share it unless your guts tell you it is time to spill the information. That way, you save your life from regrets about this.

2. Communication is key

communication is key

Every healthy relationship thrives on honest communication. Well, you could be communicating, but it may not be honest. When you tell your husband that you are bisexual, give him time to process that information. Give him his space if he asks. Not a lot of men are too open-minded about these things. Some may even become abusive, because they may not understand. 

And this may be attributed to their background whilst they were growing up or some values they hold dear. Or, it could simply be ignorance. If you realize that, you can sit him down and explain to him what being bi is all about. 

If that fails, and your man becomes abusive, then it is time to save your life and flee to a safe place. However, if your husband comes through and is accepting of your sexuality, there is no need to make hasty decisions. 

This is a time to talk about redefining your relationship. It is a time to talk to each other honestly, to understand how your marriage can progress in light of this new information. You and your spouse would have to consider some difficult questions. 

For instance, would your spouse be open to an idea of a threesome? Would he be interested in entertaining two women on a bed with him? Is he willing to accept this part of you? 

This is how healthy relationships are built; when the two sides can understand each other, despite their differences. Also, during this period, patience is key. As you two work hand in hand, be patient with your spouse.

3. Go easy on key decisions that affect the relationship

The discovery of being bisexual can both be exciting and confusing. It is exciting because you finally accepted yourself for who you are, and you have come clean about it boldly to your husband. It has a liberating sense to it. 

However, it can also be confusing because of the confusion that comes with being in a relationship with your spouse, after disclosing your identity to him.

It is, therefore, normal to want to end the marriage. This is especially when you are happily married and everything is going great. You should understand your husband’s uneasiness about the situation. This is because, according to him, he married a completely straight woman. And after a while, he has to accept that you are bi.

The situation might be too much for your husband to handle and you ought to understand that. Hopefully, as he is coming around, so don’t be in a hurry to end things. No doubt, it’s fine to end things if you think you are in danger. However, if that’s not the case, take things slow.

Also, do not allow guilty feelings to cloud your identity as a bisexual woman. Be assertive in your beliefs. Do not allow yourself to be bullied because of your sexual orientation. It is possible to be happily married, even as a bisexual. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. It is, therefore, best to stay away from people who always make you feel less of a human being.

4. Surround yourself with people who would not judge you

surround yourself with people who would not judge you

Find a safe space. It could even be with family or loved ones who support your decision. You can also find a support group, and join with your husband. You will find couples who are going through your exact situation. That way, you will get practical tips for dealing with the situation.

You also get to make new friends who agree with your decision. In doing that, you will be confident in your sexuality. In the long run, this is very good for your mental health. It is usually said that “no man is an island”. 

If you go through this alone, you are bound to go crazy. But when you find a support group that makes you feel accepted, and understand whatever feelings you are going through, you will be at peace.

If you have difficulty locating a support group in your area, the internet has made it easier. There are many online support communities for current or past partners that are straight, transgender, gay, lesbian, and even mixed-orientation couples.

5. Counseling

Before you came clean to your spouse about your sexuality, you were uncertain. You had to ask yourself questions and find answers to be sure about your sexual orientation. You did all the hard work and when you were ready, you told your husband. Meanwhile, all that while your partner didn’t know. 

So, try to put your feet in the shoes of your husband when you finally disclose your sexual orientation to him. No doubt, he will be shocked. For this reason, try to extend the same grace and patience you had with yourself to him. 

One way to help manage the surprise that comes with this disclosure is to seek counseling. 

Contract the services of a professional to help you and your partner process your emotions. 

Perhaps, your husband doesn’t want to go for counseling because he might be angry and hurt. That is fine. You should be patient with him. You can go alone. You may not immediately see results. But gradually, you would see the benefits.

And when your man sees the patience you are investing in the marriage, plus your efforts to make it work, he may come around. But you need to understand that you are not alone in this. 

To Conclude

Before I sign out, let me tell you this. I get it. It is difficult being attracted to the lady next door when you happen to be in a marriage. I bet it is more difficult when you find yourself wondering, amidst these feelings whether you are bisexual. 

I also get that talking to your husband about the crush on the lady next door is entirely different from telling your spouse about being curious enough to pursue a sexual relationship with that lady crush.

This is not a path any weak person can take. But you need to know that you are not alone in this. Being curious about your sexual identity is not wrong. You only need to be patient with yourself as you go through this period.

I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know what you think. And please share this piece.


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