A lot of people assume it’s out of the question to be lonely in a marriage and that it never happens, sadly, it does. Not because the couple wants it to, but sometimes they can each get caught up in some other aspects of their lives. It’s probably one of the spouses (more than the other), causing the other to feel lonely or neglected.
Worse, it could be that they've each fallen out of love with themselves (hopefully that's not the case here.) I don't believe it's possible to unlove a person.
Yes, sue me! However, being married and lonely has a cure. That loneliness can be filled by unlocking a new level of emotional connection with your husband. Much like the candy crush game, these levels are endless.
7 Ways to Handle Being Lonely When Married
Feelings of loneliness will pass if you fill them with other beautiful emotions; after all, it's only a feeling, (hence the phrase, ‘feeling lonely’). The cure for feeling lonely in marriage only works when the two of you decide to get back into it together.
Before taking any drastic measures, look at the situation from everyone's point of view (yours and his). Then ask yourself hard questions like ”what do I want right now?” You're in luck, below are seven things to do when you feel lonely in a marriage.
You've got to admit that loneliness in marriage may eventually lead to one of the spouses cheating on the other. As I said, nobody plans for these things to happen to them, but it does regardless. Also, what's marriage for if you’re with a partner that has abandoned you emotionally?
I'm all for faithfulness in marriage, but a little flirting never hurt anyone (winks). It'll remind you of what it was like when you lived on the edge with your partner, and you can bring that energy back home to him. However, marriage loneliness isn’t a license to cheat; if you do, you're on your own. I'm just giving options here, and it's up to your morals to decide.
2. Talk to your partner about it
It's unfair to go about feeling neglected but not tell your partner about it. You may be the one pulling the entire marriage down unknowingly. Set a date, sit him down, and tell him how you feel about the deterioration of your relationship.
It could even be before bedtime if you can't find the perfect timing. Ask him how he feels about marriage and family life as a whole. Also, find out what he wants out of it. You never know, he might be feeling the loneliness as well.
After talking with each other, you can both decide to work on getting the groove back. Remember, you both have to agree for the marriage to work, or it'll crash. One person can't be the sole cheerleader, mending the relationship calls for teamwork.
3. Travel together
I highly recommend ”bae-cations.” It's almost like waving a magic wand and appearing in Lala land when it comes to spicing up the relationship. There's no guarantee that you won’t both come home to the problem, which is why you must talk things through before leaving. Also, be open to having a new experience with each other.
You could even invite another couple for the trip to make it merry. However, don't hang all your hopes on this trip. It could still be the same thing as when you both went home. I'm not trying to be a downer. It works for a good number of couples. I've heard testimonies with people saying ”all we needed was a trip to the Maldives.” That could be you as well if you book that ticket.
4. Spice up the sex life
Often, it's the death of your sex life that paves the way for your partner to be emotionally distant. You're still doing the same things and refusing to spice it up a notch. His imaginations may have gone wild or toned down compared to the way it was before. Also, men are sexual beings; whether or not this is the major problem. If the sex is good, you're on the right track to getting your man back.
As soon as you make time for his little fantasies, the loneliness will melt away. Play like little kids again as you did together in the beginning. You have to give attention to get attention sometimes.
5. Find a hobby
Perhaps, it's time for you to get out there and do something for yourself. Call up your friends, organize a tea party, a picnic, a trip, or whatever you think will keep you occupied and happy. Find a new hobby and get engrossed in it. Probably something you've always wanted to cross off your bucket list.
Use the time to take care of yourself and your mental health. It could be that you're bored, that's why you feel rejected or emotionally abandoned by your husband. Get yourself a job, volunteer, anything that'll keep you active is a good thing. Sitting at home can be depressing especially if your partner works a lot.
6. Go to therapy
Some things are just beyond casually talking them over, especially when it seems neither of you can understand each other. Invite an experienced or educated third party, preferably a therapist. They can precede over the case and give some relationship advice. Your marriage may be on the verge of ending, and therapy could save it if you try.
There's no shame in admitting that you both need to see a therapist. Even single people see a therapist, how much more a couple? Find a good one you can both afford and book an appointment. A couple of sessions could be all you needed to save your marriage from the clutches of loneliness.
7. Is this just you?
It could all be in your head, especially if you've not had much to do lately. Write out your feelings and read them to be sure you're not overthinking the situation before taking any step to further jeopardize your relationship. Whatever you do at this point, can either break or build your marriage.
If you get lonely in a marriage, it's only smart to discuss the feeling with your spouse. Let him know that loneliness has crept in, and you'll like to rekindle the bond. It's also an excellent time to find a hobby or focus on a new career path you've always wanted to try, can't spend your time feeling lonely if you've got work to do, can you? Loneliness shouldn't scare you at all, take time off to practice independence.
Of course, you can, no relationship is above problems. They're a lot of things that can cause loneliness in a marriage; lack of attention, mental stress, and so on. It's not a new thing; you'll be surprised how often it happens or in how many marriages it affects. The good thing is, you can get past the lonely feeling in your relationship. However, some people don't. It's a very dicey moment in marriage, and every move determines the course of the union in the long run.
Emotional abandonment in marriage is when your spouse is no longer emotionally available to you even though he is there physically. This is the worst kind of cheating, to me. It can quickly drive you insane when nothing you say or do gets you reconnected to your spouse. He may be doing the same things he's always done but without any emotional attachment.
Well, this is relative. The sign that shows you your marriage is over can't be the same as it is in the next relationship over. Everyone has their thresholds or a limit to what they can take. In my opinion, marriage is over once it becomes life-threatening. I bet you're aware your life can be threatened mentally. As soon as it feels like your life's on the line or at high risk, your marriage is over. It shouldn't feel like that.
Religion tells us that the best time to give up on your marriage is when one spouse dies, and I agree. Although people divorce based on irreconcilable differences, it should take a lot more than being emotionally hurt by your spouse once to give up on the entire relationship. As I said, everyone has their limit.
I bet you enjoyed this article. I wrote out the best things to do when you feel lonely in a marriage; go after the points, do them and feel better, even have your marriage back. I would like to read your thoughts in the comments section below; please write out and share this article with your friends.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.