When a loved one is suffering from substance abuse, it can be very disheartening. And the worst is when they are not remorseful and see nothing wrong with being an addict. The effect can cause to their health, and may not be ready to get any form of help or treatment.
Growing up, we were told to stay away from drug use and the problems drug or alcohol abuse can cause. But they never told us how loving an addict could be torturing. When a loved one is a drug or alcohol addict, it tends to affect everyone around them, most especially their loved ones.
A drug addict usually has an emotional and physiological effect on your loved one and even their finances. When you are in a relationship with an addict, the first step is to find several ways to help them get help. This is vital before it gets to a stage an intervention might not work or when they have mental health issues.
But on plain ground, learning to deal with an addict can be very difficult, and their recovery could take a long time. But everything will be worth it in the end.
Are you in a relationship with an addict? And are you looking for ways in getting help for him and how to help them and yourself? Here are 13 ways to help you deal with an addict.
- 1 13 Ways To Help An Addict And Yourself
- 1.1 1. Let his feelings come first
- 1.2 2. Don't abandon the relationship
- 1.3 3. Let him talk about his drug addiction
- 1.4 4. Help your loved one set boundaries
- 1.5 5. Encourage him to seek intervention
- 1.6 6. Be supportive
- 1.7 7. Remain optimistic
- 1.8 8. The people around should be supportive
- 1.9 9. Understand your situation
- 1.10 10. Addiction changes people
- 1.11 11. It's okay if he doesn't understand your logic
- 1.12 12. Love him differently
- 1.13 13. You can't fix an addict
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Sum Up
13 Ways To Help An Addict And Yourself
1. Let his feelings come first
If your loved one is an addict, he will most likely put your feelings before his own, mostly when he has gotten to a stage where an intervention is needed. He will consider your desires, wants, needs and emotions before considering his own, which can make him neglect himself.
If he is an addict and loves you, an addict can put your convictions and accommodate your values until he doesn't matter anymore. Try to put his feelings first; don't let him lose himself for loving you too much because this can affect his recovery process.
2. Don't abandon the relationship
Nobody wants to be an addict to a drug or alcohol. It's not a pleasant situation to be in and trust me. If your loved one is an addict, he also has the inner fear that you will leave or abandon him. That is one reason he may not be able to stop the use of drugs.
Most of our loved ones who are addicts seek approval always, and they can get very intoxicated in the bid to keep the relationship so be calm and do not abandon the relationship. When you are in a relationship with an addict, you have to continually make them know you are always going to be there for them and they must accept to go for addiction treatment.
3. Let him talk about his drug addiction
Things can get easier if he knows he is addicted and acknowledges it. Talking about his feelings is a great way to start treatment, a healing process, and freedom from that addiction. Your loved one can be addicted to anything, drugs, masturbation, pornography, food, even a person.
He may have not even realized that he is addicted. This is because people that are addicted like to focus on fixing the other person they love rather than helping themselves.
So, if you notice your man is an addict (or just recently forming a character that is becoming addictive), let him talk about it and express himself. This way, you can both plan an addiction treatment to help him gain full recovery.
4. Help your loved one set boundaries
Suppose your loved one is addicted to drugs or alcohol. He has no boundaries of his own; he can say yes to anything family members want and do whatever they say when the drugs influence him. Even worse, they never accept they are addicts and need an intervention. But make him set boundaries and stick to them.
Let him know you will leave him if he refuses to respect those boundaries and ensure he goes for addiction treatment.
You cannot take on the fight for him. He has to participate. What’s more, he must learn to manage the situation by setting boundaries and sticking with them, and taking his treatment seriously.
5. Encourage him to seek intervention
Since you are already sure he is an addict, one way to help him is to encourage him to see a counselor or a professional that can deal with substance abuse problems. And this doesn't just concern just him; you need help too. He can go to a rehabilitation center and get a therapist specializing in dealing with people with drug abuse issues.
It would be best if you accompanied him there and also get help for yourself. It's not easy dealing with a person who has issues with drug abuse, so maybe you need help as well, to learn how to cope, know when to try harder or when to give up.
6. Be supportive
Whatever a person goes through, it's always more comfortable when they know that their loved one understands and supports them, he will heal faster when you are patient with him.
Always remind him that you love him, and as he struggles to break out of the addiction and get a full recovery, you support him, and you will be more than happy to see some withdrawal symptoms. But don't support him if he is not straightforward and isn't ready to stop using drugs or being an alcoholic.
7. Remain optimistic
Stay positive and optimistic about the issue. You may notice some progress at first, and later, he may relapse back to being an addict. Don’t just give up on him and start spreading negative energy. Relapse is not a sign of failure; in fact, it is progress; it’s a sign of the recovery steps.
You may not like the outcome because it can lead to some other health problems and even affect your mental health So stay positive. Many relationships have been broken because they never want to be patient with their partner.
8. The people around should be supportive
When you are in a relationship with an addict, you must know his family and close friends. Those aware of the addiction should show their support and encourage words. No one should judge him or push him back into that lifestyle. They should always talk to him and help him recommit to the treatment process.
Every tempting situation or device that can lead him back to the position should be kept far from his sight, so his treatment can work and have a fast recovery. If a friend will make him go back to being an addict, talk to the friend, to stay away for the main time while he recovers. The person suffering from addiction has to change, and he needs support from the people around him.
9. Understand your situation
If you don’t understand what you are in, you will most likely make mistakes and regret your actions later. So knowing that addiction can happen to anybody and that someone is addicted doesn’t mean he is possessed by demons or evil spirits. Addiction is not a character, and it may not define the person’s personality. It’s just a condition that we humans are vulnerable to.
It’s not easy to love an addict because he may become harmful and abuse you, so understand the situation you are in and if you need to leave the person to protect yourself, then do that. Never stay in a relationship with an addict who abuses you both physically and emotionally.
10. Addiction changes people
The painful truth about addiction is that it sometimes changes people. When someone becomes an alcoholic or abuses drugs, things about them change, and the symptoms begin to show. So you are now in the struggle to love someone different. It’s the same person, but he is changed now, although that old him is still in there somewhere, he has been overshadowed by addiction.
The guy may have been so kind, hilarious, and full of wisdom, but the moment that addiction takes hold of him, his behavior starts to change. This is why most addicts are manipulative and liars. However, keep supporting the person you knew and loved and work towards helping him recover from that addiction. Before you know it he will be back to his real self.
11. It's okay if he doesn't understand your logic
An addiction can distort a person's reality, so when you try to reason things out with him, and he does not see things from your angle. Don't feel so down. When you are in a relationship with an addict, you need to know he is at that phase in his life where nothing matters. When a person is overwhelmed by an addiction even if it is self-destructive, he doesn't see it.
An addict will do almost anything to feed his addiction, he will run away from treatment at all costs, but change can occur when the motivation for change is way more significant than the reason to stay the same.
12. Love him differently
If you give the same kind of love that you gave before the addiction, you will support the habit and make it stronger. Don't make excuses for him. Allow him to feel all the pain and shame of his addiction. Do not stand in the way of his recovery by creating excuses and fueling the addiction.
Love him differently and make sure he knows you don't support alcohol abuse or any substance abuse. You can even love him from afar, do not abandon him. Keep a safe distance for your safety, and continue your commitment and love to each other to avoid problems in your relationship.
13. You can't fix an addict
If you try so hard to fix an addict, you will end up hurting yourself. He is not an addict because of you, so his actions are not solely within your control. He got into a mess himself so in as much as you are going to support him to recover, know the difference between what you cannot change and what you can change.
You are human, and he is too, stopping an addiction is not just a matter of wanting to. He may want to stop but can't (probably because of the symptoms). So do not deny the reality of things. Walk away if you can't deal. Many relationships have ended due to abuse, so you won't be the first to end yours.
Yes, you can, just as people are addicted to alcohol and drugs, you can be addicted to someone. When you love them so much, but this can be a very toxic trait and can lead to various problems when the person leaves you.
After observing most relationships, some physiologists have called love an addiction and even a sickness. When you are in love, you are just like an alcoholic. You lost control of everything, and want to be with that one person that makes you happy.
Yes it is, just as substance abuse is terrible, being addicted to someone is wrong, it means everything about you revolves around that person, and when you have problems in a relationship where one person is addicted to the other it can lead to depression.
Most times, it is due to influence, your environment, your feelings. When you have problems you can't share with people, and you find out that alcohol makes you feel better, you can become an alcoholic, or when your loved ones ignore you.
Yes, substance abuse is very dangerous. It can affect your mental health immensely. And this is why you need to be careful to avoid mental health issues.
To Sum Up
I hope you found this article helpful. In addition, it is crucial you know when to draw the line, if your man is an addict and he is toxic, don't stay with him if he isn't willing to go for treatment or get help. Let me know what you think, and please don't forget to share this article with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.