Are you planning to stay with your in-laws in the near future, or do you foresee them staying with you for a bit? How do you survive living with your in-laws if you do have to stay together for an extended period of time (without biting each other’s heads off)?
Alternatively, what do you do if your in-laws just pop in whenever they want to, which you feel is an invasion of your privacy?
Another consideration is, how does your husband feel about his parents? Does he get along with them, or does he wish his parents would give you both some space more often?
Living with your in-laws can be quite a difficult thing to do if you are experiencing this life-changing event for the first time. You will have to juggle your husband’s parents while handling your own immediate family; it can be a handful! However, did you know there are benefits to living with your in-laws? You just have to look at the positive side of things.
In this article, we will take a look at exactly what you need to know when living with your in-laws – coping, getting along, and finding benefits along the way!
- 1 Tips When Living With the In-Laws
- 1.1 1. Learn to compromise
- 1.2 2. Set limits and boundaries
- 1.3 3. Let things go
- 1.4 4. Show respect
- 1.5 5. Be smart when in conflict with your husband
- 1.6 6. Do your share around the house
- 1.7 7. Make time for intimacy with your husband
- 1.8 8. Make joint decisions with your husband
- 1.9 9. Have household meetings
- 1.10 10. Keep your temper cool
- 1.11 11. Resolve conflict with the help of a professional
- 1.12 12. Find ways to have fun together
- 1.13 13. Learn to fit in with your spouse’s family
- 2 Why You Should Bond With the In-Laws
- 3 Benefits Of Living With In-Laws
- 4 FAQs
- 5 To Sum Things Up…
Tips When Living With the In-Laws
1. Learn to compromise
You may have to change a few things about the way you run your household, but it will be worth it when you bond woman-to-woman with your mother-in-law for the first time.
This type of connection can last a lifetime. If you disagree with how everything should be, try to work as a team to come up with a solution; meet in the middle for the best results.
2. Set limits and boundaries
You don’t have to change everything about the way you do things, but you may have to set limits to who does which household chores and things such as that. You may need privacy at certain times, and this is probably important to you. Just mention when you need private moments and when you are available to talk or do an activity.
3. Let things go
Is it really that big of a deal if you have to clean up the dishes after breakfast? You can build real relationships with your in-laws by just not worrying so much about the little stuff. Instead, get on the same page as them, and realize that some stuff is just not worth the hassle or argument. If something bothers you a lot, just take care of it yourself.
4. Show respect
It’s important that you show your in-laws the respect they deserve, especially your mother-in-law, who probably expects that from you.
In most cases, you will find that the mother of your husband helped raise him to be the man you fell in love with. This means she did something right and deserves to be treated with honor and kindness.
5. Be smart when in conflict with your husband
There will be times when you and your partner disagree; it’s just a normal part of life. I’m sure you have your reasons, but try to work together through them in private. You may consider the parents of your husband to be your best friends, but that doesn’t mean they need to know the ins and outs of the problems you have as a couple. Keep it separate.
You may feel like some members of the household aren’t carrying their share, while others are doing too much. If there seems to be a problem between dividing up household chores, just bring it up at the next meeting with your relatives. You may find that taking turns cooking to be a great solution to splitting up that task.
7. Make time for intimacy with your husband
You may feel as though you and your husband do not have the intimate space you once did. Sure, this is not a romance from a story; this is your life; you need to be the writer and come up with your own happy ending. This means making time for your spouse without someone else involved. A couple needs alone time when married.
8. Make joint decisions with your husband
When determining how to handle things around the house, it is not out of the question to talk to your spouse about the ways he thinks things should go. What has been his experience with his folks when it comes to conflict resolution to making repairs to a relationship that is broken? Discuss the events that are transpiring in your home.
9. Have household meetings
Invite everyone to participate and to share anything on their minds. This includes your spouse’s sister, brother, dad, mom, and any other relatives that are living with you. Communicate with each other regarding any blessings or conflicts that are happening in the house – anything that may affect more than one person in the home.
10. Keep your temper cool
There’s a good chance if you’re living with people you aren’t used to that you will go through a whole range of emotions. One minute you may feel like you have an excellent relationship with your sister-in-law, and the next minute, you may think you two couldn’t be getting along any worse! Try to remember that this is your family too, and be kind.
11. Resolve conflict with the help of a professional
If you find that everyone is fighting with each other and you don’t feel comfortable with the way everything is going in the home situation, you may want to involve a specialist, one who can help you sort through your situation in a fair way. A therapist or counselor may be able to show you problems in a new light and offer possible solutions.
12. Find ways to have fun together
Make sure when you are spending time with your loved ones that you have fun. Include the mom in your baking fun and baby care; let her feel that your home is hers. Ask the kids to spend time with grandma, to make her feel like part of the family.
13. Learn to fit in with your spouse’s family
It’s easy to have your family’s own routines, opinions, and rules, but when you enter a new family, you need to know how to join together to be one unit. When couples are first wed, it’s easy to worry about your kids and your own family, but if you are living with your husband’s family, you need to include them in what you do.
Couples who live with their in-laws often don’t know how to best fit together as a team. What does his family enjoy doing? Is that something you can implement in your daily schedule? If they like chess, for example, learn the game, or ask them for instruction. I bet they would be more than happy to teach you and bond with you in that manner.
Why You Should Bond With the In-Laws
Remember that you are the daughter-in-law; you were not born into this family. Take care when dealing with your husband’s family. If you badmouth them in front of him, he may be greatly offended and confused; often, we think our parents are great but forget about the negatives that come with living with them. Try to move past the negative and point out the fun you have.
When the two of you are ready to move, just make certain that you aren’t leaving on bad terms. After all, these people will always be a part of your life, so you need to learn to be at peace with them. Try to find the positives of living with your husband’s relatives, and focus on that.
As a couple, you have a chance to grow with these people and build a lasting relationship that will mean a lot in the future. If you are living with them, you may want to pick your battles and try to get along, no matter what. Sometimes, women find this hard to do because they are territorial when it comes to their home, but women are also quick to forgive when problems arise.
Find ways to connect with your husband’s mom; invite her to join a group for women. For example, you may know someone who sells certain kitchen products; invite her to a party. This will give you a couple of topics to talk about in the future, too! Any ways that you can bond are important and will help you build healthy relationships with your loved ones.
Benefits Of Living With In-Laws
When you got married, did your in-laws take you in? Were you able to save money for your first house or home repairs? If you live together with your in-laws, there can be benefits. You can save a lot on the costs of living in your own place, the costs of utilities, and the costs of food. However, if you are living with your in-laws, it might be a good idea to pay for what you can.
While you can save money on utility bills and rent, you should try to chip in with the chores around the house, the money used to pay for food, and the quiet your spouse’s parents are used to. You may be used to blaring the television at all hours of the night, but if they are early birds, you may have to make some adjustments to compromise with them.
Yes, Living with your in-laws can greatly affect your married situation because your spouse’s parents will always be around, so your whole world could turn upside down, especially if you do not get along with them. If you are newlyweds, this can be very trying on your new marriage.
One thing you should try to do is to keep your sex life alive with your husband. You don’t need to sacrifice intimacy just because your mother-in-law and father-in-law are sleeping nearby; just be quiet and pretend you are teenagers once again. They should understand sex is an important part of being married.
It should be the wife, but some husbands put their mother first, especially if they are a mama’s boy. However, you picked the man you married, so you should already know and accept that about him. Just adjust your expectations of married life.
It may be time for an intervention if your husband’s parents are ruining your love life. A therapist may be the best option for you if everyone can keep an open mind and wants to go there. A third party can often provide people with new ideas to try.
The best way to get respect is to treat people the way you want to be treated. You want your husband’s parents to know you value their advice and opinions, but you also can think for yourself; point out the times when it’s unreasonable for them to intervene.
To Sum Things Up…
If you’ve had experience living with your in-laws, what advice could you share with our readers that might help them with whatever problems they are facing? We’d love to hear from you! Please leave a comment in the section below, and don’t forget to share this post!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.