Writing a letter to an ex-boyfriend is an exceptional idea. It doesn’t matter whether you need closure, want to hold them accountable for abuse, or are dying to get them back because you’re still in love, a letter can achieve just what you’re looking for.
If your ex is still making a regular pop-up in your mind, it’s time to write a letter.
Just because you write a letter to someone, it does not mean that you have to send it. First, focus on writing the letter. Get your feelings out, and say everything that you would love to tell him. Then, you can decide if you’d like to send it.
- 1 How To Write Letters To An Ex
- 2 Decide Whether To Send It
- 3 FAQs
- 4 In Summary
How To Write Letters To An Ex
The hardest part of writing is looking within your heart, and finding the words to express how you feel, whether that’s love or hate. First, consider what you would like to accomplish with the letter. This will help guide you through what to include, or omit, from the letter.
If you would like closure, it’s important to let everything out. If you’d like to be heard or say thank you, you can also let it all out. However, if you’re trying to get them back, focus on the good times you had when they were in your world instead of the bad. Then, make sure to include these seven things.
1. How Long It’s Been Since You Were Together
This signifies to both you and him how long ago the breakup was. It doesn’t matter if it was two months ago or two years ago. This will give you clarity regarding the situation. For example, if you’re writing a letter to him and have not seen him in two years, it shows that you’ve been thinking of him for two years. This can motivate you to move on.
Second, this will tell him how long it has been if you choose to send the letter. If it’s been a month, he might realize that he’s been thinking about you for the past month. It can remind him how long it’s been since he held you, which is something you want him to think about if you’re trying to get him back.
2. Include The Memories That Stick Out In Your Mind
Once again, remember the purpose behind the letter. When you want him back, bring up the great memories of your relationship. Tell him how you think about him every time you drive past his favorite restaurant.
A letter that is resolving your own issues or providing other closure, even a thank you letter, should include the memories that you’ve never forgotten. The stories that brought you pain so deep that you wish you couldn’t remember them. Let them out.
3. Include Plenty Of “I” Sentences
Writing this letter to your ex is about you, no one else. Instead of focusing on what the other person did to you, focus on how it impacted you. Write down what you learned about both life and love from the relationship. Tell them that they’re the ones who showed you what abuse does to a person, and now you know what red flags to look out for. Share that you felt betrayed when they cheated. Open up about how you finally learned what it feels like to love someone else.
A helpful way to learn how to implement “I” sentences is by looking at effective communication skills. I statements are recommended for couples because they are less accusatory. This can be helpful in therapy, and, let’s be honest, most of the time when we write a letter to someone that was in our life, it’s pretty therapeutic.
When writing these letters, they are all about feelings. If he was the love of your life, share that. Sometimes, you’re glad that they’re gone but feel like they will always have a special place in their heart. Whatever your feelings are, share them. Tell them whatever you’ve been holding in your heart, whether it’s sadness or happiness, anger, or heartbreak. If you always wanted to tell them, now is the time to do it.
5. Tell Them What You Want
Sending a letter to someone without them understanding the purpose is not always right. If you despise them and want to let out all that anger, you probably won’t have to describe the purpose behind the letter.
However, if you want them back, want to say thank you, etc. make sure to include that. It’s particularly important to let them know if you’d like to give the relationship another chance.
Even if you don’t want a relationship with the person or feel that they were the love of your life, you can still let them know that you would like to be friends. In this situation, you can simply tell them that you miss your conversations together, and miss being friends.
6. Contact Info
Once again, if you’re essentially just letting your built-up anger out, this one does not apply. However, if you want to get back together, don’t forget to include a way or two for them to get a hold of you! The address on the corner of the envelope is not enough. Leave your Instagram username, phone number, Facebook name, or another way that they can easily find you. Most people at least have an email address!
7. Explain When You Would Like To See Them Again
When do you want to get together? Never? When they’re available for lunch? The next time they’re in town? This is a great way to close a letter to someone else. It makes the letter sound less choppy towards the end too! Make this the last sentence before signing your name.
Decide Whether To Send It
Now that you have poured your heart and soul into the letter, it’s time to decide whether you’d like to send it. Ask close friends for personal advice. Tuck the letter away for a few days, and then re-read it. If it’s angry, bitter, or full of “you” statements, don’t send it. If you feel that you’ve already gotten closure by writing it, it’s not necessary to drop it into the mailbox.
However, if it’s packed with things that you really want them to know, or if you’re simply dying for them to receive it, go ahead. The only rule that applies is that it’s not usually a good idea to send these things if they’re written when the breakup is still fresh.
You should tell him everything that you wish you would have said when you were together. Express how you feel, whether that’s love or pure hatred. Let out everything that you’ve been holding inside.
Tell them the reason behind the letter, such as that you miss them and want to be their girlfriend again. Express that you still care. Then, include memories, apologize for things that you did wrong, and close by leaving them a way to get ahold of you.
Yes! This is a great way to get some closure so that they are finally out of your life. It can help release emotions you’ve been holding in your heart. More than anything, you can say things that you never felt comfortable saying in person.
If you want to be together or friends, respond. If not, ignore them. Unless you have children together, there’s no need to entertain any conversation with them, even if it’s a few text messages going back and forth.
No. Contacting them doesn’t guarantee that they will give you closure. They could have all the time in the world and not even respond. Instead, you’re the one that needs to give yourself closure. Imagine them in front of you and say what’s in your heart. Write them a letter.
Writing one of these can be a huge relief, or it can be downright nerve-racking. Have you ever considered sending one of your exes a letter, or wrote a letter and didn’t send it? Why did you decide to go through with it, and what did you include?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.