A marriage can slowly fall apart when a husband keeps neglecting his duties. It’s quite suffocating to be married to someone you have to nudge on a daily basis to do what he is supposed to or a man who doesn’t even know what he is supposed to do.
If you have a lazy husband, there’s a lot you can do to motivate him to work hard. With time, things could change for the better; you just have to be consistent until he gets the hang of it. It takes time to adjust to each other’s habits when you get married, but after a while, things would be stable.
Lazy men think that emotional and financial support is all the need to contribute to a marriage.Such a husband would lean back and won’t put in much input when it comes to helping around the house or running errands. Men that don’t help out with household chores, share duties with their wives, and just wake up, go to work, come home, eat and sleep, that husband is lazy.
Always complaining about your lazy husband isn’t going to make him do more, however, nagging about it may just aggravate him, and who knows? Your marriage may be hanging by a thread. There’s a lot of ways to handle lazy husbands while protecting your marriage as well. I wrote them out in this article, read through them carefully.
7 Things A Woman Should Do With A Lazy Husband
1. Show him you need him
A lazy husband probably doesn’t have the faintest idea about how they can lend a helping hand to their spouse around the house. He just gets up and heads to work after breakfast, believing you’ve got everything covered. Rather than nagging, there’s a way to call his attention lovingly. Lovingly nudging your husband could go a long way to show him that you need him.
Instead of screaming ‘’my husband doesn’t help me with anything!” ask him nicely to assist you to take out the trash by morning and remind him to do it if you feel like he’s forgotten to. It’s more effective to make your husband understand that you need him, rather than pointing out how lazy he is and blaming him for it daily.
Be as soft as possible when you’re asking for his help with a chore or something. ”Could you please help with this?” sounds way better than ”you never help me with this!” A lot of patience is required to nudge lovingly. You may have to do it often for a while because he may forget or get tired of doing what you asked. Remember, it’s not in his nature, he’s doing his best, and you hope he changes gradually.
2. Delegate and divide duties
In dealing with a lazy husband, you need to be very strategic, sit him down and talk with him. You should know that there’s a difference between ”talking to him” and ”talking with him”. Talking to him is more like scolding, and his opinions hardly come to play. Talking with him is rather loving, and you are willing to understand his view. Sit together, share work within and around your house amongst yourselves.
Take each other’s strengths into consideration while splitting the work. Do yourself a favor and don’t give him what you know is beyond him, it’s either he won’t do it, or he won’t do it well, which could get you upset. Split the work amongst yourselves equally. Don’t be authoritative about it, and try not to split the work selfishly. Make sure he includes his opinion in the duty chart, trust that he would give his two cents on the matter. After dividing the tasks, do well to focus on yours.
Meddling with his work could make him feel like he’s incompetent or lazy about his task, knowing you’d get involved. Do well to stay in your lane; don’t get involved unless you have to. Let him learn to respond to his duties on his own if you do them each time he forgets to, you might as well take it up.
3. Appreciate his efforts
The biggest motivation in a relationship is appreciation, you may not see it’s effectiveness early on, but you will eventually if you keep at it. Appreciating your husband’s effort makes him feel loved by you and make him feel like his little contribution was significant. If you ignore his little efforts, chances are he won’t try again.
Appreciating him no matter how little means you see him and what he is doing to assist. This should motivate him to do even more because he is in good spirits about assisting you daily. Complacent men do better with appreciation, it gives them a sense of fulfillment. Every time your husband upholds his end of the bargain by accomplishing his household chores, don’t ignore it.
If you do, he might not feel encouraged to do so again, especially if you only notice the days he doesn’t do it and conveniently ignore the days he does them. It could aggravate him, a simple, “thank you for taking out the trash, Ryan.” should do the trick. It might seem like nothing to you, but it means a lot to your husband, who in his head, went out of his way to please you or assist with the chores when he could have been doing nothing, as usual.
Indulging in activities together would help your husband be more agile, find a common interest, take cycling, for instance, and do that with each other. It’s important to have a routine, so you both, mostly your husband, have activities that’ll get you active and keep you fit.
Laziness is a temporary state of a person’s mind; if you show such a person better alternatives, they will negate being dormant. Don’t be selfish when setting a routine; it should be something you both enjoy doing; otherwise, he may not want to participate in this.
The shared activity could also be sex; men are often very positive after good sex. Make room for healthy sex life. This helps to show your husband the joy of negating laziness and getting involved in something energetic. There’s so much joy that comes with welcoming activity and enthusiasm. As a wife, you should show this part of life to your husband, who hardly ever sees it.
Do not only create time for activities in your calendar, after you both do exciting activities together, pick a day when you can both kick back, and do nothing. Once in a while, a do-nothing day isn’t a bad idea. It’s a lot more fun if you do it with your husband, just lay in bed or be home doing nothing but eating, sleeping, watching television, and spending quality time with each other.
5. Be a good planner
To live well with a lazy husband, you have to be a good planner. If you’re not great at planning, do your best to learn how to. Planning eases a lot of pressure; you’ll know what to do and how to get it done at the right time, planning goes a long way to minimize chaos.
Like I said earlier, nagging at your husband for not making plans or not helping out doesn’t solve any issues. You need to take the initiative, plan daily activities, and divide duties fairly among each other. If you don’t take up this duty, you will keep handling chores on your own; a plan minimizes laziness or cuts it off completely.
When your husband is aware, there’s something to be accomplished at a particular time every day, like ‘buying groceries at 5 pm on Tuesday.’ until he completes the task, he’d have no reason just to laze about. You can’t also guilt him for doing nothing when he’s done with all you lined up for him.
Having a plan keeps a good routine going, it also helps each person know exactly what they are supposed to be doing, so there’s really no room for slack. If your husband knows you pick up the kids every day from school, and he’s supposed to get some groceries before they get back, there’d be more pressure and responsibility to get it done. A plan shows there’s work to do; when it should be done, and by whom. This way, you can hold one person accountable for not doing their part and vice versa.
6. Ask for help
Honey, if you don’t ask for help, you might not get any, a lazy husband won’t move an inch, especially when his complacence is being tolerated. If you keep doing them, it looks like you’ve got all the work covered without his input. Asking your spouse for help around the house shows him you need him, and you don’t have it all together.
There’s no way he’s going to know you need help if you haven’t been asking for it. You could just be sitting down saying “my husband is lazy,” when you’re not doing much to encourage him.
There’s a chance he has assumed you don’t want him meddling with things in the house, so, in his head, he’s letting you have your way, not being lazy. You have to point out that you want him helping with chores too and not expect he notices by himself.
Even though it’s something you think he should just notice and take the initiative, ask him. Most times, men need to be told exactly how they can be of help, so don’t get tired of letting them know.
He won’t get the chores right initially since he’s not used to doing them, but he’ll get the hang of it with practice. Try to get him to do things within the house and be consistent even though you have to ask him for help daily, at some point; he’d do it before you ask him to. Working together could make you both happier and improve your marital bond.
7. See a counselor
This is more like a last resort if you’ve tried all the methods above, but he’s still the same lazy husband. I know that change takes a while sometimes, but maybe this one is beyond you. I’d suggest you both see a counselor that can help sort this out. Try the above methods first before suggesting a therapist to your husband; it may be simpler than you think.
Your spouse’s laziness may be from his childhood experiences, his past failed relationships, cultural impact, patriarchal orientation, and others.
These problems can not just vanish if they’re not being dealt with by an expert. A therapist has better chances of getting through to him faster than you would. Speak to him about your concerns and how his being lazy makes you see him as selfish towards you. To be honest, it is a selfish thing, a husband who doesn’t see the need to help his wife out with daily house activities is being narcissistic.
Visiting a counselor or therapist would not only help him realize himself, but it can also help save your marriage. Selfishness is not a good attribute for any marriage to ride on, if he keeps treating you that way, who knows how long your patience will last? We all need a helping hand, and marriage is about a partnership.
Nagging about it pointless, there are a couple of different ways to deal with such a man. Talk To him about assisting with some chores and errands, splitting the work in the house daily, and carefully nudge him when he forgets his duties.
Motivation has to be consistent for it to take effect, you can’t do it on Monday and expect it to last the whole week. Appreciating him when he does some work is an excellent place to start, don’t belittle any effort. Nudge him lovingly when he starts to slack on his part, remind him you’re both in this together.
It’s best to discuss the situation not to complain about it, which is why I ruled out nagging. It’ll also keep you sane to focus on the positives while getting to the root of his selfishness. It could be from his childhood, past relationship or a desire to be controlling, figuring this out will make you understand and deal with him better.
It’s not easy to deal with a lazy man; you need a lot of patience and should be very forgiving. If you can tell, he is lazy before things get too serious, break it off, darling. You deserve a man who will keep the same energy when it comes to working, someone who will help make things easier, and not stress you out.
A bad husband is generally one who is selfish! All that matters is his comfort, what he wants, and that he is in control of you. Marriage is about a ‘give and take,’ but he always takes and gives nothing. His desires must come first, and yours don’t matter as much, these attributes will only suck you dry and create an unhealthy environment.
I hope you enjoyed the article, you can practice the methods above, and you’ll be able to deal with your lazy husband, who knows, he may change for the better. Let me know what you think by leaving your comments in the box below, and please share this article, another wife might just have a lazy husband and need help dealing with the situation.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.