Most unresolved problems in relationships stir up from the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ statement. You desperately want to find out what’s wrong, but your partner is unwilling to explain. If you're curious about the meaning of this statement, we’re here to help.
In most cases, people believe the ‘it’s me, and not you’ statement is the biggest excuse to end any relationship. When a person falls out of love, they resort to this phrase instead of taking active measures to fix the problem.
However, there are several other reasons why a guy would make this remark. Below are some of the possible causes with vivid ways to prevent them from affecting your next relationship.
- 1 11 Things He Could Mean When He Says This
- 1.1 1. He’s aware of his faults
- 1.2 2. He wasn’t ready to date yet
- 1.3 3. He hopes you find someone better
- 1.4 4. He’s still hurt from the past
- 1.5 5. He doesn’t want his battles to affect you
- 1.6 6. He wants to focus on himself
- 1.7 7. He wasn’t feeling the connection anymore
- 1.8 8. He’s not happy
- 1.9 9. He knows he’s not a good match
- 1.10 10. He feels he can’t satisfy you
- 1.11 11. He just wants to leave
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize
11 Things He Could Mean When He Says This
1. He’s aware of his faults
Most guys tend to accept their faults when it comes to relationships. If they've been in several relationships and noticed a pattern, they can conclude that they have a problem with dating itself. Therefore, when similar scenarios occur, they don’t hesitate to conclude that the error was from them and not from you.
Some men might admit to being charming in the beginning, but the harsh reality of who they are shows in the long run. If your partner realized he wasn’t perfect for you from the onset, he’ll be honest enough to admit it when things go south.
From insecurities to even hidden challenges, a lot can make a man believe that he’s unworthy to have you.
2. He wasn’t ready to date yet
It’s easy for men to pick new love interests even when they haven’t healed from their last breakup. Most guys believe dating another woman would help them forget about an ex. On the contrary, this makes them develop unhealthy habits and patterns in their new relationships. They neither assimilate their problems nor look for ways to change before meeting someone new.
For this reason, a guy can suddenly conclude that he’s the sole cause of his problems with you. Perhaps, he has finally realized what went wrong and admits he shouldn’t have rushed the dating process.
In such a scenario, you should give him space to process what he’s feeling and decide whether he wants things to continue. This process will help him make better decisions next time.
3. He hopes you find someone better
When a guy has acknowledged that the both of you aren’t perfect together, he’s bound to tell you the problem is from him. This scenario might occur when he genuinely feels you deserve someone better. If he has several challenges that prevent him from having a successful relationship, he’ll be truthful to himself when the situation reoccurs.
Things like low self-esteem, anger, or even trust issues, can make a man hesitant to continue a relationship. If he has your best interests at heart, he’ll want you to find someone better. More so, to prevent his negative traits from affecting you.
Discussing with such a man can help you get to the bottom of things. If he’s unwilling to share his reasons, you might need to consider giving him space.
4. He’s still hurt from the past
Any man that has experienced hurt from the past will easily identify it when it resurfaces in his future. If certain scenarios with you are bringing up painful memories, such a man can immediately accept defeat.
For example, if you’re exhibiting a similar behavior that caused a rift in his previous relationship, the truth about the incident might cause him to walk away. He might think the situation is arising because of him, and wouldn’t want you to change to please him.
He’ll accept the outcome of the conflict and try his best to prevent his pain from resurfacing. Getting such a man to open up about his past might be hard. Nonetheless, giving him space to rethink his decisions and heal from his hurt is also a plausible option.
5. He doesn’t want his battles to affect you
Most men hide their battle until they grow into something bigger. When they feel they can no longer handle the repercussions, they make drastic decisions to soften the effect of the blow. If your boyfriend has been hiding some of his demons from you, he would admit his faults when he feels things are getting out of hand.
Things like extreme jealousy or depression can have a severe impact on any relationship. Choosing to deal with these challenges instead of allowing them to affect another person is what any male might decide.
You have to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when he claims some problems are above him. Forcing him to handle his problems under pressure would only put both of you in an unhealthy situation.
6. He wants to focus on himself
If certain patterns keep recurring in a man’s life, it might push him to think that he needs to focus on himself. There could be many things he took for granted that caused problems to surface. It could be a bad habit, guilt, or hurt from the past. Therefore, his claims that the problem isn’t from you can be relatively valid.
Most men refrain from dealing with their issues until they feel it’s truly important. More so, they avoid talking about their problems until they’re sure others can cope with their reality.
Your partner saying he’s the one at fault might seem unsettling. Nevertheless, he might have just realized how great his challenges are. He would need time to handle them and change, before refocusing on the relationship once again.
7. He wasn’t feeling the connection anymore
A person can fall out of love despite being in a great relationship. In some situations, their motives for dating can affect their affection in the long run. For example, if they want a rebound relationship, or merely to heal from their past, they’ll slowly lose interest in their new partner with time.
In other scenarios, several unknown factors can cause a man to lose a special connection with his partner. If he realizes things aren’t working out the way he thought they would, he’s bound to admit the problem is from him and not from you.
He understands that you didn’t instigate the situation, but something caused him to feel that way. Since he can’t acknowledge the root of the issue, he’ll prefer to blame himself instead.
8. He’s not happy
Many things can cause a man to be unhappy with his partner. It could be self-generated or caused by the actions of the partner. Either way, this is a potent reason why such a man would confess that he’s the problem and not you. He may not want to talk about his unhappiness but might want you to sense it instead.
On the other hand, he might be uncertain about the cause of his discontent. Since there could be several causes for his feelings, it’s crucial to have a talk with him about it. Find out if the problem is from you or something he needs to figure out on his own.
Attempt to reinstate the love between the both of you, which will cause harmony to blossom with time.
9. He knows he’s not a good match
Most guys are truthful to themselves when they know a girl is out of their league or not a perfect match for them. They might neglect these factors in the beginning, but they always come to play soon after. When they evaluate their preferences and lifestyle choices, they realize that things may not work out as they planned.
Since this process might happen far too late into the relationship, they’ll blame themselves for stringing you along. They acknowledge their errors for not considering certain things before proceeding to date. They’ll confess that you did nothing wrong because, in reality, you were never at fault.
Dealing with this situation can be hard. However, accepting the truth will help you handle things much better.
10. He feels he can’t satisfy you
Men pay keen attention to their abilities to satisfy women because it boosts their masculinity and makes them feel valued. Whenever they feel a sense of incompetence, it convinces them that they have a problem. They’ll be willing to accept that the problem is from them and not from you.
On the other hand, several actions from a woman can make a man feel inadequate. If your partner mentions that the problem in the relationship is from him, you should also judge your actions towards him. Have you made him feel less of a man? Do you neglect and undervalue him?
If you notice some errors on your part, attempt to fix things by taking better steps. You can do this by triggering his hero instinct or reassuring him that he plays an important role in your life.
11. He just wants to leave
Some men are honest enough to admit their errors, while others simply use the “It’s not you!” phrase as a disguise to break up. This scenario has been the easiest trick to break a relationship without making the other party feel bad. If you don’t sense any remorse in your partner’s statements, it might hint that he’s bluffing.
If he’s honest about his mistakes and gives a valid response for the relationship breaking, then you can believe his claims. On the contrary, if he gives vague feedback on why the problem is from him, it shows he’s making excuses to quit the relationship.
Understand that you shouldn't blame yourself in such a scenario. If your partner decides insincere about his motives, you have no option but to let him go.
There are several reasons why a man would say, “It’s not you,” to his partner. Although this is a common phrase for ending a relationship, sometimes, he could merely be admitting his errors. If he wasn’t talking about them before, it might come off as a surprise to you.
When guys say, “It’s me, it’s not you,” in relationships, it isn’t always true. However, there are several instances where it could mean that they’ve realized their errors. More so, they could feel that they’re undeserving of you and need to focus on themselves.
If your partner says “It’s me, it’s not you!” you should try to make him open up about the problem in the relationship. Try to get him to talk about why he feels incompetent or at fault. This process can help partners work on their differences.
All relationships have their ups and downs, and most times, one party might feel undeserving of the other. If your partner feels he can’t satisfy or make you happy, he’ll say that you deserve someone better. However, there are instances where guys use this as an avenue to call things quits.
If your partner wants to end his relationship with you, try to understand his reasons. This process will help you see if you can work on your problems together. If he’s unwilling to share his motives, you should consider giving him space and accepting things.
If you managed to read to the end of this article, I do hope you enjoyed reading it. Remember that all relationships are different and you have to focus on the reason why your partner would say “It’s me, it’s not you!” Kindly drop a comment below or share this article if you liked it and if you have time, kindly share it.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.