Marriage can be a great blessing, but when you've reached the end of the road emotionally and physically, marriage can certainly break your heart. Worse yet, figuring out how to save your marriage can be just as painful. Trust me; the decision to divorce is no easy path, and it is different for every couple.
Interestingly, I have come across many couples who didn't think they could make it through a crisis, but are now enjoying the benefits of second chances.
- 1 What To Think About?
- 2 How To Know If A Toxic Marriage Is Worth Saving
- 2.1 1. Abuse is a deal-breaker
- 2.2 2. You have doubts about leaving
- 2.3 3. You feel unsafe
- 2.4 4. The kids are the cause of marriage strain
- 2.5 5. Infidelity is present
- 2.6 6. Your spark can be rekindled
- 2.7 7. There’s no problem with the relationship itself
- 2.8 8. The union had it, at some point
- 2.9 9. Willing to put in the work
- 2.10 10. Constant disagreements
- 2.11 11. Progress is always one-sided
- 2.12 12. You can’t be without them
- 2.13 13. You have a great time together
- 2.14 14. Respect is still present in the marriage
- 2.15 15. You're not attracted to him anymore
- 3 FAQs
- 4 To Sum Things Up
What To Think About?
Best believe that although many marriages can easily be salvaged, those issues can be restored as quickly as they came. You only need to be aware of the existing signs.
What’s more, there are moments when you can work through the marriage and other moments when it simply won't work. But before you decide to throw in the marriage towel, or to head off to marriage counseling there are various things to consider about the path your marriage is headed, whether it's toxic or not, and if it's genuinely time for it to come to an end.
Clearly, getting a divorce or staying married is totally up to you, but in this article, the question of how to save a marriage is addressed. After reading, you should be able to quickly decide if your marriage is worth it, as well as distinguish all the signs your marriage is over.
How To Know If A Toxic Marriage Is Worth Saving
1. Abuse is a deal-breaker
Understanding if your marriage is worth saving shouldn’t difficult if abuse is in the picture. Physical abuse isn't the only abuse that people in marriages should walk away from. Married couples can also experience emotional abuse, and such instances aren't safe for individuals to thrive in. Abusive marriages are unhealthy, and as such, they must come to an end to save the sanity of those involved.
Living disconnected and emotionally disengaged from your partner as a result of abuse is more dangerous than going through a divorce, though divorces may be tough in the initial stages. If abuse thrives in your relationship, it can take a toll on you as a person and a partner.
2. You have doubts about leaving
There may be nights where you can't sleep because of your thoughts and doubts. You feel so torn because you're often thinking of valid reasons why you should stay and work at fixing what went wrong in your marriage. People who get to the point where there's no turning back are genuinely done with the relationship.
What’s more, the feeling of doubt often means you still have hope that the relationship can still work and become better than it was before. If you feel this way, take a step back and shine a light on the marriage and all its issues.
3. You feel unsafe
He’s no superman, but he should at least make you feel safe and protected when needed. If you feel threatened in your marriage, you're justified enough to end the relationship. It is better for you and your children (if any), to move forward in your own physical space and with your own life.
Deciding to live in such a state of fear can put your safety at risk and also affect you psychologically. So, if you feel that your safety is at risk in your marriage, consider carefully planning your exit, by talking to someone you trust like a family member or personal doctor.
4. The kids are the cause of marriage strain
Can the strain in your relationship with your partner be attributed to the fact that there are kids in the picture? Then there's a high chance that your marriage can still work. It’s a common scenario – when children are around, partners tend to drift apart, and romance has gone out the window.
The hard times that come with having kids should be seen as a normal phenomenon and something that can't be avoided; neither should it be a deal-breaker. Every marriage can survive this once there's still some respect and love.
5. Infidelity is present
Cheating is a no-no! Best believe a good level of trust get’s destroyed when cheating takes place. This often goes beyond the fixing stage, threatening your marriage in the long run. That being said; it’s true that some marriages survive infidelity, thanks to forgiving partners and couples who are willing to move forward through a betrayal. However, if you can't forgive your husband after he cheated on you, feel free to say goodbye and move on.
6. Your spark can be rekindled
Yes, the spark or chemistry between both of you might have vanished, but you know it can be brought back, only if both try. Certainly, if you're still head over heels in love with your partner, your marriage might be worth saving because it only needs some more spark.
In fact, the glue to holding such a relationship together includes little daily gestures targeted towards the building of a more reliable connection between you and your husband. Communicate with your man to find out the best ways to spice up your relationship and bring back lost excitement.
7. There’s no problem with the relationship itself
There will always be something better and more exciting outside your marriage. This might seem tempting when things become challenging or frustrating in your marriage. Even though there are more exciting and fun things out there, leaving issues unattended to in your marriage and walking away isn't the answer.
Chances are you end up carrying these same issues to your next relationship, resurfacing when you least expect it. If the problems you're experiencing or going through aren't specific to the marriage itself, it's better to work through them than opt for a divorce.
8. The union had it, at some point
Early on in your marriage, you both had pleasant feelings, passion, and a reliable connection. Best believe that as those feelings existed once upon a time, there’s enough reason to believe that they can be rekindled.
Things might indeed seem bleak now, but there's hope. There are some marriages, however, who may have married for the wrong reasons, and as such, there are no feelings or intimate connections. Even with such marriages, you will come across vibrant moments with the right guidance that can be rekindled and captured once more.
9. Willing to put in the work
Not just you, but your partner too. One reason why some relationships don't work is that no one is willing to put in the effort to correct their wrongs and make things more vibrant. When a couple is ready and willing to do the work to maintain or rebuild their marriage, incorporating love and respect, it is a sign that the marriage is worth saving.
10. Constant disagreements
Just as people change, so does a relationship. The first stages might be rosy and feel easy-peasy without an issue in sight. As time progresses, we change, and so does our mind-set.
In such instances, there will be some real problems to deal with, most of which both of you won't be on the same page about. Also, one way to tell that your marriage might not work is if you can't seem to agree on anything, and you're always spending time moving from one argument to the other.
11. Progress is always one-sided
It takes two to make a marriage work and not one individual. If your partner refuses to take responsibility or action on anything for the creation of a joint life, chances are the marriage may not be worth saving. If they never listen to your needs, and they always want to call the shots, you might decide to exit such an unhealthy marriage, and either be by yourself or find someone new.
12. You can’t be without them
When you take a look at your life and future, you can't seem to picture yourself without each other. When you take a look at each other, you still see traits of what caused you both to fall in love in the first place. This is a strong sign that the marriage can be worked upon for the better. In such instances, you both owe it to each other to address the pertaining issues and work towards fixing them for a better tomorrow.
13. You have a great time together
All the time. You both enjoy each other's company. One primary reason why some couples grow apart with time is because of poor communication. A marriage worth saving is one where both people want the same things in life, get along on a day-to-day basis, and enjoy doing things together. With such traits, it is evident that the couple will willingly work on improving their communication on salvaging their marriage.
14. Respect is still present in the marriage
If you still feel respected in your marriage, and you always respect your spouse, that is a sign your relationship is well worth saving. Respect is vital in all relationships, as it sets the tone for living and being together. If someone truly loves you, they're going to show you enough respect. They'll listen to your views and thoughts, and always consider your feelings and reactions with every decision they make.
15. You're not attracted to him anymore
Once upon a time, you were super enthralled by your partner, always looking for a chance to kiss them or pounce on them after work hours. If that attraction is now non-existent after years of being together, with no chance of the spark making a grand entry into your relationship, it could be a huge sign that it's time to rethink your choices about the now sparkless friendship. We all have one life to live, and it shouldn't be spent second-guessing and fighting for what has already been lost.
To ascertain whether or not your marriage has truly reached the endpoint, assess the situation in your home, and look out for some hints including:
– Your partner keeps specific topics in the off-limits section.
– There’s no more acre about intimacy
– You’ve become roommates and nothing more
– You begin to argue frequently until suddenly, you argue no more.
Toxic marriages are seen as very negative in several contexts. Usually, you will not be advised to attempt saving your toxic marriage because it affects you differently. If you do, however, believe that this relationship, though poisonous, is worth saving, you might probably be very right. Toxic marriages can heal to become very secure and healthy relationships with the right changes put in place.
There are thousands of reasons why some marriages don’t even deserve a second thought. To easily decipher such instances, you need to be on the lookout for some signs:
– There are some occurrences and instances you can’t look past.
– Both parties don’t agree on anything.
– The effort to make the marriage work again is a one-sided affair.
– There’s a low level of trust.
It indeed takes more than words to show effort and the willingness to change, but the truth is that in some instances, words are the best way to go. There are various ways to talk to your partner about saving your marriage, especially if you believe it will work a second time around. No doubt, love, and communication is the foundation of all relationships, and as such, both parties need to talk honestly and openly.
If you feel like leaving your marriage, no matter what the situation may be, you probably need to do it. If you think it's time to walk away, don't hesitate. Put the relationship before everything else, the kids, your family, or friends, and don't decide to stay for any of these groups. You could be leaving because of lies told abuse or infidelity, no matter the case, it's better to listen to your gut and say goodbye.
To Sum Things Up
Hopefully, with the tips in this article, you are no longer questioning ‘how to save my marriage’. I understand that divorce is seen as a source of shame by many – worse yet, as a personal failure. However, admitting that a marriage is over is indeed a great crisis, but in these moments of the crisis lies a path to opportunities.
The initial response after a divorce may be bitterness, but with it comes some form of transformation, depending on how to decide to react. The same energy you use to dive into the wreck called divorce should be the same energy used to do better next time, and become a healthier partner yourself.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.