Are you one of the people who run the other way when the train of love heads towards you? Why should the fear of falling in love and making a commitment in a relationship override the bliss that often comes with genuine love feelings?
These are the questions you should first ask yourself when you discover that your fear of falling in love is greater than the feelings of love you have for a guy. You don’t have the fear of relationships just because you’re afraid of committing to one person; your fear comes from bad experiences from the last relationship that caused you pain and feelings of rejection.
To overcome the negative feelings you’ve had for a long time and make a new relationship work, you need to engage yourself in things that will bring you out of your comfort zone and allow yourself to feel again.
It’s a good thing you are in the right place right now because below are 13 things you should try doing if you want to overcome the fear of commitment to relationships.
- 0.1 13 Ways To Overcome Your Fear Of Being In A Relationship
- 0.1.1 1. Choose the right companion
- 0.1.2 2. Become vulnerable, again
- 0.1.3 3. Don’t discard your past hurts and feelings
- 0.1.4 4. Be ready to challenge your existing identity
- 0.1.5 5. Accept that love comes with some discomforts
- 0.1.6 6. Understand that sometimes, love in a relationship is unbalanced
- 0.1.7 7. Stop using familial ties as a crutch
- 0.1.8 8. Let your love for him stir your complacency
- 0.1.9 9. Avoid being clingy or overly dependent on his approval
- 0.1.10 10. Stay in touch with friends who boost your positive energy
- 0.1.11 11. Stay focused on your interests and hobbies
- 0.1.12 12. Don’t stress yourself over how the relationship will work
- 0.1.13 13. Focus more on creating a strong intimacy with him
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 In Summary
13 Ways To Overcome Your Fear Of Being In A Relationship
1. Choose the right companion
The first thing you should know and admit to yourself is that there is no perfect man out there for you. However, there is a man who will suit and compliment your attributes; physical or emotional.
So ask yourself, is this man you like so much suitable for you? Is he not battling doubt and fear of commitment in relationships too? Does he have enough confidence to assure you he won’t hurt you intentionally while helping you risk opening up your heart again?
Does he feel complete as a single man or will you have to take on the role of a savior in this new
relationship? When you piece the answers to these questions together, you’ll have the wholesome single answer you need to proceed.
2. Become vulnerable, again
Once you’ve established the fact that the guy is a wholesome individual who can deal with your insecurities rather than someone who will always depend on you to make him whole too, you can take the step which is opening yourself up once again.
This will be a scary thought for you and the process might be a bit hard to push through. But without vulnerability, you cannot enter a relationship as a whole person.
Take it one moment at a time by letting him know who you truly are. Don’t pretend to be who you are not around him just because you want to impress him. Also, make him feel free to share his thoughts with you too.
3. Don’t discard your past hurts and feelings
While you’re allowing your walls of shield to crumble around him, don’t discard your past hurts as unimportant or pretend your past experiences never happened.
Pretending to be oblivious of the experiences that shaped you to be who you are right now is a recipe for backsliding to become the same woman you didn’t want to be. Most guys want to play savior but to a woman willing to be saved.
If you allow the destructive power of pretense to eat into you, the guy will discover you’re holding out important parts of you from him. As such, acknowledge your past hurts and the roles they played. Then you can move on by rebuilding new feelings through books, counseling, and discussions with your new beau.
4. Be ready to challenge your existing identity
One other way to overcome past hurts and fear of getting hurt in new relationships is to challenge who you are now.
Ask yourself: What are the mistakes you keep repeating? What thoughts do you still let run through your head? What words should you have banished from your dictionary before you can move on to becoming a better you? What relationships or connections are you still holding on to at the risk of your involvement?
Knowing the things you should discard or embrace in your existing reality will help you make the right changes within yourself. Only then will your gut tell you that you’re ready for a committed relationship.
5. Accept that love comes with some discomforts
Dating someone and falling in love with them are two vital stages of relationships that anyone who wants to be committed will have to go through. Through the dating phase, you’ll get to know your partner and it is this knowledge of who he is that will inspire the feelings of love.
During the discovery stage, you’ll come in contact with some uncomfortable truths about him, some would even hurt you. However, love is a commitment on its own and you get to choose if you’ll fall head over heels or withdraw your affection before you fall too deeply.
Accepting that the process of pledging commitment in relationships comes with discomfort will help you wade through your emotions when such moments arrive.
6. Understand that sometimes, love in a relationship is unbalanced
While dating someone, you will expect that the emotions and efforts from both parties will be 50/50. However, the reality is that one party is usually more invested in the relationship than the other person.
It doesn’t mean that both parties aren’t in love, but the expression of that love might not be equal. You might be the one with the heightened emotions of love and he might be the one struggling with expressing how he feels.
Do not allow yourself to doubt that he cares so much for you even if your insecurity is signaling a false warning to you.
7. Stop using familial ties as a crutch
It is easy to use your family as a crutch when you are avoiding getting hurt. However, building relationships means you need to reduce your dependency on your family because you’re starting your life as you will know it in years to come.
Rather than use your commitment to your family as an excuse to not build your relationship with the man you like, take the bold step of spending more time getting to know this man.
8. Let your love for him stir your complacency
The fear of getting hurt can make one sit comfortably in the comfort zone. But that place has nothing good to offer you in terms of progress and daily improved happiness.
When you love someone, you want to go out of your way to make them happy and feel accomplished. However, if you allow the fear of rejection or doubt to overcome the good things your gut is telling you about the man, you will remain stuck in complacency and acceptance of only negativity.
9. Avoid being clingy or overly dependent on his approval
Being vulnerable or opening yourself up to him doesn’t mean you start looking up to him for every answer to your questions. It certainly doesn’t mean you tie yourself to his apron strings.
Being vulnerable with him also means you can be yourself with him without depending on him for your ultimate joy. His opinions will hold water but they shouldn’t be the full yardstick for all your decision-making.
10. Stay in touch with friends who boost your positive energy
A mistake many people in relationships make is that they cut off other people from their lives. While you should stay committed to your man, your other relationships shouldn’t suffer. Stay in touch with your family and friends, especially if they feed your positive energy a lot.
These people are in a better position to help you stay in charge of your emotions, especially at the early stage of your relationship with your man.
11. Stay focused on your interests and hobbies
Don’t lose yourself so much in trying to please this new man because you want this thing between both of you to work; you will end up feeling useless and jobless.
Instead, stay focused on fulfilling your dreams, goals, and aspirations all the while you’re loving him.
12. Don’t stress yourself over how the relationship will work
Try not to make yourself miserable by worrying that this partnership with this man will end up like the myriad of others you’ve had in the past. Instead, let your daily efforts be an encouragement that this one would work.
If the man is making equal efforts to make it work, you have nothing to worry about.
13. Focus more on creating a strong intimacy with him
Rather than see the relationship as a goal you need to smash, focus more on building a connection that will outlast all the hurdles and challenges you’ll both have in the relationship.
Remember, your past hurts won’t determine your happiness today. However, they will help you avoid making the same mistakes you made before. When you have deep intimacy with your partner, everything will fall into place naturally.
Yes, it is possible, especially if you are holding on to the bad things that happened to you in previous relationships. You may decide to date someone without pledging to be committed to them.
He will act in all the right ways except give you the word of commitment you need. Even when he falls in love with you, he will hold back from saying I love you.
You have been hurt in the past and scared to take the risk of being hurt again. So you use the coping mechanism of being closed off to stay safe.
If you like him you can communicate exactly how you feel with him. If he is the understanding type, he will be patient with you till you’re ready to commit to him.
Being not ready to commit yourself to one person may or may not be an excuse. If it is an excuse, it means you are ready to be committed but still a bit scared of the possible results. If it’s not an excuse, it means your hurt is still too raw for you to pledge yourself to someone.
It is easy to tell someone to jump off the cliff and dive into love when you’ve not been in their shoes but the reality is usually harder than we see it. However, loving and committing to someone again is possible if you can follow the tips addressed in this post.
Wishing you the best of luck as you venture into the love game once again. Do leave a comment and share this post if you enjoyed the tips.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.