Okay, breathe. It's not out of the ordinary to have a crush on another guy while you're still in a relationship. What’s important is how you handle these rogue feelings. Something as simple as this could ruin your relationship if it goes beyond what your significant other would permit. Remember, you have to treat this feeling with caution while trying not to nurture it.
What’s more, the worst kind of cheating is emotional. More so, it’s unrealistic to think that once you’re in a relationship, nobody else will be desirable. Of course, you'll like someone else, and it might not be just one person, it could be a couple of others besides your bae.
- 1 What Do I Do If I Have a Boyfriend But I like Another Guy?
- 2 FAQ
- 3 To Conclude…
What Do I Do If I Have a Boyfriend But I like Another Guy?
Honey, the first thing you need to do is relax because being overwhelmed by it might cause more harm than you intended. Hopefully, it's your partner you like more and still want, but if that's not the case, life goes on.
I understand how disturbingly curious this kind of feeling can make a person. The decision whether or not to act on it depends solely on you, and that's a lot of pressure. Well, considering I have been here (so have a lot of women), I gathered a few tips to help you get through the mother of all dilemmas.
1. Leave it as a fantasy
It's safe to record it as one of those fantasies you have, lock it up with your feelings for Brad Pitt (or any other celebrities you have a crush on). Let it be the sort of thing that you can't imagine happening, and before you even realize, the feelings will pass.
On the other hand, seeing it as an opportunity or a probability will suck you into nurturing the feeling, so ask yourself, is that what you really want? In some cases, the answer is a big fat yes. So, if you're not satisfied with your relationship, break things off before ”trying” this out. For all we know, it may not be what you're looking for.
While keeping it a fantasy, monitor yourself to be sure it's not the last thing you think about before you sleep, and the first that comes to mind when you wake. If you do, then that's obsession territory. Altogether, leaving it as a fantasy means that whenever the feeling comes, smile, then brush it off as impossible.
What’s more, if you allow this feeling to eat you beyond scratching the surface, you may not be able to keep it from your partner. No doubt, to be faithful in your relationship, you may have to say out loud to yourself that it can't work out at all. Because the moment you see possibilities, you are slipping away darling.
2. Tell your boyfriend as a joke
You might cringe at the thought of this, but it works. Telling your partner about a crush, whether jokingly or not, ensures you don't act on that feeling. Think of it as a safety net. No matter how playful, intense, or silly a crush is, it's still a crush, and talking about it with your partner is stress relief. You know your partner better than I do, he may not be the kind to take this sort of thing lightly. But if it's possible to laugh about this with him, go ahead.
It becomes more than a crush if your partner finds out you feel this way about some other guy on his own. He'll make a big deal out of it, no matter how much you emphasize the insignificance of the feeling, he might not believe you because you hid it initially.
Think about it this way: would you hide your crush on Brad Pitt from your partner? No! It's not that serious at all, plus if you're keeping it a fantasy as I said before, it won't be difficult to tell your partner about it. The moment you feel the need to hide this emotion from him, something is going on, and you need to nip it in the bud before it goes too far.
3. No cheating
You don't have to get naked in bed with the guy you have a crush on before it's called cheating. Cheating is cheating even when you do it emotionally; you could fall in love with someone else while you are still in a relationship, and that's unfair. Also, don’t think just because women are better at hiding their cheating acts, it’s okay to go through with it. So, as soon as you feel like the relationship with your boyfriend is not working out, do him a favor and break up with him.
In fact, I suggest you don't break up based on this crush you have because the grass will always look greener on the other side. Rather, break up solely because things are sour in your relationship, irrespective of a little desire for another guy. Also, don’t consider physically cheating on your boyfriend; it's stressful, and most times, it's not worth all the hassle.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand you are intrigued; but ask yourself do you want to know where this crush would lead? And does it feel like this new guy you like is ‘the one’? Also, is he worth leaving your relationship? If so, that's okay, just try this experiment when you're out of your relationship – don't string two men along with you, it's unfair.
Even more, I'm sure you wouldn't like it if the same was done to you. So, treat your partner with some respect, let him know you're unhappy with the way things are between the both of you and you are better off as just friends. If you can, let him know that you'd like to try something else instead of cheating.
4. Think about leaving your boyfriend
Do you feel like your boyfriend is holding you back from experiencing something better with the guy you like? Are you just sticking with the relationship because you're afraid to hurt his feelings? Does the thought of leaving your boyfriend for this new guy make you happy? If the answer to these questions is affirmative, then I'm afraid you're the one holding you back.
If you feel like you are going to be devastated after breaking up with your boyfriend or you can't live without him, then that's a secure sign that these other feelings you have belong in the trash can. These crushes come and go; but what makes you, so sure things are going to work out with the other guy you like anyway?
Don't you remember that you had a crush on your partner too? What makes you think if you end up with the other guy you like, he'll be the last crush you want to bail on? If you have a beautiful relationship, you don't want to quit the stay and give it your best shot. You see, there's no having the best of both worlds. Decide to do what is best for you and your relationship, focus on the boyfriend you love.
5. Don't spend time alone with him often
If you plan to nip this feeling in the bud or leave it as a fantasy, you need to limit the time you spend alone with your crush. Spending a lot of time alone with this other guy aside your partner only nurtures the feelings you have for him. Best believe that the crush will begin to develop tentacles, and before you are even aware, it'll creep up on you as love.
I know that it's practically impossible not to have a crush on another person when you're in a relationship. But you have to make a conscious effort to handle the situation when it comes up, as an adult. More so, don't put yourself in positions where you know you aren't strong enough to handle yourself. Even more, stay away from situations that could end up with you cheating on your partner. And yes, cheating is a delicate situation, so don't rock the boat.
Now, if you absolutely must meet with your crush, choose public areas, avoid unnecessary physical contact, and do not flirt with him on purpose. Always remember not to put yourself in a position where you're vulnerable to the feeling; rather, control the narrative as much as you can.
Remember; this crush is yours, and it can only become as big as you make it, if you consciously starve it of attention it will go away. When you feed it, don't act surprised when it gets fat, you know the outcome.
6. Take it easy
Don't beat yourself up about it; it's just a crush; a lot of people have walked in your shoes, so, best believe me when I say that it's a terrible idea and often not worth it. However, it's nothing to stress yourself over. You could use this as a way to strengthen your relationship and bond with your partner; he probably has a crush too which he is not opening up on. Come on! we're not blind robots. People are bound to fall for others (even close friends), worse yet, find another person they connect with.
With that being said; don't think of yourself as a defaulter simply because you are attracted to the other guy. It only becomes terrible if you act on it. No doubt, it's human to react to your body, mind, or hormones – even when in a relationship. More so, when you are overwhelmed by a feeling that there will be a slip-up.
So, it's best to stay calm so you can make reasonable decisions concerning the way you feel. Don't rush into or out of anything; rather, take a lot of time to weigh your emotions, ask yourself hard questions about how you think, and give honest answers. They'll certainly help you make the right choice. Also, you could laugh about it with someone you trust first if you think it will be detrimental to your relationship and your partner will be a bit touchy about the subject.
7. Look on the bright side
You can never tell where things will go with feelings like this. They may disappear on their own with little or no effort from you. Or they could be one of those emotions you carry around with you, you can never tell. Sometimes, the more you get to know your crush, the less significant the crush becomes. What’s more, it's usually the idea we have of the person not who they are that spurs these feelings. So, maybe this is probably one of those situations.
Additionally, issues like this in your relationship can foster a stronger bond with your partner. Just being able to say to him,” Hey, I have a crush on Brad, or I saw someone hot today” could unlock a new level of intimacy between you guys. And no, it doesn't always end like something out of a horror movie.
So, the first step to moving on from this is realizing and accepting that you have a crush on someone other than your partner; doing this puts you on the right track to making a reasonable choice.
However, if you've had a long think about your current relationship and have decided it isn't worth the turmoil, break things up and try something else. Also, if you realize that your partner still means more to you, spend more time with him, remind yourself why you love him daily, that crush will go with the wind.
How you react to this situation depends on what you want the future of your relationship to be like. Were you unhappy with your partner, and does this feel like a window to something better? If yes, then break up with your boyfriend. If your heart still belongs to your significant other, follow the tips above carefully. Before you can even tell, you'll realize it wasn’t that big a deal anyway.
Yes, it’s reasonable to have feelings for someone else while in a relationship. What matters is what you do with those feelings. Acting on them means you’re cheating on your partner. So, you must nip these feelings in the bud to protect the relationship you have with your boyfriend. Having a crush here and it is human, just shows that your body and hormones still function correctly.
Well, this question is a lot more complicated than it sounds. Not everyone ends up with the love of their life, and there’s more than one person in the world you can connect with. What’s more, it’s possible for a person to feel a deep affection for two people at the same time, a woman can feel that way too, so it’s not a gender issue. It’s also humanly possible to be in love with another guy but be with someone else.
The answer on whether or not to tell your boyfriend you have a crush depends on the kind of relationship you have with him? Is it stable and friendly? If you know that both of you will laugh this off over a bottle of wine, then sure, tell him. It’s okay to hold it back too, but only if your boyfriend is usually touchy about the subject.
Guys lose their feelings based on different reasons – even when in a relationship. Maybe, he wasn’t even that interested in the first place and is tired of keeping up the act. It could be that something weird happened, or you got too clingy. You can’t tell exactly what kind of thing makes people lose interest in their partners because it’s not written on stone.
The only way you'll escape liking someone else when you’re in a relationship is if you constantly lie to yourself. The best thing to do is to communicate these feelings to your boyfriend, then take the necessary steps to move past that feeling.
I hope you enjoyed this article, please write your thoughts in the comment box below and don’t forget to share with a friend who might be experiencing similar feelings whilst still in a relationship!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.