Growing up, it seemed as though it was something everyone dreamed of. The perfect life involved having a dream wedding with a beautiful wedding dress. That would soon be followed by children, hopefully, one boy and one girl.
Growing up, no one ever mentioned me having a career. Or even life. My mom once told me that I was so pretty I’d find the perfect husband because that was what was important.
I felt a bit differently and still do. One day, getting married sounds nice. I like the romance of spending the rest of my life with someone and growing old together. Back in reality, it’ll probably never happen. I don’t want to get married right now and might not change my mind anytime soon.
- 1 Marriage Is On The Decline For These Reasons
- 1.1 1. Previous relationships were rocky
- 1.2 2. Marriage is pointless
- 1.3 3. You have to get a divorce to leave
- 1.4 4. Student loans need to be considered
- 1.5 5. Other debt and financial obligations
- 1.6 6. Career is a higher priority
- 1.7 7. Rejecting traditional values
- 1.8 8. It’s not legal
- 1.9 9. The deep-seated beliefs behind the institution of marriage make you cringe
- 1.10 10. One time was enough
- 1.11 11. Weddings are expensive
- 1.12 12. Fear of losing your freedom
- 1.13 13. You don’t want the responsibility
- 1.14 14. Negative views of marriage
- 1.15 15. Fear of commitment
- 1.16 16. Marriage is associated with having a family
- 1.17 17. You identify as aromantic
- 1.18 18. You’re not interested in a relationship for other reasons
- 1.19 19. You don’t want things to change
- 1.20 20. Casual relationships are more your style
- 1.21 21. You haven’t met the right person
- 1.22 22. Marriage can make relationships feel forced
- 1.23 23. You want to do whatever makes you happy
- 1.24 24. It won’t benefit your relationship
- 1.25 25. Sharing finances is a no-no
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Summary
Marriage Is On The Decline For These Reasons
I’ve found that I’m not alone in not wanting to get married. In fact, there are plenty of people that don’t want to get married. Every person has their own reasons. Some of these reasons are my own for not wanting to get married right now, and some of them are my friends who also do not see the point in marriage.
1. Previous relationships were rocky
For the past few years, my life has been a bit like a scary Lifetime movie. It’s been packed with drama, abuse, fear, near-death experiences, and much more. A lot of it started with the end of a horrible relationship. The overall experience has left me a bit cautious when it comes to getting into another long-term relationship.
After a relationship or traumatic experience, people need time to heal. They need time to find themselves. So, it’s actually best not to get into another one until you’re ready. Then, it’s normal to feel a bit cautious. When you’re ready, take things slow.
2. Marriage is pointless
Long ago, marriage was something you simply did if you wanted to live together. It was considered a goal and had a certain status that came with it.
Today, that is not the case. Couples can live together for forty years and be just as well off as a married couple. Hence the rise in people that declare marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper. They simply don’t see why marriage is any different than living together for years.
3. You have to get a divorce to leave
For every couple that has spent forty years living together, there are plenty more that have broken up after forty years. When you’re married, you share everything. In order to split things properly, it requires a divorce, which can get both messy and expensive. Living together without getting married tends to simplify things a bit.
4. Student loans need to be considered
Marriage can have an impact on your student loans, and that hefty debt can have an impact on your partner. Some student loans will be written off when you die. However, others might be your spouse’s responsibility. There are circumstances in which they can garnish your spouse’s wages or income tax return for student loan debt.
This won’t just affect your partner, either. Once you get married, it can affect your repayment options too. If you are on an income-driven repayment plan, marriage is going to affect that. Your husband’s income will also be considered.
5. Other debt and financial obligations
Even if you don’t have student loans, you’ll need to look at your other debt and obligations. It’s important to read the fine print, and possibly give the creditors a call to double-check. Child support can also come back to haunt your marriage.
If a person falls behind on child support, they can take your spouse’s income tax return if you file jointly. Filing an injured spouse claim can help a person get around that, but that’s not always an option.
6. Career is a higher priority
You don’t always have to choose between a career and a relationship. It’s more than possible for people to have both in their lives. However, the more time that you spend on your relationship the less time you’re going to have for your career. Some people will instantly prefer to fast forward their careers instead.
7. Rejecting traditional values
Sometimes, refusing to get married is actually out of pure spite. When a person consistently is pressured by family, friends, or society to get married and be a housewife, it can be smothering.
Some people still hold to those traditional values, which can lead to individuals simply refusing to settle for them. Instead, they reject the entire idea of getting married. These individuals might settle for a life partner, though.
8. It’s not legal
While there are quite a few places that allow gay marriage and recognize this union, there are still plenty of places that don’t. Even some states in the United States attempt to follow outdated regulations regarding same-sex marriage because they would prefer that this union be banned.
If you get married in a country that recognizes and accepts same-sex marriage, yet move to another that does not, your marriage will not be recognized. For some, this is enough to make them put wedding plans on hold or decide that they would rather be happy with one another instead of spending every minute of their relationship fighting the government.
These countries are the ones that currently allow same-sex marriage.
Marriage bans are also the reason that many people who believe in polygamy choose to forgo marriage altogether. The institution of marriage in many countries is accepting of a household with two parents and children. When a person believes in something outside of the institution of marriage, it can result in them rejecting it together.
9. The deep-seated beliefs behind the institution of marriage make you cringe
There are quite a few reasons that people in modern society cringe at the thought of a traditional wedding. For example, the idea of a father giving away the bride originated in the daughter being the father’s property. Things like that can instantly make marriage seem a bit too traditional for anyone’s tastes.
10. One time was enough
Studies have found that most people who have already had one marriage ending in divorce are less likely to want to get married again. This could be because of the bad experience in the first marriage.
Another possible reason is the startling statistic that almost half of the second marriages end in divorce. This could be because of the extra baggage, such as children, or because people are still scared to be vulnerable after the first one. These same issues can make people wary about heading down the aisle.
11. Weddings are expensive
Granted, picking up the marriage certificate isn’t going to cost you an arm and a leg, but a wedding dress definitely will. Once you include the suits, parties, food, and more you could be spending thousands of dollars. Some people would rather forgo marriage altogether instead of getting married in a courthouse or having a simple wedding.
12. Fear of losing your freedom
We’ve all heard those stories of people that got married and wound up losing their freedom. Nights out with the guys are no longer okay. Doing what you want is simply not going to happen.
There are quite a few expectations that go hand in hand with marriage, and there are plenty of negative stereotypes. It’s enough to make some people choose to be lifelong partners instead of choosing to get married.
13. You don’t want the responsibility
Being tied down to a single person and being responsible for that person for the rest of your life does sound pretty unappealing. If the thought of going through that makes you not want children, marriage might just not be for you.
14. Negative views of marriage
Personally, I’ve rarely seen a marriage turn out well. There are a few exceptions. Instead, my family is packed with messy divorces and spending weekends with certain parents. I use those positive marriages in my life to remind me that your life doesn’t always turn to crap if you get married.
If all you’ve ever seen are those negative situations, though, it can easily lead you to never want to get married for fear of the same thing happening. There’s nothing wrong with saying no to a husband and choosing to be lifelong partners instead.
15. Fear of commitment
Fear of commitment overall can quickly lead to you not wanting to get married. Marriage is one of the biggest commitments, so it’s obviously not going to happen with someone that has a fear of commitment.
16. Marriage is associated with having a family
First comes marriage, and then comes the baby carriage! No matter how far we try to move away from those outdated beliefs, this one seems to stick. Most people associate marriage with starting a family. It’s about settling down and having children. Then, it is about raising those children. If you don’t want a family, this can turn you off from the idea of marriage.
However, it’s important to note that people who are married don’t always start a family. Marriage is about making a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together. Whether or not you make the decision to have babies is up to you and your partner, even if you are married.
17. You identify as aromantic
If you’re aromantic, it means that you do not develop romantic feelings for someone the way that other people typically do. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it will usually lead you to not want to get married.
Part of the appeal behind a wedding is the romance involved. Honeymoons are romantic. Weddings are like fairy tales, complete with a happy ending. When you’re aromantic, it can be hard to keep it going in a relationship let alone after you get married.
That doesn’t mean that marriage is impossible for you. Some aromantic people want to get married for reasons aside from romance. Some people want to get married to fulfill their partner’s dreams.
Others may want to get married to have lifelong emotional support. There are several things to consider if you’re an aromantic woman that feels like getting married is simply not going to happen for you.
18. You’re not interested in a relationship for other reasons
Some people are not interested in relationships even though they are not aromantic. This could be because relationships require a lot of work to maintain. Perhaps you’d rather focus on yourself.
Sometimes, a woman would rather spend some time getting in touch with herself instead of having to worry about both herself and her partner. In this situation, a woman might change her mind, but it’s going to take some time.
19. You don’t want things to change
We’ve all heard tales of couples that were head over heels in love with one another until they got married. Then, suddenly, the woman becomes a nag and doesn’t want to have fun in the bedroom. Men transform into misogynistic brutes that never help around the house anymore.
While this is a bit extreme, hearing stories of this happening in real life doesn’t paint a pretty picture of what married life is like.
20. Casual relationships are more your style
For years, people leaned towards casual relationships early on in life as they partied the night away. Then, they settled down with a partner. Now, however, more and more people are refusing to go along with what society thinks they should do.
Instead, they’re spending their lives doing what makes them happy, which might be casual relationships. For some, the majority of their lives are spent in casual relationships with a string of men or women instead of a lifelong relationship.
21. You haven’t met the right person
Some people swear they will never get married, but it’s because they have yet to meet someone that they want to marry. If you are getting older and still haven’t met that person, it can be easy to simply reject getting married altogether. If you do meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you might change your mind. However, that’s a decision that only you can make.
22. Marriage can make relationships feel forced
When adults are married and don’t agree with divorce, they go through a lot more together whereas couples that aren’t married would probably call it quits. The fact that married men are more likely to do things for their wives than they would their girlfriends is not a surprising thing.
However, this can lead to some people feeling like their relationship is forced due to them being married. It’s nice knowing that a person chooses to be with you.
23. You want to do whatever makes you happy
When two adults are committed to each other, it means that you’re always thinking of them. You have to share everything. That means you’re not always going to be playing couch commando, and moving to a new city might not happen. If you want to live your life on your terms, it makes sense that you don’t want to get married.
24. It won’t benefit your relationship
Couples that have been together for over ten years are still not tying the knot. They don’t want to get married. The mere thought of walking down the aisle doesn’t cross their minds anymore. Most shared that they simply don’t think it will benefit their relationship.
They already live together and have joint bank accounts. It won’t take their relationship to a new level, or provide them with something that they don’t already have.
25. Sharing finances is a no-no
If you are drastically opposed to sharing finances, you’re not alone. Some couples avoid doing this but still get married. Some avoid marriage because of the implication that you should share everything. This is common when one person makes a substantial amount more than the other person.
Instead of getting married, some people opt for a civil union. Domestic partnerships are another common choice for adults that are looking for an alternative to marriage. The laws and rules for both of these vary from state to state. Some states don’t offer them at all, though.
This depends on your financial situation. If you or your partner owes an extreme amount of debt, it might be better to opt for common law marriage. When one person makes more than another, it can benefit them to avoid marriage. Even if there is a prenup, they might have to pay alimony if there is a divorce.
Many couples choose not to get married because they don’t see it as beneficial to them or their relationship. Some opt-out of a marriage because it is not legal for them to marry the person that they love. Others may simply be scared of marriage because there are so many negative stereotypes associated with it.
Yes, you can still be happy. Marriage is not required for couples to be happy. In fact, there are plenty of couples that are married that are miserable just like there are plenty that are not married and are still head over heels in love. Happiness depends on you and your partner, not the legal status of your partnership.
There is no set answer to this. Those that place a high priority on marriage often feel that a year to three years is more than enough time to result in an engagement. However, those that are not fans of marriage might feel that it’s acceptable to be together for over twenty years without marriage.
We all have our reasons for either wanting to be in a marriage or rejecting the idea altogether. How do you feel about marriage? Why do you think some people don’t want to get married?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.