Everything was passionate between you two at first—constantly touching each other, sending compliments, engaging in a witty back-and-forth, and having numerous sex playlists. The neighbors knew you both as the noise makers. Everyone wanted what you had, then suddenly, all that changed. The thought of any sexual activity disgusts you.
Firstly, this is abnormal, and there is always a reason, but the good side is you are not alone. Many women have felt this way and still feel this way. They just never say that they no longer feel the desire for their partners.
There is a reason why you might feel this way. However, each marriage is different; what might be the cause in your marriage might not be the cause in someone else's marriage, so stick with me as I dive into five possible reasons why you feel this way
5 Reasons You Don't Feel Anything For Your Husband
1. You are stressed
You need to go ahead and ask yourself, “what are my stressors? Could it be work, chores, insecurities, anxiety, or even the kids”. Identify what the specific stressor is. Work, chores, and children have a way of stressing a person and frustrating physical intimacy with a partner. Insecurities, on the other hand, kill sex drive.
It could be that work is callous, and you have deadlines to meet. After the kids, it could be that you don't feel as confident in your body and sexuality. It could be that the children wear you out, and all you think of is rest, not physical contact or sexual arousal.
Whatsoever your stressor might be, figure it out immediately and start putting in the necessary work and steps it takes to minimize it. Do this to restore happiness in your marriage and to reduce the possibility of your husband resenting you in the marriage.
2. You are unhappy with him
If you don't feel a thing for your husband, you may be unhappy with him. Men are very physical and this is in no way saying that women aren't, but most times, emotions and sentiments play a significant role in when and where women have sex.
So maybe you are not happy with your husband, and sex is the last thing you want from him. It does not matter if it is a big deal or not, if he makes you unhappy, then there is a possibility that when your husband touches you or initiates things, you don't feel a thing.
This does not mark the end of your sexual relationship; it is nothing good communication cannot handle. Whatever it is, discuss it. Not talking or hoping that he would read your mind won't solve anything. If he did something wrong, the adult thing to do is talk about it.
3. You are uncomfortable in the relationship
Maybe you don't feel a thing when your husband makes sexual advances because you are uncomfortable in the relationship. It would help if you were fully comfortable to enjoy all the perks that come with a beautiful relationship including pleasure and passion.
If your man makes you feel insecure, or if he cheated in the past, then you might not want to get into anything sexual. You can only enjoy sex when you feel comfortable with your partner. Maybe he has been making comments about your weight, which may cause aversion to the way you view sex.
If he is abusive in any way, this may be a reason why you don't want him to touch you at all. In cases like this, you need to reconcile your differences, and if it is irreconcilable, you leave. There is always better out there with your name on it.
4. He is terrible at sex
Maybe it's not you, and perhaps it is him. You probably don't like when he touches you because you know it will most likely lead to sex, and not just sex, terrible sex. You already feel bad and your body just translated it to not being interested. Is this you? Do you feel this way?
I understand that you are here because this is affecting your relationship, and you know that there is trouble in paradise. I believe that there is nothing a good conversation cannot straighten up. So instead of always saying you are not in the mood whenever he touches you, talk to him.
Use the sandwich technique, tell him what you love during sex with him; this will encourage him, then add what you don't like. Do not hide it or try to sugarcoat it. Tell him everything because he might have no idea how you feel and assume that the excitement is still the same.
When men become comfortable, especially with a long-term partner, the problem with men is that they become complacent. They stop trying to be fun or spontaneous and stick to a routine; this might be the problem in your marriage, so talk about it.
5. You are no longer attracted to him
The honeymoon period won't last forever. This is sad, but that is the reality. Long-term relationships require work in every aspect, especially sexual work. The human body is diverse and subject to change. He might have added some weight, or he might still look exactly the way he did when you met years ago.
So what's the problem? Time is the problem. Time has changed; you both now have responsibilities and distractions. You are no longer who you were when you met him, and you have both grown, and so did every part of you. You need to be intentional if this is the reason.
You need to search within and find out when you stopped feeling attracted to your husband. Go down memory lane and try to recognize the events that happened at the time. Once you've done this, make a conscious effort into choosing your man daily and take active steps to rekindle the attraction.
Tell him about it, you both should take a break and travel. If you cannot afford that, try to recreate your first date. It will help trigger the memories of that period, lighten the mood, and even create the sexual tension you used to have. Make your marriage work by putting in the work.
It is not normal. Feeling alive is one thing that comes with a relationship. Your life was good without them, but now it's better. This is how everyone in a relationship should feel. If their absence in your life is better than their presence, then there's no point remaining in the relationship.
A lot of things can be the reason for this. Top on the list is that he is a terrible kisser, followed closely by the fact that you might not be attracted to him. It is also a possibility that you are distracted whenever you kiss him. The environment or setting also matters a lot. It also depends on your mood.
Maybe because someone stopped trying to turn on the spark, Did you stop trying? Did you stop putting effort into your relationship, or are you no longer attracted to your boyfriend? I hope this answers your question, and I hope you take a step in the right direction for the sake of your happiness.
When your boyfriend touches you, where I come from, you touch him back. Except he does it without consent, then, in that case, you kick him in the balls or direct your pepper spray to his eyes.
In no order of importance, desire is a significant physical sign of love. If they love taking care of you and your every need, then that's a sign. Love brings peace; if you are at peace within yourself in their presence, that's real love.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. You deserve a “can't get our hands off each other” type of love for as long as you want. If you are not getting that or if it has drastically reduced, it means you likely don’t feel sexy enough or you don’t desire or have the feeling. You then have to leave or put in the work for your happiness with the man you love. It’s probably you that has to initiate things in relationships.
However, note that there is no wrong choice. Don’t be afraid to do whatever brings you more happiness in your married life and sexuality. If there’s a child involved, consider them also.
Please let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to share with your loved ones. I hope it gives you the answers and solutions you desire.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.