It's a humbling experience when all of a sudden you're the cheater. For the most part, being in the position to say ‘I cheated on my boyfriend' isn't where most ladies think they'll find themselves. But when that ball drops, there’s definitely a lot of dos and don'ts.
First, why would a girl risk her relationship and cheat on her boyfriend? According to many relationship experts, women who are unfaithful usually felt deprived emotionally, and the men who cheat do it because of sexual deprivation.
For instance, when a woman feels like she's underappreciated, she will likely look for it elsewhere. But how exactly do we women get on after cheating? No doubt, for us, the motivation is usually different. So, if you're trying to mull over what you've done, here are some things to consider.
- 1 Things To Think About After Being Unfaithful
- 1.1 1. Why Did You Cheat On Him?
- 1.2 2. Should You Tell Him The Truth?
- 1.3 3. Expect Some Trust Issues
- 1.4 4. Never Involve Friends Or Even Family
- 1.5 5. Expect A Rocky Sex Life
- 1.6 6. Try Not To Get Paranoid That He Will Also Cheat
- 1.7 7. Give Him Space To Vent
- 1.8 8. Put All The Cards On The Table
- 1.9 9. Expect Changes In Attitudes
- 1.10 10. Build A Stronger Relationship
- 1.11 11. Learn To Forgive Yourself At The End
- 1.12 12. Consider Going For Counseling
- 2 FAQs
- 3 Lastly…
Things To Think About After Being Unfaithful
1. Why Did You Cheat On Him?
So, you have cheated on him, and you can feel yourself dying inside because of the guilt. It's a natural reaction for anyone who still listens to their conscience. However, you must be aware that there is a reason you took that course of action.
That’s why the first step to sorting your feelings out is figuring out your motivation. So, give it a go, just truthfully ask yourself why you did it. You can go ahead and list them out and try to deal with them a step at a time.
2. Should You Tell Him The Truth?
Cheating on a partner is one of the most dreaded dating problems there is. Even after you have cheated, without being caught, the dilemma of whether to confess to your boyfriend or not becomes a nagging issue. For me, I would advocate coming clean and divulging the whole sordid tale. I know, you may feel like it will suck, and the truth is that it will, but it is something you owe him.
You might also feel like trying to find a route of escape by playing down the details you share. But the way I see it is if you're going to come clean, do it all the way. So, be careful with your distortions because something might happen in the future to bring the full details to your BF’s attention. Believe me when I say that it's better he hears this from you.
3. Expect Some Trust Issues
Once you have come clean with your boyfriend; don’t expect him to sweep it under the carpet and continue from where you both stopped. One thing that is sure to rear its head is trust issues.
If he truly loves you, the guy is sure to be devastated. At that point, it's your duty to convince him that you can still be trusted. Note that your words won't be the most solid currency. You have to pull out the big guns and do this with actions.
It’s bound to become a bit controversial, but your first course of action should be to cut the other guy off. Even more, expect some friction whenever you hang out with men as a whole, even if you are going in a group. To guard against this, warn your BF ahead of time, let him know they are just friends.
4. Never Involve Friends Or Even Family
One good recommendation from pundits in dating affairs is that you should never involve a third party in such matters, be it family, best friend or confidant. If you do, get ready to entertain everyone’s opinion. This includes the ones you don’t like once you make the mistake of letting them in on it.
Besides, your loved ones may just pile up the blame on you and leave you to sort yourself out. The truth is, you cannot blame them since they may be equally devastated. For the most part, they expected better from you and this realization will only make you feel worse. Just let the matter be between you and your boyfriend to reduce stress.
5. Expect A Rocky Sex Life
No doubt, relationship problems will arise after being unfaithful, and it’s likely your boyfriend will prefer not to get intimate with you anymore. After all, you did just bruise his pride by looking outside for sexual fulfillment.
Even when things finally get steamy in the bedroom again, your man may easily get emotional or triggered when he is with you. In this case, just respect his boundaries, and maybe, you go back to the basics like touching, kissing, and cuddling. Also, simply be there for him and remind him of the aspects of his personality that you love so much.
6. Try Not To Get Paranoid That He Will Also Cheat
It's normal for lovers and spouses to want to know when their partners are coming over. Or to want to know where they are as a whole. But there's a thin line between being in the know and being a full-blown stalker.
Don't get me wrong, some people simply miss the other person in their absence. But when it comes to partners that are less honorable or are a bit cuckoo, they check up on their boyfriends just to find out how much time he has at his disposal. After all, if you found the time to step out with a new lover, he could too.
Even when there's truly nothing to dig up, you might still suspect that he could be swiping right on some app and going on clandestine dates. In a nutshell, a cheater will always suspect someone else is unfaithful, even when the person is innocent.
7. Give Him Space To Vent
Look at it this way, if he cheated on you, you'd probably rain down fire and brimstone. So, don't expect him to be cool with you immediately. What’s more, pleading for forgiveness, in this case, is an art and should be treated delicately. This is one good way of handling difficult dating problems. You see, rational decisions can only be made after both of you have let emotional reactions take its toll.
Another thing to note is that feelings and facts are a volatile combination that should never be mixed. Doing that could lead you down the road to catastrophe. So allow your boyfriend to express his hurt, disgust, and anguish without attempting to defend, rationalize, or plead for compassion.
8. Put All The Cards On The Table
Don't let anyone deceive you, cheating is not for the faint of heart. You have to become a mini criminal mastermind to pull it off successfully. You're going to have to tell a truckload of lies about your schedule and location. Even more, you have got to employ many cover-up tactics before and after the deed is done. No doubt, it will be a whole covert operation I couldn't quite hit the brakes on.
So, if you truly want to fix your relationship, you have to come clean. Never let your boyfriend resort to nagging for the information. Being unfaithful is a major withdrawal from the relationship bank account, remember, it is quite difficult to resolve. So, you have to put all your cards on the table.
9. Expect Changes In Attitudes
Being unfaithful to your boyfriend is one of those things that truly rocks your relationship. For the most part, nothing truly remains the same afterward. So, while cheating on your boyfriend may be forgiven in the long run, your relationship is bound to take a blow.
A lot of work must be involved to put the relationship on the path to recovery. Firstly, your boyfriend needs to try not to fall into a pattern of using it as a reference point. Even worse, he should be wary of using it as a weapon.
On your end, you need to open your eyes to new world order. Boundaries have to be set, and mindfulness needs to be taken a notch higher. Being unfaithful to your boyfriend does not always herald the end of a relationship, but it is definitely capable of weakening the relationship to its core. So, try very hard to prevent this.
10. Build A Stronger Relationship
As I said before, things will never be the same after being unfaithful to your boyfriend. The thing is, it could truly go both ways. I have observed that there are relationships that get stronger after a cheating episode.
It's certainly a traumatizing experience that could very well end up bonding people. Once partners have experienced painful situations and have managed to rebuild their union, there's a shift.
As such, both parties will become more vigilant, strong, less naïve, less, and more aware than they were prior to the cheating incident. Sometimes, this has a great effect on a relationship. It then ends up adding this new layer of intimacy. Think of yourselves as war buddies who finally made it out of the trenches together.
11. Learn To Forgive Yourself At The End
Yes, cheating is a horrible mistake, but what's done is done. As women, it's no surprise that we tend to dig our own rabbit holes and fall in deep. So, you'll probably spend an ample amount of time examining every move that led to the action.
You'll also mull over its consequences, and finally, how to avoid falling victim to cheating in the future. With that said, you must be able to forgive yourself eventually.
Sure, being branded cheater chips at your soul and all that makes you feel good. But everyone has their Achilles heel, that doesn’t make them evil though. As such, you should not dwell on it forever. The rest of your life is in front of you, and it won’t be wise to spend it hating yourself.
12. Consider Going For Counseling
My recommendation for ladies who are struggling with the resultant trauma of infidelity is to see a therapist as soon as they can. Seeking professional help in this kind of situation is quite normal and should be your go-to.
Rather than speaking to people whose input will end up scaring you, opt for a nonjudgmental and objective third party who will sit patiently and listen to all your woes. Besides, therapy will give you insight and a better understanding of the situation. You may even find out that your motivation was something else entirely.
Sure, this may not resolve the entire issue but it will aid you in dealing with your predicament while it's still hot. So, don't keep it all bottled in, grab this opportunity, and speak to someone before you end up drowning in your emotions.
If I cheated on my boyfriend, I would tell him about it and offer my heartfelt apology. So, this is probably something you should look into as well. After that, try to figure out why it happened and ensure that it does not happen again. The cherry on the top is cutting off all communication from the person you cheated with. That'll go a long way to help rebuild your relationship.
You've probably heard that when love is pure and profound, cheating should never come in. The fact is that life is a big gray area and sometimes, we end up doing things we don't mean to. Sure, some people cheat because they are dead inside. But there are rare cases where you cheat on someone you love.
If we want to follow the common practice, then the fact is that relationships will fare better with total honesty. If you agree with this, then you should tell your partner if you cheat. However, experts have said that this is not always the right route to take. It might be better to bottle-up some things, especially if you are not planning a repeat performance.
This question is quite tricky. Your reason for cheating on the man you love may be anything from pain to a lack of consideration for him. Perhaps, in that instance, you only thought of personal needs. The reason may not be singular, but usually, there may be something happening between you that is throwing you off balance. For instance, if your boyfriend is extremely busy, you could just be seeking attention.
When it comes to the feelings swirling around after a cheating episode, it's easy to pinpoint how some people are affected. Obviously, the cheated party will be hurt. But, it's hard to really know if cheaters feel guilty. It's quite a relative situation, some cheaters feel remorse, others don't.
I hope you had a great time, I certainly enjoyed sharing my experience with you. If you're trying to figure out your next step after cheating, really mull over these words. This is a conversation women aren't really able to have because of societal standards. Even more, if you know of someone having the same problems with their boyfriend and really needs a push in the right direction with their relationship, why not share this article via text message or email?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.