Is your spouse suddenly telling you to stay home despite being a working mom with a palatable income stream? Do you believe in being your own boss but your partner suddenly isn’t on the same page? If your answer is yes, we’re here to curb your dilemma.
It can be frustrating to leave your job or stop working, especially when you’re an independent woman. Therefore, convincing your spouse otherwise is critical. If you don’t know how to control the issue, below are eleven prominent things to do when such a situation arises.
- 1 11 Things To Do When Husband Doesn't Want Me To Work
- 1.1 1. Consider all the possible options
- 1.2 2. Talk about surviving on only one income
- 1.3 3. Ask yourself what you truly want
- 1.4 4. What will you be doing at home all day?
- 1.5 5. Consider the duration of staying home
- 1.6 6. Consider house duties
- 1.7 7. Discuss your career
- 1.8 8. How will your decision affect your kids?
- 1.9 9. Ask your spouse about saving
- 1.10 10. Discuss the stress involved
- 1.11 11. Get insight from other moms
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
11 Things To Do When Husband Doesn't Want Me To Work
1. Consider all the possible options
Your partner’s decision for you to stay home might have been spurred by difficulties around the family and household.
For example, the decision can result from not spending enough time with the children, or perhaps, that your current job is stressing you out to be able to function optimally in the home.
In such cases, it's important to identify some scenarios that can curb this problem aside from quitting a good job and staying at home. If the problem is stress at work and inadequate time with the family. You should consider things like choosing a better job that might ease off your pain and help you spend more time with your kids.
Talk about your resolutions with your spouse, and ask if he has other possible solutions apart from the one he mentioned. With all things adequately considered, you should proceed to the following factors, especially if your partner is still hesitant to support your idea.
2. Talk about surviving on only one income
When a household is operating on two or more incomes, things would function optimally. It might be hard to see the consequences and difficulties of surviving on a single income, which is why you should mention this to your partner. If he wants you to shift work, it’s best to consider how less support will affect the household.
It would be best to write out all the household expenses, no matter how small, and try to fit them into the budget of your spouse. If there are tight spots, and a lot of things can't be properly handled, then he should rethink his decision to make you quit your job.
Your statistics will prove that the money you make from your career goes a long way toward contributing to everyone’s happiness. Therefore, despite how your husband feels, he’ll have to make more money to cater to everyone’s demands before you can become a stay-at-home mom.
3. Ask yourself what you truly want
For many women, their decision to stay at home was possibly incited by their spouses, friends, or coworkers. Nevertheless, many have confessed the feeling of unfulfillment that comes without working or earning your own money. This is why it's important to consider what you genuinely want before making a decision.
Your spouse might suggest that you become a stay-at-home wife for certain reasons like taking care of your child or generally spending more time with him as a married couple. Like the previous factor, try to look for other possible solutions before making a final decision.
More so, look beyond the present satisfaction of being a stay-at-home parent. For example, when your kids no longer need your attention, or your family doesn't require so much time together, will you be affected by your decision now? If so, then you should rethink your decision.
4. What will you be doing at home all day?
If your spouse persistently makes comments about you staying home, think about what you will be doing at home all day. Even though you might run errands, do some home cleaning, or accomplish certain tasks for the household, can you handle being alone most of the time? Will your partner be there to ease the loneliness?
Know that being the sole provider, your spouse might be too busy to cater to your personal or emotional needs. You’ll have a lot of free time on your hands, and some of your friends wouldn’t also have ample time to keep you company. More so, even though you’re a mother, your kids will be preoccupied with school activities.
If you can't handle little to no social interaction, and you desperately need to interact with people, then you should reconsider your decision. More so, you should relate your worries to your spouse.
5. Consider the duration of staying home
The duration of being a stay-at-home parent varies from one household to another. In all common sense, it depends on the personal decisions of the couples involved. This is why it's important to discuss this subject with your spouse before making a decision. This will ensure that both of you are on the same page about the duration of being a home wife.
Circumstances could change around the household, demanding that you begin to work again even though your husband doesn’t want it. This could be to occupy yourself or simply just to earn more cash. You need to be certain that when such events take place, you and your spouse have already agreed on what needs to be done.
You can also discuss other substitutes to having a full-time job, like venturing into part-time jobs. This would be beneficial because it won't take up most of your time or interrupt your household duties as a mother while you earn some good money. More so, it would be easier to switch when you decide to stop being a housewife in the future.
6. Consider house duties
A lot of people have different interpretations of what a stay-at-home parent is expected to do. Most housewives might be comfortable with the idea of doing all the household tasks like home cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids, while other people may not be able to accomplish these effectively.
Before accepting your partner’s decision of being a home wife, it's important to discuss the subject of responsibilities around the home to ensure both of you feel the same way about it. Mention what you can handle to avoid a common issue of not meeting expectations or overly stressing yourself out.
Ensure your conversation should state what the both of you can handle, while other activities are given to someone else. In the long run, no one will feel bad when certain things aren’t fulfilled, and there’ll be more stability in the home.
7. Discuss your career
The biggest decision involving choosing to be a home wife is leaving your own business or occupation behind. Therefore, to make a better judgment, ask yourself, “How much do I love my job? What has it cost me to get to where I am now? How will I feel in the long run after leaving my career behind? Can I catch up if I stop being a housewife?”
If you’re certain you'll regret your decision, then it's best to communicate this to your spouse and look for a way out. Let him know that you want the best for the family, but you also need to think about yourself.
Wanting the best for yourself doesn’t make you a bad person despite being married. Understand that living a happier and fulfilled life affects the dynamics of your household, and your partner needs to acknowledge this.
8. How will your decision affect your kids?
Children with stay-at-home parents engage in less social activities than those without. Therefore, discuss with your spouse the repercussions of his decision. If you stayed home, your child might not develop the necessary social skills they require as adults. Is your spouse ready to put in countermeasures to support them?
Some stay-at-home parents intentionally engage their kids in other outdoor activities apart from school to ensure they gain necessary childhood experiences. More so, they try to instill a certain form of independence in their kids, thereby reducing the anxiousness they might feel for the outside world.
If you're considering being a stay-at-home wife, think about the disadvantages your kids might have, and look for avenues to curb these factors. For example, ensuring they make and meet up with their friends instead of being home all the time. If these can’t work, then you should rethink your decision.
9. Ask your spouse about saving
It’s necessary to ensure that staying at home will adequately cut down expenses and give you enough room to save. Otherwise, it would be an unprofitable decision.
Since there’ll be only one source of income, it's quite prudent to prepare for the unexpected. However, think about whether a savings plan will be possible with the increased expenses in the household? Evaluate how much both of you can save with only one job, and determine whether it’s wrong to quit working or not.
If the amount of money the household can save without your job isn’t enough to cover the long-run expenses in the home, you might need to find a new job. This aspect can motivate your spouse to change his mind.
10. Discuss the stress involved
Many people think staying at home is much better than working because you’ll have a lot of free time and fewer responsibilities. Nonetheless, being a home wife can be as strenuous as working a nine-to-five job. This is because mom duties and catering to a family is a full job in itself.
Therefore, before you agree to stay at home, you should consider if you'll be comfortable or even more exhausted. Discussing this with your partner is also highly crucial.
Ask him if you’ll incur more expenses trying to get extra help or cutting back on the household duties. This is particularly true since the income streams will be smaller? Mention this to your spouse so that you can worry less, especially if his decision is likely to happen.
11. Get insight from other moms
The world is changing, especially in the area of nurturing a home. Learning how to be a home wife has evolved into new trends and also new difficulties. This is why you should consider talking to stay-at-home parents if your spouse wants you to be one.
There are certain things you’ll find out merely by speaking to someone presently going through it. This process will give you a clearer picture of what it feels like being a stay-at-home wife, with detailed subjects on things like the initial phases and the latter end. Knowing this can either sponsor your spouse’s decision or inhibit it.
Since your partner’s decision is most likely emotional, you can trigger his logical mind with stories of other people’s difficulties, and also learn from their successes.
If your spouse isn’t showing attraction for you, either physically or emotionally, it’s necessary to talk about the underlying problems in the relationship. Focus on solving those challenges and you'll be one step closer to having his attention.
There are legal implications for leaving your husband when he doesn’t have a paying job. He could ask the court for spousal support, which is more complicated than dealing with him during matrimony.
If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, find out the benefits it will provide to your household and communicate with your spouse. Let him see that you have the best interest of the home at heart and that quitting your job will help you fulfill them.
The easiest way to know things aren’t fine in your marriage is when you hardly spend time with your partner. More so, the relationship has become sexless and there’s constant backlash from both of you.
Empathize with your partner and tell them they’ll feel better anytime they’re stressed. You can also offer support to help curb their exhaustion. Nevertheless, the last thing you’d want to do is to compare your tension with theirs.
Did you enjoy this article on ‘spouse doesn’t want me to work’? Remember that open communication is the healthiest way to convince your partner to change his mind instead of being critical or arguing. Kindly leave a comment if you liked this article and share it with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.