You don’t need Aretha Franklin to tell you that respect is a pivotal part of any relationship, whether it's between friends or acquaintances, and its absence could easily spell disaster.
With that logic, respect is even more important in a romantic relationship as it speaks to the admiration one party has for the other. More so, this admiration is hinged on the other party’s achievements, knowledge, qualities, and abilities, so, if it's not there it's a huge problem.
With that said, several relationships lack respect and there are many marriages where the husband has no regard for his wife. This behavior is unacceptable because if respect is not there, that's a valid reason to question your spouse's commitment to the relationship.
- 1 How Do You Know Your Husband Doesn’t Respect You?
- 1.1 1. He ignores your boundaries
- 1.2 2. He doesn’t show you any support
- 1.3 3. He’s dishonest
- 1.4 4. He puts off spending time with you
- 1.5 5. He cheats or shows more attention to other women
- 1.6 6. They never want to spend time with your family
- 1.7 7. They never make a compromise
- 1.8 8. He doesn’t listen
- 1.9 9. He persists with disrespectful habits
- 1.10 10. He purposely hurts you
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Conclude
How Do You Know Your Husband Doesn’t Respect You?
At this point, are you asking yourself: Is it possible that my husband doesn’t respect me? If you are, then you need to examine things he does as well as all the signs and come to a conclusion before taking the next step.
This could be a visit to a couple’s counselor, a serious talk with your partner, or even a parting of ways. But, before you take that drastic decision, we have a list of some of the warning signs to look out for to ascertain if your husband really does respect and love you.
1. He ignores your boundaries
As American author Doreen Virtue put it, “Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.” Therefore, if your husband disrespects your boundaries, it’s also very likely that he doesn’t respect you as a person. This is especially evident when it comes to sex, as some selfish husbands have sex without considering their partner's feelings for the least bit.
Sex is a two-way street that requires the consent of both parties before engagement; this shows that each individual cares about how the other feels. So, disrespecting your sexual boundaries simply means that he doesn’t care what you think or feel. This sort of behavior takes its toll on self-esteem and ultimately leaves you feeling like crap. In a nutshell, it's not just unhealthy, it's also toxic.
So you need to establish boundaries from the get-go. Once that's done, it's a lot easier to ensure that your husband respects your decision when you're not in the mood. Even though those boundaries are not sexually related, make your stance known. If he complies, what this does is to show a level of respect for your person.
2. He doesn’t show you any support
One of the many perks of marriage is the idea that you have a partner who always has your back. This is because the two of you are friends and so much more. Therefore, it is incredibly demoralizing to find out that you have a husband who doesn’t support you or take your side… Ever!
This practically reeks of disrespect as it points to the fact that your husband is willing to make you look bad in front of another party. Even more, if he doesn’t support your hopes and dreams, and sees them as things that get in his way of success, girl, it’s time to address this bad behavior as your future is just as important.
According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the major causes of conflict in a relationship is unfulfilled dreams. With that said, it’s incredibly important to have a partner who supports your dreams and further takes your side in an argument. So, if your husband doesn’t respect your hopes, dreams, or opinions, then there’s a huge problem.
3. He’s dishonest
Trust is vital in any relationship; people even refer to it as a pillar of marriage. Altogether, a wife that can’t trust her husband might as well not have a marriage. But, what causes distrust in a marriage in the first place? The most common culprit is dishonesty, which is a no-no in any relationship. It doesn't matter if you're besties, or a boss and employee, the truth should feature in your relationship.
As such, you’d ideally want your husband to always be honest if you hope to have a happy married life. In fact, honesty is a concept that has grown in popularity over the years and famed psychologist, Dr. Willard Harley broke it down into four segments, emotional honesty, historical honesty, current honesty, and future honesty.
These four concepts come together to create explicit honesty, which is important to the life of any marriage. So, if your husband can’t tell you the truth about things like how he feels, what he’s currently up to, and what his plans are for the future, then he’s not only being dishonest but also showing you disrespect.
4. He puts off spending time with you
There are different love languages, but one of the most common ones is spending time with the person you love. So, when couples spend time together, they get to know each other better, and it deepens the love shared between the two. On the other hand, if your husband often looks for ways to get out of spending time with you, it could be a sign of disrespect.
It hits home a lot harder if you are the one who set up the date. Sure, if it happens once or twice and there are solid reasons to back it, it's probably not a red flag. But if this happens every other Tuesday and on Saturdays too, it is a blatant disregard for your time and should never be condoned.
This is because husbands should want to spend time with their significant others even if it means putting off something else, as this shows commitment and respect. So, if the latter statement doesn't sound familiar, you have some things that might need resolving.
5. He cheats or shows more attention to other women
There is no situation in which cheating is okay. Similarly, there is also no good reason for neglecting your partner for another woman. You guessed right, such behavior only goes to show a lack of respect. Cheating is sadly more common than anyone would like, and while the statistics are still in favor of men, women are also cheating more. But what is the reason for infidelity?
No doubt, the reasons for cheating vary from boredom to revenge to lack of love. However, regardless of the cause, cheating on the person you claim to love is a form of disrespect. Similarly, spending time or showing attention to another woman other than you indicates that your husband lacks enough respect for you.
6. They never want to spend time with your family
While there are numerous examples of people who do not like their families, more often than not, people in good relationships have a semblance of a good relationship with theirs. This points to the fact that it is ideal if your partner likes your family and goes out of his way to spend time with them.
However, there are cases where husbands are not fond of their partner's family. Note that, while that isn’t ideal, it isn’t a deal-breaker either. Although it is a problem if your husband is unwilling to go out of his way to spend time with your family, this behavior can be disrespectful as it signifies that he doesn’t respect you enough to make that little sacrifice.
Consequently, you might need to have a discussion with your hubby to really figure out why he doesn’t spend time with your family. Sometimes it could stem from something like anxiety, self-esteem, or some other issue.
7. They never make a compromise
Do you ever feel like you can never win an argument with your husband? Or that you’re always the one who has to make concessions? Trust me, compromise is never easy, but it is an important component of any successful relationship.
That said, it is a huge red flag if the compromise is unbalanced and is tilted too much to one side. Therefore, if you realize that your husband is never willing to meet you halfway, this may stem from a lack of respect. It is therefore vital to feel understood, honored, and respected.
Note that the keyword there is ‘feel,’. So, if you are constantly feeling sad like you’ve gained nothing, but rather have lost everything, then your husband is disrespectful.
8. He doesn’t listen
We all want someone who will listen to us, and it’s very frustrating when the person you're talking to isn’t even paying attention. This behavior has caused conflicts between friends, families, and spouses for as long as anyone can remember. This is because active listening is a form of respect, and not paying attention points to a deficiency.
For instance, you’re telling your husband something, e.g a stressful day, or things you are planning and he instead prioritizes the TV or his game console over you. This can be hurtful, and it's not totally crazy to assume that he openly doesn't care what you have to say at that point.
No doubt, listening to your partner is one of the most important ways to show respect in a relationship; therefore, the absence of this is clearly an example of disrespect, and it should not be tolerated.
9. He persists with disrespectful habits
Not every conflict in a relationship needs to be resolved, and research shows that couples that try to resolve every single conflict tend to have successful marriages – where nothing gets in the way. Furthermore, unresolved conflicts tend to stem from one party’s habits.
For instance, if your husband is a slob, it’s unlikely that this will ever change. That said, if he doesn’t make an effort to be clean even when he knows that you’re a neat freak, or you feel like is deliberately messing things up, or going out of his way to upset you, then that could be bordering on disrespectful. And let's say you’ve spent hours cleaning up the house and then your husband proceeds to mess it up within minutes, that’s a red flag.
However, always keep in mind that not everyone will have the same personality as you, for example, people who neat freaks also do things that can be downright annoying sometimes, and can also disrespect the easy take on life others have.
10. He purposely hurts you
No one is perfect! This is evident in everyday life, and even in relationships, we sometimes say things we don’t mean. But, it is different when we say things knowing the effect it will have on others and say it anyway. In the same way, if your husband criticizes you (not constructively) to discredit or make you feel like a failure, then it means he doesn’t respect you or how you feel.
For instance, if he knows you are insecure about how you look, but still takes the occasional shot at your looks, then you best believe that the ‘respect train' has left the station.
This is, of course, different from being honest with your partner, even if it might be hurtful. In such cases, the difference is usually in tone and intention with the former aimed at improvement and the latter, malice.
There are a few ways to bring respect back into a relationship, the most common one being dialogue. Therefore, having a chat about something that’s bugging you is always a good start. However, if this does not yield results, then there are other options, including therapy and (last resort) leaving the relationship.
We have looked at a number of signs, and any and all of them are red flags. Most importantly, if your husband has no respect for you, it will be obvious, and the signs will be there; you only need to identify them.
There are various signs of disrespect in a relationship, including a disregard for boundaries and not listening when necessary. That said, pay attention to some of these red flags and take action immediately.
As was stated at the beginning of the article, respect is admiration towards a person based on their achievements, qualities, and abilities. Therefore, if this is lacking in your marriage, it is a sign of disrespect.
There are various ways to go about it, but the most important is to ensure that you take care of yourself and don't get lost in caring for a selfish spouse. Furthermore, you can speak up about how you feel and argue as to why letting go of selfish tendencies will improve your married life.
Remember, no one deserves to be in a relationship that lacks respect, and you need to look out for the signs if your husband is behaving weirdly or if you feel something is not right. Also, if you liked the article, and you feel it’s something your friends will benefit from, please share it, and if you have thoughts, feel free to share them in the comments section below.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.