If you find that you are never your husband’s priority and he always puts his family in front of you, you may be wondering what you can do. You have married the love of your life and you have promised to spend the rest of your life with him, but things didn’t turn out as you expected as he never seems to make you his priority and he never puts you first.
He promised to always be there for you, to protect you and look after you, but the marriage in real life is not exactly what you thought it might have been. When you married him, you had already been together for a while, but now things have changed and it seems as his priorities have changed, he no longer makes the same effort with you as he used to.
No matter what kind of relationship you had before you got married, it is likely to change after you are officially man and wife, even if you didn’t expect it to. His ideas and attitudes seem different and his plans for the future have even changed. It seems like he no longer appreciates you in the same sense and he doesn’t look after you like he used to do.
- 1 My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me
- 2 Why Does He Choose His Family Over His Wife
- 3 What Can You Do If Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You?
- 4 FAQs
- 5 To Sum It All Up…
My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me
If the dynamics of your relationship have changed since you got married to your husband you may be wondering why he always chooses his family over you and why he no longer makes you his priority. He no longer has to impress you and he has become complacent, he no longer worries about whether he is making you happy.
Perhaps you don’t get on with your in-laws but your husband allows his family to disrespect you and he always picks their side of the argument instead of yours. When you marry someone, it may mean that you have left your family home to live with your spouse. However, this does not mean that your in-laws are not close by.
Being married to someone means that there are a lot more people involved in your relationship than just the two of you. Marriage involves the binding of both families. If there have been no boundaries put in place before you got married, your in-laws may step in and intrude on your marriage, causing friction between you and your husband. So what to do you?
Why Does He Choose His Family Over His Wife
In a normal and healthy relationship between parent and child, it is common that the parents make a positive impact on their child’s marriage. Your husband may even have more respect for you if he has been brought up to respect his mother. However, if there have been no boundaries set, his wife may not be his main priority and this is where problems may come up.
Here are the reasons why men may choose their families above their wives.
1. It Is In His Nature
According to a psychologist, if a man puts his family before his wife it is likely because it is in his nature and this is what he grew up experiencing. He likely adores his parents and wants to emulate them and have the same relationship that they had. So, if his father always put his own family before his wife, then your husband is likely to do the same with you.
2. His Family Is Protecting Him
Your spouse may have a really strong bond with his parents and he completely respects everything they say. He may never disagree with his parents if he sees them in this light and it may be his main priority to please and impress them. While the fact that he has a good relationship with them is a positive thing, it may cause trouble for you.
The love that is felt between a parent and their children is unexplainable and it is felt throughout both of their lives. This is why your in-laws may not take to you straight away. They might even feel threatened by you being in your son’s life. His mother may not like the fact that there is another woman in her son’s life now, especially if they don’t think that you are suitable for him.
3. He Feels Guilty For Not Seeing His Family As Much
He may choose his family over you if he feels guilty for not seeing his family as much as he used to and for not spending enough time with them as he thinks he should. This is true especially if your spouse has a really strong and close bond with his parents and he has done since he was a child.
If he has only just left his parent’s house to move in with you, this may make his feelings of guilt even stronger. After he moved out and got married he doesn’t see them as much as he used too which may make him feel guilty. This may mean that he wants to pay more attention to his family to compensate for these feelings of guilt.
If you feel like this is happening in your relationship, it is important to openly communicate how you are feeling to your spouse. Talk to him honestly to find out what exactly is going on. Perhaps you can join him when he sees his family when he wants to spend time with them or maybe you can help alleviate this feeling of guilt that he has developed.
4. He Wants To Avoid Conflict And Keep Things Peaceful
In many marriages, there is conflict and often disagreements. This may even exist between the couple and their family members. If you don’t get on so well with your in-laws your partner may be seeing them more and making more of an effort with them to avoid conflict and keep the peace between you.
However, if you avoid actually talking about the real problem that is the conflict between you and your in-laws, the issues are likely to only get worse. Nothing is going to get solved if you don’t openly communicate about what is going on. Have an honest conversation with your partner and his parents and try and find a solution to your disagreements.
It is important that such disagreements and conflicts are dealt with in a respectful and healthy manner and that they are not ignored. If you don’t deal with these issues as soon as they arise, it is likely that resentment is going to start to build up between you and your in-laws and you may never be able to be amicable in the future.
5. He Is Extremely Close To His Mother
The bond and connection between a mother and son are really strong and it is his first experience of being loved by someone. Thus, your partner may find it difficult to be away from his mother for long periods of time. He may want to talk to his mum every day and even see her all of the time, this may mean he chooses his mother over you.
This close bond may be lovely for you to see, however, it may also cause some issues in your marriage. If your husband avoids making any decisions without consulting his mother first, it may cause tension between you. If there are no boundaries his mother may also overstep the line into your marriage and become too involved than is usually healthy.
What Can You Do If Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You?
1. Communicate With Him
This is the first and most important step that you need to take if your husband always chooses his family over you. Speak to him honestly about your feelings and emotions. Be completely open with him and tell him how these relationships have been making you feel isolated and neglected. Ask him how he sees the situation and what he has been feeling too.
He may find it hard to reveal his true feelings if he is worried about hurting either you or his family so be patient with him and let him know that you are not trying to judge him, you are just looking for a solution that you can decide on together. Tell him that you have no negative feelings toward his family and you are not trying to take him away from them.
It is important to communicate and come to a compromise if it is necessary but make sure that you agree on some boundaries to keep things healthy. Show him that you understand that he loves his family as well as you. Tell him ways that he can show you how he appreciates you and let you know that you are important to him too.
2. Don’t Forget That You Are On The Same Side
It can be easy if this situation has caused you and your spouse to argue to forget that you are actually on the same team. It is important to remember that you are not against each other in this, think of it as the two of you against the issue instead. In this way, it will be easier to find a solution together rather than arguing with each other about it.
When you marry someone, you become a team. It is important to realize that you need to work together and build trust between the two of you so that these kinds of issues don’t come in between you. Avoid trying to put your husband in a position where he has to make a decision between spending time with either you or his family as this is not healthy.
3. Remember That He Is Still His Parent’s Son
If your spouse has a really close bond to his parents it may sometimes make things difficult in your marriage if his parents intrude. It is important to remember, however, that his parents were the first two people that showed him what love is and he is never going to stop being their son. You might find it annoying if they still treat their son as a young child.
If his parents spend too much time fussing over him and worrying about him, it may make it difficult for your husband to see you as his main priority. If he always looks to his parents for advice and love, instead of you, you might find this hurtful. Try to let him know that he is old enough to manage on his own and that you are one of his priorities as well.
4. Prevent Resentment
If you feel as if your husband always chooses his family over you, make sure that you communicate how you are feeling early on so that you don’t allow resentment to build up. Avoid starting arguments with your husband about this, rather have an honest conversation with him instead. Don’t nag him to spend more time with you.
One of the things that you need to avoid his appearing as if you are against his parents as these are the closest two people to him. This will only make him feel hurt and betrayed by you and it will only make the situation much worse. These feelings may even turn into him resenting you, causing further issues in your marriage.
5. Seek Support From A Professional
If this situation is causing huge issues in your marriage and you seem unable to solve them alone, it may be time to consider seeking help from a professional. If you have been unable to make your husband understand your point of view, you may need outside help to solve this situation. Make sure that you don’t ignore the situation and you do this straight away.
It is important to remember that this is a difficult issue and seeking help together to sort out this situation may be of great benefit to both of you. You may even find that there are other issues that you have never dealt with that have been inadvertently making this situation worse. A professional counselor can give you a new perspective on how to resolve these issues.
A professional can help to teach you how to communicate better and how to resolve such situations in a healthy way. They can also show you how to set healthy boundaries in your marriage and between your husband’s family. This can help prevent you from blaming your husband and finding a successful solution together instead.
6. Plan A Holiday Together
This situation may be helped if you plan some alone time with your partner. If you always travel with his family, it may be a good idea to suggest that you go on one holiday with them and one holiday alone together. This will give you some time to communicate and spend some quality time together without any other distractions getting in the way.
If you feel as if your husband is always choosing his family over you, it is important to have an open conversation with him about the situation and how it is making you feel. Remember that you are a team and that you need to work out the problem together as a team rather than fighting each other from different sides. Communicate to find a healthy solution.
Your husband should be able to have healthy and close relationships with both his partner and his family. However, it is important that there are some boundaries in place when you do get married so that you have space to live your lives in a healthy way. Make sure to communicate and find solutions to any issues as soon as they arise.
There is no competition between who comes first. It is important that when you get married you don’t lose your close relationships with other people such as your parents and family. However, at times it may be necessary to think about putting some boundaries in place so that your family members don’t overstep and intrude into your marriage.
Neither person is more important and a man should be able to have strong relationships with both his wife and his mom. There should be no competition between a man’s wife and his mom. However, if your husband has a really close bond with his mom, it may feel as if she intrudes a bit too much in your marriage so it may be necessary to put a few boundaries in place.
Husbands may choose their moms over their wives if they feel guilty about not spending as much time with their family as they used to. If he has just moved out of his family home to move in with you and get married, he may be feeling guilty that he is not seeing his family as much as he used to. He may be compensating for this by choosing his mom over you.
To Sum It All Up…
You may be wondering what to do if “my boyfriend chooses his mother over me,” “my husband lets his family disrespect me,” “my husband puts his child before me,” or “my boyfriend is controlled by his family.” In all of these cases, it is necessary to communicate with your husband and put some healthy boundaries in place to avoid these situations.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.