How To Tell If A Man Has Intimacy Issues (11 Vital Things To Observe)

Intimacy is a significant factor in a healthy relationship. Experiencing issues that might hinder intimacy may affect the quality and longevity of a relationship. Intimacy means feeling deeply known while also deeply knowing the same person. Intimacy happens over time in relationships when you grow to care about each other.

Intimacy is why people in relationships long for the presence of each other. It is why they talk over the phone for long hours. It is also why people can't get their hands off each other, because they have achieved a level of connection only both of them can give each other.

Intimacy is a high-level people in relationships keep chasing after they have attained it because they know how it feels. They no longer want a life without it. I know you are here because you already think this way, but you feel like your partner is not there yet.

You have stopped at the right place because here are 11 ways to tell if a man has intimacy issues

11 Ways To Tell If A Man Has Intimacy Issues

1. Fear of commitment

fear of commitment

Avoiding a serious relationship does not mean fear of commitment, and not wanting something long-term doesn't translate to being emotionally unavailable. However, a huge part of building intimacy is not having problems committing to a relationship when the opportunity arises.

Commitment means devoting yourself to something or someone over a long period. However, as a woman who wants commitment, if a man shows an unwillingness to think about the next stage of a relationship or make plans for the future in a relationship, then it might be a sign.

Commitment is vital in achieving the connectedness that comes with intimacy. A man must be committed to a relationship to crave deeper intimacy with his partner.

2. Serial dating

A serial dater is always dating because they love the excitement that comes with a new relationship. They love only the honeymoon phase of a relationship. They are usually the ones to end the relationship.

A serial dater's eyes wander when you are together, he is never truly present. This is because now that you are within his grasp and have your attention, he wants to leave to chase the next best thing before you start to communicate intimately.

He fears intimacy and doesn't want to wait around because he is afraid you might want a serious relationship. He will become withdrawn and scarce. He will go back on all his talk of being your safe space.

3. Case of the ex

I am of the opinion that if you are feeling a man or if you are in the process of dating a man, it is essential to ask about his previous relationship. I also do not think asking about your potential emotional and sexual partner's past relationships doesn't make you look like you have low self-esteem.

Discuss them so you can see if there is a pattern to notice, don't discuss them vaguely or as though you are afraid to talk about them. It is not taboo, so ask! This will go a long way to help you see signs of intimacy issues if there are any.

It will give you a preview into the dating lifestyle of a man you might or might not have an emotional affair with. You will see how he handles rejection if he has the tendency to avoid intimacy. Don’t ask only about his romantic relationships. Notice how he treats his family too.

4. Self-sabotage

Does your man self-sabotage? Do you get the feeling that sometimes your man tries to cause trouble or make a big deal out of something that is not so important or something that has not even occurred?

Men with a fear of intimacy may attempt to sabotage the relationship, especially if he notices you are trying to get intimate. Signs of self-sabotaging may include nitpicking, a partner that constantly complains about everything you do. 

Adult relationships can be pretty tricky if both parties want different things. Lack of emotional intimacy can complicate things further, so it might be time to talk about your partner's fear of intimacy if you notice these signs.

5. Difficulties with physical contact

difficulties with physical contact

An important form of intimacy in relationships, especially romantic relationships, is physical intimacy. Although people show intimacy in different ways, physical contact helps solidify emotional intimacy, especially if your love language is physical contact.

The fear of intimacy may lead to extremes when physical contact is affected. A man with difficulty trusting or being in intimate relationships might altogether avoid physical contact with a partner. Men like this are afraid to get sexual, probably because of intimacy and past relationships.

On the other hand, some men with fear of getting intimate may seem to have a constant need for physical contact. Either of these signs may point to a man with a fear of intimacy.

6. Avoidance

If a man creates distance, limits communication, and sometimes goes missing in action in romantic relationships, this can leave their partner feeling confused and unimportant. Most times, he is not avoiding you on purpose, he is avoiding you due to his inability to be emotionally naked.

Avoidant partners shy away from close relationships out of their fear of intimacy. They would rather be unavailable than be available to be the recipient of affection and intimacy they cannot give back in return. They are usually unavailable because they are afraid of intimacy.

They show signs like being emotionally unstable, canceling out on plans to see you, avoiding serious topics about the relationship, and poor to ineffective communication skills as he is always unavailable per too tired to talk.

7. Trust Issues

In the past, any man with a fear of intimacy usually has a history of when he expressed his emotions completely and was taken for a fool. Most times, a man has fears of intimacy because of broken trust in the past and sometimes because of an action you did in the past.

In this case, fear of intimacy might even be misinterpreted as indifference or coldness when in reality, it is a coping mechanism out of the fear of heartbreak. So if you don't feel connected to your man in a way that you should because he wouldn't let you in, there is a possibility he has unresolved trust issues.

8. Unresolved childhood trauma

Childhood experiences, especially unresolved childhood trauma that occurred at a very young age, may leave a grown man with fear of intimacy and commitment. Childhood experiences are important to our emotional development, and they may go on to cause a dismissive-avoidant attachment in adults.

At a young age, children attach to parents as the primary attachment figure, and this plays a crucial role in how we expect the world to treat us because they lay the foundation of what life will look like. They either produce emotionally and sexually mature adults or emotionally and sexually immature ones.

If your man is uncomfortable with healthy relationships and emotional openness, chances are these emotions are a result of childhood trauma. The fear of intimacy is why he denies himself the need for intimate relationships.

9. Negative body image

negative body image

Body dysmorphia is a challenging mental illness, and it can serve as a reason why a grown man has intimacy issues in his relationships. People with body dysmorphia are usually less confident in their bodies or skins and are mostly locked up with their imperfections or flaws.

They often fear intimacy because they do not meet up to the social standard of beauty and so on repulse, they detach themselves from people, and it affects their relationships. If physical intimacy is concerned, it might disrupt the progression or the possibility of intimacy.

They might also not want to risk being intimate in their relationships because they have a negative body perception of themselves and may fear being emotionally open and available. It might also be the reason why communication in your relationship is nothing to write home about.

10. He cheats

I am not one to justify cheating. However, when a man cheats, it is likely rooted in fear of intimacy sometimes. Men that fear intimacy cheat because they see it as a form of protection from the hurt they'd most likely receive from the relationship. 

They resort to cheating because the lesser the intimacy, the less they hurt. A sick way to think, right? But anything to risk the longevity of the relationship. Cheating to him is a way to run from commitment. It is on them and not on you because you are not responsible for how an adult chooses to act.

If his closeness to you becomes hindered because of an emotional investment he chose to put in another woman, then he most likely has a fear of intimacy. 

11. Social phobia

social phobia

If a man has social phobia, he might have problems forming intimacy in his relationships. I say relationships because it can affect both his romantic and platonic relationships. So, look into his relationship with his family and friends. It might give you a synopsis of his level of emotional intimacy. 

A man with low social skills and anxiety around other people will definitely have a fear of intimacy, so look around for pointers. The pointers might be aloofness and insufficient input into conversations during social gatherings. 


What causes male intimacy issues?

There are a lot of reasons why men have intimacy issues. However, the most common cause is usually childhood trauma. It might be as a result of emotional, physical, and intellectual abuse. A wrong introduction into the dynamics and co-dependency that comes with a relationship might cause a lifetime effect.

Men that grow up in these households grow up to be adults that cannot handle relationships because of the faulty parent-child relationship. They grow up to be emotionally immature men without the ability to form a healthy bond.

What do intimacy issues look like?

Intimacy issues come in various forms. However, what it typically looks like is an inability to communicate your emotions with people close to you effectively. It also looks like a consistent avoidance of serious topics in a relationship.

How do you date someone who is afraid of intimacy?

The best way to date someone who is afraid of intimacy is to talk. Communicate effectively when engines have cooled, and emotions are in check. Talk about the patterns you have noticed and how it affects you and the relationship, say this and also butter it up with a good thing they have done in the past.

Considering seeing a therapist can be very helpful in dating someone who is afraid of intimacy. They can help identify the underlying problems and the reason for the fear of intimacy.

What is intimacy for a man?

Surprisingly, intimacy for a man is more than sex. It is craving to be deeply known by someone and while deeply knowing the person. They want to be viewed as more than just a sexual object. They want to be seen first as a person. Intimacy for them means the relationship is on the next level.

How do men develop emotional intimacy?

Sometimes, men don't develop emotional intimacy at first, but it develops over time as the connection strengthens and deepens. As crazy as it sounds, men crave emotional connection, too, as it is a basic human need to be connected to others.

In Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I loved writing it. You deserve a love so big with an intimacy so deep that it makes the ocean jealous. So if you are with a man with the aforementioned intimacy issues, sit back and ask yourself if he is worth the emotional stress. Then work for it, and get yourself that intimacy. 

Please let me know what you think in the comments, and do not forget to share with your loved ones. I hope it really helps you get the love you deserve. 

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