‘How do I talk dirty to my partner?’ Let’s face it, this is one question many us women secretly ponder on. We wish we were bold enough to talk dirty to our guys, especially after seeing it done so flawlessly in movies such as Sex In The City. No doubt, if you were an avid watcher, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.
That said; there is a thin line between talking dirty and talking like you're beginning to lose your mind (and freaking your guy out in the process).
- 1 How Dirty Talking Helps?
- 2 How Do You Talk Dirty To Someone In Bed?
- 2.1 1. Is your man into it?
- 2.2 2. How far is too far?
- 2.3 3. Practice makes perfect.
- 2.4 4. Set the ball rolling with a slow buildup.
- 2.5 5. Speak your mind.
- 2.6 6. Keep the ball rolling.
- 2.7 7. Keep him thinking.
- 2.8 8. Start role-playing.
- 2.9 9. What if it does not work?
- 2.10 10. What to do and what not to do when dirty talking?
- 3 Always Remember…
How Dirty Talking Helps?
Dirty talking is one thing that most women shy away from when it comes to their sex life – either out of a lack of confidence or complete disinterest. But research has proven that dirty talking increases sexual pleasure and is one of the most effective ways to build sexual bonds as well as adding spice to your relationship – especially when you are experiencing sexual tension.
It is also one of the best ways to ensure your sex life remains fun and enjoyable instead of the regular monotonous routine that becomes boring after a while.
No doubt, the power of words to ‘control’ your man and guide him to fulfill your sexual desires cannot be underestimated. So, that’s why I am here to help. In this article, you’ll learn exactly how to talk dirty to a guy and take back control of your sex life.
How Do You Talk Dirty To Someone In Bed?
1. Is your man into it?
Before we jump on the topic of ‘what do you say when you talk dirty to a guy’, you first have to ascertain the type of person you are dealing with. There are few things more embarrassing than being shut down completely by your man when you're getting into your naughty mode. Although a whopping 70 percent of men love to be talked dirty to, you need first to make sure that your man is on the same page before you try dirty talking with him. You don’t want to risk being stared at like you're some sort of sexually obsessed freak.
If it is your first time, first, try running the subject by him for an opinion. The chances are that the subject alone will be enough to raise more than your man’s eyebrow (if you get what I mean). You’re going to have his complete attention, whether he likes the subject of dirty talk or not. And, more importantly, you will have his opinion.
Plus, if your man is also on the kinky side, he might give you a lot of pointers indirectly. So, be sure to note down everything he says about talking dirty. However, this doesn’t mean you should grab a pen and paper; rather, simply pay close attention to his point of view.
Certainly, one of the best things about talking it over with your significant other is that the subject alone offers a bonding moment. And make no mistake; you’re in for one very interesting and exciting talk time that will draw you both closer.
However, I’m not saying you should expect all positive vibes from him when you raise the topic. But even if he seems disinterested, you can make him know (without sounding demanding) that dirty talk is something you will love to try. Try telling him subtly how watching it in a movie turned you on. And, if your man truly loves you, he wouldn’t mind as long as it pleases you.
And oh! Be sure to put on your seductive best during this conversation. A turned-on man is the most agreeable man on earth. So, a good time to bring up the subject is during a movie that involves dirty talking scenes. And I repeat, do not bring it up when he is watching a game. I wish you luck!
2. How far is too far?
Now that you have been able to get your man’s attention and consent of some sort, you need to set some boundaries. This is something many sex experts caution – knowing what your boundaries are. Like I said earlier, there is a very thin line between talking dirty and just talking trash.
Usually, in the spur of the moment, you could easily step over the boundaries and slip down into trash talk. That’s how exciting and risky dirty talking can be at the same time. So, one of the most important things, if you want to learn how to talk dirty to a guy, is knowing what the limits are.
If you have already had that ice-breaking talk with your man about the subject, then you might already have a fair idea of how far is too far. If not, then feel free to ask him to find out what kind of words turn him on, what kind of talk he loves to hear, and what the no-go areas are.
However, if your man is too shy to open up, subtly try to draw the information out of him. This can involve saying out a few things you think he would like. All he has to say is a simple yes or no to each line.
Most importantly, be careful not to sound serious about it. You’re not trying to get intelligence from Russia. You’re merely trying to have fun with your man. So, be casual about it and reassure him that it is only on the lighter side.
Once your man is comfortable, believe me, he will spill out the info like a perv in a room filled with topless women. But first, consider his boundaries, ladies!
3. Practice makes perfect.
At this point, you should have at least a fair idea of what your man wants when it comes to talking dirty. But depending on your level of confidence, a little practice might be required before your first attempt. This might sound unnecessary, but it is vital if you want to get it right.
First, look in the mirror and pretend you are talking dirty to your man right at that moment. Try out the words and listen to yourself. You can even try out different romantic accents just to spice things up. In fact, it’s not a bad idea to record and listen to yourself. Knowing exactly what you sound like, will make it easier to tweak your tone.
And when practicing, don’t think too much about the right words to say. Focus instead on building your confidence and getting the words out smoothly. No doubt, confidence is everything, and how confident you are will also determine how your words come out. I mean, the last thing you want is to end up saying, “your arms feel stronger than my dad’s’’ instead of saying “I want to feel you inside of me”.
Also, look into the mirror while you practice. Observe your body language – make sure you’re complimenting your words with the movement of your body. The mirror will tell you whether you’re moving like a bus driver or a sexy pole dancer. Furthermore, try out some seductive winks and blow a few kisses to yourself.
Certainly, you might not get it right at the first couple of attempts; in fact, you may look and sound like a weird old woman at first but keep trying. Practice they say makes perfect. So, practice like your sex life depends on it.
4. Set the ball rolling with a slow buildup.
Now, it’s time to put all those hours of practice to the test. However, in order to build and maintain your confidence, start slowly, and use ‘safer’ lines. The idea here is to use dirty talk that will not fail. If you jump straight into words like “do you want to fuck? ” or “come pound me like a filthy horse,” that might backfire and kill your confidence.
Instead, arouse your man’s interest and keep him thinking about you. For example, if your man is not at home, you can call him and tell him you can’t stop thinking about him and can’t wait for him to get home.
If you’d rather not call, starting with a little subtle ‘Sexting’ is another great way to rile him up. Begin by sending some flirty lines to see how he responds. You can even ‘sext’ him if he is at home, and observe how he reacts. A simple sext like;
“I’ve got something sexy on tonight. I can’t wait for you to get home and rip it off my body”?
These short, precise, and subtle words can have the right effect, especially if you’re only beginning to get your dirty talk game on.
Pro tip: Aim to wear a sexy piece of clothing before your man gets home.
Now, during sex (or lovemaking, or however you wish to call it), encourage him with some moaning and groaning (even if you’re not impressed with his sexual prowess). However, be careful not to overdo it as you may begin to sound odd and get him suspicious.
After things get more intense, or while your man is busily at work and dripping sweat all over you, reach out and whisper some naughty words into his ears. This will have him pumped with his adrenaline rushing (But beware: some wild sex is sure to follow).
Again, when whispering into his ears, stick with simple and ‘safer’ words, such as;
“I love how you make me feel.”
“I can’t get enough of you.”
“I’m horny for you right now.”
“I want to taste you“
Make sure you punctuate your dirty talks with a generous amount of “mmmm,” “yes,” “oohhh,” “ugghhh.” Now watch your lover transform into a sex god.
5. Speak your mind.
Now the heat is on! Your sexy words have worked. At this point, your man is going hard with triple horsepower (or so he thinks). You can feel his heavy breathing, while his heart is pounding through his chest, his muscles contracting and expanding in sync with his thrusts, and he is holding on close to you as both of you exchange body fluid (that was not meant to sound gross), while you’re grabbing your bedsheet in a clench – moaning and groaning as your man works between your thighs.
At this point, several dirty thoughts are running in and out of your mind, but your lips are pressed tight, your teeth are grinding each other. Now is the time to speak your mind – talk dirty to your man-horse. Remember, you have had several hours of practice; so, don’t let them go to waste. Now is the time to open your dirty vocabulary.
Speak the words that will turn him on even more. However, be careful not to complicate your dirty talk and ruin the moment. You have already started slowly, now turn up the tempo just a little bit. Are you enjoying the sex? If so, tell him he feels so good inside of you. Do you want him to hold you closer? Tell him to grab you and pull you closer.
Is he putting in so much work (which will most probably be the case at this point), tell him he’s driving you crazy with his sexual prowess. Is he hitting the right spot? Let him know. Do you want him to double the speed? Tell him to go faster.
It is important to note that being responsive s is one of the ways to establish sexual bonds with your man. It is also a good way of ensuring that you do not build sexual tension after the act. In fact, here are a few lines to use at this point when talking dirty to your man.
“Yes, right there.”
“Please don't stop.”
“Yes, go harder.”
“I love how you’re making me feel.”
“I feel like making love all day.”
“I want to make you happy.”
“I’m happy to be yours.”
6. Keep the ball rolling.
Love needs to be continuously fed to keep it growing. The same rule applies to talking dirty to your man. It has to be a regular practice to help you gain full confidence in your choice of words while making sure that you’re both comfortable enough with each other to keep talking dirty. And as mentioned earlier, it also helps to get rid of any sexual tension between the two of you while spicing up your sex life.
Once you are able to get over the first dirty talk hurdle, you need to get creative, so you don’t begin to sound like a broken record. So, it's back to the mirror again. Try out new and different lines and sound them out to yourself. Again, it is best to record yourself and listen to it later. This will give you a much clearer idea about how you sound.
If your creative juices are not flowing as well as you want, you can take inspiration from movies. Hardcore porn may not be a good idea at this moment as the choice of words are more x-rated. Remember, we’re taking it slow. So, if you’re still struggling to find new expressions, you can seek the assistance of your girlfriend. Let her listen to you and tell you what she thinks.
Aside from romantic movies, you can find enough content in erotic-romance books and novels. But the good thing is, if you played your cards very well, the chances are that your man is beginning to get into the dirty talking vibe. This will make it less difficult for you to be creative as he will play his part. Remember that your body language and gestures should also compliment your dirty talk.
In short, talk dirty, act dirty. The idea here is to be able to fill your thoughts and actions with enough naughty content that they come out naturally and effortlessly when you need to communicate them. So, it’s a good idea at this point to also shower your man with some praise about his previous performance. You know, stroke his ego. A simple complimentary line can go like this, “you were wonderful last night. I can’t wait for more.”
7. Keep him thinking.
Nothing can make a man’s imagination run wild than a naughty hint from his woman. A simple thing like a seductive comment is enough to get him dreaming and lusting about you all day – his mind will be filled with so many different scenarios and possibilities, all with you at the center.
This will not only keep him thinking about you and the stuff he’s going to do to you but it also one sure way to spice things up and get rid of sexual tension. Now, this means taking things a notch higher. So you will need to be very creative again.
One thing that you can also try at this point is seductive teasing. Don’t just talk dirty, act dirty. Remember? Try putting on his favorite shirt when he’s around but keep it bare underneath and let his imaginations run wild. Whisper random ‘dirty’ words into his ears even when you’re not about to have sex. Trust me, little things like these have a way of transforming your sex life and making it fun and exciting.
One other great thing about keeping him thinking and drooling about you is the fact that it helps to work up his excitement and eagerness (as if men are not already quickly excited). But this will ensure that his thoughts are filled with only one woman – you. In the long run, this also helps to turn sexually greedy men into generous lovers.
Your man stops thinking about himself and how satisfying he’s going to feel after sex. Instead, his focus will be on you; he will start drawing up a million ways he’s going to please you in bed so you can stroke his ego in the morning. Do you know what that means? You’re going to have a more satisfying sex life. And if his performance used to be below par, he’s going to step up his game without you needing to tell him to. The winner in this will be you. Dirty talk saves the day again.
8. Start role-playing.
An essential part of talking dirty to your lover is role-playing. Yup, you read that right. In fact, for most women, they find that role-playing with dirty talk is the easiest way of boosting their confidence and getting rid of any kind of shyness. This is because having the idea that you are only acting takes the pressure off your mind.
Role-playing also creates a fun atmosphere while allowing you to unleash your sexual fantasies at the same time, without feeling guilty about it. If there are certain ‘dirty' words that you wish you could say to your guy, role-playing is a great medium to use. This way, you can be sure he’s not going to take anything seriously, and yet he’s going to get very aroused.
There are different kinds of scenes that the two of you can play at home. You can pretend to be the secret lovers having an affair at work, or you could also try the classic jailor and prisoner role plays. Again, be sure to keep the boundaries in mind as you’re not looking to build sexual tension.
Role-playing also allows your fantasies to run wild. The naughtier the role-play, the more dirty talk you will be able to use. Also, another part of role-playing is getting out of your comfort zone – thinking outside the box. For example, if the two of you are out for lunch or anywhere outside your home, you can suggest to him how you fantasize about having sex bathroom or in the car.
Pro tip: if the two of you are in a restaurant, for example, get up from your seat, walk over to his side of the table and whisper some dirty talk into his ears. Something like, “I’ll wait for you in the bathroom. I want to do things to you in there” and walk away into the bathroom. The chances are that your man is going to stare at you while you walk away to be sure to throw a wink his way.
9. What if it does not work?
During the spur of the moment, there is always that possibility you might end up saying something that comes off wrong while trying to talk dirty to your man. If this happens, don’t freeze or lose your cool, as doing so could lead to some sort of sexual tension. The best way to get around such a situation is to remain chill about it.
Your guy is not stupid (hopefully); he will know your intentions are genuine and will probably ignore it. In other words, expect the wrong words to slip out at some point, especially when you're trying to talk dirty to your guy for the first time. So, when it happens, do not feel embarrassed or abandon the operation.
Again, doing the latter will only build sexual tension and leave you with a mountain to climb to get your confidence back. Remember that things like dirty talking are always experimental. Therefore, you should expect things to go wrong a number of times before you get them right.
The best way to make such mistakes less discouraging is to involve your man in the dirty talk process. Let him know from the beginning what your intentions are when the two of you first talk about the subject. Get him to understand that you mean no harm if you mess up at some point, and you will have no reason to throw in the towel when you make a mistake.
A healthy sex life based on dirty talk requires the involvement of both parties. But, in case nothing you try works, don’t become too worked up about it. Dirty talk is not for every couple. Plus, you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that you tried. In truth, even the least attempt to talk dirty with your lover can do a lot to bring the two of you closer and add something more to your sex life.
10. What to do and what not to do when dirty talking?
When it comes to sex and the art of dirty talking, there are some things that you need to avoid as much as possible in order to arouse the attention of your guy and keep him focused on you. The first thing to keep in mind is that trash talk is not dirty talk when it comes to sex. Although the term ‘dirty’ is used, it does not indicate anything defamatory or derogatory.
Thus, dirty talk also goes by other names such as naughty talk, sexy talk, kinky talk, etc. So you have to be careful not to use offensive words when trying to talk dirty to your man. What is considered offensive is always relative.
This is why talking to your man (before you start your dirty talk experiment) is very important, as this will give you an idea about what he considers offensive and what words he likes to hear. Again, you’re trying to avoid sexual tension.
Also, use words that compliment or praise your man when you talk dirty to him. Every man wants to hear his woman tell him how strong he is during sex. This is one way of getting the best out of your man when it comes to sex.
Furthermore, don’t be rude, and don’t ignore him if he tries to find out if you’re enjoying the sex. Being rude is one quick way of turning your man off during sex.
Here are some few words you can use when trying to talk dirty to your man either before or during sex;
“Sex feels so good with you.”
“I want to feel you inside of me tonight.”
“I haven’t had sex this good in a long time.”
“You make sex so beautiful.”
“I want to make love to you all day and all night.”
“Sex was so good with you last night.”
You have the power to make sex with your man an exciting experience with just the power of your words – through dirty talk.
I hope you enjoyed reading about the different ways of initiating dirty talk with your man. There is no reason why you should be experiencing sexual tension in your relationship when you can tap into the power of your words to get your partner fulfilling all your fantasies. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section, and share this article if you liked it.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.