How To Stop Negative Thoughts In A Relationship (21 Ways To Keep Negative Thoughts At Bay)

Insecurities are a big reason for most social or emotionally-related dilemmas. But it’s not necessarily a bad thing. People are just naturally insecure, indecisive, or scared of other people getting into their space, playing with their feelings, or ultimately, hurting them, which is rational. Insecurities in relationships can also be a sign of self-love. 

You’re not unsure because you have body image issues or low-self esteem. Those are not always the triggers. Sometimes, it’s just that natural desire to be loved truly for who you are, and respected and treasured by your partner. However, because of how differently people are wired, raised, or cultured, it can be very hard to get to a healthy place in your relationship. 

That’s how negative thinking patterns are formed. By misunderstanding your partner, having insecurities about the relationship, and poor thinking. 

Here’s the sad part; most of the time, your thinking determines the state of your relationship. This means that if you continue to allow negative thoughts of worry, anxiety, depression, jealousy, and the likes to flow in, it will be near impossible to have a healthy relationship. 

So, how can you change the way you feel? And is it possible to change the way you think? Very much so. Although many people believe that characters or feelings are powerful and unavoidable, you do have a say in all this. 

You can take charge of your life and thought process and turn the reins around in your favor. Want to know how? Grab some juice, a smoothie, or tea and start reading the tried, tested and reliable tips below.

21 Ways To Overcome Negative Thinking In Your Relationship

1. Break up with the past and embrace the present

Are you still harboring hurt feelings from a past relationship? This may be one of the reasons you’re still thinking negatively about this new relationship. The heart is so fragile, and more often than not, it holds on to the negative things more than positive ones. However, if you are to enjoy your everyday life, you have to cultivate positive relationship thinking. 

The simple truth is that negativity wrecks relationships and what’s even worse is importing such negativity from a former relationship. Yes, it’s hard to get over what one person or even more did to you. Plus, their actions make you live almost protectively, guarding your heart against any re-occurrences. 

Holding on to the past will not help your current relationship. As hard as it may seem, it’s important to make peace with your past and relate with your partner openly, with a renewed mindset on love, relationships, and life as a whole. 

2. Discover your fears

A negative thought doesn’t just spring out of nowhere. There are triggers that make such thoughts dominant. When you start feeling like your partner will play you, dump or disrespect you, that’s a major fear. However, if you don’t realize what these fears are and what’s causing them, it will be hard to think about your partner without visualizing the worst. 

Maybe you’re afraid this man is using you, taking you for granted, or deceiving you. Has your current partner done anything to make you feel that way? Or is it an irrational fear? The fact that one or more persons deceived you in the past does not mean that every man you date will do the same. 

The only reason why that would happen is if you have formed an unhealthy pattern of consciously dating the same type of guys. 

3. Deal with the insecurities

Healthy relationships require a healthy mind to thrive. Just one negative thought could trigger a domino effect of negativity towards your partner. Such negativity mostly stems from insecurities you have about yourself, relationships, or maybe just men in general.

Let’s consider the whole ‘men are scum’ movement. So many ladies have bought into this mindset and end up sabotaging their relationship from the beginning. Rather than hoping for the best, insecurities will make you fear the littlest things, spearheading you for doom. 

The best way to avoid this is to deal with any pre-existing or inherited insecurities from childhood or a former relationship before getting into a new one. Spend time with people who seem happy with their partners, read beneficial books and watch content that offers more positive views on love, marriage, dating, and family. 

4. Get rid of unnecessary expectations

Having high expectations can be dangerous when entering a new relationship. That’s because it’s very easy to notice all the wrong things about someone else and miss out on what you’re lacking. No one is perfect, we are all engineered to think, feel, and express thoughts differently. 

So, by the time you bring your 20-point agenda to the table, and this guy seems to fall below the expectation line, depression sets in. There has to be some kind of compromise when building up a mental picture of your ideal man. 

You could write a list of what you consider deal breakers in your relationship. If you see the red flags in the beginning, it’s better not to start what you cannot finish. 

5. Don’t sweat the small stuff

You don’t have to respond to every accusation, assumption, or statement. It’s important to practice self-restraint if you want to achieve success on this journey to positive thinking. Don’t dwell on past mistakes, focus on making the present more enjoyable. Even when he makes mistakes, remember that you’re not perfect either. 

Plus, it’s important to let go of the trivial things. Trust me, your partner is probably doing the same. Choose your battles, if you really believe this person is nice, loving, honest, and helpful, then treat him as such. 

6. Learn to compromise

learn to compromise

There's always a middle ground where two people come to if they want to cohabit peacefully. You can’t always have your way and the same applies to him. Many times, disappointment and hurt stem from not getting your way. The fact that he doesn’t agree with everything you say or do doesn’t make him a bad guy. 

It just means you both have to understand each other more and know when to draw the line when the other person oversteps. Compromising is not always easy, but it helps you realize that as much as you value your personal opinions. The other party’s thoughts/suggestions are just as valid. 

7. Practice open and healthy communication

If there’s one thing many couples are getting wrong, it’s healthy communication. It’s so important not to simply utter the first testament that comes to mind. Think about better ways to relay your message without putting the other party down. Yes, your feelings are valid, but so is his. Don’t just talk to make your voice heard. 

Communication is an active word, you also have to keep an open mind, and listen constructively to understand, before responding. 

8. Stop comparing your past and present relationships

Keep the past where it’s meant to be, behind you. Focus more on making your present and future better. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about referencing the past to ensure you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. But that’s totally different from living/dwelling in your past. 

This current guy is probably quite different from the other men you have dated. So go easy on him and don’t compare him or the relationship to something you had in the past. 

9. Exercise

Yes, this is an integral part of keeping your stress levels low and releasing pent-up energy. There’s no quick fix for turning negativity into positivity, but things like exercise can help keep your mind and body healthy. Sometimes, it’s not that you’re really angry or bothered about something your partner did. It’s just the stress talking. 

10. Declutter your space

This has little to do with taking out the trash or getting rid of old things and more to do with sanitizing your mind. The truth is that the things around us play a vital role in contributing to what we think about. 

So take out anything that fuels your anger; don’t watch shows that celebrate a divorce, stress on relationship issues, or make light of love. This is the time to pay attention to mostly positive information to keep your spirits and hopes up. 

11. Create healthy boundaries

It’s important to lay down some ground rules from the beginning. Let your partner know what you won’t tolerate and what you’re open to. Agreeing on healthy boundaries makes it harder for the other person to upset you. Every smart organization, charity, marriage, or foundation has some healthy boundaries or guidelines that hold them accountable. 

12. Know your limits

know your limits

It’s essential to know your limits and communicate that with your partner as well. In your everyday life, you know the things that get to you most or what’s most likely to create a negative thought. Instead of waiting around for those thoughts to multiply, know when to react. First of all, discover your limits, know you’re breaking point, and let your partner know as well.

13. Express yourself in various ways

There are always different ways to let off steam or express yourself. Rather than talking too much, you can write instead. Maybe get a journal, and document those things that make you sad and how they made you feel. Sometimes, reading over those lines months later can actually give you the clarity you need on where the negativity is coming from. 

14. Stop assuming

It’s very wrong to assume that you know what your partner is thinking. Sometimes, facial expressions and even words may mislead you into thinking the other person means bad. 

Plus, open assumptions will not help your relationship with your partner because he will feel misunderstood. Always give the benefit of the doubt and ask them for explanations of their actions for more clarity

15. Have a trusted go-to person

For some, it’s their mum, sister, cousin, friend, or even spiritual leader. However, these days, you can’t really trust anyone 100%. That’s why it’s better to confide in someone who is sworn to secrecy like counselors or therapists. These people are trained to lend a listening ear and help you out whenever you are spiraling. 

16. Write down positive alternatives to negative thoughts

If you want to eliminate all the depressing thoughts from your relationship, that will take some personal reflection. There are so many therapeutic ways to find out what you really think about your partner. But I recommend writing those thoughts down. Include all the toxic thoughts you feel towards yourself, your partner, and the relationship as a whole. 

After doing this, read it over just to recognize some of the trivial or even silly inclusions on the list. Then move on to the other side of the page and write down all the positive things you can think of. Every Time to have a bad feeling, go to that list and read the positives again. This should help remind you of all the significant and beautiful things about your relationship. 

17. Complain less

What you say affects how you think and vice versa. Sometimes, we feed negativity by dwelling on the situation. Let’s say your partner expects you to do everything around the house, doesn’t seem to understand you, or does something as trivial as messing up places you have arranged. Constantly complaining about his attitude demonizes him in your head. 

So do you just keep putting up with his behavior? Not exactly. There are other ways to get a guy to stop doing something. Sometimes, the best way is to stop trying. If you have spoken about it more than twice, just look away and don’t complain. This will help you take your mind off the matter, and he may pick up on those silent looks and do the right thing next time. 

18. Find creative and fun activities to blow off steam

find creative and fun activities to blow off steam

Do you do yoga? Love hanging out with friends, painting, running, go-karting or hiking? It’s time to take some time out and indulge in fun activities. One of the major reasons for anxiety and depression is stress. Once you take a break and do something relaxing or fun, it will help your mood. 

19. Dwell on positive memories

How were things when you started dating this person? Were things rosy, fun, special, and joyful? Maybe it’s time to look back at those times and try recreating those memories. What are the things you two used to do that brought you joy? It’s time to rekindle the fire. If you want to get rid of the anxiety or negativity you’re feeling, the best way is to dwell on the positive. 

Think of significant memories that will have not just you, but your partner laughing, smiling, and remembering what you’ve been through together and why you love each other so much.

20. Be more transparent

How often do you slip into a bad mood? Do you find it hard to talk to or listen to your partner? This may be the best time to fix that. The truth is that if you don’t understand someone, it’s easier to dislike or distrust them. Rather than creating an impossible environment for the relationship to thrive, try being more transparent. 

If your partner does anything to upset you, let him know in the kindest way possible. Also, ask him to let you know whenever he feels bad about something you said or did. Once both of you find ways to tell each other whatever is on your mind, it will be harder to harbor any negativity against your partner. 

21. Re-evaluate the situation

Sometimes, the built-up negativity you’re feeling isn’t from a past relationship. It’s possible that your current partner isn’t being helpful as well. Some people consciously or unconsciously feed on the weaknesses of others for their own gain. 

When some men realize that you’re emotional or prone to slip into moods, they don’t mind pressing certain buttons just to get a bad reaction from you. That way, they will be able to blame any pitfalls in the relationship on you. The reality here is that, no matter how much negativity is brewing inside your mind, a loving environment helps to dispel that. 

But if all this person is doing is fueling more than one negative thought in your head, it’s time to reevaluate the situation and decide if the relationship is worth your time and effort. 


Can negative thoughts ruin a relationship?

Thoughts are so powerful, that they can ruin just about anything, including relationships. The reason is simple, you become what you think. The more you allow bitter or negative thoughts, the easier it is to gradually become mean, moody, and depressed. 

Those are not habits or behaviors anyone wants to tolerate in a relationship. It makes it harder for your partner to relate with or understand you. Simply because negative thoughts foster bad attitudes. And such attitudes are like a defensive wall, making you unapproachable and almost impossible to understand. 

What is the main cause of negative thinking?

There are so many reasons people start harboring negative thoughts. Sometimes, the reasons stem deeper and further than you can imagine. 

Major events from childhood, teenage, educational/social communities, or even past relationships easily shape the way people think at certain times. It can also be the reason why a seemingly cheerful person suddenly sinks into a deep depression. 

Triggers like stress, hunger, worry, fear, guilt, anxiety, or feelings of hurt and betrayal lead to depressive thoughts. Such emotions are either learned, instinctive, or triggered by a person, time, memory, or location. The trick is to find out what the triggers of depression and negative thoughts are and then deal with them one by one. 

Is it normal to have negative thoughts about your partner?

Some people harbor negative thoughts towards their partners for various reasons. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with the other party but is rooted more in individual perceptions and thought patterns. 

For example, thoughts like, ‘he’s probably going to leave me, cheat on me, or abuse me’ will affect the way you relate with your partner. It may gradually lead to deeper negative emotions like bitterness, jealousy (when they are happy/successful and you are not), or even hatred. The earlier you curb negative emotions towards your partner, the better. 

How can I control my negative thoughts?

Negative emotions can cause serious friction in relationships. First of all, they are unhealthy patterns that inhibit happiness, joy, and even intimacy. Plus, it gives you very little to look forward to. When there’s no joy, spontaneity, or hope, that automatically kills the vibe in a relationship. 

So, how do you nip such negative thoughts in the bud? Being intentional, that’s the first step. You have to believe that what you think about is a choice. You can change how you think, it will just require more patience. It’s equally essential to realize that patience is not waiting for change over time, but how you act while waiting. 

Start by setting reasonable goals and creating healthy boundaries that will prevent certain triggers from affecting your state of mind. 

What can destroy a relationship?

Most people assume infidelity is one of the notorious killers of relationships. However, negative thinking is just as dangerous. There’s no wonder that some people grow apart or even start resenting themselves after weeks, months, or years of being in love

Such situations boil down to harbored emotions, negative thoughts, and a lack of transparency and healthy communication in relationships. 

In Conclusion 

Here’s a simple truth, negativity wrecks relationships. Just one negative thought can trigger further negativity especially if you are suffering from anxiety and depression. The good news is that nothing is written in the sand when it comes to feelings and thoughts. It may take time, but you can still find ways to focus only on positive things and respond in love rather than negativity. 

Did you enjoy reading through this list? Then kindly leave your comments below and share this with others it could help. Good luck and stay positive. 

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