I read somewhere that the most challenging thing about love is not finding love, but the fact that loving someone strongly does not automatically mean that they will love you back. The reciprocation of your love is totally out of your control.
The reality of this is the hardest thing about love, and because we are humans with feelings, this tends to happen a lot, and it feels like one is in a loop. You meet a potential partner and it only makes sense that you want to do life with him, but life happens, and it is back to square one again.
Now while I am a huge fan of “go after what you want,” I am also an equal fan of “it's okay to give it a rest if it's not going your way.” Statistics have shown that you find love when you stop looking, so why not just forget about relationships, stop looking for love and let love find you.
Once your high expectations in love have been cut off more than twice, I think it's only fitting to fall back so as not to do desperate things. Never allow yourself to settle for far less than you deserve. Here are 11 tips curated just for you to stop looking for love.
- 1 How To Stop Looking For Love
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
How To Stop Looking For Love
1. Stop searching
I know you know what I mean when I say stop constantly searching. I know you are not begging all your friends to hook you up with their single friends, but we both know you are searching and passively waiting for that guy you sit at the strategic spot in the coffee shop to notice you.
Stop looking for love in everything and everyone else but yourself. The first step to stop looking for love is to stop focusing on searching for love everywhere else. Enjoying life with a man you are with is beautiful, and so is looking inward and falling in love with yourself.
2. Be yourself
Be yourself, know yourself. If you don't spend time getting to know yourself, you will end up absorbing everyone else's random and conflicting ideas about you. Knowing who you are on a profound and intimate level is the best way to stop looking for love, as it will keep you occupied as you discover yourself.
In relationships, we tend to lose ourselves, even when we have a good partner. The reality is that people don't fall in love with the emotional energy you put in; they love you for who you are. How will you find love if you don't know who you are at your core?
Instead of trying to be the best girlfriend, invest the time in discovering yourself and being the right person for yourself so that when another toxic man comes, you know when the energy is suboptimal, and you can weed them out.
3. Redirect your energy
Stop spending your energy mindlessly into yet another failed relationship, and you can see the red flags. You know this man is not a potential husband; why are you wasting your time and energy when you can redirect all that energy into doing something productive for yourself?
Attend to your own needs, project the therapy and self-development books into your life and what you are passionate about. You had a life before you let all these men in; you were happy before them, so look into that.
4. Practice self-care
Self-care is the only way to find true love in yourself, you deserve all the care you gave out in your past relationship, and you can find it by practicing self-love and dedicating your time, gifts, and presence to yourself rather than another man that will break your heart.
Go on dates to your favorite restaurant with yourself, Go and see that band you like, go out for fresh air, meditate, seek therapy, travel to that place you have always wanted to go, spend quality time with your girlfriends. Explore a good relationship with yourself, date yourself, and have fun.
After reading all that, you might be wondering what the occasion is, the event is you, your freedom, and learning to know what this chapter of your life will bring, and then you will meet at the end of this journey.
5. Be selfish
Giving yourself all your time, putting yourself first is a great way to stop looking for love and suggesting availability. When you are consumed with making yourself better, your attraction will no longer be a relationship but a better version of yourself.
Place yourself first for once. Whatever decision you make, always expect to gain maximally from it. If not, don't do it. Only do things that are convenient for you, and don't bend over for anyone, especially any man, because most times men want women that will bend over for them till they achieve their goals.
Set clear boundaries, own boundaries, and don't change them for anybody. Remember to hurt no one during the process while still making moves that will only benefit you. Most times, women are too busy trying to please the men in their lives to the detriment of their happiness.
6. Not everyone is the one
A way to stop searching for love is not hoping that every man you meet is the one. Don’t hurt yourself and make yourself a target for another heartbreak by searching for potential in every man that gives you attention or the time of the day. Don't be the girl whose personality is built around meeting the one or finding the one.
Give people a chance to meet the real you before bringing out desperation. If possible, put Miss Desperate in a box and leave her there. It is not attractive, and it is unfair that this is who you introduce to your friends or acquaintances.
7. Keep busy
An idle man they say is the devil's workshop, and I say an idle woman is a woman that will beg desperately for love. When you keep busy and have things going on in your life, you will have something more than male validation and your physical appearance to worry about.
Instead of waiting around for a man to notice you and expecting romantic love from every man, pick up a skill, get remote jobs, explore your interests and look for a way to monetize them, be so busy that every man that comes into your life will fight their way to be a priority.
8. Tone down the makeup
Be self-assured in your physical appearance, and you don't have to wear a lot of makeup to look acceptable; do it only when you feel like it or up to it. You are not living your whole life to live up to male validation; if you enjoy doing your makeup, then continue by all means.
If you don't feel like bringing out the Anastasia Beverly hills palette for this outing, then rest. You are beautiful just the way you are, and any man that sees you being comfortable in all your natural beauty will understand that they need to bring more than cheap conversations to the table to sit with you.
9. Spend time with friends and family
Family comes first, not to sound cliché, but nobody loves you better than family or friends turned family. Asides from self-love, family offers the purest form of love. They love you unconditionally, and allowing them into your life will bring so much joy, happiness, and satisfaction with your life.
Invest the love you would have extended to a man that would have most likely broken your heart into your friends and family because these people are equally important and are people who desire to see you happy. So spend more time with the people that will always have your back and maintain the relationship.
I know this might sound very cliché but relax, The problem is not that you are not attractive. The problem is not that you are putting too much energy into a romantic relationship. There is nothing like too much energy, the right person will love the energy you bring, so if it is not working out right now, just quit looking.
You don't have to date anyone right now, it is not a requirement to live life, so relax. If it comes, that is a plus. If it does not, keep living unapologetically and being your best self, relax, and be a good partner to yourself.
Stay off of social media. Do your best to resist the temptation of looking for potential mates or going back to your ex's profile to know how it is going with him. Going through their profile or stalking them for long hours is not a very futile way to quit looking for love. It will only make you want them more.
You need to understand that there is nothing wrong with longing for love, and if you crave love at first sight, like in the movies, you will get it when you stop yearning. When you choose to love yourself and direct all your love toward yourself, you will stop longing for love in others.
The most attractive quality in a woman is a happy, confident, and sufficient person with whom they are independent of how long it takes them to discover love.
You keep looking for love because you are a hopeless romantic and there is nothing wrong with that. You crave to be in a relationship, and everyone wants their person, someone to call at any minor inconvenience. Social media and a big lonely bed at the end of the day do not help either.
You are human, and it is only natural to want love and be loved. It is innate. It is the core of who we are. The problem is when you only focus on romantic relationships when love is everywhere.
You can discover love and have the best relationship of your entire existence when you quit looking and making moves that’ll leave you with a broken heart. When you stop dedicating all your time to finding love and spending time on dating apps, you begin to save time in your life and push in the best direction to help live your best life which is the ultimate goal these days.
However, what happens is that when your life is in the right direction, you begin to meet similar people with similar goals and directions. They see where you are headed and will like to journey with you; that is when you find love.
The physical signs of love are unique to different individuals. However, a common sign is feeling like an emotional roller coaster. You feel a wide range of emotions within a short amount of time and sometimes all at once when you think of the person or when you are with them.
Another physical sign is finding trouble sleeping. When you are in love, you encounter trouble sleeping because your reality is finally better than your dreams. If you don't believe me, ask Dr. Seuss.
You know you love someone when you always think of them, and you always want to be in their presence. You might be having the most stressful of days, and thinking of them can lift your mood and give you the brightest smile. A terrible day can become better just with the thought of seeing them at the end of the day.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article as much as I loved writing it. Relax, stop looking for love, and direct that energy into building a life that will attract quality men into your life. Don't go finding love for a change. Let love find you.
Please let me know what you think in the comments, and do not forget to share this article with your family and friends.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.