How To Stop Being Controlling (19 Reasonable Ways)

Are you wondering how to stop being controlling? Do you feel the need to control things all the time? Do you experience stress and anxiety when things don’t go your way? You may very well have a problem with control. Where do you think that comes from? Have you felt as if your need for control has damaged your relationships?

Are you in a relationship right now where you are having a problem with control? It’s hard to stop being so controlling! I understand because I’ve been there! I can empathize with what you are going through. It’s not easy, but when you learn to trust another person, things can change and you can stop being so controlling! Your behavior and anxiety will lessen!

In this post, we’ll cover all of the ways that you can stop being so controlling, so your behavior can change for good! Trying to control another person only works for so long, especially when you are in a relationship! Let’s dive in with the subject! Are you ready? Let’s go!

How To Stop Being Controlling (Top Ways)

1. Determine why you feel the need to be in control all the time

Become aware of your controlling actions and behaviors. What is making you feel the need to control everything? Do you think you can get a grasp on why you are this way? Maybe you grew up in a controlled environment where your needs were dependent on plans. Everything was scheduled in advance. Talk this over with a therapist if needed.

It’s important to get to the root of your control issues because the stress of always being in control is likely to give you heart problems like high blood pressure. You don’t want that, do you? You need to learn to relax and go with the flow of things.

2. Realize the effect your behavior has on your partner

realize the effect your behavior has on your partner

Your partner likely has resentment issues toward you if you try to control him all of the time. He may not enjoy spending time with you if you are always acting that way. Do you think bossing him around is getting you anywhere? What would happen if you stopped and just let him make his own choices? These are questions you need to ask yourself.

3. Be more empathetic with your partner

Empathy is not the same thing as sympathy. Often, these two terms get confused with one another. When you are in any relationship, you need to be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How are they feeling? What are their needs? Try to imagine you are them, and adjust your strategy to reflect this mindset.

4. Understand that people are different

Everyone is different from each other. That’s what makes us unique. I know it’s difficult to accept that fact, but it’s true. You need to respect the differences you have with your partner and not view them as roadblocks. Instead, go ahead and let him be himself. Enjoy the fact that you are different people, and embrace your differences!

5. Respect the boundaries of others

Learn to respect your partner’s choices. What does he or she need right now? Do they need time and space? Be sure to meet their needs, because I’m sure if you are in a healthy relationship, he or she is trying to do the same thing with you. You want him or her to be happy, right? You can only do this by respecting him or her, not controlling.

6. Figure out why you have trouble with trust

What are your true feelings for your partner? Do you really want to be in this relationship? Why do you not trust him? Has he given you a reason for this kind of behavior? Do you think maybe your controlling behavior is having a negative effect on your relationship? Think about these things as you examine your relationship.

7. Remember that you are not the mother of your partner

It’s natural in some relationships to want to control the other person. You want them to do things a certain way. It makes sense, especially if your partner is irresponsible or unreliable. You want things to go a certain way, and the only way you see that happening is by controlling your partner. 

Stop being a mother to your partner. It’s not going to help.

8. Don’t use threatening language to get your way

don't use threatening language to get your way

Threatening language often begins with “if you” and has an “or else” phrase in the threat. This kind of language is very unproductive and won’t help your relationship grow in a healthy way. You need to stop trying to always get your way. Change your thinking to be more open-minded. What is the worst possible scenario if you don’t control things?

9. Accept that the unexpected will happen

Change and uncertainty can be great things in life! I know it’s hard to accept when you feel the stress to control everything. You want things to go according to plan, so how can the unexpected be a good thing? It helps you grow as a person, as you learn to accept change as part of life. You will become a better, more evolved person if you do this.

If you are trying to control everything, you don’t have room for mystery and excitement! If everything goes according to your schedule, you don’t have any place for something new in your life because everything is planned. How many planners does a person really need? Do you really need all of those schedules? How do they benefit your life?

If you are a busy person, it makes sense to be organized, especially in your thinking. However, if you are doing it just to be in control, you are setting yourself up for failure. You need to be more lenient with your plans. Leave a little room in your schedule for the unexpected. This kind of thinking will change your life and the way you see the world.

10. Realize that others do not have to do what you say

This is a tough controlling behavior to correct. If you are trying to control everything, you probably think your partner needs to do what you say. Did you know that they do have free will? Maybe they do what you say and obey your every command, but is that really how you want your relationship to develop in the long run? Do you want to be bossy?

11. Practice the art of patience

This is an important part of not being controlling. You need to realize that your partner is not perfect and never will be. You may boss him around, and he follows your commands like a soldier, but that isn’t a good long-term strategy for your relationship. Perhaps, the two of you need to see a therapist who specializes in couples’ relationships.

12. Don’t worry so much about the actions of others

When you worry about what is going to happen in the future, you are causing yourself a great amount of stress. Instead, work on being honest with yourself. Why do you feel the need to worry so much? Is that something you could work on to become a better, more well-adjusted person? You might want to talk to a counselor about this. They can help!

13. Compromise more

It’s important to compromise when you are in a relationship because both parties matter. Do you think your partner’s opinion is insignificant? Think about how your partner feels. Remember the suggestion to be more empathetic. This is when you should apply that principle. What does your partner feel? What does he really want in this situation?

14. Start working on yourself

start working on yourself

Self-improvement is so very important. It can reduce stress and anxiety and help you learn to not be so controlling in the way you act and respond to others. You should always be working on becoming a better person. The end never comes if you are open to this concept. That’s not a bad thing. You should enjoy this exercise!

You can read self-help books, listen to podcasts, or find inspiring videos on self-improvement and the areas you need to work on to better yourself. In what areas are you falling short? Do you think that maybe you are needing to control the stress and anxiety you are feeling because of your need for control?

In what ways can you improve? If you are struggling with control, you ought to check out some YouTube videos on the subject. Remember, you cannot control another person completely. The best thing you can do is to learn to accept your partner for who he or she is, not try to turn them into someone they are not. That will get you nowhere.

15. Try to better understand your partner

It’s very important to be a good friend to your partner. What is a good friend like, though? Are you wondering that? A good friend listens and shows support for the other person. Listening is not just about hearing what the other person has to say. You need to really absorb it. What do they mean? How are they feeling about what they are saying?

You need to learn how to give useful feedback and ask follow-up questions. What else do you want to learn from them? What else could you ask on the topic? Another important topic in relation to this one is emotional intelligence. If you want to learn how to be a more empathetic person, master emotional intelligence.

A person with a high degree of emotional intelligence is skilled at listening and caring about the other person’s emotions, feelings, and understanding of what’s being said. If you are having difficulty with listening and understanding your partner, you may need to take a break from this person and distance yourself until you can work on this skill.

16. Don’t expect everything to always go your way

This is a very difficult thing to accept if you are a control freak. You may feel like your way is the best way, but the universe often disagrees with this idea. You may think you are right all of the time, but that doesn’t make it true. Everyone thinks what they have to say is important, or else they wouldn’t be saying it. They think others need to listen.

As mentioned, it can be difficult to listen to another person. Do you think you are always right about everything? Do you plan for the unexpected? Do you pencil in the things that may not go your way in your daily schedule? It’s impossible to schedule every single moment in life the way you want it to be. 

17. Determine why you feel so anxious when you aren’t in control

You may need to reduce the amount of stress in your life. Do you get anxious when things don’t go your way? Do you feel like everything must go according to your schedule?I once had a problem with that. I would schedule out details like brushing my teeth or drinking coffee in my planner, and my partner used to say things like, “Can we, please have a planner-free dinner tonight?” I know that’s funny, but it was actually a hard thing for me to let go of. I’m still not perfect, but at least I know that now.

18. Look at the effects of your controlling behavior

Have your relationships ended because of your behavior? Is this something that you need to work on? What could you do to change things? What has been the result of the way you act and behave with your partners? Has your controlling behavior blessed your life or cursed it? Think about those questions as you analyze the results of what you do.

19. Talk to a mental health professional

talk to a mental health professional

I know this isn’t at the top of your to-do list, but a qualified, trained therapist can provide you with the tools, techniques, and resources you need to grow as a human being. Don’t you want your future relationships to be better than your past ones have been? Maybe it’s time to talk it out with someone, a person who specializes in mental health issues.


What causes a person to be controlling?

Control freaks try to control everything and often feel anxious all the time. They think if they control others, life will go as planned rather than mysteriously. Stress is often the result of controlling behavior, and learning how to stop being controlling is a crucial part of recovery. 

How do I get rid of control issues?

If you are a control freak, you need to learn how to stop being controlling. Your need to control others is probably getting in the way of your life. Address your control issues with someone – talk to your partner or a mental health professional, and start working on self-improvement!

How do I stop being jealous and controlling?

Stop being controlling. Your controlling behavior is having a negative effect on your life. If you are in a marriage and monitoring your spouse’s phone calls, you are going to have problems. You might even have anger management issues or a personality disorder. You should talk to a professional counselor.

What are the signs of a controlling person?

People with control issues often lash out at their loved ones if they don’t get their way. Their needs are different than those of others because they are driven by anxiety and other negative emotions. Their need for control in relationships causes them anxiety when things don’t go as planned.

Is a controlling person insecure?

Usually, a person with control problems does feel insecure about themselves. If things don’t go according to plan, they feel anxiety and a lack of control. Relationships are hard to maintain because they boss the other people around in order to get their way.


Are you struggling with a control problem? Do you dislike change and crave things to always be in order? Do you have a problem with anxiety? You may benefit from learning how to stop being controlling! We’d love to hear from you! Please leave a comment, and share this post!

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