In an ideal world, breadcrumbing would not be an actual thing, but here you are reading an article on ‘how to respond to breadcrumbing.’ It’s seated right up there with the unscratchable itch when it comes to annoying things.
So, you met this great guy, he gets your jokes, he’s dashingly handsome and he’s got a big… personality. In fact, he’s nothing short of perfect except that, just like Hansel and Gretel, he’s dropping those breadcrumbs. But in this case, they don’t lead to your liberation.
- 1 How Do You Respond To This Behavior?
- 1.1 1. Stay woke!
- 1.2 2. Do not try to outsmart him
- 1.3 3. Face your fears
- 1.4 4. Call them out
- 1.5 5. Leave the scene of the crime
- 1.6 6. Define the relationship
- 1.7 7. Change it up
- 1.8 8. Figure out what it is you really want
- 1.9 9. Be sure that It’s not your imagination
- 1.10 10. Deflect, deflect, deflect!
- 2 FAQs
How Do You Respond To This Behavior?
In a nutshell, you don’t know where he starts and the mind games end, because this person gives you just enough to keep you wanting more. If this sounds like the ‘relationship’ you’re in, Sis, your love interest is breadcrumbing the heck out of you.
The nerve of these men, right? The thing is, once you realize what has been happening, it’s hard to know exactly how to act. Well, that’s what I’m here for, you are going to learn exactly how to handle the situation without allowing emotions cloud your judgment.
1. Stay woke!
Yes, wake up and smell the horse poop that this man is feeding you, chances are that a small part of you knows the truth. I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s often more bearable to make excuses for someone than to tell ourselves the harsh truth. Look at it this way, the fact that he doesn’t want to go all-in is not your fault.
You could have bigger breasts and speak 10 languages, but if a man does not want to commit he won’t. So stop letting the small favors he throws your way keep you strung along when you can get the real deal with someone else. Realize that he’s nothing more than a manipulator and you can do a lot better.
2. Do not try to outsmart him
Come on, who doesn’t want to be known as the person who finally ‘tamed the beast’. It does something to a woman’s ego when she finally snags herself a playboy and he’s positively taken with her, with a good love life to follow. But if you really want to master how to respond to breadcrumbing, then you will not engage him on his level.
Don’t tell yourself that you’re spending another day in the relationship to see if it gets better. In fact, if you keep responding and dancing to his tune, you’re probably just going to end up feeding his ego. For the most part of it, people don’t change, so don’t let the buffoonery go on. Embrace the queen you are and let the fools be fools.
3. Face your fears
In a lot of cases, people will rather remain in an unfulfilling relationship because of the fear of being alone. In fact, this study takes an in-depth look at the whole phenomenon. Yes, it happens frequently enough to have scholars researching it. So, how does this connect breadcrumbing? This type of relationship is borderline abusive, as such, you may believe that you need him to survive.
You may be downright scared to let go because if he doesn’t love you enough to commit, then who possibly could? Well, I have something to say about that kind of thinking; silence that inner saboteur! There is someone out there for everyone, so do not get stuck thinking that this person is your life. Face your fears and cut him off.
4. Call them out
There comes a time in every relationship where you have to speak out for yourself. Well, once you come to terms with the fact that someone has been breadcrumbing you, it’s time. Do not let him get away with it, he’s out there making a fool of highly intelligent women whose only crime is letting someone in.
Let him know that you know exactly what he’s doing and tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. As far as ways to respond to breadcrumbing goes, this is by far my favorite. It does not only give him what he deserves, but it also leaves you feeling empowered. Topping it all off, you’ll leave that whole messy situation as someone he respects.
5. Leave the scene of the crime
As tempting as it may be, do not kill him, that is not what I mean at all. Here the relationship is the crime scene and it’s healthy to bail while you’re still sane. Relationship expert Elisa Robyn advises that you even go as far as blocking them. Sever all ties, so, no text messages, no calls, no nothing.
Simply kick that person out of your life because the truth of the matter is that they are draining you. No matter how strong and resilient you are, you’re going to run dry soon. So, if you know that the situation is not helping your mental health, do not respond at all, just leave.
6. Define the relationship
Breadcrumbing is bad, that has already been established here. But the other person is human and who knows, things could work out. The only way you’ll know is if you bring it up. This is one of those rare situations where ultimatums are acceptable. Ask him if he wants to be in a relationship or not, sometimes this is all he needs to jolt him down to planet earth.
When he finally responds, listen very carefully to hear what he’s saying and not saying. You don’t want to fall under his breadcrumbing spell all over again. Life is much too short. Anyway, based on that, you can figure out whether you want to brave it out or skedaddle.
7. Change it up
Perhaps you’ve recently just figured out that he’s breadcrumbing you and you’re not ready to throw it all out yet. One thing you can try is switching it up, change the toxic patterns you usually condoned. Stop agreeing to show up at those clandestine meetings, stop letting him off the hook when he cancels on you. Try your best to be one of those people who is a lot more vocal about what they want.
What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll probably walk out of your life and if that happens, you’re better off without him. You deserve someone who cares enough to meet up with you in the day time, introduce you to his friends and so much more. Once you create new boundaries, just watch out to see if he can rise to the occasion and use that as your compass.
8. Figure out what it is you really want
I know this may sound weird, but sometimes, people don’t mind being strung along. If this is something that you can relate to then you may as well keep him around. Just having someone around to flirt with once a month is enough for some people. In this case, the fact that both of you are on the same page makes it all better.
Breadcrumbing as a whole is considered sinister when one party actually wants more. So, if you are not in the mood for something casual, this may just be your ideal relationship. It is still advisable to define the relationship in some way. You may not have a formal conversation, but lay down some ground rules so that you no one ends up getting hurt. So, if breadcrumbing is something you actually want, it could work for you.
9. Be sure that It’s not your imagination
Let’s face it, women can be a bit paranoid. I can say this because I’m a woman, even more, I’m a paranoid woman. This paranoia can be used as a spidey sense once in a while. But in other cases, it can turn you into someone you hardly recognize. Sometimes, the fact that he’s not responding to your messages is because he genuinely didn’t see them.
Even more, he probably canceled twice in a row because he had an actual engagement. Before you go all CSI on him, take the time out to ask the right question. I’m not saying that you should totally rule out the fact that he’s breadcrumbing you. No, but try to make sure you’re coming from a rational place.
10. Deflect, deflect, deflect!
One of the best ways to get ahead of this sticky situation is to deflect. Don’t even let him in. Let’s face it, sometimes when these men come around acting like they are someone they’re not, we can smell it from a mile away. So, once he starts displaying all the signs, simply brush it off.
If he sends that midnight booty call text, ignore it. When he sends you lewd and suggestive messages, play dumb. If you continue in the vein, best believe he’ll move on to someone a bit more responsive. Even better, he’ll realize that he can’t play that game with everyone.
In your own words, simply let him know that you know. One thing cheaters, ghosters, bread-crumbers, and the likes hate is getting caught. So, in this case, do not give him the satisfaction of walking away with his ego fully stroked. Calling him out is definitely the way to go.
There’s no template or speech you can copy, but you’ve got to find a way to call him out. Do not be shy or allow your emotions to hold you back, let him have it. Straight up let him know when he’s acting slimy. If he can’t make himself as available as you do, then you should shut it down.
Try to stay calm and control your emotions as much as you can. Further, try not to flood their inbox with messages, it just gives more power to the ghost. When you eventually reach out, be deliberate and also let there be a finality to your tone. More importantly, don’t blame yourself, the ghost is always wrong.
Why do you need to say anything? The thing about women is that we love closure. But, in some cases, the other person is not worth that energy. My advice, in this case, is for you to cut him off, simply don’t respond. Don’t give him the chance to reel you in again.
Firstly, he does not interact with you freely when you’re hanging out with friends. It’s a different ball game when you’re alone, he’s all over you. Don’t get me started on the canceled plans, it’s a way of life if he’s stringing you along. Even worse is the fact that he’s constantly disappearing and appearing at will. Altogether, it’s a pretty volatile situation.
There’s so much to catch up with these days in terms of dating trends. But you’ll agree that breadcrumbing is one of the worst. With all the information here, you’ll be able to get ahead of the situation. In that vein, I hope you found this article helpful and if you did, don’t hesitate to share it with someone who needs some truth. Even more, share your thoughts with us by dropping a comment below.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn’t an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.