Did someone you were just getting to know pull a disappearing act on you?
Worse yet, has he showed up again, like nothing even happened?
If so, at this point, you’re probably questioning what’s worse – that he ghosted you in the first place, or him resurfacing from nowhere.
Very likely, you are now questioning what to say to someone who ghosted you.
First, let me emphasize that no one, I mean, not a single soul on earth can stand being ghosted by someone they were dating or was in an intimate relationship with. Trust me, it’s not irrational to feel hurt about being hung out to dry like that. The pain of no goodbye, no contact, no explanation – just nothing from him – must be immense!
What’s more, when that resurrection text lights up your phone, or he finds you in person, it feels like he brought an entire bucket of old pain with him. Certainly, you would be swamped with a dozen emotions at once and unable to think straight; the fact that he ghosted you is enough reason to move on. But should you decide to move forward or are you still interested?
Not sure how to answer? Don’t worry! The following tips on how to act when someone ghosts you, will help you handle the situation like an adult.
How To Respond To Ghosting
1. Give yourself a minute!
From the information above, you’re probably now fully aware of what is ghosting and why it’s such a mean act. However, to further clarify; ghosting someone is the act of suddenly ending a relationship without a last message or proper communication. According to research by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, around 20 percent of participants admitted they had someone, whilst 25% claimed they themselves have been ghosted in the past.
Although being ghosted by someone is nerve-racking, the emotional purgatory grows even more when the person who ghosted you returns unexpectedly. When you find yourself in this predicament, you’re probably excited to have this person back. But sooner or later, you will have to honestly respond with how he made you feel like.
Also, keep in mind that this is not the time to show how upset you are, it could push them back or make them defensive. And there’s a 10% chance he’s got a real reason and is here because he is sorry. But always remember that he hung you out to dry; worse yet, he could be on a booty call and might just be testing the waters.
2. Umm.. Sorry, who is this?
I know this is not what you want to hear; but if the guy who ghosted you sends a text, don’t touch that phone until you’ve thought about your reply critically. Trust me – there is power in silence! And yes, I’m aware that it’s rather difficult to give yourself time if he shows up in person, but I’d advise you to be complacent and say less.
Even better – let the ghost know you have forgotten him. A quick ‘’Sorry who is this?’’ message will quickly have his ego shattered and under your power. This way, he will be the one doing all the talking – enough to give you hints to why he left and why he’s back! You’ll also have enough information to determine if you really want that person in your life.
Alongside the silent touch, carefully read his texts and listen to his words, with minimal to no interaction. What does he say? Does he begin with an apology or just a plain old “hello”? Regardless of his words, remain cool and collected – let him lead the conversation.
No doubt, your powerful silence will leave ‘Mr. Ghost’ in a desperate position to the point he might feel he has lost you. But don’t give in – your lack of interest will further help you understand what his true intentions are. This also gives him a clean slate to be a douchebag again – if that’s what he was; rather than you making him look like one because you’re hurt.
With that said; the first sign to know if your ‘silent but listening’ efforts are worthless is if he has nothing tangible to say. There’s no beating around the bush – he should explain why he ghosted you, why it took as long to reach you, and why he’s back. If after a couple of speech bubbles, you feel he’s just carrying on the conversation like nothing happened prior, it’s not out of place to ask “what happened?” Or “where’ve you been?”.
If nothing he says within the space you’ve given touches either of those subjects and he ignores all your subtle efforts; it’s time to wear that full rage ghosted meme outfit this person is clowning you with.
3. Aren’t you the guy who ghosted me?
By this time, your silence should be killing this ghosting meme softly. So, when you are ready to communicate, make sure you are direct in your response. Yes, let him know this ghosting behavior is unacceptable. Sugarcoating is not allowed here, unless you want to get hurt again. You didn’t like being ghosted and he should know that. If his reason was tangible at all, I’m sure there was a less tragic way he could’ve handled the situation; after all, communication is key in any relationship.
Also, don’t be afraid to be honest – it makes for a better relationship if this works out well. In fact, if it was me, I would just let every aspect of the situation off my chest by addressing them one by one. Words like “you should’ve called to tell me” is enough to let him know how much you value communication.
More importantly, do not be in a hurry to hop on another date, if you intend to give this another shot. Take your time, because this ghost just rose from the dead; so, let the dust settle – if you know what I mean. And if you decide you’re done with him, let him know immediately that the ship has sailed.
4. Don’t let your emotions rule.
Keep in mind that someone who ghosted you once could do it again, so be careful with your emotions when making a decision. Look at it from as many perspectives as possible; also asking the opinion of someone you trust to make sure your emotions aren’t in charge of your choices.
If you decide being with him again is worth the risk, first ask yourself; are you taking him back because it’s fair to give him a second chance? or is it what you want irrespective? If you are sure you can handle it if he vanishes, it’ll be wise to make him earn your trust first. He must acknowledge what he did was wrong and promise to work hard on rebuilding trust.
Also, before deciding to give him another shot, make sure you know all there’s about the whole situation and continue to pay close attention to his actions to see if he is matching your energy and trying to earn your trust. Ask him what he was up to between then and now – you don’t want anything biting you in the butt later.
As soon as it looks like things aren’t adding up, remember it’s not too late to drop this. Like I said earlier, don’t let your emotions lead you!
In the same vein, think critically about deciding the relationship is worthless and be sure you’ve moved on. If you don’t think being ghosted is one of the things you can forgive or you’re not convinced he’s here to win you back, let it go.
To Sum Things Up…
Knowing how to respond to a person who ghosted you can sometimes feel like a big deal, which it need not be. I hope the steps in this article will be your hack through it.
Let me know what you think about it in the comment section and don’t forget to share it also. Enjoy responding to that person who ghosted you and make sure you get rid of him if you have to!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.