If you reach into your mind and look back over the years, what can you say you love about your marriage? Is it the physical connection, the intimacy your sex life allows, or the fact that gentle companionship makes it easy for you to bond with your partner?
What is the one thing that stands out in your long-term relationship that no problem can quickly destroy? Is it the spark of romance that still shines through—even though you have so much to work through? Or is it the love you are sure is still strong, regardless of how much you miss your closeness?
Whatever it is that still excites you about your love story is one of the things that will keep you going as partners—even if the option of divorce looms above your marriage. Relationships will always have challenges, and all couples will experience friction that’ll either make them drift apart or bring back the intense love they once felt for one another.
Many couples feel the impact of these challenges more than others. You may have observed that most of your relationship activities involve tension or placid disinterest. In that case, you may want to read further on how to rekindle a marriage. Your spouse most likely wants to make the relationship work too, and so, it will require a team effort to keep your marriage standing.
Hopefully, at the end of reading these tips, you will know how to restore your relationship romance, affection, passion, and all the other things that make a marriage beautiful.
- 0.1 31 Effective Ways To Rekindle A Marriage
- 0.1.1 1. Bring back the art of spending quality time together with your partner
- 0.1.2 2. Be okay with having the kind of closeness that has nothing directly to do with sex
- 0.1.3 3. Try to prioritize sex as a way to boost passion, intimacy, bond, and fun in your relationship
- 0.1.4 4. Make yourselves accountable for your actions regardless of how much you love each other
- 0.1.5 5. Learn to start appreciating your partner without expecting him to return the words or actions
- 0.1.6 6. Stop depending on your husband for your feelings of completeness and joy
- 0.1.7 7. Work on becoming the most valuable person there is
- 0.1.8 8. Focus your activities toward resolving problems in your relationship instead of trying to change your partner
- 0.1.9 9. Forgive each other as much as possible
- 0.1.10 10. Start afresh if that is what your relationship needs
- 0.1.11 11. Let every minute you spend with your significant other mean something
- 0.1.12 12. Walk down memory lane together often to remind each other of everything you’ve shared
- 0.1.13 13. Learn to listen to your partner instead of always being in a hurry to say your piece
- 0.1.14 14. Strengthen your relationship with a daily routine
- 0.1.15 15. Refuse to settle for less
- 0.1.16 16. Take a day every week to engage in activities that helped you bond when you were still dating
- 0.1.17 17. Get a journal to list daily the things you love or appreciate the most about your husband.
- 0.1.18 18. Engage daily in little drops of appreciative acts to let your partner know he is in your thoughts
- 0.1.19 19. Make words and acts of affection the norm
- 0.1.20 20. Leave secret gifts for your partner on regular days
- 0.1.21 21. Lead by example, by doing the same things you would want your partner to do for you
- 0.1.22 22. Stop criticizing your partner when you can encourage or correct him as is necessary
- 0.1.23 23. Rather than throw around accusative words at each other, confront issues in ways that will lead to solutions
- 0.1.24 24. Discuss with your partner how his actions affect you
- 0.1.25 25. Don’t talk about only the bad things your partner does and the good things he does for you in the marriage
- 0.1.26 26. Let your expectations from your partner be reasonable
- 0.1.27 27. Talk with, not at each other
- 0.1.28 28. If you need something, be vocal about it instead of making your partner guess it
- 0.1.29 29. Work on fostering emotional intimacy through healthy communication
- 0.1.30 30. Initiate sex more than you’ve done lately
- 0.1.31 31. Accept that how to rekindle a marriage is a matter of patience and time
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 In conclusion
31 Effective Ways To Rekindle A Marriage
1. Bring back the art of spending quality time together with your partner
One thing that couples do less instead of more in relationships is to spend time together. Couples who spend time with each other tend to know when feelings are genuine or fake.
When you maintain the right kind of closeness with your spouse, it will be easy to ferret out any secret that can damage your relationship with your partner and your long-term marriage. However, if you belong to a group of couples too busy chasing other things and forget that their marriage needs attention, your relationship will fail.
2. Be okay with having the kind of closeness that has nothing directly to do with sex
Sex is a significant act that enhances relationships. However, sex is not the only bonding factor in all relationships, including marriage. While sex is fantastic, couples should normalize the actions of holding hands, touching different parts of your partner's body, and giving kisses that aren’t parts of foreplay.
Some experts say that couples' everyday activities outside of the bedroom will enhance their sex life, even though both partners don’t set out to make their actions about sex. As such, it is a win-win situation for you and your partner if you make touching each other a regular thing.
3. Try to prioritize sex as a way to boost passion, intimacy, bond, and fun in your relationship
Although sex is not everything, when couples don’t deny each other, sex feeds a marriage in ways that can bring back the passion, intimacy, and romance to a crumbling marriage. Sex shouldn’t be something you slot into the schedule like your meal plans. Sex should be spontaneous and if planned, should be fun and satisfying.
If your sex life is boring or almost non-existent, it might cause a breach in the connection between you and your partner, thereby making feelings to halt. To rekindle your marriage, you should renew your sex life by introducing exciting ways of having sex.
4. Make yourselves accountable for your actions regardless of how much you love each other
One way that a marriage or relationship can fail is when couples enable each other’s weaknesses too much than is healthy. If your partner is erring on the side of the law, you should correct him and help him stay on the right path but, if you excuse his behavior all the time, the consequences will eventually catch up with both of you.
However, when you hold each other accountable for your actions, you have more respect for each other and become better people. Couples who watch out for each other by telling the hard truth tend to like themselves more.
5. Learn to start appreciating your partner without expecting him to return the words or actions
Another thing that kills a marriage faster is when couples become unappreciative towards each other. Gratitude is a powerful tool for every individual and different kinds of relationships because it limits bitterness and increases appreciation for life.
Also, the best kind of appreciation is the type you do freely without expecting anything in return. As a couple, your spouse is in the position to give you things, but you can both do something for each other without any expectations. The kind of love that outlasts hardship is the kind that does things without expecting any reciprocation.
6. Stop depending on your husband for your feelings of completeness and joy
Before you went into a committed relationship and then marriage with your partner, you were a person with a sense of purpose and set of beliefs that you held. Why should your ways of living your life change suddenly because you entered the marriage institution?
If you have depended on your spouse to be happy or feeding off his energy alone, you will be disappointed on the days he cannot supply you with the feelings you desire. One of the ways to rekindle your relationship in marriage is by regaining your sense of self and doing things that will specifically satisfy your needs.
7. Work on becoming the most valuable person there is
Just like the previous tips, your marriage can only experience a rekindling if both parties like each other. The reason why there should be an intense spark of likeness is that you can claim to love someone and still not like them. You can’t be in a long-term relationship with a spouse you don’t like.
To love somebody for a while, you must see constant value in your relationship with them. If you don’t, you start questioning the purpose of the relationship. As such, you and your partner should work toward investing in yourself so much that your spouse won’t risk losing you.
8. Focus your activities toward resolving problems in your relationship instead of trying to change your partner
If you enter a relationship with someone you are not sure is the best for you, but because you have the silly idea that they can change him when you become his spouse, you might be fooling yourself. Even the Pope Cardinal would inform you that you can’t change the story of anyone who doesn’t want to be changed.
Many couples focus their passion on the wrong things while their marriage and spouse waste away. Therefore, you should start resolving issues instead of fixing your partner from the beginning of the relationship, even before it leads to marriage. Now that you’re already his marriage partner admit you can’t fix him but instead, you can solve issues together as they arise.
9. Forgive each other as much as possible
You cannot claim that your marriage is full of passion, great sex, intimacy, or love when you haven’t made forgiveness a significant part of the relationship. If you live together with someone every day, you cannot avoid stepping on each other’s toes.
Marriage is especially an institution where you have to learn patience, tolerance, and empathy; the love you claim to have for your spouse will never be enough to keep the relationship going if you cannot incorporate these virtues.
When you learn to forgive your spouse even before he says sorry for offending you, it will be easier for you to do the same to him and indirectly. You will teach him to make forgiveness the easiest to do. Even when a significant problem occurs, there won’t be a spark of hatred immediately because your love gives your spouse the benefit of the doubt first.
10. Start afresh if that is what your relationship needs
One thing that scares most people is the idea or reality of having to start a new relationship. No one likes it when they have to build passion or create a bond with someone new. When it comes to marriage, you are already used to the routine sex, the warm companionship, and the little spark of passion you have left that you become fearful of renewing your relationship.
Sometimes, you need to date your spouse again if you want to revive your marriage and relationship with your partner. If you remain rigid and unyielding to the need for a change in your regular life and your relationship, the tips shared so far aren’t for you.
11. Let every minute you spend with your significant other mean something
When people hear the phrase “spend time with your spouse”, they take it to mean ‘hang out once in a month with the husband and kids’ or, ‘go for a yearly vacation to a place you both love’. However, hanging out with your spouse isn’t just about doing major things together.
Instead, it is about making every minute in each other’s company count. Ensure you are spending time together and giving one another the right kind of attention. Let something as mundane as doing laundry be an excellent way to bond better. Talk about how the day went and the ways that you seem to adore some things your spouse does.
Time heals all wounds, but it also erases memories. Marriage can involve monotonous activities and a series of ‘usual’ actions that you begin to forget why you love that man, your relationship and why you married him in the first place.
However, when you frequently take time to open photo albums and play the music you both love, you will find it easier to revive your marriage.
You can also consider visiting the place you first met and do a whole bunch of other unique kinds of stuff down memory lane; your relationship will stand a chance of surpassing all forms of challenges. The danger lies in not reminiscing about the good times at all.
13. Learn to listen to your partner instead of always being in a hurry to say your piece
One of the communication rules is that you have to listen to the other person, not just listen to yourself talk. If your relationship with your spouse is to thrive, you need to hear what he has to say instead of waiting for your turn to speak.
The passion and connection you both share will wane if you don’t understand each other’s needs and you won’t reach that position of understanding if you don’t listen.
14. Strengthen your relationship with a daily routine
When it comes to stability, you can’t run away from repeated actions. Some people think that doing one thing every day will become boring, but sometimes, there is a need to repeat some efforts to keep a relationship going. Daily endeavors such as hugging and kissing your spouse before he leaves the house gives him a positive boost that stays with him throughout the day.
This habit helps him get through whatever difficulty he might face at work because he knows he is coming home to warmth, love, and loads of affection. However, if you don’t practice love acts like this daily, you will always spark up at your spouse at the slightest hint of a bad day.
15. Refuse to settle for less
When it appears that your marriage is heading downhill, or the relationship you have cultivated over the years is about to crash, don’t start settling for less. Don’t accept that the passion, romance, or closeness you once enjoyed in your relationship are gone, only to be replaced with lukewarm words, actions, and shallow feelings.
When you settle so soon for less, you lose out completely. Instead of accepting the situation as it is, you should be willing to fight back for the lost passion, the intimacy of sex, and the fullness of love you used to have with your partner.
16. Take a day every week to engage in activities that helped you bond when you were still dating
The problem with couples in a long-term relationship is that they stop dating each other and start living comfortable lives. If your relationship is to outlast the daily demands of life, you need to introduce some positive excitements into your marriage.
Go back to the months when you were still at the dating stage and incorporate the romance and passion you shared into your current relationship level. If your relationship has become lukewarm at best, spark up your sex life and give your partner the reason to see you again as the woman he fell in love with.
17. Get a journal to list daily the things you love or appreciate the most about your husband.
Journaling is another excellent way of keeping memories alive in your relationship. If you can have a journal where you list the fantastic moments you appreciate your partner for, your relationship will be better for it.
The journal doesn’t have to be anything fancy as it will be meaningful. As long as it is functional enough to contain both the big and small gestures that make your spouse awesome, that’s fine. List every little attribute and act that he does that makes your heart warm and you will love him effortlessly even when he makes you mad.
18. Engage daily in little drops of appreciative acts to let your partner know he is in your thoughts
While you are journaling, you should also express your appreciation in verbal forms and through gifts. If you don’t show appreciative gestures to your spouse, your love for him will only exist in the pages of your journal.
Learn to translate your love for him into words you speak to him and the actions you show forth. He will also learn to do the same thing.
19. Make words and acts of affection the norm
Some couples exchange affectionate words, glances, and actions rather sparingly, and that’s one reason their relationship fails in the end. If you want to rekindle your marriage, you need to improve the way you relate to your spouse.
Ensure you are talking meaningfully to him in the love language he prefers and not like someone managing to remain in the relationship. Build intimacy with your partner through words and actions that will make your relationship continue to work even on bad days.
20. Leave secret gifts for your partner on regular days
People often share gifts only on special days such as birthdays and wedding anniversaries, but gift exchange between couples should be a regular activity. You should elicit feelings of love in your partner by surprising him with a gift on a typical day.
Your spontaneous gifts might be the only thing to buoy him on bad days or remind him of your love on days he is considering ending the relationship.
21. Lead by example, by doing the same things you would want your partner to do for you
One of the reasons most marriages fail is because one party expects that the other person will do something, and when it doesn’t work out that way, a problem arises. However, to make a relationship meaningful, you need to give it meaning through a joint effort.
If you used to nag about what your spouse didn’t use to do, why not try doing it first so that he will understand what you want? Showing your partner how you would like him to treat you is one of the best ways to change the course of your relationship for good.
22. Stop criticizing your partner when you can encourage or correct him as is necessary
Some people criticize their partners as though there is competition, not a relationship. Instead of doling out critiques and appointing yourself his number one critic rather than a fan, you may want to switch to encouraging him.
Stop hiding behind the hashtag tough love when you can boost his spirit with the strength of your full love for him.
23. Rather than throw around accusative words at each other, confront issues in ways that will lead to solutions
Every couple might reach a point in their relationship where friction is unavoidable, and that’s normal. As humans, one of the significant survival and cohabitating skills you’ll need to master is tolerance. If you cannot tolerate or at least, understand your partner’s quirks, there is no point staying in the relationship.
When there is a problem, address it, rather than accusing the other person on hearsay only.
24. Discuss with your partner how his actions affect you
Another habit you must practice if you want to rekindle your relationship is vocalizing how you feel. Don’t bottle your hurt feelings because you don’t want your man to leave you. A man can leave you whether you talk or not.
The act of vocalizing how your partner makes you feel is to avoid festering wounds that can cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
25. Don’t talk about only the bad things your partner does and the good things he does for you in the marriage
While expressing the ways your husband hurt you, don’t forget to tell him how he makes you happy. When you focus only on the bad, only negative feelings will flood your relationship too. Show your grievances when necessary but also, express your gratitude.
This habit will help secure the kind of connection, intimacy, and closeness that your marriage needs to stay alive. Your relationship will only work when you feed it enough positive energy and feedback.
26. Let your expectations from your partner be reasonable
Most people, especially women, set ridiculous expectations in their relationships. Not that all these expectations are impossible, but, some of them are unnecessary. What expectations have you been setting that seem too high for your spouse; try to lower it to a reasonable level.
For example, if your financial strength cannot fund a trip to that destination yet, don’t pressurize your partner to borrow money for it. You might push him to his limit where he’ll say the relationship can no longer work. Try being more understanding and see how his love for you will rekindle itself.
27. Talk with, not at each other
Another rule of communication in a relationship is that you discuss how the other person understands you are for him, not against him. When you talk to your partner instead of with him, you draw an invisible battle line stating you are at odds with him.
However, when you give him the chance to speak, and he accords you the same respect, there will be a little misunderstanding between the two of you. Similarly, when you are having sex, you shouldn’t be concerned about your pleasure only because sex is a form of communication that breeds intimacy in and out of bed.
Likewise, when you want to make a decision, you may disagree at some point, but you should still agree on the outcome.
28. If you need something, be vocal about it instead of making your partner guess it
Even soothsayers get a piece from you to have a hint at what you want to know, how much more is your spouse with no supernatural powers? When you need something from your partner, always vocalize it. Please don’t wait until he guesses that you need something. If you maintain such an attitude, it will breed resentment in your heart and your partner.
The power of vocalizing your thoughts can help your relationship avoid quarrels and foster intimacy with ease. Don’t be the kind of woman who hates her spouse until he buys her a gift or does something nice for her.
29. Work on fostering emotional intimacy through healthy communication
Communication is at the heart of a relationship, and emotional intimacy can only happen when you are in tune with your partner. Encourage your partner to communicate regularly and in the right ways. When you should talk, don’t keep silent and when you should be quiet, don’t yap on unnecessarily.
Understand the nonverbal cues that your partner gives to alert you to danger and the ones he gives when he needs to make love to you. When you are in sync like this with your spouse, your relationship will work for the best.
30. Initiate sex more than you’ve done lately
If your relationship has been lacking in the sex department, your marriage might fail because if he’s not getting it from you, he’s getting it from someone else. If sex is one of the significant lacks in your marriage, try to initiate it more from your end.
Indeed, if sex is the ingredient your relationship needs to work; your marriage will bounce back. If there are still problems after reintroducing sex, check the other aspects of your relationship for defects.
31. Accept that how to rekindle a marriage is a matter of patience and time
Everything requires time and patience except a rotten fruit. As long as your relationship hasn’t hit the rocks completely and divorce isn’t yet final, you can still work it out. Don’t be too impatient to run through all the processes of rekindling your marriage that you skip the essential cues you should pick up along the way.
You can restore passion and zest into your marriage by slowing down your frenzy living pace to focus on your marriage. Give your relationship the same attention you give to money-making and spend more time with your partner. Your marriage will improve tremendously.
There is always a level of love for someone left in you even after you stop loving them actively. As such, your passion for your partner might abate but won’t be gone completely. So yes, you can fall back in love with your spouse by doing actions that will bring the feelings back. Restore actions that involve what he loves and let him know why you are doing them.
When your marriage is failing, nothing about the relationship will seem right. You will feel like your spouse isn’t doing enough, and little things will cause significant quarrels. Instead of peace, you might feel conflicts for making decisions that used to come easy to you and, your instincts might tell you that something is wrong with your marriage.
The first step to making your marriage feel new is communicating with your husband your displeasure about the relationship. Then, you can both work on how to restore the marriage. Consider meeting with close family members who can give you pointers on saving your marriage or visiting a relationship expert.
Consider going for couples and individual counseling if you think your marriage has reached the breaking point. Trying to solve the situation between the two of you might not be the best option, and an expert will help steer the relationship back on track. After counseling, practice the steps that the counselor took you through instead of falling back to old patterns.
A failing marriage still has the chance of revival than a failed one, but you and your partner should agree that you want the relationship to stand. If the desire to rekindle the marriage is one-sided, none of these tips will help save your marriage.
If you enjoyed reading this article, please leave a comment below and don’t hesitate to use the share button.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.