It isn’t easy to get over being cheated on, even if it happened a long time ago. You need to know how to rebuild trust after cheating, but unfortunately, it isn’t a simple answer. I wish it was, so I could tell you the magic formula and make everything better in a snap!
My best advice is to try to talk about it (to an extent; you don’t need all the details) to determine how to best make sure it doesn’t happen again. If he was sexually deprived and miserable in your marriage or relationship, that gives you something to work with. You may not want to let him off the hook for this reason, but you can work on your relationship and the issues you have.
For example, you may want to find out why he was unhappy and what the two of you can do to change things around to make it better. Couples therapy is always a smart idea when you decide to work on your relationship because a therapist can come up with ideas that maybe you’ve never thought of and give you exercises to work on as a couple.
- 1 How To Start Rebuilding Trust (11 Smart Ways)
- 1.1 1. Talk About What Happened And Why
- 1.2 2. Discuss How To Avoid It Happening Again
- 1.3 3. Stop Talking About It
- 1.4 4. Spend Quality Time Together
- 1.5 5. Figure Out What You Need To Get Over This
- 1.6 6. Accept Your Partner’s Apology
- 1.7 7. Explain That You Need Time And Space
- 1.8 8. Practice Mindfulness
- 1.9 9. Forgive Your Partner
- 1.10 10. Be Optimistic About The Future
- 1.11 11. Go To Couples Counseling
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Sum Things Up…
How To Start Rebuilding Trust (11 Smart Ways)
1. Talk About What Happened And Why
Before I discuss this point, I want to make sure you know that you don’t need your partner to tell you every detail of the affair. Sometimes, the more details you get, the worse the experience is. However, you do need to talk about it a little bit to determine why it happened in the first place and to figure out how to keep it from occurring again.
Also, it’s smart to make sure the affair partner is out of their life. However, if they work with this person, that may be unavoidable. Ask your partner to have minimal contact at work with their person and to have zero personal contact with them. This will help you feel more confident in your relationship or marriage.
2. Discuss How To Avoid It Happening Again
Now that you have determined what happened and why, you need to work together to rebuild your relationship to be a healthy one. If your partner says there are relationship problems that you were unaware of, you can dig deep and figure out what they are and why they are there. You may want to involve a therapist or a mutual friend.
Sometimes, a neutral party can help discover what really happened and why. You and your partner may be too close to the issue to diagnose the actual problem. Plus, another person is often able to come up with ideas that you would never have thought of. For example, you may need to change your expectations in your relationship.
3. Stop Talking About It
It is important to discuss the issue fully but remember that you don’t want every single detail. That is in the past and should be dropped. Don’t harp or nag on the problems that were caused by the affair but do acknowledge your pain and feelings. Recognize that this will take time to heal from, but remember moving forward is the goal.
4. Spend Quality Time Together
An important aspect of healing from a cheating experience and rebuilding trust is finding ways to get close to one another again. You may want to schedule a time for each other if you both live very busy lives. Consider taking one of those intimate vacations you have always talked about going on. Just make time for one another so you can reconnect.
As you build a healthy relationship once again, you need time to get to know each other again. Treat one another like you did when you first fell in love. You may simply find a connection that wasn’t there before. If you relive your first date or recall your wedding day, you may find a new way of working through your issues by reminiscing.
5. Figure Out What You Need To Get Over This
What do you think you need to get over this breach of trust? What needs to happen for you to trust your partner again? What can he or she do to make you feel more confident in your relationship? Once you answer these questions, tell your partner what you’ve discovered and ask them to do those things to earn your trust back.
6. Accept Your Partner’s Apology
Once you get a genuine apology from your partner and realize he or she regrets what they did, you will probably start to feel much better about the infidelity. Be sure you give them a chance to really make up for what they did. If they do not genuinely seem apologetic, you may want to reconsider the status of your relationship.
You don’t want to be with someone who will continue to cheat and destroy your trust to the point of no repair, right? If they do not seem really sorry for what happened, there is something wrong with your relationship. They should know what they did was unacceptable and regret their decision to do this. If not, you can probably do better.
7. Explain That You Need Time And Space
You may be ready to forgive him or her for what they did, but becoming intimate once again may take some time. You may feel more comfortable sleeping in separate beds while you get over this betrayal. Once you reconnect, you can begin discussing intimacy, and when you think you’ll be ready to make love with him or her again.
8. Practice Mindfulness
While you don’t have to practice this in all aspects of your life, when it comes to infidelity in your relationship, it is a good idea to focus on the present rather than the past. You have already taken the necessary time to discuss the problem; now, you need to forget about it to the best of your ability.
Try to think about what you have together now instead of dwelling on the past. If you look at the fact that you have this person in your life today, you will focus on the present and the future, and it’ll feel more rewarding than ruminating over what happened in the past.
9. Forgive Your Partner
You don’t want to continue blaming your partner for past infidelity when you are trying to focus on moving forward. Give him or her a fresh start even if you don’t feel like they deserve it. Understand what true forgiveness is all about. A big part of it is not dwelling on the past but focusing on the future and how to move forward with your life.
10. Be Optimistic About The Future
One important part of forgiveness and building trust again is deciding if your partner can change. Will he or she cheat again? Do you believe they can change? If you don’t, then you probably need to think about ending the relationship. You cannot have a healthy relationship without trust and forgiveness.
11. Go To Couples Counseling
Therapy can be hard, especially when you need to talk about infidelity because you are trying to move forward with your relationship and not focus too much on what happened in the past. However, couples counseling with a trained professional is a very good idea. It will give you a chance to express how you feel about what happened.
Also, you can air any concerns you may have about the future with your partner in counseling. A trained therapist can give you the tools you need to succeed!
It won’t go back to normal right away because healing takes time. You may find that the sooner you forgive your partner and start to trust them again, the sooner things will go back to the way they were before they cheated on you. Don’t rush the healing process.
It could take a few weeks, depending on the length of your relationship. Building trust after cheating doesn’t come easily. It may take a few months before you feel like things are back to normal. Infidelity is a difficult thing to get past. Take the time you need to heal.
You may want to discuss what happened with your significant other to see why he or she cheated and betrayed you in this way. One way you can start to build trust is to talk about how to prevent this from happening again in the future. That could help!
While that saying does have some merit, it isn’t always true with every partner. When a partner cheats, there is a chance he or she will do it again; that doesn’t mean it is that way with every partner. Some people do it once and never do it again.
Yes, you absolutely can forgive someone for infidelity. You may need time, but this is a necessary part of building trust again. You cannot trust someone if you don’t forgive them for what they did in the past. Think about what you want in your relationship and aim for that.
To Sum Things Up…
Are you in a relationship where infidelity happened? Realize it does take work to get past things like this. Make sure you give your partner a chance to apologize and prove they will not do it again. I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments section below. Share!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.