There are many types of relationships, including the kind of commitment where you have a man who wants to use you to achieve his selfish aims. These selfish aims could be a desire for sex, excessive money, attention when bored, a punching bag, or his rebound.
Depending on the kind of woman you are, a man could want to play you to get one or a few of those things. It's not a new thing. It happens every day and most women, no matter how smart they think they are, still fall victims to situations like this.
Players are sweet talkers and very romantic lovers. The reason is that they need to do everything they can to extract the things they need from you. You may not be the only woman; there could be many more women these guys are playing to get every bit of what they desire.
It's a game to them, and they do it without minding whether you're in love with them or not or if you'll be heartbroken at the end. You may be dating a man who's playing you. But how do you know how to not get played by a man? Keep reading to learn 23 ways to avoid being played.
- 1 23 Ways To Not Get Played
- 1.1 1. Treat him like every other person
- 1.2 2. Don't chase him if he doesn't chase you
- 1.3 3. Give the relationship time before trusting it
- 1.4 4. Keep your options open
- 1.5 5. Nurture other parts of your life
- 1.6 6. Intentionally involve yourself in his life
- 1.7 7. Observe the way he does things
- 1.8 8. Ask him questions when you feel the need to
- 1.9 9. Try to spend more time with him
- 1.10 10. Don't assume you're in a relationship if he doesn't say so
- 1.11 11. Be a little unpredictable
- 1.12 12. Don't fall for all his sweet words
- 1.13 13. Be nice to him
- 1.14 14. Don't always be available
- 1.15 15. You're not desperate, so don't act that way
- 1.16 16. Ask to meet his loved ones
- 1.17 17. Suggest fun things to do
- 1.18 18. Learn the things that make him vulnerable
- 1.19 19. Get lessons from victims and players
- 1.20 20. Be smart
- 1.21 21. Leave a guy when you’re too uncertain
- 1.22 22. Try to play him first
- 1.23 23. Don't catch feelings too soon
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Sum Up
23 Ways To Not Get Played
1. Treat him like every other person
Most girls get used to treating a guy in a unique way when they're into him. To avoid getting played by men, treat them like every other person you love. Express your feelings to them if they piss you off the same way you will do to your platonic friend.
If you buy him a gift, share the same love with your friend. If your female friend or family member needs your help before he does, help them first. The same thing applies when you give yourself some free time to be alone. Let him join the queue to wait until you come around.
2. Don't chase him if he doesn't chase you
Players have a way of making you chase them, especially when they've taken their time to work on your feelings and make you fall in love with them. If a man doesn't call you often, avoid doing so. If he makes you feel you should always message or reach out to him, he may be one of those players out there.
So, don't organize dates often if you notice he doesn't do it, too. Try not to call him and talk for hours if he doesn't reciprocate the first few times to do it. It doesn't mean every man who does this may be playing you. Some of them may have good excuses, but you'll feel it in your gut, and they'll make up for it. Players never do, except it's for a selfish reason.
3. Give the relationship time before trusting it
Relationship experts advise that you give relationships time to grow before trusting them. The general one is the three-month space, where you're dating someone with wild emotions, but give yourself three months duration to see how well you both can maintain those feelings for each other.
You could try this, too. Relationships, where the man is playing the woman, don't last. They're short-term and could end with broken hearts. So, even though you may love this man, give it time, so you don't get badly played.
4. Keep your options open
One good feeling you get when you're dating a man who may be playing you is the one you have flirting with other men. It makes it seem like everything is justified, and that makes the hurt less.
You may be in love with him or not, but if you're not sure of his feelings for you, give yourself that little space of interacting with other men that may be potential boyfriends. Take your time to meet, talk, hang out and laugh with other guys. That's one way to avoid being played by boys, especially if you're in love with them.
5. Nurture other parts of your life
As a woman, many other aspects of your life need your love, care, and attention. These could include your work, career, finances, help for a loved one, or even your personal health. Focus more on them to balance everything.
Write, plan, and execute goals you've dreamed of for some time. Reflect on the aspects of your life that need correction and start working on them. This will take your attention off him for a while and give you something else to be excited about. Focusing on your life is a way to avoid being played by a man.
6. Intentionally involve yourself in his life
Many people avoid doing this, but it will help you in the long run if you want to be with a man who may be playing you. Ask questions about his life, career, goals, aspirations, and possibly how he intends to achieve them.
But, don't make huge sacrifices to help him achieve them. For instance, don't give a considerable sum of money when you're not both committed to each other. Just ask him questions to show how concerned you are. It's one way to avoid being played by a man.
7. Observe the way he does things
Dating a man involves your personal observation of his actions and words. It would help if you took some time to notice how he relates with other girls. Does he flirt with them? Or does he talk to them without respect? If he does any of these, it means you're no different.
He could do this to you as well; it’s only a matter of time. It's up to you to figure a way to survive with him if he has a nasty attitude. So, the faster you do this, the better. This is a way to know if you're being played or not.
8. Ask him questions when you feel the need to
Not all players are smart enough to cover up lies. Some just play with your head or emotions, hoping you would fall for it sooner or later. When you have a bad feeling that something is not right, ask him questions, and watch his reaction to them.
Let him know how skeptical you are about his reasons, excuses, or reaction about an issue or a decision he makes. This will either make a man who wants to play you leave or come to terms that he may not succeed in playing you. Questions go a long way to straighten many issues.
9. Try to spend more time with him
To avoid being played by a man, try to spend more time with him. Find things to occupy him or increase his duration to spend more time with you. The reason is that the more moments you spend together, the less time he'll have to spend with other girls.
It's a trick many women don't know. Don't force it on him, be patient enough to talk to him to do exciting things with you subtly. While this is happening, you can gradually create a stronger bond unconsciously. That's one way you can avoid being played by a man.
10. Don't assume you're in a relationship if he doesn't say so
Some relationships out there are not defined. That's one way some girls are still getting played. The reason is that they assume they're on the same page as the man, and they believe if he confesses love to them, they're automatically asking them to be in a relationship.
Don't make that mistake. If a man doesn't say you're both dating to you or in public, it means you're not dating yet; he’s keeping you around for a selfish intention. You shouldn't act like his girlfriend until he says so. That's one of the signs of getting played by boys.
11. Be a little unpredictable
It's not a bad thing to tell a guy about your plans, especially if they are short-term. But, boys who are players use this many times to manipulate girls. They may listen to you and suggest possible additions to make your plans work out.
That may be a pretense to lure you into telling them more to know where to strike from. When you see guys having so much interest in your plans, and it's a bit suspicious, you may be on the getting played list. So, tweak your plans and work on them whenever it feels right without letting him know.
12. Don't fall for all his sweet words
Players know the right words to say to make you smile, laugh, blush, or get pissed. You could smile, respond, and appreciate their compliments, but don't fall for them. Instead, return their good deeds by saying sweet things to them, too.
For instance, if he says you're the most intelligent woman he has met, you could ask him, “intelligent enough to complement a cute guy like you?” That's the reverse technique, and it's been proven to work many times. And it's a logical way to avoid getting played by boys.
13. Be nice to him
Players expect girls to have an attitude initially when they approach them. This makes it easier for them to get through to a physically tough or outspoken woman because those are the kind of women they're used to.
But, you could be smart enough to be nice to them. Being friendly to a player externally delays them in knowing the next step to take. So, try to be as calm as possible. Don't get angry when they say certain things. Instead, smile and handle some other way they least expect. It will make you seem unpredictable to them.
14. Don't always be available
A woman can raise her standards to be above top-notch guys who are players by being selectively available. You delay a bit in responding to their messages, cut their calls short, or give an excuse why you can't talk to them or hang out at the moment.
It doesn't mean you shouldn't hang out and have when the time comes. They may be players in relationships but could make good friends or business partners. But, minimize the time you spend with them. This is one way how not to get played by men.
15. You're not desperate, so don't act that way
Dating and falling in love with someone could make you want to go any distance for them. It's not bad, but try to compose yourself. Don't call twenty times a day, send messages to check up on them, or get gifts that will make you broke.
Help them only when you're asked to. Try not to let a player know even if you're hopelessly in love with him. Don't forget, even if you lose this guy, you have many good men out there for you to meet and tag along with. Acting desperate makes guys want to take advantage of you.
16. Ask to meet his loved ones
One thing most players don't do is introduce you to their loved ones. They may introduce you to their friends but not family members. So, it would help if you asked them to meet at least one of their family members.
This is because meeting their friends is not a guarantee that you're not getting played. At the same time, meeting their family without a proper introduction of you in a relationship could mean you're dating, or you have a lover who is a player. This is one way to avoid being played by men.
17. Suggest fun things to do
When you meet a guy you're comfortable with, you may not know if he's into you for real or not. One thing you could do to build a good relationship with him is to have fun with him. Guys love spontaneity, too.
Suppose a guy wants to play you to have sex or for money, but you suggest exciting things to do. In that case, it's like you gradually distracting him and shifting his attention from hurting you to something more beneficial to the relationship. That will help you build a platonic friendship which will reduce the way you get played by men.
18. Learn the things that make him vulnerable
One good thing a woman can do is read deep into a guy or try to understand her boyfriend more. It's good to study any guy you're dating to know what is capable of making him emotional.
It could be sex, a video game, a habit, or something that brings a bad feeling. Knowing this will help you understand how best to relate with your boyfriend, especially if he wants to play the smart card on you. If you can do this successfully, a guy's possibility to play you will reduce or become non-existent.
19. Get lessons from victims and players
Girls get played almost all the time. This may sound like a problem, but it has its benefits: the lessons they learn and their experiences. If you have good male friends, ask them questions about players and how you can survive not being played by men.
Other girls who have been victims of having a player as a boyfriend would have a lot to say about it, too. So, go out there, talk to anybody who can help, and ask their suggestions on how to not get played by boys. It will broaden your perspective and guide you on when to be more alert.
20. Be smart
It would help if you can think fast when dealing with a player. Avoid bringing up discussions you know will spur up issues against you. Guys who are players use this to manipulate girls a lot. If you're feeling manipulated in any way, change the situation to be in a way that you can handle it.
To avoid getting played, you should be steps ahead of the guy, or your boyfriend, if you are already in the relationship. Don't agree to do things that will affect you in the future, and try not to compromise beyond your ability.
21. Leave a guy when you’re too uncertain
Sometimes, not all girls have the ability to survive being in relationships with players. Some women want to have a loving, peaceful, and smooth relationship. If you fall into this category, you may want to consider your feelings before any other thing.
If you meet a guy, hang out a bit, converse about different things, but he makes you feel uncertain his love is real or not and you can't handle it, let him go. Like people say it's better to be safe than sorry. It may hurt a bit, initially, but you'll be better with time than letting things flow the awkward way and ending badly.
22. Try to play him first
Ever heard of a girl playing a guy who planned to play her? That's the aim here. If you have a feeling that he's a player, switch tables and have fun. This means, that if he constantly talks about sex, or dating you for a specific selfish reason, use it to your advantage.
You could ask him for favors he can't deny you. For instance, you could ask him to take you to a beautiful restaurant to eat in exchange for you to discuss something about his personal affairs. Depending on the kind of woman you are, you could use many ways to achieve this.
23. Don't catch feelings too soon
Most girls fall for guys who are charming, sweet talkers and compliment them for every effort they put in to succeed. The problem is, most of these guys are players. They have studied girls so much that they know every move to make to get their attention.
Try to avoid this. You can appreciate every nice thing he says to you but see them as compliments. Don't replay them in your head because he may repeat the same thing he says to you to another woman. That's a typical player behavior.
It’s not easy to get over being played. But, you could start by accepting that you’re hurt and give yourself time to recover. Then, you can gradually forgive yourself for the mistake, try to let go, learn your lessons and avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationship.
When a guy is playing you, he’ll have no interest in your personal affairs, care less about your feelings, and will show no commitment, but he’ll say sweet things to lure you more. A guy who’s playing you would not talk about long-term goals with you, and you’ll know nothing much about him.
When you get played by someone, it means you're being manipulated to believe you've found true love, when in reality, you're there for the other party to use and achieve his selfish aims. If someone plays you, it could be a pretense to use you for sex, money, or attention.
The first thing you should do is find out if you're on the same page with him. Also, don't place him as one of your top priorities, especially if you observe you're an option to him. One of the best things to do is save yourself the stress and leave instead of trying to stop him.
Observe him and use the reverse technique. This means studying how he talks, flirts, manipulates, and moves, using them against him. When you're doing this, try your best to keep the mystery that attracts him to you. And don't forget to give him a little of your attention.
To Sum Up
If your past experiences are not so effective for using them to avoid getting played by men, you could add any of the 23 ways I've mentioned for maximum results. Don't forget to drop a comment and share this article with others if it lighted up pointers for you.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.