There’s nothing more embarrassing than suddenly feeling shy every time you’re around a guy. It’s surprisingly normal to feel shy around a guy that you have a crush on. Perhaps you are simply a shy person.
Whatever the case, you can’t have a conversation with a guy if you’re too shy to speak. This article will tell you everything you need to know to overcome shyness and finally make a move.
Growing up, I was extremely shy. It took me years, and a little bit of therapy, to understand why I was so shy. Being shy can also come from being nervous or being scared that you might say the wrong thing. Whatever the case, these tips will help you overcome shyness.
- 1 21 Ways To Overcome Shyness
- 1.1 1. Examine whether you have low self-esteem
- 1.2 2. Have confident body language
- 1.3 3. Start talking more
- 1.4 4. Stop judging people
- 1.5 5. Rehearse social interactions in your head
- 1.6 6. Think of topics to have conversations about
- 1.7 7. Laugh at becoming tongue-tied
- 1.8 8. Ask about the other person’s best interests
- 1.9 9. Improve social skills by being more sociable
- 1.10 10. Understand that guys are shy too
- 1.11 11. Stay true to yourself
- 1.12 12. Feel wonderful about your looks
- 1.13 13. Take your time
- 1.14 14. Pick up a hobby
- 1.15 15. Treat your crush like they are anyone else
- 1.16 16. Accept that stupid things might happen
- 1.17 17. Understand that you have flaws
- 1.18 18. Consider professional help
- 1.19 19. Take a class or two
- 1.20 20. Don’t isolate yourself
- 1.21 21. Learn your triggers
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
21 Ways To Overcome Shyness
1. Examine whether you have low self-esteem
Having poor self-esteem can instantly lead to being shy. You feel as though everyone is paying attention to your every move. People that don’t feel confident are more self-aware than other people, which leads to a cycle of being scared of doing something embarrassing, thinking everyone is watching, etc. Taking steps to increase your self-1. is a great idea! Try these tips:
- Know your self worth
- Write down positive affirmations daily
- Tell yourself positive things about yourself while looking in the mirror
- Accept compliments
- Make an extra effort with your appearance
- Learn new skills
These simple tips can help you slowly increase your self-confidence.
2. Have confident body language
Fake it until you make it. Even if you don’t feel great about yourself, make sure that you use confident body language. Sit up straight. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Make sure that you speak clearly. Listen to what people are saying and respond during conversations.
It’s important to use this confident posture all the time, and not just when you are around other people. Sitting up straight when you’re home alone will slowly help you transform it into a habit. Then, when you are around other people, you will naturally have that same confident posture that you started out merely practicing at home.
3. Start talking more
One of the hardest parts of overcoming shyness is speaking to people. It feels like you have social anxiety or you have a hard time coming up with words to say. To overcome this, start speaking more. Text people daily. Have conversations on the phone. Raise your hand in class. Greet people at the store when you walk past them. These seemingly small changes will help you be more comfortable around people.
It’s important to realize that everyone is different. While one person might jump right in and start complimenting strangers that they see in public, another person might not be ready to do that yet. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Instead, start where you are right now.
4. Stop judging people
When we judge other people, it can easily turn into us thinking that other people judge us. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of everyone around you. This will result in a slow shift of you not thinking that people are judging you and everything you do.
Practice what you’re going to say in your head. Come up with common answers to questions before they happen. It will help prepare you for the small talk that you are bound to encounter daily.
It’s common for people with social anxiety to do this because it helps them feel less anxious about a situation. You can also mentally rehearse what you will say to a guy, or how you will act around him.
Practicing at home after you're done rehearsing it in your mind is a great idea. Simply say the things you were thinking out loud. Make sure that your voice projects confidence and shows that you are interested in the answer to the question you’re asking.
6. Think of topics to have conversations about
Awkward silence in the middle of social interactions can make a shy person want to disappear. Prevent those horrible moments of silence by thinking of topics that you can bring up beforehand. Instead of mentioning the weather, ask them questions about new movies that are coming out, hobbies that you have, or things that you have in common with the other person, such as both of you having a pet dog. Some great topic ideas are:
- Hobbies, like painting
- An upcoming school project
- The latest celebrity gossip
- Family and friends
- How they spend their free time
When deciding on topics to chat about, it’s important to know which topics to avoid. It’s best to stay away from controversial topics, such as politics, religion (unless it’s very important to you), abortion, gun control, etc. These topics can quickly turn into a heated debate and ruin your chances of a future relationship.
7. Laugh at becoming tongue-tied
It can be embarrassing when you’re talking to someone you have a true connection with and suddenly start to stumble over your words. Even if you feel embarrassed, laugh it off. You’ll instantly feel more at ease and be able to speak again.
8. Ask about the other person’s best interests
People love to tell others about themselves! This is a great topic if you’re feeling stuck in the middle of a conversation. Ask them about their hobbies or what they did over the weekend. Ask open-ended questions to keep them interested in talking to you.
It can be hard to stop being shy when you don’t have previous experience being around guys or in social situations. The most important aspect you need to remember to feel comfortable is that practice makes perfect. Make it a daily goal to socialize every day. If you work from home, make sure that you get out of the house more. Talk to strangers. Go on a blind date. Step outside of your comfort zone.
10. Understand that guys are shy too
Guys tend to feel and act nervous when they are interested in a girl. It can make it even harder for the other person if they are shy. Once you realize that he’s being quiet because he’s shy too, it makes it easier to talk to him. Don’t feel bad for him. Instead, act happy, do something fun and let him know that you’re interested in him too!
11. Stay true to yourself
When we are shy, we don’t always know how to act. The constant worry of embarrassing ourselves can lead to us trying to act like the people around us. However, being fake isn’t the way to a man’s heart.
Instead, own who you are. If you’re on the quiet side, there’s nothing wrong with that. Talk about things that you actually like, and don’t pretend to enjoy something that you don’t. You’ll find that it’s much easier to build a relationship with people when you are yourself.
12. Feel wonderful about your looks
Most shy people don’t feel great about themselves. This lack of confidence can make their shyness worse. You can help yourself, and your future relationship, but make sure that you feel great about how you look.
Wear clothing that fits properly. Style your hair in a way that makes you feel beautiful. Put on some makeup if it makes you smile when you look in the mirror. Go all-natural if you feel that your natural beauty is better. When you know that you look great, you will naturally radiate confidence.
13. Take your time
Everything takes time, including building a relationship and overcoming shyness. It’s important to remember that and to start slow.
If you’re in the process of building a relationship with someone, gradually move from texting to chatting on the phone. When you let things naturally progress, it makes it easier to slowly overcome your shyness.
You can do this in everyday life, too! Slowly overcome your shyness by taking the time to talk to more people daily. Spend time around people. Go places where other people are to help you feel better about yourself around people and overcome your shyness.
14. Pick up a hobby
If you find that it’s a challenge to come up with interesting things to talk about, develop a hobby. Sometimes, you need to actually do something interesting so that you have something to talk about when building relationships. A new hobby instantly gives you something to talk about. As you pursue your new hobby, you’ll meet new people that have the same interest as you. Being around people and simply talking to them will help you overcome your shyness in the long run.
15. Treat your crush like they are anyone else
When you really like someone and feel nervous, it’s a default option to let them know how much you like them. It can lead to buying them things or over-complimenting them. However, this can make things feel awkward for both of you. Instead, treat your love interest just like you would a friend.
16. Accept that stupid things might happen
One of the reasons that people have such a hard time overcoming their shyness is fear. Perhaps something happened in the past that you still think about, such as accidentally spilling your drink. While this can make you nervous, it’s important to simply accept that sometimes those things will happen. Laugh it off and focus on the positive moments in life!
17. Understand that you have flaws
A big problem in overcoming shyness is the fear of messing up or the fear of rejection. This is because you’re being too hard on yourself! You do have flaws, but we all have flaws! When you consistently think about your flaws, it can lead to low self-confidence, which is often mistaken for shyness. It doesn’t mean that you’re cursed or that you don’t deserve to have an amazing relationship.
18. Consider professional help
Shyness can have several underlying causes. You might not be shy at all! People with a general anxiety disorder tend to have the same trouble speaking to people that shy individuals do. So do people that have certain childhood trauma or a poor self-image.
It might sound extreme to go to a therapist for help with being shy, but it can make a world of difference. A professional can discuss your problem with you, and help you identify the root cause. Then, they can help you take the steps that you need to take in order to overcome your shyness once and for all.
19. Take a class or two
A public speaking course sounds terrifying, but this is just the thing to help you overcome your shyness. You’ll learn how to deal with feeling nervous and be able to use the skills that you learn in the classroom before applying them to real life.
Public speaking classes aren’t the only option. Taking classes about relationships can help you learn more about dating in general. Investing in an interpersonal communications class will help you learn how to talk to other people, use effective communication skills, and put you in an environment with other people where you can improve your communication skills.
20. Don’t isolate yourself
It’s common for people that are shy to be concerned about how other people perceive them, which often results in social isolation. They don’t go out as much or make new friends. Instead, they find themselves at home and often alone. This can result in other mental health disorders, such as depression.
Mental illnesses such as social anxiety are often made worse with isolation.
If you feel tempted to isolate yourself, don’t let yourself stay home. Go for walks. Work on relationships with friends. Make it a weekly goal to leave the house every day, even if it’s for a short walk around the block.
21. Learn your triggers
People that attend therapy will learn their triggers as a part of the process. If you don’t seek professional help, it’s still important to identify your triggers. Pay attention to when you feel nervous. Is it only when you are around large groups of people? Is it around any person of the opposite sex or just your crush? Do you feel nervous in public or is it anytime that you are around him? Asking yourself those questions can help you identify when and why you feel that way, which will help you slowly overcome the way that you feel.
Practice makes perfect! Simply tell them “good morning” or ask them to borrow a pen. Laugh it off when you do something embarrassing, like spilling something. Enjoy social interaction with someone else, and remember that guys are just like everyone else.
If you don’t have a lot of experience speaking to guys, it can make you act shy around them. When we have a crush on someone, it’s common to feel a little nervous because we’re scared that they won’t like us as much as we like them. It’s actually a fear of rejection.
Fake it until you make it. Pretend that you’re not shy and strike up a conversation with him. Come up with conversation topics beforehand in case there is an awkward pause. You can also come up with open-ended questions to ask before speaking to him to break the silence.
Some people are naturally quiet, and often come off as shy. If that’s who you are, it’s important to embrace it. However, you can be a little more outgoing by starting conversations with other people. Make sure that you smile at other people. You’ll come off as open and friendly.
Shyness can be adorable! Some people appreciate it when someone else is quiet. It makes them feel safe opening up to them. It gives people space to be themselves and makes people feel comfortable. Often, shy people are viewed as less judgemental than the rest of the world, which is a great thing!
Have you ever felt shy when talking to a guy before? Were you nervous, or was it something else? Let the rest of the readers know what you did to overcome your shyness!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.