What is the main cause of jealousy and why should a girl feel the need to be jealous in the first place? While jealousy is commonly associated with romantic relationships, it also occurs in other forms of relationships such as the ones in the workplace.
However, jealousy is common in love relationships because emotions influence such relationships more than others. As such, the level and frequency of jealousy you have in a friendship will be on a lower scale when compared to the one you feel in a romantic relationship.
Why should you have feelings of jealousy when you should be happy with your partner? Why does your best friend make you feel green with envy when you should be full of joy for being in a relationship with an amazing person?
Envy or jealousy is never a good emotion to invest your time and energy in but how do you stop enabling this negative emotion? In this article, you will get 15 tips on how to not be jealous in a relationship.
- 1 15 Helpful Ways To Stop Being Jealous
- 1.1 1. Why do you feel jealous
- 1.2 2. Speak to your partner about how you feel
- 1.3 3. Discuss your feelings with someone you trust
- 1.4 4. See the benefit of feeling jealous
- 1.5 5. Envision the bigger picture you belong to
- 1.6 6. Let gratitude be your balm
- 1.7 7. Focus on each blessed moment you have with your man
- 1.8 8. Work on resolving issues attached to your jealousy
- 1.9 9. Remind yourself of your core values
- 1.10 10. Try mindfulness and meditation
- 1.11 11. Give yourself the time to let go
- 1.12 12. Be more realistic with what you expect from your relationship
- 1.13 13. Try the rubber band technique to overcome jealousy
- 1.14 14. Use journaling as a form of healing
- 1.15 15. Let a therapist walk you through
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
15 Helpful Ways To Stop Being Jealous
1. Why do you feel jealous
No action or reaction occurs in a vacuum. There has to be a cause for emotion and the display of it. Similarly, there is a reason you are feeling jealous and before you can overcome jealousy in a situation or your relationship, you need to know the source where your jealousy stems from.
Why are you feeling the way you feel? Has your boyfriend given you any reason to doubt him or your insecurity is responsible for why you don’t trust him anymore? Whatever might be the reason for your jealousy, figure it out first, then you will know what to do next.
2. Speak to your partner about how you feel
How do you stop being jealous if you don’t talk about how you feel? Does your boyfriend’s action trigger the feeling of jealousy in you? Communicating your feelings with the man you love is one of the steps to getting over this toxic emotion before it consumes you completely.
Regardless of the seeming evidence, you have stacked against him, if your boyfriend has been your best friend, it’s only reasonable that you talk things out with him first before acting rashly. If you value your relationship, you wouldn’t let something as petty as jealousy destroy it.
3. Discuss your feelings with someone you trust
Apart from opening up to your man about the way you feel, it is also wise to discuss the situation with someone you trust so much to help you see things from a different perspective. The purpose of talking to a friend, mentor, or even parent is to get good advice that will help you process your feelings better.
This person knows you and has been there from the inception of your relationship and so because they have a little knowledge about your personalities, they are in a good position to help you sort things out.
4. See the benefit of feeling jealous
You might ask, “what on earth is good about jealousy?” Like every other negative emotion, jealousy has its energy and the wave of this energy is what drives how you react in a situation driven by jealousy.
Rather than blow off steam in a careless way such as acting angry with your boyfriend about something he isn’t even sure he did, the first thing you should do when you feel jealous is to reroute the energy into thinking of what you lack at that moment.
For example, what you might have been lacking in that period might be attention and because your boyfriend isn’t giving you that, you accuse him of cheating on you. As such, talk to your man about what he is denying you instead of accusing him unnecessarily.
5. Envision the bigger picture you belong to
Jealousy is usually a projection of your bitterness over not being at the pinnacle of your life or relationship. Apart from lack-induced jealousy, you could be feeling the emotion because you are not focusing on the bigger picture for your relationship.
Instead of comparing your relationship with another relationship that seems perfect, put together a big picture of what you want your relationship to be like and work towards it.
6. Let gratitude be your balm
Jealousy most times evolve into envy, which is a terrible disease of the mind. The mind, being the powerhouse for your thoughts, is where jealousy begins and it is also where the feeling of gratitude comes from.
By practicing gratitude for the things you have going well for you in your relationship, you will begin to feel the soothing balm of contentment and view things clearly than when jealousy clouded your mind.
7. Focus on each blessed moment you have with your man
While focusing on the bigger picture is fabulous, don’t lose sight of the blessing that exists in every moment you spend with your partner. Even if jealousy is still eating at you, making yourself deliberately focus on each moment with your man will help you gradually letting go of jealousy.
The bigger picture requires daily steps and these little steps will be the building blocks that help you reach the pinnacle you foresee for your relationship.
8. Work on resolving issues attached to your jealousy
After you must have dug deep to unearth the root cause of your jealousy, the next thing is to work on resolving it. What are the things that are stirring jealousy in your heart? Are insecurities a part of why you think your man no longer cares about you?
Could your self-esteem issues even be a result of the career milestones your partner seem to have covered without you? To stop being jealous, simply shift your attention to achieving the next milestone too instead of letting jealousy dictate how you feel.
9. Remind yourself of your core values
Insecurities stem from forgetfulness about who you are and how far you’ve come without feeling jealous. When you allow jealousy to intrude into your reality, you will forget your belief and discard your core values.
When next jealousy rears its ugly head, reach inside of you and confront the feeling with the value system that guides your actions. For example, if you are jealous because your man couldn’t get you the same gifts as your friend’s boyfriend, you should remind yourself that the quality time he spends with you and the little gifts he can afford matter a lot at that stage.
10. Try mindfulness and meditation
When your mind is overwhelmed by the noise caused by your thoughts and jealousy is like rushing water in your ears, try to practice mindfulness and meditation.
Put yourself in a state of awareness of how you feel, compartmentalize your feelings, and separate why you feel jealousy when you have other things to be grateful for. Meditation will not only calm you, but it will also give you clarity on possible solutions.
11. Give yourself the time to let go
In seeking how to stop being jealous, it is important to understand that it is not an overnight experience. Jealousy doesn’t manifest in a day; it is an accumulation of feelings you have harbored over time.
As such, don’t think you will shed the feeling in one day either because it might take a while to overcome the feeling. So, take your time and those little steps towards stopping the feeling of jealousy.
12. Be more realistic with what you expect from your relationship
Many people set unrealistic expectations for their relationships and this affects them over time. If you are to stop being jealous you need to check yourself and the things you expect from your partner.
If you have unrealistic expectations and goals, it will be difficult for your man to meet up and your relationship will continue to have problems.
13. Try the rubber band technique to overcome jealousy
The rubber band technique is simply holding yourself to a certain standard that will keep you in check when you want to become too hard on yourself or when you allow negative feelings such as jealousy to creep in.
So, imagine yourself holding a rubber band and snap yourself with it; the pain you feel when you do that will remind you that is not where your head should be.
14. Use journaling as a form of healing
Like talking about how you feel, journaling gives you the freedom to relieve your mind of the toxic emotion of jealousy coursing through you. As such, you can get a journal which will be your sounding board whenever the jealousy tries to overwhelm you.
Writing down your thoughts helps you feel separate from the feeling of jealousy and you will be able to see the situation from a different light.
15. Let a therapist walk you through
A behavioral therapist or counselor is an unbiased party who will walk you through your feelings of anger, jealousy, insecurity, and dissatisfaction without telling you what to do. You get to see yourself through another person’s eyes, knowing full well that they have nothing to gain from either your unhappiness or joy.
Consider seeing an expert who will do their job of helping you live a balanced life without unnecessary interference.
Getting rid of jealousy is not a day’s work but a progressive effort, especially if you’ve had the feeling for a while. Firstly, acknowledge the way you feel, process why you feel that way, then think of ways to counter that feeling with opposite solutions.
One of the reasons you might be feeling jealous is denial. When you deny yourself the truth about your reality, you allow yourself to live in a false reality. Coming to terms with your strength and shortcomings will help you stop being jealous.
It might not be possible to completely block the feeling of jealousy but you can make sure the feeling doesn’t control you. As such, when jealousy tries to overtake your mind, you can convert the energy into thinking and doing something more productive.
Consider talking to someone you usually confide in, talk with your partner about your feelings, and/or boost your self-confidence by reminding yourself of how amazing you are. You may also try seeing an expert with the right expertise to guide you through regaining your self-esteem.
Letting go of feeling insecure involves revisiting your beliefs, discarding certain concepts that are no longer serving you well, and creating a new set of ideas and habits that will bolster your courage and help you live a rounded life.
Jealousy is a bad emotion you don’t want ruling you but, it can also help you understand why you act or react the way you do to situations. As long as you understand what triggers the feeling of jealousy in you and also adopt some of the tips in this article, you will find it easier to stop being jealous.
Did this post answer some of the questions you’ve had about jealousy? Please leave a comment below and share the post with someone who might need it.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.