Have you been dating someone for a while, but you have recently realized that you are acting to needy and clingy in your relationship with your partner. While this may be difficult to avoid, you know that it is not an attractive quality. Your partner may have even told him that he finds it uncomfortable how clingy you are toward him.
Being needy in a relationship is not attractive and it is usually not a healthy thing either. When you are in love with someone, it can be sometimes hard to avoid clinginess toward them. However, if it goes on unresolved for too long, this behavior can serve to damage your relationship with your partner if he is not able to handle it.
Clingy behavior and over-dependence on your partner can mean that you lose your own independence and your own sense of identity. You may no longer be able to do things on your own anymore as you are used to having him do everything for you. You may focus entirely on him and your relationship and forget about everything else in your life.
- 1 How To Not Be Clingy In A Relationship
- 1.1 1. Admit That There Is A Problem
- 1.2 2. Think About Yourself First
- 1.3 3. Make Sure To Respect His Boundaries
- 1.4 4. Make Sure To Stay Busy
- 1.5 5. Ring Your Friends And Family
- 1.6 6. Visit Your Family
- 1.7 7. Try To Work Out Your Trust Issues
- 1.8 8. Don’t Think About What Could Happen
- 1.9 9. Try A New Activity Or Hobby
- 1.10 10. Book A Holiday
- 1.11 11. Learn How To Meditate
- 1.12 12. Don’t Cancel Your Plans
- 1.13 13. Avoid Relying On Him For Everything
- 1.14 14. Stay Off Your Phone
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Sum Up…
How To Not Be Clingy In A Relationship
If you become too clingy in your relationship you may begin to focus on your partner too much and forget about all of the other people in your life. Your relationships with your family and friends can begin to suffer as a result. It is clear that this behavior is not usually a healthy or positive thing for any relationship.
However, it may not always be easy to change this behavior, especially if this is how you have always acted in every relationship that you have been in. You may find it hard to stop this behavior even if you know that it is not entirely healthy for you and your relationship. You know that you shouldn’t be acting in this way but you can’t stop it either.
There are many things that you can do to help this situation and prevent it from doing any harm to your relationship with your partner. Remember that you can develop new habits and lose old ones. It is important that you keep your mind occupied and you stay busy so that you stop completely focusing on your partner and your relationship.
1. Admit That There Is A Problem
If you are still denying that there is a problem and you refuse to admit that you are too clingy in your relationship, the situation is never going to change and will likely only get worse and eventually ruin your relationship. It is important that you accept that there is a problem as soon as you realize that one is beginning to arise.
If you continue to deny your own clinginess toward your boyfriend you are never going to improve your situation and things are never going to get better. Your relationship will likely begin to suffer before too long. However, remember that there are things that you can do to prevent this from harming your relationship.
Once you accept that there is something unhealthy and negative about your behavior you are going to be in a better position to move toward changing your behavior. It is important that you focus on your personal issues and you don’t ignore that there is something wrong before it causes greater issues in your relationship with your significant other.
2. Think About Yourself First
When you fall for someone it can be easy to focus all of your attention on them. They become the subject of all of your thoughts and you forget to think about yourself first. You may even subconsciously begin to put the needs of your significant other above your own. When you think about him all of the time, you forget that you need to think of yourself too.
You may even stop doing the things that you love or things that you really want to do just because you want to spend your time with your partner. He begins to overwhelm your thoughts and you no longer want to spend any time with anyone else. You begin to harm your relationships with your friends and family who you no longer spend time with.
You may not have the confidence to tell your partner what you need him to do for you because you are scared he will reject you and say no. This is not to say that everything is about you and you shouldn’t think of your partner, but your thoughts shouldn’t completely revolve around him either. Make sure there is a balance and you are looking after your own needs as well as his.
3. Make Sure To Respect His Boundaries
Every person loves differently, some love to constantly touch and be in physical contact with their partner by hugging, kissing and caressing them, but not everybody is the same. If your partner has tried to tell you, or it is evident from his body language that he’s not comfortable with the level of physical contact, you need to start respecting his boundaries.
If he is not comfortable with constant physical contact, no matter how much you want it it is important that you remember to respect his boundaries. Remember to be aware of your own behavior and ask him what he is comfortable with and what he is not happy about. In this way, you will be able to respect his boundaries while being happy yourself too.
It is important to keep in mind that just because he may not necessarily like physical contact and constant affection in the same way as you do, it doesn’t mean that he loves you any less than you love him. He may be just expressing his love for you in other ways like doing nice things for you or helping you out with the chores every day, so don’t worry that he loves you less.
4. Make Sure To Stay Busy
If you have realized that you are too clingy in your relationship with your partner and you are wondering what you can do about it, then make sure to keep yourself busy. If you tend to be too clingy in relationships, it is important to keep yourself busy so that you aren’t constantly obsessing and focusing on your partner.
If your partner is a lot busier in life than you are things are likely only going to get worse. If you have loads of time on your hands and your partner is busy doing other things, it is likely that you are going to use that time to focus on him. Make sure that you plan things so that you are not home alone every night that he goes out or meets his people.
Ensure that you have made plans with your friends or your family a few nights a week so that you don’t have too much time to sit around and miss your partner. If your partner is out and you have nothing to do, you might be likely to constantly text him and think about him. So, make sure to stay busy if you want to stop being clingy in your relationship.
5. Ring Your Friends And Family
Have any of your friends ever left your friendship behind because they have started dating someone new? Remember how that feels and remind yourself that you don’t want to start treating your friends in this way too just because you are in a new relationship. You need to learn to remember your friends and family too as well as your partner.
Take time to focus on your friendships and the relationships you have with your family. Set aside a specific time to spend with them in the same way that you do with your partner. It may be helpful to talk to your partner and encourage him to make time for his friends and family too. So, when you notice you are being too clingy in your relationship, send text messages to your friend.
In a healthy relationship, you should be able to have time for both your partner as well as everyone else in your life. Ensure that even if you have started dating someone, you still ensure that you see your friends and family regularly. If you want to stop being clingy in your relationship make a conscious effort to focus on your other non-romantic relationships.
6. Visit Your Family
Often when people start dating someone new, they can begin to forget to spend enough time with their family. It may be helpful to talk to your family about how you have been feeling about your new relationship and any worries that you may have about your clinginess. Your family may be able to help you to figure out how to change your behavior.
Schedule regular phone calls with your family and tell them about your relationship. Involving your family in your relationship can help you to stop being too clingy and obsessing over your partner too much. You may even be able to ask your parents for advice on how to stop being clingy with this one person.
Then be sure to talk about other things with your family too. It may have begun to feel like your relationship with your partner is the most important thing in your life but you need to remember the other relationships that you have and everything that is going on in your family’s life too.
7. Try To Work Out Your Trust Issues
For many people, clinginess in a relationship can be caused by a lack of trust. Consider where these trust issues may have come from and think about how you might be able to fix them. It may not be possible to get rid of these issues completely but you may be able to alleviate them somewhat so that it doesn’t cause any other relationship issues to arise.
It is important to remember that while your partner can help somewhat in solving these issues, you are the one that has to put the effort in to change things. If you want to stop being clingy, remember to work on your own personal issues and find a way to be able to trust your partner so that you don’t have to be with him all of the time.
If you find yourself worrying about what your partner is doing when you are not together then there is a good chance that you do have a hard time trusting him. Your relationship is likely never going to work if you don’t feel like you are able to spend time apart from him because you are unable to trust that he will be faithful to you.
8. Don’t Think About What Could Happen
If you notice yourself always thinking about what could possibly happen when your partner is out or spending time with friends, this could be a sign that you are too clingy with him. You may start to spiral into a negative mindset when thinking about what could happen with your partner when you are not with him.
If he is out with his friend at a bar and you are at home you may find yourself wondering what would happen if he meets another girl or if he realizes that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. While there is no way to know what could possibly happen with your love life in the future, it is important to remember that you cannot control it either way.
There is no point in stressing about what could happen in the future. Negative thinking in this way is likely to harm your relationship anyway. You can focus on the problems if and when they happen but right now it is important to remember to focus on the positive things about your relationship rather than the hypothetical things that may never happen.
9. Try A New Activity Or Hobby
Have you always wanted to learn another language or start an art class, then why not do it now? Having other things to focus on like a hobby you love is a perfect distraction if you find yourself becoming too clingy in a relationship. The time that you spend at your new classes, you will be focused on something else and will hardly even think about your partner.
Put your phone away when you go to your art class or your language class so that you are able to properly focus on whatever it is that you are doing. In time you will become so engrossed in what it is that you are doing, you will forget to even check or phone or worry about what your partner is doing at any given time.
If you are worried that you are too clingy in your relationship it likely means that you don’t have enough other things in your life to focus on. Think about the things that you love and the hobbies that you love and focus on these more. Rather than obsessing over your partner and your relationship, do the things that you really love.
10. Book A Holiday
You may love going away on holiday with your spouse, but going abroad with your friend or your family can also be amazing. Both are completely different experiences. If you feel like you don’t get to properly experience the country that you are visiting because you are too focused on your spouse, then it may be because you are too clingy.
Going away on holiday with other people and not your spouse may be just the thing that you need to do to break this habit and stop this behavior. You may find that you see and experience a lot more when you are not obsessing over your other half. Book a long weekend away with other people, and enjoy a bit of breathing room and space from each other.
This will be a great way to tell whether you are even in the right situation. If you are unable to go away without your spouse and without worrying about what he is doing at home, you may not be the right people for each other. Relationships are built on trust, and if you are not able to believe that he is committed to you then you may need to walk away from this one.
11. Learn How To Meditate
If you are suffering from personal issues, you are unable to trust your spouse and you are too clingy with him, it may be helpful to learn how to meditate. If you know that you are overly needy and dependent on your spouse but you just can’t figure out how to stop this behavior, you need to work on your thoughts and your mindset first before anything else can be changed.
Mediation can be a great healer and if you know that you are struggling to control your thoughts then mediation can be the key to making a change. If you want to alter how you think, you may need to start doing meditation practice to get your thoughts under control. Try one of the many apps or youtube videos to help you to learn how to meditate if you have never done it.
Working on your mindset may help you to find clarity and figure out the reasons why you are so clingy to your spouse. It is important to be able to clear your mind and put everything into perspective if you are trying to work on your personal issues. The mediation will help to give you the strength to take control of your own behavior.
12. Don’t Cancel Your Plans
No matter what happens, ensure that you don’t cancel your plans with your family or a friend so that you can spend more time with your spouse or if he suggests doing something together. Many people begin to cancel their plans with other people in their lives just because they have a new romantic lover. Don’t leave your family behind for this guy.
While it may be tempting to drop everything and cancel the plans you have made with other people, this can send the wrong messages to the other people in your life. They may begin to think that you no longer care about them and you only care about your spouse.
13. Avoid Relying On Him For Everything
Many people think that their spouse should be their everything. You may think that he has to be the perfect person for you and that you shouldn’t need to turn to anyone else because you have him no. However, this is not true and it is not a healthy mindset to have, it can often encourage you to be clingy toward your spouse.
However, it is important to remember that your spouse does not have to meet every one of your needs. There are other people in your life that you can turn to. No one in your life should have to deal with all of your problems on their own. Nobody is going to be completely perfect in every single way anyway.
While you likely have a lot in common you may not share every single one of the same interests. Ensure that you don’t stop doing the things that you love just because he isn’t interested in. Go to museums and art galleries even if he hates them, remember that there are still other people in your life too.
14. Stay Off Your Phone
If you have noticed that you have become too clingy toward your spouse, it is important to stay off your phone and social media a bit more than you used to, otherwise, this may just make things worse.
If you want to stop being clingy in your relationship it is important to remember that the first thing you need to do is identify that there is a problem. Try and find out what the cause of your clinginess may be whether it is a trust issue or the fact that you just aren’t busy enough in your own life. Focus on your family and your hobbies instead.
Clinginess can be caused by many different reasons and it depends on each individual situation. Perhaps that you are clingy in your relationship is caused by a lack of trust in your relationship. If you are unable to completely trust your partner, when he goes out you may be worried about what he is up to, making you want to spend all of your time with him.
If you have realized that you are being a clingy girlfriend and you want to learn how to stop this behavior before it harms what you have with your partner, the first thing you need to do is admit that there is a problem and you have issues that you need to deal with. Try and stay busy and focus on all of the other things that you love in your life outside of your partner.
Too clingy means that your partner is uncomfortable with your neediness or your over-dependence on him. If you become too clingy with your partner you may begin to forget who you are, you may lose your independence and forget how to do things for yourself. Admit that there is something wrong and that you need to work on these things so they don’t get worse.
If you feel insecure, you feel like you cannot trust your partner on social media, or when he is out or you feel like you cannot completely rely on him, the first step to dealing with these issues is to admit that there is a problem. Admitting that there is a problem will put you in a much better position to resolve any issues that you have and communicate them to your partner.
To Sum Up…
If you have realized that you are too needy with your partner and you want to change your behavior, you may be wondering what exactly you can do to resolve this situation. It is not always easy to change your own behavior, especially if this is how you have always acted in relationships. But admitting that something is wrong is the first step in making a change.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.