A friends with benefits situation is when two partners agree to have sex, and maybe even hang out once in a while, but aren’t quite in a relationship.
Many of us go into such arrangements with the certainty that we are adults who know exactly what we want—which is nothing more than a weekly hook-up with a guy that also just wants sex.
We believe we are strong enough to control our emotions and not get things twisted in our heads. Well, that is until we find our hearts taking a double flip over th8e same person we vowed never to cross the line with—the friends with benefits lover.
Also, a friends with benefits arrangement should be nothing more than a physical arrangement, but sometimes, emotions show up, and we are left in a more complicated situation. As someone who knows what it’s like to want a relationship, and not just a situationship, I understand the constant debate your head and heart engages in.
On the one hand, you want to draw the line and give him an ultimatum, but on the other hand, you worry about losing him altogether. This article will address 19 tips on how to make your friend with benefits fall for you. I hope you find a couple of relatable points to help you figure things out better.
- 1 19 Ways To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Full Relationship
- 1.1 1. Be sure of your feelings
- 1.2 2. Look out for signs of interest
- 1.3 3. Give him a pet name
- 1.4 4. Improve on your sex game
- 1.5 5. Be mysterious
- 1.6 6. Curb your availability
- 1.7 7. Communicate more often
- 1.8 8. Establish true friendship
- 1.9 9. Research on his interests and appeal to the ones your share
- 1.10 10. Introduce PDA
- 1.11 11. Be upfront with your request
- 1.12 12. Create a balance between commitment and jealousy
- 1.13 13. Take control of your time together
- 1.14 14. Make your cuddles last longer
- 1.15 15. Quit playing the role of a girlfriend
- 1.16 16. Be a fun-loving person
- 1.17 17. Let him see you in a different light
- 1.18 18. Engage in intimate conversations to promote emotional intimacy
- 1.19 19. Don’t be desperate or try too hard
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In A Nutshell
19 Ways To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Full Relationship
1. Be sure of your feelings
Before you embark on a love mission to win this guy over, you should take some time to understand and really define your feelings. Why are you really in this situation to begin with? Is it because of loneliness, or are you just having fun? Is what you feel genuine, or are you just being selfish and want him to yourself alone? Will he meet your wants and desires?
The answers to these questions will help put things in perspective and make you understand if this relationship is worth fighting for. You do not want to find yourself struggling for the affection of the wrong guy simply because you were moved solely by fleeting emotions.
2. Look out for signs of interest
Casual relationships are pretty common these days but despite its popularity, they all share similarities. From the precise communication and limited dates to the ‘no sleepover’ rules. We can agree that the idea of being friends with benefits means you need to avoid anything that gives room for misinterpretation of intentions.
However, if the situation is currently going against these rules, it could mean your sex-buddy is also interested in you. Dedicate time towards studying his behavior and watch out for signs that suggest he might share similar feelings with you. This will enable you to decide what manner of approach to use in declaring your intentions for him.
3. Give him a pet name
When you are in a relationship, addressing your partner with sweet names is not unusual but seen as cute. Pet names and terms of endearments are subtle ways to show that we care deeply about a person.
Make sure that the name is something he likes, and has a meaning. It does not have to be a sweet name like ‘darling, dear, or babe’ as that may come off as too upfront and give you up too soon. You could start with a name that stems from an inside joke you share or a character in his favorite tv show.
4. Improve on your sex game
This may sound like a cliche and not much in terms of advice, as it is what you are already doing. However, while you already have a sexual relationship, you need to work on more memorable encounters.
The idea is to be the best he has ever had — an experience that cannot and should not be matched. Remember, if he really wants sex with someone else, he can get it. So you need to keep him coming back to you and you alone.
5. Be mysterious
As humans, we are all curious beings, so the mystery will always appeal to the average person. If you have been an open book in the past, it is time to keep some things hidden. You want him to wonder what you are all about and what is going on in your mind.
When he feels this way, he will naturally want to ask more questions and get to know you more. For instance, message him at random times, and if he asks about your day, give him vague answers like, ‘it would be better if you were in it.’ Answers like this might pique his interest and intrigue him enough to want more each time he sees you.
6. Curb your availability
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I strongly believe in that statement. You see, if you are always available every time he hits you up for a booty call or a late-night chat, it is only natural that he might start to underrate you. He won’t attach importance to your presence because he’s already getting everything he wants.
7. Communicate more often
If we were to take a moment and delve into the difference between exclusive relationships and ‘FWB’ relationships, one difference that would stand out would be the level of communication. Unlike regular exclusive relationships where communication is a crucial component for sustainability, FWB relationships keep theirs limited.
Therefore, if you want to make this guy fall for you, you have to regularly communicate with him. Look for not-so-obvious ways to talk to him often. Regular communication will help keep you in his thoughts – and not just in a sexual way.
8. Establish true friendship
Not all friends with benefits are close; they are more like acquaintances who agree to have a sexual relationship without commitment. So, except you were friends before including sex into your relationship, it is time to step up and become more than a sex partner.
Start playing the role of a good friend. Show genuine interest in the things that matter to him, be there for him when he is low, and listen to all his rants. Building a friendship with him will help him broaden his definition of who you are to him; he will see you are more than a sexual partner.
As humans, we are more likely to connect with someone who shares similar ideologies, beliefs, and interests. We feel less alone and more understood without having to say much when we are with these people. That is exactly how your friend with benefits will feel when he realizes that you have similarities.
It could be the little things from music to food or your love for Sunday walks. Irrespective of what they may be, your focus should be on how to make him see that you are alike and, as such, a perfect match for each other.
10. Introduce PDA
I understand if you find yourself doubting how well things would go if you decided to give your friend with benefits a kiss in public. However, you do not have to start with something as drastic.
Try holding hands when crossing the road, or allow your knees to brush against each other when you sit on a bench. These subtle public displays of affections will give him a feel of how things could be if you were to be in a relationship with him.
11. Be upfront with your request
In all honesty and at the end of the day, despite all the subtle signs you choose to give, there is no way to know if your friend with benefits will ever realize that you love him unless you tell him. Therefore, if you feel your subtle signs are going unnoticed, it is time to brace up and be upfront about your feelings.
Before talking to him about your feelings, you need to come to terms with the fact that you may lose him and what you share. However, do not allow that to deter you from the path of honesty as it is the best way to know if your efforts are channeled towards the right person.
12. Create a balance between commitment and jealousy
As a lady, you probably have many other guys who would do anything to spend time with you, and you may want to use them to get your friend with benefits jealous. While that is one way to go about having him fall for you and push for a commitment, it could also have an adverse effect.
Some guys do not like to deal with competition, and they may see you as promiscuous if they know you are talking to other guys. As such, I would advise you to strike a balance between making him jealous and making him see that he is the only one who has your attention.
For instance, let him know that while he is the only one you are sleeping with, you are not afraid to lose him or move on to another person.
13. Take control of your time together
We all have our comfort zones and locations where we feel more in control of what is going on around us. Use this logic to take control of your time together. Instead of meeting at your regular spot, which could be his house, you can choose to invite him over to yours or decide on dinner first before any bedroom activity.
Another way to have him falling for you is to change your after-sex routines. Instead of the usual quick goodbyes after sex, decide on coffee or brunch. This will give you ample time to know each other better away from the sexual tension.
14. Make your cuddles last longer
Research shows that cuddling is excellent for emotional intimacy, and couples who engage in it feel more loved and experience higher relationship satisfaction. In other words, if you want your friend with benefits to fall for you, you will need to find ways to make your cuddles last longer.
The more you cuddle, the stronger your bond will be, so, don’t be so quick to get off the bed after sex. Instead, snuggle a bit and make conversations to make him draw closer to you and develop more feelings for you.
15. Quit playing the role of a girlfriend
As hard as it may be, it is time to put your foot down and set boundaries to what you can and will not do. Your inability to define who you are in his life or set limits will make him take your affections for granted.
As hard as it might be to accept, he is not your boyfriend, so quit acting like a girlfriend and giving him privileges he is yet to earn. Next time you feel like acting like a girlfriend, remember the saying, ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’
16. Be a fun-loving person
Get rid of negative energy or whatever it is that stops you from bringing your most bubbly self to the table whenever you are together. Remember, people are attracted to positive energy, and he will enjoy spending time with you if you always make him feel good.
Sooner or later, he will fall for you because you are his go-to girl when he is feeling down, and you light up his world. He will be eager to commit because why will anyone want to let go of someone who uplifts them?
17. Let him see you in a different light
Your love interest probably sees you playing one role as his sex buddy. This might be why he cannot see you as something more than a friend with benefits. It is time to step up and show him that you are more than what he thinks you are.
One way to do this is by inviting him to a community volunteer program that you organize or an art show where you can show your intellectual prowess. Awe him with your uniqueness and knowledge, and you will have his full attention in no time.
18. Engage in intimate conversations to promote emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is an integral part of any healthy relationship. So if you want to have a relationship with your lover, you will need to focus on ways to connect with him on an emotional level, and one way to do so is by having in-depth conversations.
Quit having small talks. Instead, engage in discussions to make you share your fears, hopes, ambitions, and memories.
19. Don’t be desperate or try too hard
You need to remember that you are the price, and any guy should count himself lucky to have you as a girlfriend. In that vein, there is no need to be desperate. Desperation will make any guy run for the hills as they will feel there is probably something wrong with you.
While I understand that you love him, do not lose sight of who you are. Your emotional, mental, and physical health should always come first, so if you feel your quest for his attention is causing you despair, it’s probably time to look elsewhere.
This question if friends with benefits can fall in love is something that springs up every time discussions of casual relationships come up. Yes, friends with benefits can fall in love, but this is not always the case. It means both parties share the same feelings, and they are ready to commit to each other exclusively.
You can always tell your friend with benefits is falling for you from his attitude towards the dynamics of your relationship. He will put in more effort towards your time together. He may perhaps organize dates or spend more time texting and calling you to see how you are doing.
Maintain an air of mystery when you are around him, quit playing the role of a girlfriend, and make sure you have him feeling loved and happy at the end of every encounter with you. These little acts will really have him thinking of you more often, and soon, he will want a relationship with you.
Yes, a guy can sleep with a girl without feelings. You see, guys are not as emotional as we ladies. While many of us will contemplate an FWB relationship, guys will jump at it. It means they get to satisfy their sexual needs without strings attached or dealing with the responsibility of being in a real relationship.
At first glance, it is not easy to conclude if a guy is a player. Most players are charmers and smooth talkers, which is what makes them irresistible. However, if you are with a guy who never allows you to hold his phone or is not comfortable answering phone calls in your presence, he is most likely talking to many other girls.
In A Nutshell
Reason and emotions are two aspects of love that are often intertwined, and this is why you need to understand your feelings before embarking on a love quest to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you. I hope you enjoyed reading this list. Please leave a comment behind and make sure you share it with friends.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.