Dealing with a narcissist is never easy because most encounters with them do not end well. Narcissists attract negative attention and give the same in return.
It is easy to discard their behavior if the narcissist is a stranger or mere acquaintance. However, when it is someone you know, or have to live or with, you cannot just walk away from a case of narcissism.
So, what do you do when you cannot turn a blind eye to narcissism?
Some might say, “don’t condemn narcissists, they cannot help who they are or how they behave”. However, having narcissistic tendencies is not an excuse to be assholish towards other people who care about you. Narcissists are apathetic with a huge dose of deception.
- 1 What Are Narcissists Like?
- 2 15 Ways To Make A Narcissist Miserable
- 2.1 1. Why do you want to make the narcissist miserable?
- 2.2 2. Leave the narcissist
- 2.3 3. Ignore the narcissist
- 2.4 4. Confront the narcissist with irrefutable facts
- 2.5 5. Make the narcissist vulnerable
- 2.6 6. Make the narcissist miserable by revealing your emotions
- 2.7 7. Exert your authority in all situations
- 2.8 8. Beat the narcissist at something they like
- 2.9 9. Be independent of a narcissist
- 2.10 10. Go out with your other friends while ignoring the existence of the narcissist
- 2.11 11. Stop stroking the fragile ego of the narcissist
- 2.12 12. Be confident when you make decisions
- 2.13 13. Reward the narcissist based on their actions
- 2.14 14. Set boundaries you can uphold
- 2.15 15. Do the opposite of what a narcissist expects from you
- 3 FAQs
- 4 In Conclusion
What Are Narcissists Like?
They exaggerate their emotions to make you feel sorry for them, but won’t hesitate to trample all over your emotions if it suits them. When they are confronted about their bad behavior, they find a way to pin their actions on anybody except themselves.
They don’t take responsibility for their wrongdoings but are ready to take credit for something they contributed nearly nothing to. When faced with someone with this set of selfish and harmful attitudes, it is only normal to want to stay away from them.
The worst kind of narcissist is the type you enter a romantic relationship with because you might not see their slick deception for what it is at the beginning. By the time you realize who you’re with, he would have gotten under your skin.
You then start to make excuses for him. You try doing what hundreds of relationship articles tell you to do; you focus on the good times you shared with him, or the sweet things he did for you. All the while, nothing changes for the better.
Eventually, self-preservation makes you reconsider your oath of endurance because nobody wants to sign up for a ‘for better or for worse' life with a narcissist.
Do you have a narcissist that you want out of your life? Below are some tips on how to make a narcissist miserable so much that they will leave you voluntarily.
15 Ways To Make A Narcissist Miserable
1. Why do you want to make the narcissist miserable?
When considering how to make a narcissist miserable, ask yourself, is it necessary or will the person go away when they are ready? Most of the time, narcissists like to be the ones to break ties because they have an exaggerated sense of importance.
A narcissist lives in a world of their own and assumes that everyone else bends to their wishes. Narcissism makes the already difficult case of dealing with humans even more complicated.
Therefore, before you embark on a journey you aren’t sure will end well, ensure this is the most reasonable method to apply. You will need to make some tough choices which would be impossible if you aren’t ready to leave the narcissist behind.
2. Leave the narcissist
Abandoning a narcissistic individual alone is always the next best option if you don’t know how to make them miserable enough to want to leave your life. However, narcissists are everywhere, and you cannot avoid all of them.
So what do you do when you cannot leave your narcissistic acquaintance because of mutual interests? Narcissists live to please themselves, so they can try to make your life miserable before they waltz right out of it.
You can try making a clean break from them. However, if that doesn’t work, adopt strategies that give them a taste of their own medicine because even a no-contact rule cannot deter a determined narcissist.
3. Ignore the narcissist
While trying to get rid of a narcissist you can apply the ‘hiding in plain sight’ method. Sometimes, this method might be all you need to apply to get this person to exit your life. The silent treatment works almost every time on someone with narcissistic behavior.
Since they expect you to focus on them most times, narcissists hate it when you’re not paying attention to them. To make them miserable, act like you are unaware of them. Then, when they try to get your attention don’t engage them no matter how much they try to rile you up.
With time, they will get the memo that you don’t appreciate their attitude.
4. Confront the narcissist with irrefutable facts
How to make a narcissist miserable includes gathering facts that you can use against them when they start their manipulation tactics. A narcissist makes the kindest person want to tear their hair off because of their gaslighting tricks.
They are mostly smart and several steps ahead of you, so they know which button to press to get to you. You would have to be on your guard to outwit a narcissist, and this includes stating the facts when they are trying to muddle up the truth.
Being armed with facts that he/she cannot deny can make a narcissist miserable because you just pulled the rug from under him.
5. Make the narcissist vulnerable
How to make a narcissist miserable could be through an unexpected method such as challenging them to be vulnerable. Get them to open up to you by asking them personal questions. They will clam up when your questions become too sensitive or close to home.
While they like talking about themselves, narcissists want to do so on their terms. The goal for doing this isn’t to gain entry into the emotions of the narcissist, but to make them uncomfortable. Be persistent with your inquiries if you truly want to make a narcissist miserable.
Your irritating questions will make the narcissist unhappy till they have no choice but to leave you.
6. Make the narcissist miserable by revealing your emotions
The narcissistic life is a complicated one as many narcissists have traces of multiple personality disorder. They try to trap you with fake emotions but hate it when you try to be vulnerable with them.
So, one way to make a narcissist miserable is to offload your feelings and challenges on them. If you’re having a bad day, let them know, and if your day went well, go on and on about it. Doing this will make the narcissist complain or grumble with displeasure.
This trick doesn’t have to affect your self-esteem or morality in any way because narcissists don’t operate with fairness either. If you don’t take charge of the situation, they will continue to treat you as they see fit.
Narcissists tend to be authoritative because they get off on control. They can manipulate you to think you have power, but they are the ones pulling the strings. If you’re not careful, you’ll remain their puppet for the longest time.
How to make a narcissist miserable when you’re fed up with their narcissistic abuse is to seize back that control you gave them.
Narcissism makes people see and tell themselves what they want to see/hear. However, you don’t need to put up with their emotional abuse because they have a problem. You can try to help them, but when that doesn’t work, you need to make a narcissist miserable to be free from them.
Don’t give an inch to the narcissist in your life. Learn to say no and regain control over your self-esteem.
8. Beat the narcissist at something they like
Narcissists are highly competitive and revel in winning. They like to rub it in the face of their competitors when they win, but this is also a weakness you can explore.
If the narcissistic person thinks they are the best at a particular game, they will be a sore loser about losing to you. So, if you need to learn how to be a master at that game or activity, then do so.
When you win and gloat, a narcissistic individual will take it as a public humiliation even though they have no problem doing the same to you.
You can make a narcissist miserable by making fun of them right after they lose, and see how they fly into a narcissistic rage. Ensure you’re not alone with them after you win the game, and try not to taunt them too much.
9. Be independent of a narcissist
How to make a narcissist feel miserable could lie in your financial, physical, and emotional freedom. When you’re dependent on someone suffering from narcissism, you won’t always be at peace. They will lord over you the fact that they are bankrolling you.
The only thing that could easily save you from the machinations of the narcissist is to start earning your own money. Being able to take care of yourself without their help will make narcissists lose their power over you.
It can be a bit complicated if you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic partner because your feelings are involved. However, the goal should still be earning your money so he doesn’t treat you anyhow.
A narcissistic partner is human too and has good parts to him. So, it is understandable if you don’t want to leave him because of these other good traits. If the time comes when you can’t deal with him anymore, it is for your good to leave him.
10. Go out with your other friends while ignoring the existence of the narcissist
Narcissists are extremely jealous of the time you are not giving to them because they are extremely needy. They act like they have their act together, but they need you just as much, if not more than, you need them.
One way to make a narcissist miserable is to spend time away from them. Staying away from your narcissistic partner, friend or relative allows you to process your own emotions and has clear thoughts. Your table to see the ways they’ve been taking advantage of you. You can see clearly the things you’ve been doing under their influence.
This time away from people with narcissism will help you create meaningful relationships outside your toxic one.
11. Stop stroking the fragile ego of the narcissist
Most narcissists thrive on overindulgence in their own perceived greatness. If you’ve been stroking his ego, a narcissistic partner will take more than you give him.
It is easy to not notice that you’re doing this at the beginning of a new relationship, but it’s there. It is present in your post-fight apologies even though he is at fault. You’ll notice it in the way you make excuses for him when he doesn’t show up.
You can make a narcissist miserable by refusing to make excuses for him anymore. Narcissists feel powerless when you don’t react the way you used to. They start racking their brains for how to get you back in their good graces but don’t give in.
12. Be confident when you make decisions
How to make a narcissist miserable is to stand by your choices without giving in to their manipulations. The narcissist in your life wants to hold the reins because they don’t have control over theirs. You can break this jinx by starting to make your own decisions.
Narcissists don’t know what to do with themselves when they are not trying to handle other people’s business. If he is your romantic partner or family member, you need to put your foot down so he doesn’t use your feelings against you.
You deserve to feel like the master of your ship again, making decisions by yourself helps you achieve this.
13. Reward the narcissist based on their actions
Another way to make a narcissist miserable is to set rewards and punishments following their actions. If you don’t stop rewarding a narcissistic individual with positive things, you will never be free of them.
Narcissists think they can get away with their actions because you don’t apply consequences to their negative actions. By creating repercussions for negative actions, they will stop respective positive rewards when they haven’t been good.
For example, don’t pick up their calls if they ignored yours for days with no apology or explanation. You can send them a message letting them know why you’re ignoring their calls, but that’s all the courtesy you owe them.
14. Set boundaries you can uphold
Narcissists have limited boundaries, and that’s to protect their emotions as much as possible. They can shield themselves from consequences by scheming and lying, but they think everyone else’s feelings are fair game.
If you don’t create boundaries, a narcissistic individual will invade your personal space at will. Even if you’re in a relationship with one, you can make a narcissist miserable by listing boundaries they can’t cross.
Applying the previous tip, ensure you enforce the rewards and punishments rule to any boundary he crosses.
15. Do the opposite of what a narcissist expects from you
This tip might seem the opposite of the others, but it is effective. Remember that although limited, a narcissist has their boundaries, when you break the few rules they seem to rigidly hold on to, they feel off-kilter. If they dislike a particular food you eat, cook that food most of the time.
If he is your partner and disapproves of your fashion statement, defy him again and again. Doing what makes you happy can be how to make a narcissist miserable. When they cannot take it again, their narcissistic nature will make them stay far away from you.
You can make them uncomfortable by using their game against them. Challenge them to matches or activities they can’t win. Instead of bowing out humbly, they will try to prove you wrong. Their pride will not allow them to admit defeat, so use that heavily against them.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are upset when they cannot control the narrative in any situation. It makes them mad when their actions are being decided by somebody else. This is why they don’t deal well with authorities.
One of the best ways to outwit this set of people is to be armed with facts that they cannot refute. When you present them with facts, they have no choice but to concede defeat.
When you upset narcissists, they will try to hurt you back. They have no problem with using hurtful words, especially when they feel they have the right to. If they don’t do anything to hurt you, it’s better to not upset them.
Yes, they are extremely bothered when people who care about them ignore them. It makes them overthink all the possible wrongs they could have done and try to make you like them again.
At the end of the day, your well-being is what matters the most. You will observe that when you leave the narcissist, their supposed sense of loyalty will fly out the window quickly, and they will find a new victim before the door has closed behind them. Making them miserable might be your only chance of kicking them out of your life forever.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.