How To Insult A Guy (41 Mean Ways)

No matter how prim and proper you consider yourself, you have a breaking point. Let's face it, people are annoying, and may get on your nerves to the point that it's necessary to use some catchy comebacks. 

So, whether you like it or not, verbal confrontations and comebacks are part and parcel of everyday life. No one is asking you to go around gathering enemies, but learning an insult or two could be beneficial. 

In this case, I'm going to load your arsenal with insult words and phrases fit to insult any man who ‘comes for you’. It pays to be able to manipulate your language to get a rise out of an annoying person and with the material on this list, you should be able to get it done.


41 Mean Ways To Insult A Man

1. Stop being a baby

stop being a baby

In every culture, there is this pressure on men to step up and be mature right off the bat. So, if you channel your insults at the fact that they are acting like kids, it really cuts deep. So, if he does something particularly annoying and your brain can't think up any ideas to put him in his place, then the perfect thing to say is ‘stop being a baby' or tell him to grow up. 

I can't promise that this won't aggravate him further, but you can rest assured that he'll feel bad as a result of what you've said. 

2. I don't care what people say, you're alright

In this situation, you're relying on some good old sarcasm to drive the pins deep. I know if anyone insults me this way, I'd be fuming within and the beauty of using comebacks like this is the fact that it doesn't initially come off as an insult. 

The man or men in question may have to give it a little thought before they are clear in what you just said. Altogether, be one of those women who deliver insults that are both intelligent and sure to land well.

3. I would agree with you but then we both be wrong

As far as insults go, this is one that probably does not have any comebacks he could easily resort to. So, use it when you're ready to go for the jugular just so you do not end up making new enemies wherever you go. Here, you are taking a swing at this intelligence and setting yourself up as the more superior person between the both of you. 

Altogether, it is a well-tailored insult, but like I said when you bring this one out be ready for an unpleasant result. 

4. Could you go sit somewhere else? 

This question is undoubtedly a potent weapon of psychological warfare and that's exactly why it made its way onto this list. If you're all out of ideas on how to deliver good comebacks, then here is a no-brainer. 

It creates this notion that there is something gruesomely wrong with the man in question and you would like to immediately distance yourself from them. But before you go down this road ensure that you don't mind being a ‘low-blow' kind of woman. If you're cool with it, then proceed to be the destroyer of men. 

5. How many fathers do you have? 

I just reached out for one of the worst comebacks you could resort to. Men hate these kinds of double-pronged insults because, on one hand, you're spreading bad ideas about his mother's morality and the status of his birth. 

In a nutshell, you're insinuating that his mum is a woman of loose morals and as a result, he doesn't truly know who his dad is. As far as insults go, this is one fit for enemies, or at least it will make you a few enemies at the end of the day. But it cuts deep whether the people on the other end are men or women. 

6. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 

No one needs to tell you that this insult will cut deep, you are basically calling the man in question a dog. Based on that alone, it's one of those insults that cut deep on more levels than one. For one, it insinuated that the man is nothing more than an animal. 

Then it further cuts into the ‘fact' that he is loose and will hump just about anything the way a dog would. Sure, men like to joke about how many women they have been with, but it can still be a hard jab. You may even become enemies with this man after you drop this line. 

7. If you take a photo it will last longer 

if you take a photo it will last longer

OK, this insult has been used a lot, but think of it as an ‘oldie but a goodie.' It has become an integral part of popular culture, so you've most likely heard it used by women before. 

If a man is being too forward and is outrightly gawking at you, telling him to take a photo will put him on the spot and insult his ability to control himself. You don't need to be a man to know that this can deal a powerful blow to his ego. 

8. You are the reason God created the middle finger

Did you laugh? I know I did when I first came across this gem. This is one of those insults that can be taken lightly in some situations, so you may not infuriate the man with this line. 

But, then again, not all arguments are in ill regard, so you can whip this one out when you're simply sparring with the man in question. Altogether, if you are that woman that often riffs off with the menfolk then this particular insult will resonate well with you.

9. You have delusions of adequacy

Ouch, right? Just typing this hurt a little bit so I can only imagine the kind of blow it would land when directed to an actual man. This insult is an open attack on his ego and so you can rest assured that it will cut deep. 

Here, the man is not even having the ever-so-popular delusions of grandeur, he has not attained that level yet. As such, he's still battling with delusions of adequacy which is a serious step-down. When you're ready to drop this insult, brace yourself for some defensiveness because you will strike a nerve. 

10. I've been called worse things by better people

If there is ever the need to go on the defensive with your insults then this choice is a winner. Let's say you got into a row with a man and he resorted to name-calling, you could deflect his insults by turning it into a ‘water off a duck's back situation.' 

Let him know you're not one of those women who gets easily phased by slut or body shaming. You have had people he couldn't even pay to talk to call you worse and look at you, still breathing. 

11. I love how you state the obvious with such a sense of discovery

As far as insults go, this one is a killer. People, in general, do not like when you take jives at their intelligence and this one really drives it home in that regard. Here you are reducing every observation he makes, be it about popular culture or politics, to a mere zero. 

The insult does not only deliver a blow to his ego, it equally makes whatever he says afterward seem dumb and not well thought out. So, you can use insults like this when you want to shut down an argument. 

12. Wow, you have really lived up to your potential

Ahh, who does not like some good old-fashioned sarcasm? Well, I'll tell you who, the guy on the other side of this insult. If someone has suddenly developed a culture of taking jabs at you and you are ready to nip that in the bud, then this is one of the insults you can use to get it to stop. 

Here, you're making a keen yet subtle observation about how the pinnacle of his existence has already been attained, and unfortunately, it's quite a weak one. 

13. Eat some makeup so you can at least be beautiful on the inside

I don't usually resort to launching attacks on people's characters, but there's always a time and a place. Some people have had it coming since before you even met them. 

So, save insults like this for people who make their culture to be horrible to everyone they come in contact with. While we are each on our own journey of self-discovery, some people need to hear how horrible they are so that they can reflect on it. 

14. I'd like to rain insults on you, but I'm afraid Mother Nature already did a banging job

Some people are so annoying that you could not possibly figure out the right insults to launch at them. In that case, there is no need to put too much thought into it. Simply deliver a blanket insult that will state everything and wrap it all up with a bow on top. 

That's what the above statement encompasses, there is no need to put too much energy into an insult, simply let him insult himself. 

15. A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind

a sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind

If the aim is to insult someone's intelligence then you might as well do it in style. Especially if this guy goes around running his mouth and ripping people new ones, then this is one of those insults that will put the fellow right in his place. 

Let him know that all the insults he has been dishing out are not an indication that he is clever in any way. He may have a cunning comeback for that but don't doubt that it will hit him where it counts. 

16. Sometimes I need only what you can provide, your absence

Absence, they say, makes the heart grow fonder, but in this case, you want as much distance between you and the guy in question. When it gets too unbearable, it's not a bad idea to let him know that he's a nuisance. 

That line will put the pesky fellow in his place and let him know that you really don't care for his presence. Is it a sharp quip? Probably not, but it will do its fair share when it comes to bruising his ego. It helps that it's sarcastic too, because, who doesn't like some good old-fashioned sarcasm. 

17. Your family tree must be a circle

The party has not started if you haven't made a few references to inbreeding. While for some it's a culture and way of life, it's generally frowned upon for more reasons than one. 

So, if you really want to put a metaphorical sock in his mouth, make a reference to the notion that he is as messed up as he is because his family decided to keep the genes in-house. Not only will this strike a nerve, but you will get quite a laugh out of anyone around. 

18. There's a tree out there working overtime to replace the oxygen you consume, find it and apologize

As far as insults go, this one is a hard hitter. It is funny, witty, and really drives the point home. Basically, what you're saying is that his existence is pointless and so he should apologize to the forces of nature that work so hard to keep him up and running since they are practically wasting their time. It may not be Shakespeare, but you have to admit, it has a nice ring to it. 

19. You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel

If there ever was a crown jewel of insults, this would be it. It says what it says; ‘he's dumb.' Yes, poking at a person's intelligence may seem like a low blow, but sometimes low blows are needed to drive home a message. 

Let him know that you don't appreciate his intellect and even with his sharp wit, he can't impress you. That will deal quite a sharp blow to his ego as all good insults should do. 

20. I wasn't insulting you, I was describing you

OK, you have to give it to whoever came up with this clever one. It is the perfect way to nip a round of insults in the bud. Once temperatures keep rising and you're ready to move on to something more worth your time simply bow out on this note. 

Even if he keeps going on after you have dropped this line, he'll look stupid because you already dropped the microphone. The key is to ensure that you exit the conversation on this high note, no matter how much he pokes and prods at you. 

21. I'll explain that to you in simpler words

Here is something you could say if you’re looking to get a laugh at his expense, especially if he has been raking in some laughs at your expense. Again, this is a cheap quip that takes a swing at his intellect, and if he has really been annoying you, why not? 

To really drive it home, continue with sentences that are in broken or baby English. It’s a good insult to throw at him for kicks and if he has a good sense of humor, it may turn things around.

22. Call him a Cockalorum

It’s only fitting that we transition to big words after writing about using ‘simpler ones. What does it mean? You will simply be calling him a prideful and boastful fellow who feels a bit more important than he is. 

Do you want to know how to use it in a sentence? You could say something like, ‘ You little cockalorum, if only you could see past your big-headedness, you would probably make better choices.’ Using words he does not necessarily understand can throw him off balance and strike a blow to his ego.

23. Call him a rakefire

It sounds like something a character in the Bridgerton series would say and that's what makes it better. He will have to consult Google or an old dictionary to figure out what you said to him. According to the BBC, this term is used to describe a person who can't take a hint. 

They would overstay their welcome to the point of remaining there even after it all burnt down to the ground. So, he's basically that guest you never want to run into. If the person on the other end of your brawn is one of these, it'll be fun to watch him scramble to figure out what's going on. 

24. Tell him he is Pediculus

Now, here's another interesting word you can throw at him if the aim is to discombobulate him. It is more humorous than the previous one seeing as it means that he is lice-infested. Imagine if you combined it with the previous word and called him a pediculus rakefire, now that is someone you never want to be in the same room, talk less of a house with. 

25. Call him a gobermouch

call him gobermouch

This is an apt choice as far as insults go, and I best believe he is not going to like it when he figures out what you mean. The ancient insult has its origins rooted in Ireland and boy do they know how to tear at someone when the time comes. 

In a nutshell, you're practically calling him a busybody. It lands very aptly when he is actually a busy body, you're simply putting it in a more interesting light. It is quite dull to simply call him a busy body, so take it up a notch with this ancient insult. 

26. Let him know that he is a Fopdoodle

I specifically said that you should let him know that he is a fopdoodle because this is a really good one if you're trying to drive home an insult. Basically, a fopdoodle is someone who does not matter to you in any way. 

Think of such a person as a non-entity, so nothing they do (or don't do) affects you. It is especially nice if you let him know what it means so he understands the depth of your nonchalance when he is involved. In my book, there is no greater insult than indifference. 

27. Borrow an insult from Shakespeare

He isn't still known as a connoisseur of words for nothing, Shakespeare coined many terms in his day and not all of them qualify as savory. I'm not going to take you on a Shakespearean coined insults crash course, but here's one word you may want to add to your vocabulary. One such word is bedswerver, and its meaning is as unsavory as it sounds. 

You're basically going to be referring to him as a manwhore, but then again, it will be in a more colorful way. It is a combination of two words, ‘bed' and the Dutch word ‘zwerver' which means wanderer. So, don't hesitate to throw that into the mix when to make things interesting. 

28. Tell him he is a foozle

This is a sweet one to opt for if you're trying to insult him without really attacking his character. Think of this one as something you use when it's more of a sparring situation. It certainly does sound silly; it refers to someone who is out of date, style, and touch. 

It is mainly used when talking about the elderly, but you could equally use it as an insult. Saying that someone is old school does joy quite drive the message home, so call him a foozle and watch him unravel once he finally discovers what it means. 

29. Call him a lounge lizard

This one sounds bad whether you know what it means or not, and that is gold when it comes to insults. Without even referencing a dictionary or the Internet, he will know that you called him something unsavory. 

It has two meanings; one being a man whore and the other points to the fact that he's a social parasite. Either way, it is not a great thing to call someone and that's what makes it sigh a delicious insult for a man who's feeling all high and haughty. 

30. Call him a pillock

I'm glad I have had the chance to introduce you to a whole new world of old-fashioned insults you can hurl at him. Nevertheless, this is the last one for now and it is as feisty as it sounds. In plain words, it refers to a stupid or foolish person, so if you're not trying to mince words this is a good place to start. 

But that's not all, it is also a colorful euphemism for the male sexual member, so that's a two for one right there. 

31. You're not handsome enough to be this stupid

you're not handsome enough to be this stupid

Yes, I do admit that this one is a little bit more on the mean side. It practically insinuates that most pretty people don't invest much in themselves because their aesthetics are a crutch. Also, you are clearly telling him that he is ugly and stupid all wrapped up in one. 

If that is not a badass line to add to your insult arsenal then nothing else really is. On a side note, this should be a last resort choice, don't just reach for this one anytime he annoys it lashes out at you.

32. You do understand that people simply tolerate you, right? 

If the person in question has a particularly bad attitude then this insult is more than apt. Not only will it drive home a very biting message, but it will also reveal to them an aspect of themselves they should really try to work on. 

Are we handing out favors to people we pick arguments with now? Probably not, even if they do learn something in the process, you will have a field day while delivering those notes. 

33. I bet you like your steak well done 

I personally find this amusing, but some people will literally wring your neck for requesting well-done meat at a restaurant. Apparently only thoughtless and uninformed people ever resort to eating well-done meat. 

Why? Well, if an animal has to be killed, then you may as well eat it correctly. Rare and medium-rare cuts are more juicy, flavorful, and packed with more nutrients than well-done meat. Based on all this, if you hurl this insult at him, you're basically calling him the scum of the earth. 

34. You are not worth the dirt they will bury you in

Ouch! Even I felt that and no one has ever said that to me. In a nutshell, you will be calling this person useless and nobody wants to be called useless. You see, dirt is one of the most basic things on earth, in fact, the planet is covered in the stuff. 

So, if someone is not worth as much as dirt, then that is pretty low in my book. Once you hurl this one at him, you will most likely put him in his place. 

35. You make a whole lot of noise for someone who says nothing

Yup, if you are going to insult a person, then you might as well do it correctly. If you're looking for something to say to a guy who is constantly pestering and annoying you with words, then this is a phrase that will get you there. 

In essence, you are telling him that despite all he's been yapping about, you can't seem to pinpoint any value in everything he's spewed out. To really drive it home, let him go on and on about whatever it is he talks about, then drop this nugget. 

36. Everyone that ever loved you was wrong

If you ever have to use this one, then it means you have been pushed to the wall. Best believe that any man you say this to will have his ego bruised and his pride hurt all in one. I implore that you use it sparingly because this one is quite mean and ill-spirited. 

Telling him that everyone who ever loved him was wrong is basically saying that he's so horrible that he's unlovable. No one on the planet doesn't want to be loved, so this one may cut deep. 

37. I do wish that we could become better strangers

This is a savage line that you can use to drive home your point. It may not sound like much, but if you know how to deliver it properly then you can strike him where it hurts. It will hurt a lot more if you were once close to this man or had some semblance of a relationship

Because if you used it on a stranger or someone you just met, they could care less. The sarcasm puts a really nice touch to it, so make sure you get the tone right. 

38. Try again, this time use your big boy words

Well, here we go again because insulting his intelligence is a good way to go if you want to land a blow. No one wants to come off as dumb or inadequate so telling him to use his big boy words will make him self-conscious and perhaps tongue-tied.

39. I can explain to you but I cannot understand for you

There is no one you'll tell this that will be pleased with you, after all, you are once again insulting their intelligence. By using this phrase, you are essentially telling him that he's so dense you can't even be bothered insulting him; he won't be able to follow the plot. 

40. You are evidence that Darwin was right

As rooted in scientific fact as Darwin's theory is, it still makes for a good insult. Though all our ancestors apparently descended from primates, directly telling him that he's still a primate has a nice bite to it. By ‘nice', I mean that it will really drive your message home. 

41. Don't say anything at all

don't say anything at all

You won't know how biting silence can be till you have to sit through the silence of someone you were trying to get a rise out of. So, sometimes it is the best path to take, especially when the person keeps coming at you with one quip after another. 

It is not a sign of weakness to keep your cool and ignore the guy. In fact, it may even infuriate him more than if you had a witty comeback ready for him. So, once in a while, keep the insults at bay and try silence. You could end up striking a nerve you never even knew was there. 


What should you do if someone insults you?

First, do not resort to instant anger, being a hotheaded woman will only get you so far. Reacting to an insult is a clear indication that they have some sort of power over you. Try to figure out the motive behind the insults and keep a cool head in it all. No matter what happens does not match their energy in terms of anger, it'll only escalate the situation. 

How do you respond to an insult? 

The first thing to do is to brace yourself for the worst, always assume that the other person is willing to strike a low blow. Also, don't concentrate on a comeback so much that you snap back before your brain has time to catch up. 

Then, if you really want to get a word in, deliver it in the form of a well-crafted, backhanded compliment. There aren't any rules in these situations, simply bide your time. 

How do you diss someone?

I know you must be waiting for me to tell you how to stick some metaphorical pins into the voodoo doll that represents your enemies. But, sometimes no insult is better than going all out. 

In other words, ignore them and the result will be quite pleasant. Blocking someone out by not speaking to them, meeting their eyes, or acknowledging their existence is more painful than a million comebacks.

How do you deal with an insulting husband?

When guys insult you, they really drive it home; best believe that men play dirty. Your first instinct may be to insult them back, but he won't take it like a gentleman. Nevertheless, don't let him think he can keep jabbing away at you, that means you're setting precedence. Next, you need to have an honest conversation, guys. 

Nothing will fix itself if you don't talk about the language and insults he hurls at you. 

How do you deal with hurtful comments?

Whether they were delivered by a man or a woman, you need to build your defense against insults and unsavory language. Men and women will always have power over you if you let one unappealing word or a couple of them cut you too deep. Since you're only human, give yourself a designated time to think about it, then move on. 

Finally, replace each word with something positive. 

In Conclusion 

Knowing how to insult men is more than just the act of delivering witty comebacks, it requires a lot of brain work and the right attitude. So, hopefully, when next that man gets on your last nerve you will be well-equipped to deliver a comeback that does not only set him straight but also encourages him to be more of a gentleman. 

With that in mind, I hope my comeback list proved useful, I'm open to reading some of your insults and comebacks in the comment box below. Also, share this with someone who would find it useful. 

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