If you want to know how to help your spouse heal from your affair, you are in luck because this article is going to show you how. If you have been unfaithful, it’s important that you help your spouse heal after you have explained what happened or after he found out.
Do you feel like your marriage may be in trouble? Do you want to save your marriage? Does your husband feel like a betrayed spouse now that he knows about your affair?
You may feel a bit hopeless as you think about your affair, but there is hope! In this article, we’ll look at some things you can do after an affair, how to help your spouse, and what to do next.
- 1 How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair
- 1.1 1. See a marriage and family therapist
- 1.2 2. Discuss what happened with your spouse
- 1.3 3. Work to rebuild trust
- 1.4 4. Talk about why the affair happened
- 1.5 5. Pray for your spouse’s forgiveness
- 1.6 6. Increase the amount of intimacy you share
- 1.7 7. Work on doing more things with one another
- 1.8 8. Build your faith with each other
- 1.9 9. Ask for forgiveness
- 1.10 10. End the affair and stop all contact with the affair partner
- 1.11 11. Be honest from this point going forward
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Sum Up
How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair
1. See a marriage and family therapist
Often, a couples counselor or therapist can help out in situations like this. If you find someone who is qualified, they probably have seen many marriages that have had this happen to them. Ask your spouse if he or she is willing to give it a try; if your spouse wants to make it work, hopefully, he or she will agree. If not, consider going alone.
A trained therapist may have the right handouts or book recommendations for you – something that is exactly what you need at this moment. He or she may be able to give you relationship advice that you would never have thought of. Their wisdom can help you during the healing process you are going through.
You may feel like your spouse is the only one that is healing right now, but you are feeling hurt and pain, too. You know you did wrong and maybe having a hard time forgiving yourself for hurting your spouse in the way you did. Keep in mind that your relationship can be healed. Just give it time.
2. Discuss what happened with your spouse
Talk about what your partner wants to know. If he feels the need to know about your other partners and the details of your affairs, go ahead and share them with him. If he needs to see your computer, have access to your email, or wants to read your text messages, allow him the chance to do just that. Be open and honest about it all.
3. Work to rebuild trust
Tell your partner what you do and when you are planning to do it. This is the best way to build trust once again. Explain that you want your marriage to work, and you are willing to do the work to get it there. If he or she needs to know about your affair partners, go ahead and give him or her the details, but only do this if he or she asks.
4. Talk about why the affair happened
I believe it is a good idea to talk about why the infidelity happened in the first place. What was missing from your relationship? Why did you feel the need to see another person? Why did you sleep with someone else? Did this partner fulfill you in ways that your spouse could not? Talk it over with your partner to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
5. Pray for your spouse’s forgiveness
You may find prayer to be especially helpful right now. You might want to ask your partner if they’re willing to go to church with you. Sometimes, if you are building your faith together as a team, you can grow closer to one another. Ask your partner if he or she will pray for you and your marriage; explain that you want to grow closer!
Intimacy is not all about sex; it’s also about the closeness you share with your partner, the connection the two of you have with each other, and how you feel about one another. What can the two of you do together to rekindle what you once had? What was it like when you first met? What made you fall head over heels for your partner?
Think about the reverse side of this. What is your partner feeling right now? How does he or she feel about what’s happened? Can you empathize with them (see things from the other side)? You may want to find things you can enjoy doing together. Do you both enjoy playing chess, water polo, or just watching a million movies on Netflix?
Find out what your partner thinks of this suggestion. He or she may have insight – something that you have never thought of. What is his or her passion in life? Do you think that the two of you can find a new way to connect with each other? Look at some vacation brochures at a travel agency to get some great ideas on what to do together.
7. Work on doing more things with one another
Do things together! Find ways to spend more quality time with one another. You may find it helpful to go on a mini-vacation together. It will give you a chance to escape reality for a short amount of time. What can the two of you do together to reconnect? Brainstorm some possibilities to determine how you can grow closer with each other.
8. Build your faith with each other
As mentioned, you may find it helpful to share your faith with your partner – whatever you believe. You may want to join a Bible study so that the two of you can understand the “good book” together. You might want to meet with a spiritual leader who can guide you to the most relevant scriptures for a marital affair. He or she could also help with therapy.
9. Ask for forgiveness
Sometimes, we forget to do simple things. If you have not said you are sorry for what you’ve done, you should take the time to do so. Maybe you can ask your spouse for quality time, explain what happened, why, and tell him or her you are truly sorry for what happened, and explain that it will not happen again because you want to make it work.
There may be certain things your partner needs right now – things that you did not know about. Ask him to be honest and open with you about his needs and wants. Try to be open to whatever he has to say. You may find it comforting to do something nice for your partner after something like this has taken place. Reach out in a caring fashion.
10. End the affair and stop all contact with the affair partner
You may want to spend much of your time making sure you have cut romantic ties with your affair partner. Delete any romantic emails you received, delete his or her phone number, and stop all contact with this person. Much of your stress may go away once you’ve done these things. If you must see this person, keep it professional.
If you work with this person on a regular basis, you may want to see about switching departments or locations if you are able to. If you go to school with this person, see about switching classes or professors, or take the rest of your course via correspondence. The point is to cease all romantic contact with this individual.
Make sure your partner understands what you are doing, too. Tell him or her that you would like to be as upfront and honest with him as possible. Can you explain that you are trying to make things right to the best of your ability? Ask if there is anything else they need you to do to feel more comfortable in the relationship.
11. Be honest from this point going forward
There will always be times when you will face temptation. Be faithful from here on out. You will want to keep all promises you make with your partner; when you say you will be somewhere, be there. If you say you will do something, do it. Be honest, but also be forthright about what you mean when you say or do certain things.
One way you can help your wife or husband heal from a cheating experience is to report where you go and what you do. Giving your spouse a report like this will help you rebuild trust. Even if you’re going to your book club, tell him what you’re doing.
Unfortunately, you can’t purchase a quick fix after an affair, but marriages don’t need a self-help book purchase to get over infidelity. Success or failure can be determined in part by how sincere you are about what you’ve done. The pain won’t disappear, but the hurt can over time.
It really depends on the marriage involved. If your partner is open to making the marriage work, you have an excellent chance of healing. In the beginning, things will be much different after an affair is revealed. Your partner may be uneasy, uncomfortable, and insecure with you.
You certainly can. Part of the pain you may go through after an affair may be hurt, which is usually not the intent of the person who did the cheating. Marriages can survive all sorts of things, though. There just must be some hope of a future for the relationship.
Sometimes, people cheat because they are not getting enough attention from their partners. Maybe he or she is too busy with work and not paying any attention or giving any affection to his or her partner. This can lead to an affair.
To Sum Up
Have you witnessed marriages that have survived affairs? Are you going through a difficult period with your relationship right now? Have you cheated on your partner? I’d like to hear about it! Please leave a comment. Also, please share this post with others who could benefit from it!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.