Crush, infatuation, lust, limerence; I bet these words aren't foreign to any of us. Whether it was the three-year-old we shared our crayons with back in kindergarten or the hottie in accounting at our workplace, we've all had that one person we just couldn't stop obsessing over at some point in our lives.
Psychologists and other neuroscientists have been able to break down the mechanics of a crush scientifically. However, this doesn't make it less fascinating or any less complicated; on the contrary, the more it’s scientifically unfolded, the more mysterious it becomes.
Some people are more prone to infatuation than others are. For example, people who love to live in La La Land or fantasy land tend to be a bit more susceptible to cupid’s crush potion, as well as people who have an idealistic view of life or people who just love the feeling of being in love.
Many people fall into all of these categories; then, they end up struggling to escape the intractable web of fixation they’ve blindly walked into.
The thing with infatuation is that it alters your normal brain function. Since you like the person in question to a fault, you could find yourself doing things to please them or changing your opinions to suit theirs.
In this situation, they're seemingly the epitome of perfection, and you can't imagine your life without them. Your brain tells you that you will drop dead if they look at you with anything short of admiration or approval.
This scenario is just plain unhealthy and can shake up your self-esteem. So, if you've found yourself in this rut, and you're ready to shake off the feeling and take back your life and dignity, then go ahead and read these few tips on how to get over an infatuation.
- 1 13 Ways To Get Over An Infatuation
- 1.1 1. Be intentional
- 1.2 2. Humanize them
- 1.3 3. Journey to the past
- 1.4 4. Find humor in their flaws
- 1.5 5. Occupy your mind with another object of interest
- 1.6 6. Snap therapy or negative reinforcement
- 1.7 7. Get busy
- 1.8 8. See a therapist
- 1.9 9. Talk about it with someone you trust
- 1.10 10. Keep your distance
- 1.11 12. Try talking to them
- 1.12 13. Try medication
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Conclude
13 Ways To Get Over An Infatuation
1. Be intentional
Unlike growing pains and some other challenges, the feeling of infatuation sometimes doesn't fade away on its own. Especially as an adult, you'd have to tackle the desire to stay fixated on this person consciously. Don't be deceived; it may prove harder than you think.
The reason is that it's not easy to change your thoughts towards a thing or person, especially when hormones are involved.
However, for your sanity and self-esteem, you need to invest a good amount of effort into breaking free from that mental prison. Quit making excuses to see reason, and try your best not to procrastinate your recovery. Now is the time to stop daydreaming about them endlessly or catering to their every need.
2. Humanize them
As pointed out earlier, procrastination is characterized by romanticizing and idolizing the person you have these feelings for. You could tackle this by humanizing them, convincing your mind that they're just as human as you are, with flaws and imperfections.
Changing your mind about a thing may sometimes require doing the most irrational things. You may need to do the most childish things to get rid of specific feelings. For example, you could ask a friend who knows the person in question to tell you everything they think is wrong with this person. You could ask them to make it a bit dramatic just to drive the point a bit deeper.
3. Journey to the past
Almost everyone has a Facebook account that's still filled with throwback photos of their not-so-glamorous days. You may be lucky to have access to your crush's old Facebook account. Try looking through all their throwbacks. You could even look through some photos of them on their friends’ or relatives’ pages.
Most crushes hinge on the fact that you're very physically attracted to the person, so seeing imperfect photos of them helps your mind realize just how human they can look. You could take an extra step and imagine them at their worst, imagine them looking even worse than their most ugly throwback photo, it may sting you a bit or make you cringe, but it works.
4. Find humor in their flaws
Laughing at their mistakes would be most effective if you work or live close to this person. If this is the case for you, it means that you see them often. Condition your mind to be aware of its flaws. Do not ignore these faults as usual or beautify them in your mind.
Once in a while, they may trip on their shoelaces or fart in public by mistake. They may choke on their words or even stutter from time to time. Make sure to take a break from your frequent infatuations and try to find humor in them as you do for every other person or thing. The more you laugh at these things, the more your mind would become aware of your crush's humanity.
5. Occupy your mind with another object of interest
It's true that the more you try not to think about something, the more you end up thinking about it. Especially when this thing is a complex human of the opposite sex you are obsessed with.
Many people suggest that all you should do to stop these infatuations is to cease thinking about them at once, but it's not that simple.
Our minds are more abstract than that; you can't just halt a thought. It could pop up again in another form. So, instead of attempting to cold-turkey the whole situation, just replace this demi-god your mind has created with another seemingly fascinating being. The person could be real or made up.
Just make sure he, she, or it is as magnificent as your mind believes your crush is.
6. Snap therapy or negative reinforcement
This particular tip may not work for everyone; people respond very differently to different methods of conditioning. They say pain is an excellent way to train yourself to stop a bad habit.
For people who are a bit more mentally disciplined, inflicting very light and safe pain when you catch yourself obsessing could be helpful. The rubber band method is the easiest way, and some may even say more effective.
Place a rubber band or two around your wrist, and anytime you start to think about this person, pull it and let it snap against your skin. This stinging sensation is bound to make you aware of your descent down your usual rabbit hole of obsessive emotions.
7. Get busy
The saying, ‘An idle mind is the devil's workshop’ couldn't be less accurate in this scenario. The more free time you have, the more time your mind would have to engage those compulsive thoughts. So, instead of using your free time to sit or lay around and fantasize about Miss or Mister perfect, try keeping yourself occupied with something you find interesting.
You could pick up an old habit that you haven't visited in a while. If you're artistic, perhaps pick up a few art classes or if you love finding ways to give back, try engaging in a few projects that would help the community. Who knows, you may even meet someone and build a real relationship along the line.
8. See a therapist
I know this sounds extreme, but truth be told, therapists are pretty helpful and could save us a whole lot of unnecessary mental stress. Most of us have an ounce of crazy buried deep down inside of us; you don't want to end up being the person who gets a restraining order because you were caught stalking your crush.
I know that is a worst-case scenario, but it all starts from somewhere.
Some people's obsessions are way more profound than others. It’s best to avoid slowly becoming a psychopath and nip it in the bud while it's still early. Aside from the risk of becoming the Joker's sidekick, your peace of mind is paramount, so go ahead and book that session.
9. Talk about it with someone you trust
Talking about issues like these always has a way of disarming them and reducing the effects they ultimately have on you. Besides talking to your therapist, talking to a trusted friend or relative may help. Hearing yourself talk about it aloud may make you realize how ridiculous the entire situation is or how irrational your thoughts are.
Getting feedback from your confidante could also help you see your crush in another light. They may also share a few of their own experiences that'll help you feel less alone in all of it.
10. Keep your distance
Remember the famous saying; ‘Out of sight, out of mind’? You can apply the concept in this situation, and you'd be surprised how fast those obsessive feelings fade out. One of the things that may be fueling your infatuation is the fact that you keep feeding your brain with images of this person. Try your best to avoid seeing them as much as possible.
If you both work together or live close to each other, try to avoid the places you know they'll be. For example, if he has his lunch in the cafeteria by noon, try having yours at a different location or a different time.
12. Try talking to them
Infatuations are mostly built on assumptions or fantasies created by your imagination about a person. Most people have never once spoken to their crushes. Never really interacting with a person could give you false beliefs about them and end up making you idolize them.
One or two conversations with this person may help you create a realistic picture of them in your mind. You may even discover that they have distorted views on specific topics or may not be as brilliant or perfect as you think they are.Focus on you.
Self-love couldn't be more critical at this point; if you feel like you already have a good relationship with yourself, you need to turn up the love even more. Chances are, throughout the time you've liked this person, you may have forgotten to look at yourself as an equal personality.
Infatuation can sometimes make us believe that our crush is a deity and we're nothing but priests in their temple.
Even the most confident people could sometimes lose a good part of their self-esteem and damage the healthy relationship they once had with themselves when they have a crush on someone. So try your best to work on yourself. Remind yourself that you do not need anyone else's validation to be happy.
13. Try medication
A little medical help never hurts anyone; if you feel like your mind is being way too stubborn for you to control, you could get a little help from your psychiatrist. Reduce your frequent doses of caffeine or alcohol, which temporarily make you feel better.
Try matcha tea instead. Yes, it still contains caffeine but in minimal amounts. This tea contains an amino acid known as L-theanine, which increases our happy hormones like dopamine and serotonin and will keep you far from depression and intrusive thoughts
It takes between four months to three years to get over an infatuation. Since infatuation is built on romanticizing a person, not necessarily loving them for who they are, it's bound to fade out sooner than later. The moment you realize that they’re just as human and flawed as you are, the obsession will fade.
Not all crushes magically wax into true love or relationships, but there have been a few cases where a liking for someone based on unrealistic assumptions blossoms into love after getting to know them. There is no set time for this since it’s not always the case, but hypothetically speaking, it may take about six months to a year.
You can be infatuated with someone for several reasons, ranging from simple chemical reactions in your body to the fact that you just love ‘love’. Also, some people are more prone to obsession with things and people, so it could be easier for them to get captivated by a person.
It's a bit tricky to tell the difference between love and infatuation because both have almost the same feelings associated with them. However, the differences do exist. If you somehow crave their validation at all costs, ignoring your values, ideas, and opinions, this is one sign of infatuation as opposed to love.
Most guys have admitted that they remember most of their crushes, even the first crush they had from kindergarten. Most don’t even stop at remembering their names; they also remember how they looked, the first time they spoke, what was said, and whether they liked them back.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Remember, infatuation is very temporary; it’s unlikely to lead to any real or solid relationship. So, don't let yourself get sucked in too deep. Please let me know what you think about this topic in the comment section, and be sure to share the article.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.