Despite the stereotype about guys being perpetually down bad, anyone who has more than movies and erotica to reference as sexual experience knows that isn’t always the case. It’s not even an issue of diminished sexual function or anything of the sort. Sometimes, a man just isn’t readily in the mood.
Thankfully, we no longer live in an era where women only got laid when their men wanted and went for it. If you’re feeling frisky and your guy’s gusto isn’t quite matching up, there are ways to go about getting him there. While there’ll be flat-out no-dice days, more often than not, a bit of persuasion goes a long way.
Sometimes, you’re lucky, and even a whiff of you gets him rock hard. Other times, he needs you to be a little more intentional about turning him on. If you’re wondering how to go about the latter, you clicked the right link. I’m not saying I’m an expert on the subject or anything, but I’m pretty confident (and excited) about the tips you’re about to read.
- 1 13 Ways To Get Him In The Mood
- 1.1 1. Set the ambiance
- 1.2 2. Get him to relax
- 1.3 3. Telltales of your intent with your eyes
- 1.4 4. Look the part
- 1.5 5. Make him anticipate it
- 1.6 6. Watch other people go at it together
- 1.7 7. Reminisce
- 1.8 8. Do something he wouldn't expect
- 1.9 9. Get naughty in his DMs
- 1.10 10. “Accidentally” touch him while you're out
- 1.11 11. Cuddle him
- 1.12 12. Show how happy (reluctant) you are to see him (go)
- 1.13 13. Get the ball rolling
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Conclude
13 Ways To Get Him In The Mood
1. Set the ambiance
When most people hear ambiance in this context, they think of the romantic candlelight dinner trope. While that isn’t at all wrong, it’s just one example of how it can go keeping in mind sex isn’t always an emotional affair.
By all means, set your table and burn candles if that’s the mood you’re going for, and the ache meets you in the right place. But when you’re going for a somewhat different vibe, you can also set the pace by getting the DJ to play something that makes you both get your sexy on. Or get someone to dim the lights in your section.
The point is creating the atmosphere you want isn’t always about just diffusers and music. What you wear, the way you look at him, and what you talk about all play a part. And, of course, you’re more likely to succeed when you tailor the aura to the individual you’re dealing with rather than going by ideals and averages.
2. Get him to relax
That said, the idea behind regulating the ambiance is to bring you to this second point – helping him relax. The hormones you want coursing through him kind of don’t work well with cortisol, the one primarily responsible for stressing him. So, the assignment is simple: find ways to reduce his stress levels to get his body (and mind) in the optimal state.
For instance, you can get him to take a relaxing shower or prepare a bubble bath and ask him to join in. Another option is to bust out the hot oils and give him a massage, a sensual one. It could also be to have his favorite smoke or a glass of wine at the ready. Again, know what works for your guy and leverage it to help him unwind.
3. Telltales of your intent with your eyes
When it comes to getting guys in the mood, sometimes less is more. That’s why non-verbal (body language) flirting is the most successful style of doing it yet. And as those go, making eye contact is basically top of the line. It sits at that sweet spot where subtle meets loud without having to say a word.
Yes, you may be eager to see him take in other body parts than your eyes, but it’s a lot hotter if you let the look in your eyes lead him there. I understand it can be tricky to land the sexy gaze thing, though, when unsure, try the triangle technique.
It’s basically making direct eye contact, shifting your gaze down to his lips, then back to his eyes in no more than a few beats. You can also extend the lower part of the inverted triangle farther down his body, depending on how much you want to give away.
4. Look the part
As I said, what you have on adds or takes away from the overall ambiance you are trying to set. Everything from color to texture to fit should be considered, especially when dealing with a man of taste. Naturally, this is the part where sexy lingerie comes to mind, as it should, especially if it’s not an everyday thing for you.
However, more than just getting what’s conventionally advertised as hot, go for items that not only accentuate your form but what he likes, and that also make you feel sexy. (Trust me, he can tell when you wear something you don’t feel confident in, and I don’t have to tell you how that can hurt your case.)
As for color, red is the safest, as it has been proven now and again to drive men wild, but you can opt for whatever shade flatters your skin tone.
5. Make him anticipate it
Tantalize him by alternating between going for it and playing hard to get. Getting a man in the mood is one thing, but helping him sustain that arousal without giving up the cake too soon is an art. Between you looking and feeling like a million bucks and making strategic eye contact, he’d naturally be itching to have you in his bed in no time.
But to make the experience a little more remarkable than the average sex, tease him sensually to the point of arousal, then slow your roll. Pick up the intensity and basically rinse and repeat till he’s at full mast and can no longer bear the tease.
6. Watch other people go at it together
The very fact that so many people watch porn proves a lot of us get off on watching other people do it. Though a bit of discretion is always advised in trying what you see on the screen, it’s an entire pool of new ideas waiting to be explored.
If you and your partner aren’t privileged to be part of some exclusive sex club where you could see the action live, the internet offers the next best thing. If full-blown porn is too hardcore for you, try a sexy movie or even a book. Stick to genres that excite him and you, and don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone.
This sets the scene for taking your sex life up a notch as it shaves off at least a few layers of inhibition. It’s a chance to share your fantasies without judgment which, whether or not you actually do them, adds a personal touch and deepens the experience even further.
Nostalgia is another feeling you can leverage to get your man in the mood, especially if you’ve made some fond memories of your time together. Could be anything from the first time you locked eyes to a particularly hot date night you had. Some married couple’s honeymoon memories keep them going long after the physical spark is no longer there.
Talk about it, dig up keepsakes, pictures and videos, an old perfume, just anything to trigger thoughts of a time when he couldn’t keep his hands off you. Complement this with one or two other tips on this list, and you’re more likely than not to get yours.
8. Do something he wouldn't expect
Spontaneity is another way to go about arousing a man whether you’re married or casually sleeping with each other. While there’s a place for knowing exactly what to expect in a relationship, the bedroom is one area most guys don’t want you to be predictable.
A lot of the time, it’s not that he isn’t in the mood but that your sex life has become more of a routine than an exciting activity worth looking forward to. If you suspect that might be the case, surprise him by turning a few things around he’d never expect.
Switch your signature nightwear for something equally comfortable but hotter. Go down on him in the shower. Incorporate sex toys you know he’d be into, take charge, talk dirty, anything you’re down with to get your kink on.
9. Get naughty in his DMs
Speaking of talking dirty, sexting anyone!? Remember what I said about drawing out the experience as long as you can? Same idea, but over the phone. Send him a picture of a random couple getting hot and heavy with the caption, “you and me soon?” when you are out of town.
Excuse yourself to the bathroom while you’re out, and text him a sneak peek of what you’re (not) wearing if you’re into that kind of thing. Start a conversation about that random night that turned out to be one of the best sex either of you has ever had. Tell him what you want him to do to you or what you’d like to do to him, depending on which one gets him in the mood faster, etc.
10. “Accidentally” touch him while you're out
Another way to get his blood rushing is to physically tease him in a place where he couldn’t take you if he wanted to. Maybe at a work, an event he’s hosting, or a family dinner he can’t escape. It can even be at a restaurant or a bar.
Let him smell you as you graze him ever so slightly while moving across from him. Play footsie with him under the table. Let your eye contact linger a bit longer than necessary. Wet your lips in a sensual manner, and flirt with other people while he watches. Basically, tease all his senses simultaneously for maximum effect, and you’ll be back to thank me.
11. Cuddle him
Cuddling is the gift that keeps giving for most warm-blooded folks out there. Need comfort? Snuggle up. Cold? Curl up to your person and feel yourself warm up from the inside out. Down bad, but he’s not in the mood? Hello spooning.
As long as a man is attracted to you and isn’t too physically out of it to get it on, cuddling is bound to rouse something in him. Certain positions like spooning that allow for significant skin-to-skin contact are even more likely to get the job done. Don’t say anything, just wear something sexy, smell nice, and climb into bed with him. Leave the rest to biology.
12. Show how happy (reluctant) you are to see him (go)
Contrary to popular belief, some men feel aroused only when shown affection. In that sense, knowing your man’s love language can be a shortcut to turning him on. If he’s partial to physical touch, for instance, give him a kiss or long hug when he walks in the door. If hearing you say sweet things is his poison, you can grab his attention in and out of bed with the right words.
The ideal thing is to make him feel wanted as often as possible, all right. But if life and familiarity have gotten in the way of that, busting the love out when you want some is your next best bet.
13. Get the ball rolling
When all else fails, go the direct route and get things started yourself. Sneak up on him scantily clad or in your birthday suit and whisper sweet nothings in his ears. Pull him close and kiss him so passionately that there’s only one thing he can think of when it ends. Place his hands on your lady parts or grab hold of his.
Take a steamy bubble bath or shower together to get the juices flowing. Surprise him. Slowly climb into bed or wherever he can get a good view and touch yourself while maintaining eye contact. Tell him your sex and bedroom fantasies. Be as explicitly as you can and tell him to have sex with you. If he's still reluctant or says no after all that, give up.
Guys get turned on by what they see, so a bit of cleavage along with some sultry eye contact ought to get him going. Or you could skip the seduction altogether and go for physical touch. Anything from a long hug to a full-blown make-out should do the trick.
Sext or send him suggestive pictures of you. Talk dirty to him over the phone. Welcome him home with affection, dress for the mood you’re trying to set, and play relaxing/sexy music. Smell seductive, or just go down on him as he walks in the door.
Unlike with women, it’s easier to tell when a guy is horny. The most obvious sign, of course, is an erection, so he might keep shifting his pants. His heart rate would be revved up, so you can probably hear it in his voice. His gaze will be smoldering and might linger more than usual. If he’s attracted to you, he may also try to touch you more.
His ears, hair, neck, back, chest, belly, foot, basically any part of a guy’s body where a skin covers is a good place to touch him. Special attention can be paid to his erogenous zones and the genital area during sex, though.
A woman’s eyes, lips, hair, boobs, stomach, butt, legs, feet, and skin are some specific parts that generally get men in the mood. However, for some, it’s the more abstract stuff like the tone of her voice or her scent that gets them going.
Bedroom matters are as subjective as it gets. There’s enough on this shortlist for most people, but it doesn’t necessarily mean these are the only ways ever to get a man in the mood.
Again, these things aren’t set in stone, so always remember to work with your person. If you liked what you read, why not comment and share? You never know, someone else in your circle could use it.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.