I think it’s fair to begin an article such as this one with a definition. Finding closure in layman's terms is coming to a complete acceptance of a situation or something, usually a relationship as it is. It also means a right of passage to let go of heartbreak. The word closure is often used in regards to moving forward in a relationship. It could be after a bad breakup or the loss of a loved one.
It's completely normal to seek clarity. It’s so difficult to let go of a romantic relationship that wasn’t broken up by you. As humans, we keep our sanity going by justifying a situation with a reason.
As much as it’s okay, they’re ways to go about finding out why a relationship ended the way it did or a reason that justifies how you feel. If you go about seeking clarity the wrong way, you’ll end up feeling worse or wrecking things further.
Not getting closure from your ex is as bad as having a bone stuck in your throat that water won’t flush. There’s a difference between wanting it and needing it. If you want it, you can do without it, but if it feels like a need; go for it!
Clarity isn't always gotten from the person who hurt you, sometimes, only you can give it to yourself. Having done some research I've written out seventeen ways on how to get closure.
- 1 17 Ways to Get Closure From Someone You Love
- 1.1 1. Ask for it
- 1.2 2. Focus on yourself
- 1.3 3. Therapy
- 1.4 4. Give it time
- 1.5 5. Limit contact
- 1.6 6. Go big on fun stuff
- 1.7 7. Talk to a friend
- 1.8 8. Get a life
- 1.9 9. Acceptance
- 1.10 10. Ignore blame
- 1.11 11. Look from his perspective
- 1.12 12. Learn something
- 1.13 13. Forgive
- 1.14 14. Pray
- 1.15 15. Analyze the situation honestly
- 1.16 16. Walk through the heartache
- 1.17 17. Repeat
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
17 Ways to Get Closure From Someone You Love
1. Ask for it
If you need it, ask for it. What some people do when they want closure is expected to be handed to them. That's not how it works darling, especially if you got involved with a nonchalant man. Maybe not right in the heart of everything, but after a while, you're entitled to having a few questions answered.
Whether you want to meet him in person (preferably) or text him about getting clarity on the issue, do it and get it off your chest. His response to your request is up to him. What's the worst that can happen? Denying your request lets you know that it's up to you to move on from whatever you both shared.
2. Focus on yourself
Keep in mind that you're the most important to yourself in whatever scenario. He's probably not out there worrying about you like you are beating yourself up about his opinion. Begin the healing process on your own.
That means, not stalking him on social media, lessening communication, and keeping your attention on the things that bring you happiness. Whatever answers he'll provide are not the things you need to move on even though they can help. What's important is that you are ready to let go because you may never get closure.
If you're looking for a solution, you'll find it here but with money out of your pocket. Therapy is a sure way through the path of finding clarity and you don't need to talk to your ex through it all. The idea that closure helps you tie ends is ridiculous cause some ends can never be tied, ever!
However, therapy helps you heal from the pain you were caused, either by an ex or friend. If you're waiting for an apology, you may wait for the rest of your life for nothing. I suggest you go to therapy if anything you're going through feels like more than you can bear.
4. Give it time
Getting over a loved one is not magic. The path to clarity opens the door to many possibilities, you can get the answers you seek and not feel better like you imagined. It happened over and over to people, you won't be the first. Although the closure is defined to seem like a one-time answer that opens your eyes, it takes a while to sink in, and if you're not careful, you'll keep digging your ex for information that is not helping you heal but lighting a fire in your heart.
5. Limit contact
I don't see a reason to stay around something that hurt you. You're not going to find anything by keeping him around and continuing contact. Create a boundary to protect yourself, keep in mind that if a person hurt you the first time, there's no guarantee they won't don't it again. Be prepared.
You can find clarity from a distance. It's the best way to search for it. Don't be that person that keeps calling an ex up to ask questions, you're only torturing yourself on the wrong path. Give yourself time away from the cause of your pain, block him if you have to.
6. Go big on fun stuff
Closure can come in different ways. Sometimes, it's about you paying more attention to yourself not an answer from a man who crushed your heart. Make a list of all the things you've always wanted to do and make a run for them. Go high in a good time with yourself and your friends.
You may find who you are along with the tides and true self-discovery helps a person make better choices for themselves. Don't wallow away waiting for an apology, you don't need it to feel better about yourself.
7. Talk to a friend
I’m big on good friendships that help one another get over the heartache. There must be a friend or family you would like to talk to about how you feel. It's as good as therapy and sometimes, even better because you get it for free.
However, all the closure you need may be in the little advice they give. You've probably heard that a problem shared is half solved. But I believe that a problem shared with a true friend becomes a good joke when it's solved. Tell someone about it, get it off your chest!
8. Get a life
You better not wallow, that's the worst way to find closure. You only sink deeper and deeper into your heartbreak if you do so. Start by telling a friend as I mentioned above and then spend time developing a new interest. Don't wait around for anyone, that's giving the person too much control over you.
Keep yourself happy, even with the little things around you. Distractions may sound like temporary healing means right now but I promise if you keep at it, you'll forget what you were distracting yourself from in the first place. As the saying goes, “fake it till you make it.”
There's no closure for a person who has built a house in denial. Come clean to yourself about the reality of your relationship. Did he break up with you for no reason? Face that! Accept that the relationship has come to an end and he would like to love on.
Accept that he didn't choose you over someone else and so on. Acceptance is a better path to healing and it starts with telling yourself the truth. Whatever happened has happened and evading it would change nothing.
10. Ignore blame
Finding clarity between you and a past lover is not about throwing blames. It's more about acceptance than a blame game if you want to heal from it. People make mistakes and I'm sure you both had your fair share, holding on to him no matter how great only makes you stuck not him.
If you think blaming him holds him back, you're wrong. It's you it limits. If you're talking it out with an ex, drop the blames in the trash and focus on what went wrong and how to move on from everything.
11. Look from his perspective
You'd probably get to this point faster with a therapist and perhaps a friend. Often, when we're emotional we miss the point that is glaring at us. What you need may be the other person's perspective on the issue and you don't always need to talk to them to realize what they had in mind.
As I said, often, it's right there if we look at it carefully. However, this type of closure takes time and usually happens in the middle of you focusing on other things and making new friends.
12. Learn something
Keep an open mind, there's always something to learn somewhere. There's always something to learn from a broken relationship or someone else's mistake and that lesson is clear if you look at it carefully.
Focus on the good parts of your relationship, I'm sure it wasn't all bad. Keep in mind the things that made you have a good time and learn them for the future. Also, not the things that hurt you as well. You would be surprised what you'd discover after this exercise.
The reason for seeking clarity is to move on from hurt or pain. However, forgiveness can be the clarity you need to let go of whoever is holding you back. The purpose of whatever you're doing to get clarity would be lost if you do not keep an open mind to forgive your previous partner or someone who hurt you. Not forgiving a person only imprisons you not the person.
This helped me get over many bad breakups. I simply prayed to God about the way I was feeling, I cried so much in that prayer but after I felt relief from it. It seems like closure is such a trivial thing to attach to religion but darling, praying about it is the only “magic” there is to clarity.
15. Analyze the situation honestly
When they say “keep it one hundred,” it translates to being honest. Keeping things one hundred with yourself is clarity in itself. Just take a seat alone and think about everything honestly, you will be able to find the truth on your own, without having to ask or talk to the perpetrator of your bad feelings. From here, moving on is a walk in the park.
16. Walk through the heartache
Don't try to run away from the heartache of breakups. Go through all the pain so you can get over a breakup. Whatever you run from, will wait for you on the other side. Also, learn to control your emotion
Healing from breakups takes time and it's a process. Repeat everything from the first one if you don't feel better. Do it till you're over it! Also, take up yourself and start making plans for the future (it doesn't have to be any significant move.) Fill up your time with new routines, and before you know it. You're better!
When you can’t find clarity with someone who hurt you, perhaps, the clarity lies within yourself. Oftentimes, when a friend is giving out advice to another who seeks clarity, they say, “You’re the only one who can give yourself closure.” Although a cliché, it's what it is most of the time. How do you find it with yourself? Don't be afraid to grieve; go through every pain so you can come out better.
If there's anything I've learned from relationships, it's that when your heart gets broken, it can get mended. You don't need anyone to release you to move forward; it's possible to do that all on your own. The way I see “needing” clarity to move forward is like giving a person more control than they deserve. You can give yourself the clarity you need to get back up and get back out there.
To seek the reason a romantic relationship ended is to seek closure. It's like having clarity over a circumstance, usually a messy, hurtful one. The relationships in question do not have to be a romantic one; they could be between a teacher and a student, friends, and even siblings. Clarity's what helps you go through the healing process faster.
Everyone needs it; that's how we're wired as humans. We believe that something happens because of something, and in there lies the clarity we need to move on from pain or disappointment. However, some men are naturally nonchalant about something like that, significantly if the situation doesn't hurt them.
Other men only realize later that they need clarity on their former relationships after a couple of months or a year into the new one. Guys are not robots; of course, they'd want some questions answered and maybe resolve a conflicting idea for peace's sake. The difference between guys seeking clarity and women who seek it is that one of them is in a hurry.
The closure is a lot easier to handle with a face to face conversation. The easiest way to misunderstand a person is to text them, especially about something emotional. However, it's not impossible to get clarity via text. But before sending a message for clarity, take your time to think about your message ( practice if you can).
The last thing you want is the other party putting more salt to injury, and he would if you came at him the wrong way. It's better to say you're coming for clarity at the beginning of your text, so he keeps an open mind about conversing with you. If he's a gentleman, it shouldn't be difficult to text through to where you get clarity on everything enough to move on.
We'd all like to have closure, don't let anyone make you feel bad for seeking it. Remember, they are ways to find clarity, and I've written them out above. Keep in mind letting go of a process; you will get there in time. I would like to read your thoughts; please leave your comments below, and don't forget to share this article. Thanks!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.