When you hear the word ‘narcissist’, what comes to your mind? You might think about a self-centered, self-obsessed person lacking sympathy right? You probably can come up with even worse adjectives to qualify this seemingly cold set of people called narcissists.
However, have you ever thought about the fact that narcissistic personality disorder is a thing, and that guy you’re in a relationship with might not like his behavior either?
Therefore, before you call someone a narcissist, you might want to be sure they’ve been diagnosed as one before you label them as such. On the other hand, it is a long process to discover, especially because a narcissist doesn’t like to be seen as narcissistic.
In this case, you may want to watch out for the traits of narcissists such as; narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, silent treatment, aloofness, manipulation, lack of security, excessive need for attention, and any other exaggerated thing a narcissist wants from the people in their lives.
Narcissists act in ways that most benefit themselves alone while they make you feel less important. They are all about self-gratification and exhibiting behavior that will serve them alone. But when you refuse to give attention to their whim, they use the one thing they hate the most on you – silence.
In this article, you will know how to get a narcissist to stop ignoring you. Or at least, how to get a reaction out of a narcissist giving you the silent treatment, because you are no longer giving him exactly what he wants.
- 1 7 Ways To Get A Narcissist To Stop Ignoring You
- 1.1 1. Understand the kind of person he is and the behavior he exhibits
- 1.2 2. Shift the focus from him
- 1.3 3. Create boundaries to center yourself and the relationship
- 1.4 4. Give yourself a voice in the face of his overwhelming personality
- 1.5 5. Remind yourself that you aren’t responsible for the way he is
- 1.6 6. Be ready for when he fights back
- 1.7 7. Get a support system for you, him, and your relationship
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
7 Ways To Get A Narcissist To Stop Ignoring You
1. Understand the kind of person he is and the behavior he exhibits
The first approach to take with a narcissist, especially one you’re dating, is to understand that he is firstly a human before anything, including his personality disorder. When you see him as someone who deserves to be loved and cared for despite his issues, it becomes easier to understand why he acts the way he does.
The next step to dealing with his silent treatment is to know his weak points. Again, a narcissist is human and he will have his good moments when he is sweet, compassionate, and even kind. He will also have other redeemable personality traits that you can tap into to reach his soft spot.
You love him, or at least, care for him, and so, you should be ready to focus on knowing him like no one else is ready to. The moment you know what to say or do to get him to communicate with you, you won’t need to act like the victim in the relationship anymore.
2. Shift the focus from him
If you have observed the way your man acts, you would have noticed the level of his narcissistic abuse and how much it hurts you. One of these narcissistic tendencies is seeking your attention way more than he gives back to you. Another harmful behavior of a narcissist is manipulation which they use to get things done in their way.
When you observe these traits in your partner, you need to shift your focus from him, especially if he is giving you the silent treatment for saying no for once. By shifting focus from him to yourself, you will regain some of the control you gave him and that will put him on shaky ground.
A narcissist is not completely incapable of loving, they are just limited in the ways they express love. Therefore, if your narcissist partner realizes that you’re giving him a taste of his medicine, he will relent and break the silence from his end—even if it is to quarrel with you verbally this time around.
3. Create boundaries to center yourself and the relationship
One mistake couples make is avoiding setting boundaries because they feel it will put a strain on the relationship from the beginning. On the contrary, setting boundaries help each party stay on track and keep the relationship intact.
Relationships without boundaries, especially one with a narcissist, will crash and burn because one or both parties will take liberties that won’t favor the other person.
The beginning of the relationship is the best time to set a boundary with a narcissist but, if it is not too late, you can still set a distinct boundary for both of you. The period of silent treatment might even be the best time to create certain rules and consequences for anyone who breaks them.
Narcissist or not, if the guy loves and respects you, he will sit up and take you seriously. He will pay attention to the fact that you had never given him such a reaction before and he will adjust. If after this method he doesn’t make any form of adjustment, you should consider leaving him.
4. Give yourself a voice in the face of his overwhelming personality
A narcissist is usually full of vigor, energy, pride, and an unhealthy level of self-esteem. As such, they tend to be ambitious and looking for ways to stay on top at all costs. Some narcissists are, however, insecure, unsure of themselves and so. They lash out and adopt unsavory means to keep themselves safe. The latter ones are the worst types.
Whichever type your man falls under, you need to stand up and speak for yourself before he completely stifles you. Again, your man will have some good qualities that drew you to him, and so, he can’t be completely bad. As long as he is not physically abusive and he hasn’t begun to abuse you emotionally, you should speak up when he does something wrong.
Even when he exhibits the silent treatment, be expressive verbally or ignore him too. When you give him silence too, he will understand that you aren’t fazed by his behavior.
5. Remind yourself that you aren’t responsible for the way he is
A narcissist is a product of his biological makeup, background, or personal choices and you should remind yourself that you didn’t make him the way he is. Even if you make your mistakes too, he should understand that it can happen to anyone.
A narcissist is, however, trying to appear perfect when he is flawed and so; will act like you’ve exceeded the limit of mercy and resort to silent treatment as a way to punish you. When he does this, firstly tell yourself that it is not your fault and it is his problem.
With this mindset, you will be able to last through his silence phase and discuss things with him rationally when he is ready to talk again.
6. Be ready for when he fights back
As much as the narcissist can act aloof, he can also try to play the victim and turn the tables on you. If he was the wrong one, he will act defensively and try to make you the assailant. He will come up with scenarios and twist the original story to suit the way he sees the situation.
In this case, you need to be ready to counteract his twisted side of the story and beat him at his game, else, you will lose. However, if his form of fighting back is physical or emotionally caustic, you may want to dump him. No one is worth getting beat up physically or emotionally for.
7. Get a support system for you, him, and your relationship
There are three entities involved in any relationship; you, your partner, and the relationship itself. Whatever you do should be geared towards securing the interest and peace of all three.
When you or your partner aren’t doing okay, the relationship is automatically in trouble. If you have reached the stage of understanding that your man needs help with his personality disorder and you need all the support you can get to keep the relationship afloat, you’ll all come out fine.
Your support system could be your family and friends or a professional body/behavioral expert who will help your partner and you handle his personality better. Support systems are available everywhere, you just need to know which ones will mostly suit your circumstances.
You can stop the silent treatment from a narcissist by going silent on him too. Narcissists hate it when they don’t get the attention they crave and so, they will try to get that attention back.
The narcissist practically goes berserk when you go silent in him because he thrives on being the center of attraction and the only one you see. When you take that away from him, it hurts him deeply.
Snubbing or ignoring a narcissist makes him insane with insecurity and feel less valued. A narcissist likes it when you cater to each of his whims and hates it when you tell him he is wrong about something. However, he hates it the most when you ignore him.
The only way to outsmart a narcissist is by playing the same game he does but, in a way that seeks to make him see the error of his ways. For example, ignore him if he ignores you for something he did wrong.
If someone is a narcissist by choice, it will be difficult to get him to change but if his narcissism is a result of a biological disorder, an expert in that field can work with him to help him control his tendencies.
While it is great to try to help a narcissist become a better person who is more empathetic and compassionate to other people’s feelings and needs, sometimes, you might need to watch out for yourself the most.
Therefore, if after applying the tips in this article and your partner doesn’t change, you should try to move on to someone else.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.