How To Forgive And Forget In A Relationship (15 Steps In The Right Direction)

If you’ve been in the dating world for a long time, you know how important it is to learn how to forgive and forget in a relationship! You often have your own feelings to deal with and don’t want to think about letting your partner “off the hook” for something they have done.

Maybe your self-esteem was damaged when this action took place, and you are now feeling angry and disappointed in everyone involved in the process. If infidelity has taken place, you may need to talk to a third party – someone neutral who can listen to your hurt and rejection.

Relationships are a little bit tough, and you may never stop feeling various degrees of hurt from time to time. Unfortunately, in a relationship, you cannot control the other person, but you do have the ability to accept what happened, choose not to be upset about it, and forgive them for their imperfections. Forgiveness and letting go of hurts are never easy, but look toward the future.

By forgiving and looking toward what’s ahead, you will see a greater amount of peace in your relationship. Instead of harboring ill feelings and having the desire to “murder” your partner, you can talk through the hurt and learn from the problems you experience as a couple. 

The Right Steps For Forgiving And Forgetting In A Relationship

1. Change your perspective

Look at what’s happened and think about what it really means to you. Is it something negative, or did you just blow something minor out of proportion? You may need to change the way you have been looking at things to see things in the right reflection. It’s like a mirror: You see different things, depending on which way you look at them.

2. Let go of any resentment

let go of any resentment

Resentment does no one any good in a relationship. You might think that your partner is not a good person because of what they did. If you’ve lost respect for him or her, you may want to reconsider your relationship. Should you end things? Do you need to do that because of what he or she did to you, or have you misread the situation?

3. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is important because you want your partner to know what he or she did wrong. Let them know how you feel. Talk about the various feelings you have, but then drop them. Once you’ve hashed things out, it’s time to end the conversation. It’s critical that you are heard, though. Please don’t think I am saying that you don’t matter.

One way to set boundaries is to talk about expectations in the relationship. What upset you? Did your partner leave his toothbrush out, or did he talk to an inappropriate woman? Talk about what you expected out of them and how what they did made you feel. The more you explain and express yourself, the more they will understand.

Once that understanding has taken place, hopefully, the problems that caused the discord will dissipate, and the two of you will feel like newlyweds or a newly formed couple! If you are forgiving a short-term boyfriend or girlfriend, you might want to rethink the relationship. Things shouldn’t be too hard early on in the relationship.

4. Try to learn from what happened

It’s important that you both understand why the situation took place. Were his or her needs not met? Did you have a certain tone of voice when you made a request? Did he or she accidentally do something that annoyed you? Is there something positive that you can take out of the argument, fight, or circumstance?

Maybe your boyfriend left the seat up, and the action was the last straw for you. Forgiveness may seem like a built-up action that they do not deserve if it’s something that’s been stewing for a long time. However, if the action was rather minor (the seat being left up), forgiveness should be at the tip of your tongue!

After all, even if that was the thing that upset you, it was not the ultimate action that you are angry about. It is his insensitivity to so many other little things. The positive that you can take away from this is that now you have a reason to talk to him about what is bothering you. You can explain your feelings and emotions and let them out.

5. Remember your end goal in it all

remember your end goal in it all

If your end goal is to forgive and ultimately forget, keep that in mind as you go through the steps! Sometimes, we let little things get to us because we have forgotten our great goals and objectives in life. If you remember what is important to you, forgiveness and forgetting will be a breeze! 

You’ll think, “My goal was to issue more forgiveness to my partner, so I’m going to let this slide.” You’ll find life, in general, to be a lot easier if you look at your major goals and remember why you want to achieve them. If you want a more stable relationship or marriage, forgiveness should be readily available to your partner!

6. Look at the big picture

Think of this error in the big scheme of things. How did it truly affect your life or the world? Was it really all that big of a deal? Was it worth getting this mad over? Sometimes, when we step outside of the box, we see things more clearly.

7. Be empathetic and compassionate

Try to look at their side of things. Don’t forget to show the love that you expect from your partner. How would they react if the roles were reversed? Would they slam a door, leave the house, or raise their voice? Would they freely forgive you and love you all the same? You can have a new sense of calm when you look at the world through their eyes.

8. Reflect on your mistakes

How many times have you screwed up? How many times have they taken care of you when you were sick? Have you ever messed up this bad before? It’s important that you deal with your feelings in regard to this situation, but you must not forget that they have most likely let go of things you have done not so long ago, as well. 

Think of your last big fight. Did they let things go, or did they hold a grudge? How did they treat you?

9. Count your blessings

count your blessings

If you make a list of all your partner’s positive traits, you are likely to be reminded why you love them so much. This minor issue will seem quite small in comparison. Doing this will make forgiveness much easier in your relationship.

10. Remember that you cannot change the past

There is nothing any of us can do to change something in the past. My boyfriend has a tattoo I hate, but he got it before we were together, and I wasn’t part of his life before me, obviously. I bring it up from time to time, but it’s not something that can really be changed. Although, you can write over tattoos. Most past mistakes cannot be changed!

11. You CAN change your perspective on things

I think the saying goes something like, You can’t always change your circumstances, but you can change your attitude or the way you see things. Think about the future, work toward building trust again, and have a positive attitude to see things differently.

12. Take a break or the time you need to cool off

Sometimes, we say things we do not mean because we are angry or frustrated. To prevent unwanted speech, consider taking a cooling-off period from your partner. Use this time to think about how to rebuild trust and let go of any frustration that you are feeling.

13. Accept an apology or apologetic actions

If you want to really offer your partner forgiveness, give them the benefit of the doubt when they try to apologize. Don’t hold grudges and stay mad forever. This won’t benefit you in the long run.

14. Focus your anger elsewhere

If you are truly angry with your partner, consider doing some exercise. That’s right; you should actually hit the gym to release your stress in a productive manner. That way, you won’t say something you wish you hadn’t in the heat of the moment. Read a good book, or have a chat with one of your best friends!

Your past hurts will continue to hurt you if you aren’t careful. Think about the things that sting the most; what could you do to not take your hurts out on your partner? It may be their fault that you are upset, but you don’t want to do or say anything that you will be sorry for. Listen to their apologies, offer forgiveness, and release that stress!

Sometimes, even makeup sex is great if the two of you have been arguing for a while. Maybe you could agree to disagree on the subject temporarily and have awesome makeup sex instead. Releasing your frustration through sex can often be a positive way to let things go. Plus, it’s really fun and relaxing!

15. Do not take revenge

do not take revenge

According to Oprah, the best revenge is being happy with the life you have. If you decide to take revenge on your partner, you will not be happy with yourself. In fact, you may be even more upset with yourself than you were before. Think about it carefully. You cannot change previous events; your actions are only going to upset you and your partner.

FAQs

How do you forget and forgive someone you love?

Don’t lose sight of that feeling of love you feel. It’s perfectly normal to have your doubts and arguments, but let old hurts go and continue moving forward if the love is there. Wash all the negative emotions away with a splash of new joy and excitement in your relationship!

How do you forgive and let go of a relationship?

You can practice forgiveness by letting go of hurt, anger, and resentment. Things happen; I’m sure you’ve done worse things in your life. In fact, you may have a hard time topping your partner; it’s sad but true. Just deal with your emotions by letting them go.

Is it possible to forget and forgive?

Yes, forgiveness is definitely possible. You may never forget something tragic, but if your partner has decided to start taking responsibility for his or her actions, forgiveness can begin. It’s never wrong to forgive someone for something that they have done; you just may not be meant to be together!

What should not be forgiven in a relationship?

Abuse should never be tolerated in relationships. Abuse is not a mistake that you can forgive and forget. If more people stood up to their abusive partners, there would be a lot less violence in this world. Consider going to a shelter or seeking the aid of the police department in this case.

How can I trust my partner again?

Remember your own worth, but know that you’ve made mistakes, too. No one is perfect, so think of all the positive things you love about your partner, and the trust will begin to grow. If you are deeply hurt by something, you may want to involve counseling at a later date.

The Bottomline

Have you made a conscious decision to move forward with your partner after they lost trust in you? Have you had a truly painful experience that was difficult to forgive?

Where would you begin to forgive and forget about something your partner did? If you have a healthy idea not mentioned, please leave a comment.

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