How To Deal With An Insecure Husband (19 Ways To Make It Work)

The emotional drain of dealing with an insecure partner can make you feel like heading for the hills. The jealousy is smothering at times. Insecurity can be seen in relationship partners through anger, nasty comments, or them trying to control you. It can be a rough road, and that’s putting it mildly. 

There is hope, though. Once you understand that your husband is simply insecure, you can address the problem. You can learn ways to deal with them being insecure or jealous. You also can help them learn to feel secure in themselves. If you’re willing to make it work, it can be well worth it in the end. 

19 Tips For Being In A Relationship With An Insecure Spouse

I’ve dated insecure men before. It was hard to pinpoint what the issue was at first. I thought his need to control was because he might be abusive, but that didn’t seem to fit right. When we discussed his previous relationships, it became clear that they might be insecure. 

He’d been cheated on in most of his relationships. Girlfriends made fun of him or were negative about his appearance. He had his own insecurities too. 

These solutions are what my previous research came up with, and what helped us make things work. (We split up later for other reasons.) Keep in mind that you’ll need to simultaneously save your own sanity while helping them at the same time. 

1. Understand his previous relationships

understand his previous relationships

If every relationship you’ve been in turned out to be abusive, that would become your normal. Eventually, you would come to expect that the next boyfriend would abuse you too. 

Likewise, if every girl cheats on a man with his best friend, he’ll wonder if you’re going to sleep with his best friend. When he’s comfortable opening up with you, consider asking him why he and his ex split. If there were problems that involved cheating, lying, etc. he might have insecurities that stem from trust issues. 

2. Consider other sources of insecurity

While leftover pain from a previous relationship can spill over into a new relationship, this isn’t the only cause of insecurity. Physical problems that affect his performance in the bedroom, like erectile dysfunction, can definitely hurt his ego

Men also care more about their appearance than they may let on in the beginning. If your work has suddenly put a stop to date night, they could be feeling less loved than they used to. Finding the source of the insecurity can help you two work through it. 

3. Take a good look at your own actions

Are you staying out partying all weekend and ignoring him? How would you feel if you were in his shoes? Consider whether your own actions might be making the situation worse. While you aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions, it’s important that you don’t make the situation worse. If you are, consider whether you are willing to, and need to, change some of your own behaviors. 

4. Is he willing to change?

If he’s an insecure man, he’s also a part of the problem. The entire problem might actually lie with him if it stems from a lack of self-love or previous pain from relationships. If he’s the problem or at least part of it, it’s important that you have a conversation regarding whether he is also willing to make changes. When a guy is not willing to change to make the relationship work, it won’t last. 

5. Prepare for long-term changes

Having a conversation, saying that you’re both going to change, and having some fun together is the easy part. Staying committed to those changes is the hard part. You both need to be willing to make sure that you are ready to make these changes long-term in order for the relationship to work. 

6. Establish boundaries

When a person feels jealous or insecure it can be easy for them to slowly cross the line into controlling. This is why it’s important to establish boundaries in order to deal with an insecure partner. Let him know what is, and what is not, okay. Make sure that you explain your reasoning behind those decisions, too. 

7. Don’t let it take the fun out of the relationship

All the stress and negativity that go hand in hand with insecurity can kill the good vibes in your relationship pretty quickly. Don’t let that happen. Make sure to laugh daily. Watch some funny movies. Have a tickle fight. Do whatever it is that makes both of you smile ear to ear. 

8. Understand that you can’t save him

understand that you can't save him

It’s easy to think that you can just give him so much love that he’ll see that everything is okay. Every time he seems irritable you shower him with love and affection. When he blows up your phone, you make sure to respond lovingly assuming that he’ll come out of it because you love him so much. The thing is, you can’t save an insecure man from his own issues. 

Read that again. You can’t save an insecure man. No matter how much you love him, you can’t make it go away. The best that you can do is to help him along his own journey. Yes, he’ll need that extra love and assurance. 

However, he also needs to realize that he’s part of the problem and that he needs to make positive changes. You cannot do that for him, regardless of how much love you throw his way. 

9. Make sure he’s comfortable discussing it

If he mentions a problem that he has with the relationship or that something, in particular, makes him instantly full of jealousy, don’t attack him. Try not to insinuate that his feelings are wrong. 

Instead, make sure that he feels safe talking about insecurity, fear, or ways that your behaviors are affecting him. When an insecure partner has a safe environment to talk about things in, he’ll open up more. This is not only good for addressing behavior but makes for a very healthy relationship. 

10. Understand how you trigger his behavior

There are seemingly normal things that you might do, such as running errands and getting distracted so you wind up gone for 5-6 hours, that never bothered previous boyfriends. It could trigger this one though. It’s important that you see ways that you’re affecting his behavior, and that the two of you can address them as a couple. Come up with a solution together. 

11. Give him plenty of love

Granted, you can’t love this out of him. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t shower him with love and affection. An insecure partner will need more love and attention than most others do. He’ll need plenty of reassurance too. This can help him feel safe and loved in the relationship. Make sure that you mean it, and that you’re not trying to fix him, however. 

12. Praise effort

If your insecure partner makes it through the day without calling or texting a million times, point out that it was like a breath of fresh air. Tell him how awesome he is for being able to accomplish that. Show him some appreciation via a sexy back rub. However you do it, make sure that you let him know that his effort is noticed and appreciated. 

Think back to the negative and positive consequences you were taught as a child. You’re not going to sit with each other in time out. However, most people will still do things that result in a positive reaction from someone they care about. Although your husband might have some insecurity issues, they still want for you to be happy and for the marriage to work out well. 

13. Practice healthy coping skills

practice healthy coping skills

Making it through those bouts of insecurity and jealous behavior can take a toll on your mental health. It’s important to practice healthy coping skills to assist you while you deal with an insecure partner. Some great ways to deal with stress include: 

  • Daily yoga
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
  • Having a life outside of your marriage
  • Go for a run
  • Hiking
  • Exercise
  • Effective communication

We all have our ways of dealing with things. Make sure that you don’t bottle up stress or get burnt out. Instead, utilize a way to release that stress in a healthy manner. It will be good for both your soul and your relationships. 

14. Be a role model of self-acceptance

If you have healthy self-esteem and accept your flaws as a part of yourself, voice that. Tell him you hate your stretch marks, but it’s okay because you’re still beautiful. Be a person that he can look to for help with those issues, even if it’s just by seeing how another person handles them in a healthy manner. 

15. Expect them to question your motives

It can be a bit offensive when someone you’re with starts to question why you’re with them. That’s why it’s important to expect this to happen. It’s very common for people with low self-esteem to question their motives. 

It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or think you’re a great person. Instead, it means that they don’t love themselves, so they have a hard time understanding why you would love them. 

In order for this to change, their self-esteem issues will have to be resolved. Because this can take some time, simply expect the questions. It will make you less defensive when they ask. 

16. Look for the signs of insecurity

Even if you already know that your partner is insecure, knowing the signs can help you in a few different ways. It can show you why your partner is acting the way that they are, which will help you deal with an insecure partner. 

You react differently when you know that your partner is showing possessive behavior due to a fear of losing you than you do if you think they are simply being controlling. You’ll also discover that you’re more patient. 

Not only will this determine your reaction, but it can also help you see whether your partner is making progress. A person that is in the midst of battling their own insecurities won’t always be able to step outside the box to see if their behavior is improving or getting worse. 

Sometimes, they will be consumed with fear and anxiety, rendering that an impossible task. If you know the signs of insecurity in a relationship, you can help them with that. 

17. Consider marriage counseling

consider marriage counseling

Marriage counseling can come with a long list of benefits. Not only can a professional help your husband work through those insecurities, but it can also give him a better idea of what a healthy relationship with a woman looks like. 

A counselor can explain that it’s unhealthy to go through your partner’s phone and that it’s healthy to have friends outside of a relationship. Sometimes people listen a bit more closely when they hear the same words spoken by someone else. It can help you to have help when it comes time to deal with an insecure partner.

18. Decide whether certain behaviors are acceptable

We all have insecure behaviors here and there. Some of us aren’t really insecure, but sometimes we have our moments. Maybe your spouse asks where you’re going, but doesn’t go through your phone. On the other hand, maybe a guy wants all of your emails and passwords. You need to decide if there are certain behaviors that you can live with. Sometimes, you can overlook a thing or two. 

19. Emotionally recharge

If it’s going to emotionally drain you to be with them while the two of you work through things, it’s important that you give yourself time to recharge. In order for you to keep your sanity, and save your marriage, you’ll have to take some personal time. 

Consider taking a relaxing bubble bath every night. Keep up on hobbies that you enjoy. Make sure that you have enough personal space to recharge your mental health as you need to. This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. 

FAQs

How do you deal with an insecure man?

In order to deal with an insecure man, you need to take care of yourself. Set boundaries and stick to them. Help him boost his self-esteem with compliments and reassurance. You’ll also need to have a conversation to make sure that he’s willing to change. 

How do I deal with an insecure husband who is jealous?

Make sure that he knows that you love him and want to be with him. Address underlying issues that might be causing his jealousy. Have a conversation about how it’s impacting your relationship to encourage him to change so that you can both enjoy a healthy relationship. Don’t let his out-of-control behavior destroy you. 

How do I know if my husband is insecure?

Insecure men are known for keeping score. They tend to get jealous, want passwords to phones, and often are afraid that you’re going to leave them. These guys will also need more reassurance and might question what your motives are for being in a relationship with them. They more than likely come off as controlling. 

How insecurity can ruin a marriage?

If the issues are too much for the other partner to bear, it can easily destroy a marriage. When a man is trying to control a woman by making her check-in, wanting to know who she is with at all times, and needs constant reassurance it can take an emotional toll on the other partner. It’s also extremely unhealthy. 

Why would a man hurt a woman he loves?

Poor coping skills are a relatively common reason. So is a fear of intimacy or commitment. Men might not realize that they are hurting the woman that they love until it’s already too late. Other guys will hurt someone they care deeply about because they do not understand what true love should be like.

In Summary

Dealing with an insecure husband involves supporting him, maintaining yourself, and both of you being committed to change. It can take a lot of work, so it’s important to make sure that your relationship is worth the effort. What else do you think it takes?

Leave a Comment