How To Be Less Available In A Relationship (15 Vital Tips)

Romantic relationships are all about emotional connection. We all love being with people romantically because it allows us to find the intimacy we crave, mutual support, and companionship.

From a never-ending pandemic to climate change and political stress, there's so much going on around us. These challenges tend to get lighter and easier to bear when we have people to share them with. 

In a healthy romantic relationship, it is normal to turn to your partner every once in a while for guidance and comfort in moments where things get a tad bit too much for you to handle alone. Sadly, not everyone gets to experience such balance in their relationships. There are many one-sided relationships where one partner is always making themselves available for the other to dump issues and worries on. 

They're always providing support, be it financial or emotional support, and truth be told, it can get tiring. If you find yourself in such a relationship, with you always having to be available, you're in a one-sided relationship. This is an unbalanced relationship that will sour your affection towards each other and ultimately play on your mental health. 

I was once that person to my ex, and trust me when I say it was one of the most tiring seasons in my life. Today, I'm writing this article to help you so that you don't have to go through what I went through before finding healing. Our article tackles the best ways to be less available, improve your well-being, make you a better person and save you from future hurt. 

15 Tips To Be Less Available In A Relationship

1. Give yourself time

Always being available for your partner and anyone, in general, can get draining. It can play on your mind, making you doubt your self-worth. One of the best ways to reclaim yourself and value yourself is by giving yourself time. 

Giving yourself time looks different to different people, but it centers around a central theme: being present for yourself. Spending all the time listening to him talk about his worries and fears, spend it on yourself. Make use of that time to plan a trip, buy some great dinner or eat out, read books, or try a new hobby. 

Giving yourself all the time you often spend on others can seem scary at first, but once you understand it's for your good, you don't feel overwhelmed but rather excited

2. Build your decision power

Another way to take your well-being into your hands is to build decision power. To build this, you need to recognize where you stand. How do you go about making decisions? Are you an instant decision taker, or do you move between different options confused? Do you rely on your partner's decision-making skills and follow along with what he says? 

You can be less available in your relationship by changing yourself from within. Building your decision power is a great way to start. Some great ways to improve your decision-making power are knowing your worth, going through with anything you decide as soon as it's dedicated, and keeping emotions and ego away from your decision-making process

3. Learn to say no

This falls in line with your decision-making. Another way to make your availability lessor a habit is by learning the importance of saying no. Not everyone can say no; it's pretty difficult, but it's a skill that must be learned if you value yourself and need to take control of your life. 

If your boyfriend asks you to go out of your way to do something, and you know you already have things set up on your to-do list, be sure to decline as nicely as possible. In conversation, you don't have to let him know why you can't help, but you can offer a reason if you see fit. Start with little refusals, and build your ‘no' muscle.

4. Hobbies are great

If you don't have hobbies, now is the best time to discover some! If you already have things you love to do, you might want to take them a notch higher. We mention making time for yourself, and getting a hobby is an awesome way to do that. Hobbies exist to help keep us busy and preoccupied but not too stressed physically, mentally, or emotionally (unless you're tackling a serious sudoku puzzle, that is). 

There are many things you can adopt as a hobby, from reading to cooking and gardening. Choose whatever you're comfortable with keeping yourself busy with, and watch how your availability reduces drastically. You'll be having too much fun from these activities. Talking to your boyfriend 24/7 will be the last thing on your mind.

5. Analyze your relationship

The important thing in every relationship, apart from love, is reciprocity. Love needs to be mutual, and effort needs to be reciprocated. In asking yourself questions, find out why you're the only one making yourself available. Why don't you get the same acknowledgment you give? 

These questions are meant to get you thinking about whether or not you're in a beneficial union. Are you being loved as much as you love? If not, why bother at the risk of harming your mental health? Reduce your presence and watch them realize in a short time just how much of yourself you've been giving away.

6. Give him a chance to show up more

give him a chance to show up more

As women, we often expect our men to read our minds. After all, they've known us for years. Well, they can't, and they'll never be able to. In cases where we give our all in the relationship, always being around to listen, soothe, comfort and support, we believe our partner will return the favor eventually. When they don't, we end up dealing with a lot of hurt and feelings of disappointment, which we can never forgive. 

If you need support, be it mental, emotional, financial, or other, you need to tell your man. You might need someone to listen to us while we run about our day. Tell him what you need. There is an importance attached to communicating in a relationship, as it goes a long way to save your relationship

7. As for some time alone

Alone time or space in relationships can be scary, especially when the other person is asking for it; if you've been the one giving too much time to your man in the past, you're more than justified to ask for some space in the relationship. This tends to make him very nervous, but this is where thinking about yourself and your health comes to play. 

Time away from your partner allows you to be an individual, which can help strengthen your relationship when you come back together. Ask for some time alone to spend on yourself and nourish your individuality, and your relationship will thank you in the long run. 

8. Hang out with your friends

Your individuality doesn't need to be a thing of the past. You had friends and family before finding love, and the truth is, they never went anywhere. This is the time to create more memories with your friends and family. 

Always making yourself available for your partner might make you come off as clingy and desperate, even though you might be doing it to keep both of you close. Make plans with other people you love, and be sure to keep him in the loop. Don't be coy about where you're going and who you're going to be with, as this might cause some friction between you. 

9. Set time boundaries

Boundaries aren't only for coworkers and classmates; they're great in romantic situations as well. You can offer your presence to your partner, but there should be a limit to how much access he has. For example, you can let him know that you can only respond to messages within a specific time frame. 

If you're talking on the phone, you can let him know you have a specific amount of minutes to talk, after which you'll have to end the conversation. Setting time boundaries helps create more balance in your relationship. It isn't selfish, it is a necessity. 

10. Make use of affirmations

One thing I love about affirmations is, they're free. These words might seem simple, but they have immense power in lifting our moods, making us feel better about ourselves whenever we feel low. When we give too much in our relationships, it's very easy to feel like we're not worthy or good enough to be loved how we want to. These thoughts go from our minds into our hearts and affect everything we work on. 

To get out of the negative self-talk rut, use affirmations to stir up some hope within you. Tell yourself you're more than enough. Your partner loves you just as you are. Your friends and family are blessed to have you. Say them whenever you feel the anxiety creeping in, and remember, it's free.

11. Encourage your partner to speak to others

You can't be the only go-to of your partner. This can be draining, especially when you can't offer the best solutions to his issues. One thing you can do to make yourself less available is to direct him to other people. 

These need to be trustworthy people or professionals who can help him tackle what he's going through with ease. Get him to communicate with his friends and family as a means to find other people to share his joys and sorrows with. 

12. Minimize physical availability

minimize physical availability

Body language is a powerful tool, especially in relationships. It connotes presence, availability, and, of course, affection. One way you can let your partner know you're not going to be overly available is by making use of your body language. Give your partner physical room to breathe. Fight the urge to touch him as a reassuring gesture or resort to phone calls. If you live together, that might be a battle, but there's nothing that can't be done with communication. 

13. If it's new, take it slow

If this is a new relationship, you might want to hold off on many things so as not to seem extra clingy or desperate. Over the opportunity of meeting and being with someone I knew. Have fun as you get to know one another, but establish your boundaries and stick to them until you feel your relationship is at a great place. Or until you know the effort is mutual.

14. Avoid babying him

Don't think of your boyfriend as someone who can't live without you or is always in need of you. He is a full-grown human being who can do things for himself, by himself. Instead of always being around to indulge him, train yourself to let him be, make choices, learn from mistakes and grow as a human.

15. Consult a professional

Sometimes we try to do things independently, and it's extremely difficult. In such cases, therapists are wonderful. These professionals help you get to the root cause of you having to be available to your partner all the time. 

It could be because you fear abandonment or because of a trauma you experienced in your past. They help you work through all the issues you didn't know you had, giving you the sense of direction and help you didn't know you needed. 

FAQs

How do I appear less available?

While there's nothing vehemently wrong with being available to your partner, you might think of dialing down a bit so as not to seem desperate for love. One of the first things you can do to appear less available is to learn how to enjoy your own company. Take some time out every day to do something for yourself and yourself only. 

Spending time with yourself will allow you to learn how to change your perspective about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. It will also teach you to give your partner the chance to show up for you more. Place your own needs first, and watch him learn to become available to and for you. 

How can I be less clingy to my boyfriend?

If you want to be a less clingy individual in your relationship, you will need to admit that you are indeed clingy. Admittance in every situation is the first step to freedom. You are clingy means you offer too much availability to your partner, which becomes overbearing. Respect your partner's boundaries, and learn that these boundaries don't mean they don't love you. 

To keep yourself from falling back into the clingy state, keep yourself as busy as possible with things you love to do. Call friends and family, take yourself out on solo dates and seek professional help if you need it. 

How do you become less attached to someone?

We tend to fall hard when we fall in love. Well, I know I do. As women, our emotions rule most of the time, and as such, we find ourselves attached to people a bit too much. Once you realize and wish to change it, you must tell yourself what you want and why you want to do it. 

Stating clever goals will help prevent you from having relationship issues simply because you're overly attached. Focus on the present, avoid physical intimacy as much as possible and keep in touch with your friends and family. 

Is it bad to make yourself too available?

Being too available in your relationship isn't an issue. It only becomes an issue when one partner is scared, emotionally unavailable, losing interest or simply not ready. These are one-sided relationships, and they often result in one person getting extremely hurt. 

If both of you are involved in a healthy relationship and offer the needed emotional care to the other needs, there's nothing wrong when both of you are available to each other. Figure out the case in your relationship and work forward from there. 

Is being less available more attractive?

There's no science behind this fact, but a phenomenon supports this school of thought. It is known as ‘mate-choice copying', and it is seen in not just humans but birds and fish. With this phenomenon, women unconsciously copy the mate choices of others, especially their friends. 

This is because the female is tuned to choose a good partner, and the interest of other women signals that the chosen man possesses such qualities. The truth is, not everyone who is less available will be highly attractive to you, but most of them will. 

In Conclusion

There are many pros and cons that come with too much availability in relationships, which is why we provided you with all the tips you'll ever need to hold off just a bit to get yourself into a more healthy relationship. 

In this article, we looked at the beauty of alone time, reconnecting with family, and communication between couples to reduce over-availability, not forgetting that magic that is hobbies and solo dates. 

There's no reason why you can't share this piece with friends and family and get them to leave a comment or two about their views. Don't forget to leave your comment as well; we'll love to hear what you think!

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