Given the dating pool gets murkier by the day, when you’ve established something great with someone, it’s reasonable not to want to let go. Then again, knowing this much doesn’t stop us from making mistakes sometimes, we are all still human, after all.
Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. When it’s your turn to bring the low, the best you can hope for is that your partner forgives and deems you worthy of a second chance. But how do you convince an ex who your actions possibly hurt to the point of breaking up that you deserve a second chance?
Nearly 50 percent of couples get back together again after a breakup, but how can you be sure that you’ll be so lucky? The short answer is that you can’t be certain of anything, especially when the deciding power is someone else’s. It also depends on what you did and the events that led to you calling it quits in the first place.
But there’s no rule against trying. If things were so good you don’t mind asking for a do-over rather than making new memories with another person, with luck, your ex sees it that way too. As for the how, I got you.
- 1 11 Ways To Ask For A Second Chance In A Relationship
- 1.1 1. Give it some time after the break/breakup
- 1.2 2. Take that period to consider whether you really want a second chance
- 1.3 3. Make a visible change in your ways
- 1.4 4. Slowly work your way back into your ex's life.
- 1.5 5. Apologize for your part in how the relationship ended
- 1.6 6. Start a real conversation about the reasons things didn't work out the first time
- 1.7 7. Mention the measures you've taken to ensure things will be different this time
- 1.8 8. Encourage your ex to be open about their side of things and really listen
- 1.9 9. Back up your words with actions whenever you get the chance
- 1.10 10. Offer subtle incentives based on your partner's love language
- 1.11 11. Give them time to decide
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Summary
11 Ways To Ask For A Second Chance In A Relationship
1. Give it some time after the break/breakup
Time may not heal all wounds, but it is certainly an ally in your case. No matter how much your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend loved you, they are going to need a minute if there will ever be a chance for them to consider you again. Time to heal, miss you, adjust to life without you and ask all the right questions.
Your ex needs time to be less mad at you and breathe before they can wholesomely consider giving you another chance. Anything short of that may be done for less healthy reasons, like loneliness, desperation, or survival. If you’d rather do this right this time, give them some breathing room.
2. Take that period to consider whether you really want a second chance
Not broaching the subject with your ex yet doesn’t mean you should be sitting on your hands during this period. Take that space to do some introspection of your own, and ask yourself some real questions. Do you really want another chance? Why? Have you realized the full extent of your mistakes, or you just can’t bear to see your ex’s side of the bed empty anymore?
Can you guarantee that the guy who behaved as you did back then won’t surface again as soon as you’re comfortable? What could you have done differently if your actions brought the breakup about, and are you prepared to do those things now? Answer these questions based on your realities (now and back when you were together) and not just out of how you feel right now.
3. Make a visible change in your ways
If your self-examination leads you to believe another chance from your ex is really what you want, it’s time to start putting in the work. It’s not enough to just decide within yourself that you have changed, those changes have to be evident for others, including your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, to know.
Of course, not everything that was wrong with your relationship will be physical but if you are so lucky that yours are, then start there. Was the problem that you were leading a reckless, nonchalant life, or you cheated? Were you not present enough for your significant other? Start putting things in place to make changes as needed pronto. Do better.
4. Slowly work your way back into your ex's life.
Assuming the breakup made you two part ways more than just as a couple, then you have your work cut out for you. The first point of duty is to get back on your ex’s radar. Nothing too sudden. A phone call to check up on them today. A like on their social media post another time.
You don’t want to come off too strong, just enough to make your name pop up again in their life. If you take the first tip on this list, hopefully, seeing your name after a minute will make them reminisce about your time together. Even if your mistake is what takes center stage at that point, it’s still progress because you are about to ask for a chance to do better.
5. Apologize for your part in how the relationship ended
If your attempts to reconnect with your ex are successful, that’s half the work. The next step from there is to find a moment to sincerely apologize for your role in the breakup, even if you were the one who initiated it. You can ask them out for a drink somewhere casual and just slip it in naturally mid-convo, or do it over the phone if they still won’t see you.
All things considered, you can’t put a clock on forgiveness. All you can do is be sincere and hope that they believe you: no excuses, no blame game, just plain mea culpa for your part in it.
6. Start a real conversation about the reasons things didn't work out the first time
If your ex is still receptive at this point, it’s not yet a guarantee they’d be interested in getting back together, but it’s something. By now, chances are they are suspecting that you want to come back, so you might as well come out with it and officially make “operation second chance” a go.
Ask them if you can talk (like really talk), and then table the past events for dissection. Own your part in it, so your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend knows you are aware of your mistakes. It may not be easy, but if you are going to have any luck convincing your ex you deserve a second chance, those hard conversations must be had.
7. Mention the measures you've taken to ensure things will be different this time
Why reopen old wounds, you ask? Because that way, you get the chance to face your mistakes head-on, and your ex can finally get answers to questions that may have been lowkey bothering them. The hope is that you can both put the whole breakup behind you and move on, preferably as a couple.
As you open up in detail about the apparent and hidden reasons you two had to break up, make sure to slide in why you’re confident they won’t repeat themselves. Telling them about your self-improvement journey will probably go further in convincing your ex that you deserve a second chance than merely asking to get back together.
8. Encourage your ex to be open about their side of things and really listen
A relationship is a two-way street, right? Part of the upsides of second chances is that you can start on a better footing than you had the first time. For that to happen, each party needs to see things from the other’s perspective.
It may result in an argument or be uncomfortable to hear, but it’s in your best interest to have your ex open up about their feelings, too. Don’t just talk, listen, and whatever you do, don’t defend your errors. This doesn’t mean you should let them make you the fall guy.
The purpose of digging deep, besides getting it all out, is so you can address the possible underlying issues together, once and for all.
9. Back up your words with actions whenever you get the chance
We all know talk is cheap, so your entire plan of getting your partner back can’t be hinged on words alone. If you want to convince your ex you deserve a second chance, you have to make them see that you’ve learned and grown from your mistakes. That’s where all those changes we talked about earlier come in.
Take more proactive steps to express your newfound resolve every time you get the opportunity. Has your ex-communicated needs you behind a meeting? Start by demonstrating your willingness to do a better job at them. Read books, pay attention, ask questions, and try as much as you can not let old habits take over again.
10. Offer subtle incentives based on your partner's love language
With the truth and your intention to go back out in the open, another thing that might help sway your guy/woman to give you a second chance are romantic gestures. Preferably those that reflect their idea of romance, i.e., their love language.
For instance, if your person is partial to words of affirmation, you can write them a love letter. If they love gifts, send them flowers with a sweet note. Help out when needed if they appreciate acts of service, you catch my drift. You want to get them to give you a second consideration, but try not to make those gestures so over the top that it reeks of desperation.
11. Give them time to decide
When all is said and done, your ex might need a moment to mull things over before settling on whether to give you a second chance or not. Let them. No matter how convincingly you are able to get your points across, they still need to believe that they can live with you and your behavior again. Provided their feelings haven’t changed.
After all, people have been known to act right when seeking a second chance, only to revert as soon as they get comfortable. Don’t rush them during this process or give ultimatums. If they end up saying no, try not to pressure them into anything. At best, leave things open-ended and let them know you’ll be around if their decision changes. Or not. At least you’d know you tried.
You can give your relationship with someone a second chance when their words and actions align to show that they have indeed changed. If love wasn’t enough to make it work at first, it most likely wouldn’t be this time either, so feelings alone are never enough to go on.
Apologize (again) sincerely for all your previous failings, and back your apology up by taking active steps to ensure you never have to fail them again. It’s no guarantee they will believe you but seeing visible changes in your behavior can’t hurt your chances.
If you have a way to confirm that your boyfriend has learned from the mistakes that resulted in the breakup, you can consider giving him a second chance. Be careful not to fall for a faux performance, though. People tend to act right when they want to get something from you, doesn’t mean they will always follow through.
Second chances can work out in a relationship, but they aren’t always easy. Whether it’s a bond between friends or a romantic connection being rekindled, all parties involved have to be committed to making it work to even stand a chance.
When you are trying to get back someone you loved and lost, the best thing to say is to acknowledge your errors. Apologize for hurting them if you did, and promise as realistically as you can not to willingly do those hurtful things again.
Most people have either been badly hurt before or know someone who has. Hence, the guard many of us have up against second chances. However, that shouldn’t stop you from trying if you really believe you can see your promises through. Kindly share your thoughts on the list in the comments and share this post with friends if you found it helpful.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.