The complexities of human relationships come with challenges that often surround commitment, compromise, and communication. How a person chooses to handle these three C’s in their relationships can go a long way to determine how the rest of their lives play out.
For instance, couples must maintain honesty with each other when it comes to communication. This will help both parties remain on the same page while aiming towards a common goal.
Unfortunately, this expectation is easier said than done and seems to be an obvious truth only in theory. In reality, many of us women struggle with having honest futuristic conversations with our partners. Discussions such as an inquiry into a relationship’s prospects can feel like a heavy burden even when we know that it is necessary.
Sometimes, we are scared of coming off as too desperate by asking too soon, and other times, we do not know the right questions to ask. In this article, I will walk you through a few tips on how to have a relationship talk with a guy, as well as specific questions you can ask to determine where you stand in a man’s life.
- 1 15 Ways To Ask A Guy Where The Relationship Is Going
- 1.1 1. Know what you want
- 1.2 2. Remember that you are doing the right thing
- 1.3 3. Choose the right moment to ask
- 1.4 4. Boost your self-esteem
- 1.5 5. Prepare for the worst
- 1.6 6. Be assertive and straightforward
- 1.7 7. Keep things light and casual
- 1.8 8. Ask about his 3-year plan
- 1.9 9. Ask if he sees you in his future
- 1.10 10. Ask if he is content with your relationship
- 1.11 11. Ask about his priorities in life
- 1.12 12. Ask what he wants out of your relationship
- 1.13 13. Ask about his thoughts on marriage
- 1.14 14. Be patient and give him time to think
- 1.15 15. Don’t try to change his mind
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize
15 Ways To Ask A Guy Where The Relationship Is Going
1. Know what you want
Before engaging in any conversation regarding the future, you will need to come to a personal agreement with yourself on what you want. When you are unsure of your expectations, it is easy to be swayed by emotions and convenience.
Take time out to sit with yourself and think about your life. Are you fine being in a relationship with no possibility of marriage, or do you imagine yourself having a family and kids one day? These questions will help provide your mind with clarity into the things you may be willing to compromise on and the deal-breakers.
2. Remember that you are doing the right thing
As a woman, it is easy to find yourself living according to society’s expectations. We are thought to believe that we have little to no control over our lives. After all, it is the man who makes the first move, and they are the ones who usually determine how a relationship will go.
This is a misconstrued perception that can lead you into believing that you are wrong for asking the question, ‘where is this going?’
You need to make it a duty to remind yourself that you are doing the right thing by asking about your future. It shows that you are leaving your life into the hands of a man, but you are taking charge to avoid wasting your time and emotions on the wrong person.
3. Choose the right moment to ask
While there is no hard and fast rule regarding the right moment to have the relationship talk, you shouldn’t ask too early, like on a first date, or too late, either. If you have only been seeing this guy for a week or two, it might be a bit too soon to ask the question.
At this stage, he is probably still trying to figure out his feelings for you. However, this does not mean you should evade this question and carry things on for too long.
The appropriate time to ask should be when you have been together for a while, and you feel there is a connection that you will like to sustain. Naturally, you will feel the nudge within you, letting you know that you can’t carry on with the way things are going. Once you feel this way, there’s no need to push it further; face your fear and have that chat.
4. Boost your self-esteem
While in college, I dated a guy who did not believe in commitments, even though that was what I wanted. However, I didn’t think much of myself then, so I believed he was the best person I will ever meet.
As a result, I took on his excesses and shortcomings as a cross I had to bear to have a semblance of love, but I was so wrong. You see, when a woman is not confident in herself, there is that tendency to settle for less, even when it makes us sad.
Before asking your boyfriend about where things are going, you will need to find ways to boost your self-esteem. You can achieve this by spending time with loved ones or going through some of your past achievements. Remember, you are worthy of the best things in life, and true love will find you one day if you are patient.
5. Prepare for the worst
So what if your boyfriend agrees to have you in his future? I guess we all know how things will pan out. You will both kiss and ride into the sunset to live happily ever after, I suppose. So, now the question lies in what you will do should your conversation not go as planned?
You will need to develop the possibility that your boyfriend may not be on the same page as you are, and you will need to decide what to do with that information. Whether you will choose to stay, compromise, or leave depends entirely on you, however, have a concise strategy in place in the event of things going south.
I suggest that you apply the wise words of Zig Ziglar by preparing for the worst, but expecting the best ad this will help cushion the blow of a negative result.
6. Be assertive and straightforward
When having a conversation about where things are going, there is no need to make it lengthy. Keep it brief, concise, and straightforward. Be assertive with what you want but do not raise your voice or get emotional about it. If possible, you can write down what you want to say, not forget, and get carried away by the emotions.
Furthermore, remember that when a man feels backed against the wall, they might start to say things they do not mean just to keep you happy and carry the relationship on as it is. This is why you will have to create an atmosphere where he can feel free about expressing his feelings.
7. Keep things light and casual
I get it. You are about to have a serious conversation that will determine if you will be with the love of your life, or you will have to let go. This does not mean you have to carry your game face to the table or show up like you are ready for a challenge. Keep things casual and light-hearted while you talk.
Furthermore, relationship experts suggest that you avoid the ‘we need to talk’ line as this can get anyone anxious and emotionally drained before the conversation has even begun.
8. Ask about his 3-year plan
Now that we have touched on measures to take before and while having ‘the talk.’ You may be wondering about the appropriate words or approaches to use. One of my best tricks is to ask about the guy’s 3-year plan. The amazing thing about this question is that it can be asked anytime, even after a few dates, because it is not direct.
His response to this question will give you an idea of where his heart is and if he is open to being in a serious relationship or it’s something he doesn’t see happening anytime soon.
9. Ask if he sees you in his future
Enquiring whether a guy can see a future with you can come off as direct, but it is one of those direct questions that can help you make an instant decision. This question is best if you have been dating for a couple of months or years, and you are not convinced of his intentions.
It is not enough to settle for a yes or no response here. If he says yes, you need to probe to know what he sees you as in his future. Are you a friend, acquaintance, girlfriend, or wife? Remember, just because someone sees you as part of their plan does not automatically mean he imagines you as his soul mate.
10. Ask if he is content with your relationship
While no human is perfect, contentment in relationships is vital. It is what motivates us towards staying committed or being unfaithful. Asking a guy if he is content with you can seem like a tricky question, but it also can open a flood gate to issues and emotions that need to be tackled.
If it seems like your boyfriend is sitting on the fence here and he is not coming up with a concise answer, it is an indication that he is not content. You may want to ask what bothers him and why he is hesitant.
11. Ask about his priorities in life
You can tell a lot about a person from their priorities in life. So, asking him about his priorities will give you an idea about the things he holds important. For instance, someone who prioritizes his family and friends signifies that he cares about commitment and loyalty.
As a side tip, you can ask follow-up questions to know if his friends are married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then there is a high chance he is also looking for stability with you.
12. Ask what he wants out of your relationship
If you are one of the women who are still yet to learn a lesson about the dangers of ‘going with the flow,’ here’s one for you, do not do it. The only time you can get away with seeing how things go is when you do not know what you want.
However, if you know what you want, you need to ask your boyfriend what his intentions are for your relationship. Is he looking for a fling, a committed relationship, or marriage? Ask him bluntly and listen carefully to his response.
13. Ask about his thoughts on marriage
Questions about marriage and long-term relationships are great questions that you can ask anytime. Some people do not believe in marriage even though they do not mind having lifetime partners, while others do not care about any commitment. You need to know if this is something you do not mind, and you can compromise on it.
The earlier you decide, the better it will be for you because you can choose to let go and move on with your life as you had intended.
14. Be patient and give him time to think
Discussions about the prospects of a relationship can sometimes throw people off guard. It is possible that your guy has never given it a thought and needs time to think things through. Be patient and try not to pressurize him into having the right words or answers immediately.
Remember that this conversation’s goal is to state what you want and allow him to decide if he is on the same page or not. Moreover, if you pressurize him into making a decision immediately, he might say anything just to please you, thereby defeating the aim of the conversation.
15. Don’t try to change his mind
I know firsthand that discussions about your expectations from a relationship can get heated and emotional. Often, there is the temptation to beg and make unhealthy compromises to ensure that the man we love falls on the same page as us.
While these are just your emotions reacting, you should note that it is no use trying to make a guy change his mind. Instead, you should take note of his reasons and move on with your life. It will be difficult at first because your hopes of a future together have been dashed.
However, if you are confident in yourself, you can always ride and move on with the consolation that someone out there shares your dream, and he is waiting for you.
Depending on how early on it is in your relationship, you can choose to be direct or get the answer by asking indirect questions. For instance, if you have been dating for over six months, you should be straightforward with your question. However, if it is new, you may want to ask questions that border on his thoughts and priorities to know where his mind is at.
There is no hard and fast rule regarding the right time to ask about your relationship’s status. However, you should give yourselves enough time to know each other and make a concise decision on what you want. How long this takes will depend on the dynamics of your relationship.
Asking about a person’s relationship status does not have to be an intense conversation. Keep things casual and light-heartedly ask if they are seeing someone. If your reason for asking is that you like them, you can chip that here, so they know.
The best way to know is to ask him with the expectation that he responds honestly. Unfortunately, there is no way to guarantee if he is being honest or not, but there are signs that can point us in the right direction. For instance, a serious man will want to take you to meet his family and friends, and he will want to meet yours too to form a bond.
First things first, we need to clarify that dating is as simple as having drinks with a guy, and it is possible to sleep with this guy without being in a relationship. If you should tell a guy that you are dating others, it depends on you and how serious things have gotten between you guys. If he shows signs of commitment, then maybe you should talk to him about the competition.
Adult relationships are tough. However, deciding to have a conversation about the prospect of things early on can save you from unnecessary headaches and stress. I hope you enjoyed reading this list and found the tips insightful. If yes, don’t forget to share with your friends and leave a comment behind.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.