How To Accept The Past Of Your Partner (11 Ways To Be Accepting)

When you start dating someone new, it is normal and natural to want to know about their past relationships, however, it is important that you try to avoid getting too hung up on it. 

Everybody has had exes and there is no way to avoid it. Your partner has probably slept with a few other people in the past, but this should not affect your relationship going forward. 

It is not a good idea to dwell on jealous feelings when you think about your partner’s past. It is healthy to have a simple conversation about each of your previous relationships, but after that is over, leave the past in the past and stop worrying about things that happened before you even knew each other. Your new partner should not have to feel guilty about it either. 

When you are dating someone new, it is up to you whether you want to talk about your previous relationships or not. There is nothing wrong with opening up about them and telling your new partner about them, but try to keep it short and do not start obsessing over things that went on before you met them. 

Keep reading to find out ways to accept your partner’s past.

How To Accept The Past Of Your Partner

Whether you have just started dating someone new or you have been seeing someone for a while now, you may be wondering about their previous relationships, why they broke up and what they were like. You may even want to ask them about them, however, make sure to give the time and space to open up to you when you feel ready. 

If you start to develop jealousy toward your partner’s ex, it is important to consider why you are experiencing such feelings. It may be down to inner insecurity that you may have about your body or your ability in bed, but it is important that you figure this out rather than letting it affect your new relationship. 

There is nothing wrong with wondering about your new partner’s previous relationship and their exes and it is a normal thing that almost everybody will do when they enter a new relationship. However, it is important that you do not let these thoughts ruin what you have with this person. Avoid becoming jealous or comparing yourself with his past as you will likely not know all of the details anyway. 

1. Communicate

When you start dating someone new, it is likely that you will wonder about their previous relationships and their exes. You may even wonder whether their ex was better in bed than you are. However, it is vital that you are able to communicate about these things so that they do not become an issue between you. 

2. Overcome Your Jealousy

overcome your jealousy

If you start to feel jealous about your new partner’s ex, it is important that you figure out these feelings on your own, otherwise, they could become an issue with your new partner. Keep in mind that extreme feelings of jealousy usually come from feelings of insecurity, so it may be an idea to seek help to overcome these issues that you are experiencing. 

3. Remember That It Is Normal

Everyone has a past and accepting your partner and their sexual history is not always easy. However, you will never be able to move forward in your new relationship without accepting that they may have been with a lot of people in the past. It is normal to feel uneasy about someone’s previous relationships, especially if they were vastly different from yours. 

4. Don’t Obsess Over It

It is okay to ask your partner about his previous relationships and even his sexual history when you first start dating. However, try to keep the conversation light and avoid continuing it for too long. Once you have discussed your pasts, try to continue your relationship without obsessing over it any further. Let go of what went on before you. 

5. Don’t Compare

Even if your new partner’s history is completely different or even more exciting than yours, it is vital that you do not start comparing your previous relationships to theirs or even comparing yourself to their exes. You will never really know what went on or whether they were really happy together, so just move on and avoid comparing your previous situations. 

6. Don’t Feel Embarrassed

If someone else has had more exes than you, it is vital that you do not feel embarrassed or try to hide your own history. Everyone has a different history and just because you have less experience or you have been in different relationships, it does not mean that you are not as worthy as your new partner is. 

7. Appreciate Openness And Honesty

appreciate openness and honesty

If your new partner is able to talk about his history and previous relationships with you, it is a good sign of your relationship. It shows that you are already at a place to talk honestly about difficult and sometimes awkward subjects. Being honest and upfront about such things is a good sign of communication and a healthy relationship. 

No relationship will last without openness, honesty, and communication, so take this as a positive. 

8. Don’t Blame Your Partner

One thing that you should always avoid doing is blaming your partner for his previous actions. If you do not agree with something that he did in the previous relationships, it is not a good idea to hold it against him now. Ask your partner whether things have changed within him and whether he knows that whatever he did was wrong and believe what he tells you. 

9. Remember That They Can’t Take It Back 

Dating can be difficult and accepting someone’s history can be hard. However, it is vital that you try to be understanding of your partner and his history as after all he cannot take his previous actions back. He cannot go back in time and change his actions. If you need to take some time to think or deal with it, then do but do not punish him for things that happened years ago. 

10. They Have Learned From Their Mistakes

If your partner tells you about his previous dating experiences and tells you that he has learned from his mistakes, you likely have nothing to worry about. If you know that you can trust him, you don’t have to worry about him treating you in the same way. 

If he made mistakes in the past, it is likely that he has learned from them and will not make them again in the future. You should not hold someone’s history against them now as there is nothing that they can do to take it back. Allow him to prove to you that he has changed if he means enough to you, otherwise walk away now, but don’t punish him for his previous mistakes. 

11. Consider How He Treats You Now

consider how he treats you now

If your partner treats you really well, it is likely to clear that he has changed since his previous relationships with other people. This is all that matters as everyone makes mistakes when they are young and inexperienced. Focus on how he treats you right now as this is what actually matters in your relationship together. 

Forget about his history if he treats you amazingly. It is clear that he has learned from everything that went wrong in the past and he treats you in the way that you deserve. However, if it is clear that he has not learned from these things it is time for you to walk away. 

FAQs

How do you deal with a partner's past relationship?

The first thing that you need to do when you start dating someone new is to let go of the fact that they were with other people in the past, likely before they even knew you. This is a normal thing to think about and almost anyone that starts dating someone new, will think about their new partner’s exes and their previous relationships, just avoid becoming jealous. 

Does someone's past matter in relationships?

A person’s history should not matter in a new relationship. Anything that they did in the past or when they were younger should not have any bearing on how you see them now, apart from if you find out something that could make you worry about their sincerity or decency as a partner. Otherwise, let their past go as you do not want to let it affect what you have.

Should you care about your partner's past?

In most cases, you shouldn’t worry about your partner’s past. One of the exceptions to this may be if you find out that they had cheated in their past relationships, in this case, it may be necessary to tread carefully so that you don’t end up getting hurt. Otherwise, let the past remain in the past, have a conversation about it if it feels right, and then most on. 

Is jealousy a sign of love or insecurity?

Jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity, especially if these feelings are intense and deep. If you love someone, it is normal to feel a small amount of jealousy but extreme jealous usually does come from insecurities. If you feel jealous about your partner’s ex, it is vital to consider whether you need to get help to overcome these feelings. 

Can ex-lovers be friends?

Ex-lovers can be friends although it does not work in every case. If two people in a relationship realize that they are better off as friends, it can work out. However, it will usually take them a long time and a lot of work for them to truly see one another as friends. If your partner is friends with his ex, you should be able to trust him that he is sincere.

To Sum Up… 

When you start dating someone new, it can be difficult to think about their previous relationships. However, this is a normal and natural part of dating and everyone has exes. It is vital that you handle this situation in a mature and calm way so that you don’t ruin what you have with this person through jealousy or any other negative feelings toward their exes. 

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