23 Reasons He Won’t Commit And What to Do (The Real Secret)

Let’s see; you are in a relationship with a guy who won’t commit? He won’t commit, and you have no idea why or what to do, right? You probably want him to be your boyfriend, but he just isn’t playing ball the way you hoped. You have visions of the two of you being boyfriend and girlfriend, but nothing has come of the relationship you share thus far. 

What’s a girl to do? Walk away from the guy with commitment issues? Continue spending time with him even though there is no chance of a commitment?

Let me ask you some different questions. Does he enjoy your company but avoid any conversation about commitment? Does he seem distracted when the two of you are together? Do you suspect he’s dating someone else? Do you feel like you are head over heels in love with him, but he doesn’t feel the same way?

When your love life is facing issues like this, it’s pretty much a clear sign that he isn’t going to commit, he doesn’t want to commit, or he’s not ready to commit. Read on to learn more about what to do and the signs to look out for!

The Top Reasons He Won’t Commit

1. He’s scared things will change between the two of you

Many guys say things like, “What’s wrong with the relationship the way it is now?” They don’t want anything to change because they are happy with how their love life is going. If you are happy now, keep things the way they are. You don’t need to feel obligated to commit just because you’ve been dating six months or however long it’s been.

2. He’s afraid of commitment

he's afraid of commitment

Maybe your man is scared of a serious relationship; he could be fearful of divorce, so he avoids marriage to prevent it. That’s what happened with my last relationship. His opinion of marriage was so negative that he didn’t want to go through it again. He told himself he would never get married, no matter what. 

Over time, his opinion changed, but there are no guarantees that your guy is going to turn out like mine. It’s important that you take that into consideration. If your guy’s opinion of marriage is too negative and you have bright plans of being a beautiful bride one day, you should probably reevaluate the status of your relationship!

Even if you are completely happy with him, if your ultimate goals are different, it just wasn’t meant to be. Instead, find someone with the same viewpoint as you on the future life you want. Don’t settle for someone who just wants to keep things the way they are if you are looking forward to a real marriage and future one day.

3. He wants to keep his options open

Many guys just want to stay single, so they can play the field. They fall in love with many girls rather than just one. He may be a player and enjoy doing whatever he wants. If you want a serious relationship, you probably should invest in a guy who wants a commitment, not a fishbowl full of women.

4. He’s more into someone else

There’s a chance, if you aren’t in a serious relationship, that your man is dating other women. He may be seeing someone else, someone he’s more serious about. As hard as this is to hear, he may just like her more than he likes you. Don’t settle to be a guy’s backup plan if he’s dating other women. Instead, find someone who appreciates you.

5. He isn’t over his last girlfriend

Some guys just have it bad for their previous girlfriends. He may still be in love with his ex, or perhaps he is not over her. He may need to find closure before he can be in a committed relationship. He may care a lot about you, but until he finds that closure, he is of no use to you if you want a commitment. 

6. He’s had bad experiences with committed relationships

He’s been in them before and just won’t do it again. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t expect true love with this guy because he’s happy with the way things are with you. You can try to convince him that things with you will be different, but trying to change a person is never an easy thing to do.

7. He doesn’t see you as marriage material

Ugh, I don’t know how many times guys have said this to me. He doesn’t see you as a “wife” or as “marriage material.” What does that even mean? He may just not see you in his future. Don’t spend your time with guys who only want to have fun if you are looking for something serious; you will be sorely disappointed.

8. He doesn’t want to lose control of his life

he doesn't want to lose control of his life

Too many guys equate serious relationships with a loss of control. A guy like this thinks if he has a girlfriend, she will dictate what he can and can’t do. Instead, he would rather stay single and keep his freedom. He doesn’t want anyone being a “mother figure” to him, bossing him around, telling him what to do and who he can be around.

9. He thinks you aren’t ready for commitment

Yes, there are men out there that are ready for commitment, but they worry that the women they are with are not yet ready for a serious relationship. 

10. He doesn’t want to be with only one person

He may not be in the right mindset to be with only one girl. He’d rather date around and have several girls on his speed dial. If you only want to be with one person, you should find out if this is true for him. If so, go ahead and date around. If he doesn’t like it, he can settle down with you and stop dating other women.

11. He doesn’t want to feel responsible for another person

When you have a partner in a relationship, you have to think of them. If they are sick or need something, it’s your responsibility to be there for them, right? Many guys feel like they have enough commitments and responsibilities in their lives and chose not to settle down for this very reason. Find out if your guy thinks of you as an added responsibility!

12. He doesn’t know what he wants

Some guys are just confused. They think they might be in love but aren’t sure what to do about it. Should they settle down or date other women? Their thoughts are overwhelming them, and they don’t know what they really want. Because of this, nothing changes, and they never really get into serious commitments.

13. He is lazy when it comes to relationships

There are always going to be plenty of guys out there that just don’t want to be in a relationship because they are lazy. Relationships take time, effort, and even money! It’s easier to just be easygoing on the subject of commitment rather than to put forth the effort of being a steady partner. Determine what you want, and move forward.

14. He doesn’t want to feel obligated to buy you gifts

As just mentioned, dates cost money, and some guys just don’t have the funds to go steady. Your guy may not want to be in a serious relationship because he feels like he cannot afford it. If you think this applies to you, you can always explain that you don’t expect him to pay for anything; let him know you aren’t old-fashioned or anything.

15. He feels like there is something missing between the two of you

There may be some element that is missing in your current relationship, something that is preventing your guy from taking the next step with you. I can’t tell you what that element, aspect, feeling, or thought is because it’s in your man’s head! Ask him what it is, and if you can’t change it, you should move on with your life.

16. He doesn’t like the way things are going

he doesn't like the way things are going

There is always a chance that your man is planning to end things with you. Maybe he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you but doesn’t want to hurt you by breaking it off with you. Perhaps he feels as though another girl has more attributes than what he is looking for. 

17. He doesn’t see you as caring or nurturing

When a guy looks for a wife, he looks at the characteristics he finds appealing in a wife. He may think you don’t exhibit the qualities he is looking for or wanting in a relationship. You should find out what his expectations are, so you can determine if you do fit the bill or if the two of you need to part ways.

18. He enjoys being single

He may feel a certain amount of freedom, being a single adult. He may enjoy his alone time and want to continue things the way they are. Does he spend a lot of time by himself, without you involved? Does he feel smothered if you spend a whole weekend together? He may just really enjoy his own company – all by himself!

19. He is selfish

Like the guy who doesn’t want to be responsible, he may just not want to be accountable to more than one person. If he joins you in a serious relationship, he has to think about someone other than himself. He has to put you first or at least second. He must consider your emotions and expectations, what you want out of life, and what you’re doing.

20. He has seen too many horror shows with long-term relationships

He may have been a witness to too many difficult marriages or other long-term partnerships. He thinks he is wise by staying single after seeing the dating history of his friends and family. One thing you could do about this is to show him happy couples. If your parents are happily married, take him to a family event so that he can witness them!

Show him what true love is really like by having him meet your friends and family members who are happy together. 

21. He only is into a relationship for sex

Unfortunately, many times, a guy is in a relationship just for the sex or just because of how great the sex is. You may rock his world in the bedroom, but how does he treat you outside of that room? Do you have an emotional relationship? Do you talk about things that are important to you? Does he take you out on dates? Think it over.

If you want to be in a relationship with a guy, a relationship that involves more than just sex, you don’t want to be with a guy like this. He is using you for the physical relationship you share, but he may not value you mentally or emotionally. Make sure he is nurturing all parts of you if you want to be with someone for more than sex.

22. He doesn’t feel happy with you

he doesn't feel happy with you

There’s always the possibility that he just isn’t content with your relationship. He may not want to make things more serious because he fears things could get worse. Maybe he feels like you don’t value him or his opinions on different subjects. Are you a good listener? Do you treat him with respect? Does he seem happy with you? 

23. He thinks things are moving too fast

If he already feels as though things are moving too quickly, he may be trying to prevent things from going too far. Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the way everything is going between the two of you. If you feel he’s having trouble committing, he may just not want to rush things. Think about how long you have been together. 

Are you rushing things by expecting him to move into a committed relationship? Have you overwhelmed him with your actions? Do you think the two of you are madly in love? He may feel the same way, but he is confused or overwhelmed by his emotions – the love he feels for you. Give it time, and he will probably come around. 

What To Do When He Won’t Commit

Give Him an Ultimatum

First of all, don’t make excuses for him; he is trying to have his cake and eat it, too. This means he is acting selfishly; he doesn’t want to be tied down, but he’s too jealous to let you go so that you can date someone new. It may be time to give him an ultimatum. Tell him he must make some kind of commitment with you, or you will start looking for alternatives.

If he says he needs time, you might want to consider giving it to him. There’s a good chance that he’ll come around if he has heard what you have to say and is considering it. If he says he cannot commit for whatever reason, you might want to think about what you want for your future. Do you see marriage in your future or what you have now with this man?

Be Patient

Another option you could do if he won’t commit is to be patient. If you love this guy and want a future with him, you may just have to wait until he is ready before you talk about having a serious relationship. He’ll either bring it up when he’s ready, or the two of you will share the same relationship you have now for as long as you are together. You may have to get used to it.

Date Someone New

You could ask him what he’s thinking. What are his thoughts on the subject? The worst that can happen if you bring it up is the truth. He may say he doesn’t see a future with you or something like that, but at least you will know the truth and can deal with it. He may be afraid of being alone but also fearful of commitment; that’s a pretty unfair deal for you. Find someone new!

End the Relationship

end the relationship

If he really enjoys your company, there’s a good chance that he isn’t interested in your love life. Instead, he wants to just be friends. If so, you probably should end the romantic elements of your relationship and stick to friendship if you still want him in your life. Begin dating some new guys and throw this fish back in the lake.


What does it mean when a man won't commit?

It could mean many things. For example, he may not be over his last relationship. Maybe he still has feelings for her, and his love is standing in the way of your dating life. If so, you should consider ending the relationship and moving on.

Should I end it if he won't commit?

It depends on the reason he won’t commit. If the reason is that he’s scared of commitment, he’ll probably never change, so you should end it. If the reason is that he is dating other women, you should date other men! Think about each reason to determine what to do.

What should you do if a guy doesn't want to commit?

It depends on the reason he won’t commit. If he’s not happy in his relationship with you, you should end things with him, so you can find true love. However, if you think you could improve the relationship, go ahead and talk it over with him.

How long should you wait for a guy to commit?

If you have been dating a guy for a few months and he’s the only person you are seeing, you should expect to be in a committed relationship, depending on how often you see each other. If you’ve been together for years, I’d expect a ring and a real commitment!

How do you tell if he's not sure about you?

You can just ask him what his feelings are, but if he seems distracted like he’s dating someone else, you may want to guard your feelings. If you fall in love with him, and he’s not into you, you will probably get hurt. Watch yourself and your heart.


Have you been in a relationship with a partner who didn’t want to commit? What steps did you take when dating a partner like this? We’d love to hear about your experiences! Voice your opinion in the comments section below, and please share this blog post with someone else!

Leave a Comment