When you’re not quite ready for a relationship but miss the benefits that go hand in hand with having a man, it can be tempting to consider a friend with benefits. These seem like a dream come true. They can be a booty call, a date night, or someone to lend a listening ear, and you never have to deal with the drama that comes with a relationship.
Friends with benefits sounds like heaven. For a lot of people, this is the perfect arrangement. However, this will only work if you follow the friends with benefits rules. These guidelines will help you avoid falling in love during cuddle time or getting into another relationship that you aren’t ready for.
Taking the time to learn more about what this type of situation is like is a great idea for first-timers. Learning before being in one of these will help you know what to expect. It can also help you decide whether it is right for you.
- 1 What Do Friends With Benefits Do Together?
- 2 Do Friends With Benefits Work?
- 3 Friendship With Benefits Rules Are Necessary
- 3.1 They Need A Deal Breaker
- 3.2 Establish Ground Rules
- 3.3 Have A Conversation About Boundaries
- 3.4 Sleepovers Are Off Limits
- 3.5 No Commitment of Any Kind
- 3.6 Don’t Be Clingy
- 3.7 Use Condoms
- 3.8 Know Their History
- 3.9 Remember They Are Not Your Partner
- 3.10 Don’t Hook Up Too Much
- 3.11 Don’t Be Gross
- 3.12 Keep It Fun
- 3.13 Keep Your Life Going Outside Your FWB
- 3.14 Being Friends First Is Ideal
- 3.15 Honesty Is Important
- 3.16 Be Clear About Intentions
- 3.17 Make Your Own Rulebook
- 4 Just Remember…
What Do Friends With Benefits Do Together?
There are no rules set in stone for an FWB relationship. Some people enjoy a Netflix and chill type of night, and actually watch Netflix. Others simply want no-strings-attached sex, and to only communicate briefly when they want sex. An FWB relationship can be whatever you want it to be.
Before jumping head first into an FWB situation, it’s important to decide what you want out of the relationship. This could be anything from casual sex once a month to weekly dinners and hookups. Whatever it is, make sure that you know what you want. This will help you find a person that wants the same thing.
Do Friends With Benefits Work?
In short, yes an FWB situation can work. To determine whether it will work, remember that both people should be emotionally ready for casual sex, and should be on the same page. If two people have different expectations, one will inevitably wind up hurt. To avoid that potential heartache, follow the FWB rules.
It is impossible to lay out one set of rules that will apply to every person or relationship because we are all different. It’s important to remember that rules are simply part of the game, but that you must establish your own rules. The ones listed in the next section are some that I have personally used (the deal breaker rule is a must), and some that might work well for you.
Friendship With Benefits Rules Are Necessary
Understanding that you need to follow a few rules in a friend with benefits situation will help you keep your emotions in check. It takes a bit of the romance out of the situation, which instantly makes it less likely you are going to fall in love. Each rule will help you avoid getting hurt and keep you safe. Read through them carefully to decide which ones you need to implement to make your next FWB situation fun and void of emotional attachment.
They Need A Deal Breaker
The other person in your FWB relationship should have a relationship deal-breaker. For example, they have nine kids, and you don’t date men that have nine kids. If they have a deal-breaker, you can remind yourself of that when you start to slide over into the relationship frame of mind. It will help you bounce back into the FWB state of mind quickly.
Establish Ground Rules
Before beginning a friend with benefits relationship, know what your comfort zone is. Do you want booty calls? Are you comfortable being friends? Or do you just want raunchy sex with no feelings or cuddling? Think about what you want, establish your ground rules, and find someone looking for the same thing.
Have A Conversation About Boundaries
After you know your own ground rules, it’s important to have a conversation about them. This establishes communication for future conversation if anyone crosses any lines, and ensures that you both have the same expectations. Get this out of the way early on to avoid stress down the road.
Sleepovers Are Off Limits
Never spend the night in his bed, no matter how cozy it is. Sex releases oxytocin, which makes it a little easier to want to lay in bed enjoying that orgasm afterglow while your body tingles. Don’t fall asleep cuddling, though. This is too intimate for an FWB relationship, and you don’t want to cross the line into relationship territory.
No Commitment of Any Kind
The beauty of an FWB is that there are no strings attached. On your end, it means not making a commitment to anything that would be a couple-type of thing, such as dinner, parties, or meeting the parents. These are supposed to be fun, and not involve anything a boyfriend or girlfriend would normally do. Make sure that you are okay with that before entering into one of these relationships.
Don’t Be Clingy
This type of relationship is supposed to be fun. It’s about sex, not feelings. When someone starts to be clingy, the fun is done and one person is left with hurt feelings. Avoid the mess by not being clingy in the first place. That means skip the daytime texts, the constant phone calls, and don’t bother checking their Facebook to see who they are talking to.
It’s always a good idea to practice safe sex, especially in this type of relationship. You guys are in this for fun sex, not to become parents. You also don’t know whether the other person is having sex with anyone else. Always using condoms can help prevent sexually transmitted infections.
Know Their History
Knowing a person’s sexual history or lifestyle can help you avoid risk to your health, too. If someone is known to hook up with random people from the bar or has had a lot of previous partners, that is a red flag. They could do the same thing while having fun with you. You want pleasure and great sex, not a stress headache and UTI.
Remember They Are Not Your Partner
As soon as one person gets the feels for the other, they develop an attachment. This often leads to confusion as they put their friend with benefits in the relationship category in their mind. It’s important to remember that they are not your partner. If they talk to someone, have sex with other women or plan to go on dates that it is not cheating. It is not your business.
Don’t Hook Up Too Much
The problems with friends with benefits usually start when people try to see each other as often as possible. If you see each other too much, you can develop feelings for someone. Shoot for only seeing your friend once or twice a week. You can make exceptions to this rule for long marathons or if you have vacation time, but that’s the only time you should.
Don’t Be Gross
Just because you’re not in a relationship does not mean that girls can show up with stubby leg hairs and guys no longer need to shave. Put the same basic things into a steamy session with a friend with benefits that you would before going on a date.
Keep It Fun
Having a friend with benefits is about having fun. Sex is a great way to relieve stress, beat the winter blues and it has a number of beauty benefits, like better skin. If it starts to feel stressful, it’s probably time to go back to just being friends with someone.
Keep Your Life Going Outside Your FWB
Your friend with benefits might be one of your friends, making it easy to text them during the day. This is a trap that leads to someone catching feelings. Enjoying life and hobbies outside of those once a week meetings is essential for keeping FWB relationships casual and fun. Remember not to daytime text, and it will instantly help you follow this rule.
Being Friends First Is Ideal
When you already have a friend that is interested in adding benefits with friends, that is an ideal situation. You two will already have the bond of a friend, trust each other and feel comfortable with one another. This circumstance can help eliminate awkwardness that can come with these situations.
Honesty Is Important
When you practice honesty in an FWB situation, it can help both people feel comfortable in every way. Both can express their desires, state an expectation that they have, and both of you will be on the same page from the get-go. Maintaining that honesty can guarantee that both people are treated with respect.
Be Clear About Intentions
If you just want a buddy and orgasms, say that. If you want chemistry, dinners, and gifts without a commitment, tell your FWBs that too. When you present the full picture to a person, they can decide whether they are looking for the same thing. Hiding that you really want a relationship is bound to lead to disappointment.
Make Your Own Rulebook
These guidelines are some of mine, and some that might help you, but you need to pick which ones you want to follow. Your situation is all about you and your partner having fun. That’s why you need to figure out what works for you and stick with it.
Having an FWB is one of the easiest situations when you do it right. Often, things get complicated because one person starts to feel a bit more sentimental than the other person does. Use these tips as a guideline to help keep your next situation as fun as it can be. What did you think of these tips? Would you add any more?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.