We live in times where happy relationships are not solely dependent on love. Divorce rates are increasing every year and it begs the question, ‘Do relationships truly ride on the laws of attraction, or is it just about having a valid connection?’ So now we understand that love is not all there is when it comes to relationships. Does that make it okay to force love?
Should you stay with someone even when there’s no sign of attraction? Is it a good decision to try and love someone with good qualities, a nice heart, and good looks? These are questions I hope to answer vividly as we progress. However, I want to believe that the real question you are asking is, ‘Am I forcing myself to like my partner?’
It’s true that if you have an active dating life, there will always be questions at the back of your mind that make you doubt the connection you have with someone. Besides, it's important to understand that forcing yourself to love someone isn’t necessarily wrong. As stated above, relationships just don’t thrive on a physical and mental connection.
It takes a lot of effort from both parties. Let’s consider people who are in arranged marriages, some of them thrive and last for years. While this is not an avenue to recommend such marriages, it proves the point that love can be grown over time. However, in some cases, forcing a relationship can be very negative, especially when the other party doesn’t feel the same way.
Anyway, let’s get to the heart of the matter as I break down some of the signs you are forcing yourself to love someone.
- 0.1 15 Signs You Are Forcing To Love Him
- 0.1.1 1. There’s not much excitement when you’re together
- 0.1.2 2. You initiate most of your activities together
- 0.1.3 3. He doesn’t inspire or motivate you
- 0.1.4 4. There’s more drama than you bargained for
- 0.1.5 5. You can’t really imagine a future with this person
- 0.1.6 6. You still crave the feeling of being truly loved
- 0.1.7 7. You’re always the one reaching out
- 0.1.8 8. You’re not happy
- 0.1.9 9. You keep trying to confirm if he feels the same way
- 0.1.10 10. You constantly feel hurt
- 0.1.11 11. Your gut tells you he’s not the one
- 0.1.12 12. Your partner insinuates it
- 0.1.13 13. You don’t have peace
- 0.1.14 14. You feel bad for the person sometimes
- 0.1.15 15. You don’t feel proud of the relationship
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 In Conclusion
15 Signs You Are Forcing To Love Him
1. There’s not much excitement when you’re together
There’s one thing that people in happy relationships enjoy; the aura of excitement. You’re happy to see this person when he’s around. Excited about trips or doing activities together. In general, you just love spending time with this person. In this case, maybe you met a really great guy with an amazing personality. He likes you and vice versa, but you’re not sure it’s love.
You can acknowledge that you would be great together, but as amazing as this man is, he just doesn’t excite you. You may like and appreciate this guy, and possibly think you love him. However, if the thought of him doesn’t excite you, that’s forced love.
2. You initiate most of your activities together
Who is the one always planning dates, thinking about activities, and trying to convince the other party to get on board? If you’re that person in this relationship, then it’s time to admit that you may be forcing this connection. Love should be reciprocal; when one person gives, the other person does the same.
Now, if your partner isn’t much of a planner, he should at least balance out your efforts in other ways.
3. He doesn’t inspire or motivate you
When you have true feelings for someone, you want to make their life better than you met it. Sometimes, even without knowing, you could motivate your partner to be a better person, pursue his life goals, and much more. The same pertains to you. Does this guy make you feel like you can achieve anything? Is he the reason you’re smiling all day?
If you are honest with yourself, it’s easy to realize and accept when you are simply forcing love and not living it.
4. There’s more drama than you bargained for
I am not suggesting that the happiness that comes with loving relationships is free from drama. However, when you are pushing yourself to love someone, there will always be friction. Let's say you expect your partner to act a certain way. When you try to convince him and he doesn’t budge, you’ll feel differently towards them.
When love is not natural or genuine, anything can spark drama. Not doing the laundry or going out with friends could easily cause contention. It could make you question every action before you take it.
5. You can’t really imagine a future with this person
When you start dating someone, it’s only natural to start fantasizing about your future together. You’ll start imagining your future house, future family, and everything in between. However, when love is forced, you just live in the now. Getting through just one day may seem like a lot of work.
6. You still crave the feeling of being truly loved
When you are honest with yourself, it’s easy to realize when you’re not getting the love you deserve. You may try to convince yourself that you’re happy. However, when you’re left alone to your thoughts, you’ll find yourself craving genuine love and happiness. While it’s still possible to crave love in a normal relationship, this would be different.
The latter is simply a case of not being content with what you have. In this case, you’ll just be looking out for what’s missing in your relationship.
7. You’re always the one reaching out
When you’re apart, who reaches out first? Have you ever gone days without talking, and still happened to be the first person to message or call? It won’t be fair to keep convincing yourself that you’re in a working relationship. If the other person is also putting in the effort to call, text, and communicate with you in general, that’s a different case.
Things can work out between two people who are trying to channel their emotions into feelings of love and commitment. However, if it’s just one party putting in all the effort and trying to convince themselves that it’s love, that’s a recipe for failure.
8. You’re not happy
A healthy relationship can weather any storm or turmoil when both parties are committed to loving each other. Things are very different when that love is being forced. Even when things are seemingly okay, there’ll still be a part of you that is sad. You won’t feel content, and nothing the other party says will fix that.
When you are not happy most of the time, it may be possible that you're forcing the relationship. You want things to work out with this guy, but unfortunately, he isn’t making you happy.
9. You keep trying to confirm if he feels the same way
Do you constantly doubt the love and affection your partner gives? Do you feel comfortable just letting things flow without always checking if you’re on the same page? Then maybe you aren’t on the same page with this person. It’s even sadder when this person actually loves you, and you are forcing yourself to match his energy.
Even when you can clearly see he’s putting in the effort, the insecurity that comes with forced love will make you question his every action.
10. You constantly feel hurt
On the other hand, it’s possible that you’re the one forcing the relationship with a guy that’s not as committed. As a result, you’ll end up with a broken heart more often than not. Every contrary thing he does or says will leave you hurt because of all the energy you’re putting in.
Let’s take an example, the person pushing a full wheelbarrow of bricks feels more pain than the person pushing an empty one. In this case, you’re the person pushing a truckload in the relationship, and it will surely hurt when things are not going as you expect.
11. Your gut tells you he’s not the one
It’s hard to accept that this great guy you’re pining over is not the one. You’ll try your best to shut out what friends, family, and other well-wishers say just to prove them wrong. However, you can ignore everyone else, but your gut won’t lie to you. If this guy is not the one, that gut feeling in your heart will just keep bringing the thought up.
You may try your best to suppress it, and if you try hard enough, the warning sound of the reason may just fade away. However, if from the beginning, you feel that gut feeling that proves there’s no love in this particular union, it’s time to accept the truth.
12. Your partner insinuates it
If this guy truly loves you, he’ll know when you’re not on the same wavelength with him. No matter how hard you try to act, a person that loves you will know when you’re faking it. The look on your face, the reactions to situations, those are easy-tell-tale signs. Plus, when your heart is not truly committed to someone, it may wander a bit.
That means that if you fancy someone else at the time, your partner will notice that too. It hurts to watch someone you love drift apart regardless of how hard they try to stay committed. At this point, you’ll be doing both of you a favor by staying true to yourself.
13. You don’t have peace
There’s this peace that comes with being in a loving and committed relationship. In fact, you could argue every day with this person and still feel at peace if you truly love them. That’s the difference between forced feelings and true love. True love breeds peace because you feel secure and safe, no matter the turmoil.
On the other hand, insecurities will surely arise when the foundation of your love is not strong. Remember, no matter how you force two bricks together, they won’t stick without a bonding element. The binding element in any relationship is genuine love, without that, things are bound to fail.
14. You feel bad for the person sometimes
When you don’t genuinely love someone, you may start to feel guilty at some point. You know you are not giving them all of you, you feel they deserve better, and that just makes you feel sad. You don’t want to fail at making things work, but you also don’t want to break this person’s heart.
15. You don’t feel proud of the relationship
When you’re putting everything into a relationship that’s full of love, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everything seems perfect, and you are ready to profess your love on the rooftop if need be. However, when you are forcing a relationship, you unconsciously feel less proud of the union.
You’d rather keep things silent and stick to yourselves because deep down you feel the relationship won’t last very long.
Some people believe that you cannot love someone on purpose if that connection is not natural. However, forced love is possible, simply because when people set their minds on something and are determined, anything is possible. It may not be genuine, but when people refuse to admit they don’t have feelings for their partner, that love becomes forced.
Not everyone who is forcing themselves to love someone is doing so for the right or even positive reasons. The truth is, you slowly realize when you aren’t loving someone willingly, but here are a few pointers.
1. You constantly have to persuade yourself to show care and affection.
2. You start over-compensating.
3. You’re always the one initiating dates, hangouts, and other fun events.
4. You try to change into a person you think your partner will like and appreciate better.
5. You’ll always want to know if the other person feels the same way.
6. You’ll find yourself comparing this relationship to previous ones.
7. You may always feel like something is missing.
These are just a few signs that could show you are putting too much energy into loving someone.
It is very possible to force yourself to stop liking someone. The only thing you won’t be able to control is time. It takes time to get rid of feelings. In fact, getting over someone takes longer than falling in love with that person. Just imagine the process of untying a tight knot, and compare that to tying it in the first place.
When you have memories and treasurable experiences with someone, it will be hard to put all that behind. However, that doesn’t go to say that it’s impossible, just give it time.
There’s no relationship that does not require extra work. However, you’ll know that you have crossed the line when you notice some of these signs.
1. You want the relationship more than you want the person.
2. You are more affectionate in public than in private.
3. You become very self-conscious to avoid getting on your partner’s nerves.
4. Disagreements take longer to be resolved.
5. You purposely ignore some of their shortcomings.
6. You may start trying to change them.
7. Your future with this person doesn’t excite you.
8. You feel like you’re carrying most of the weight in the relationship.
If more than five of these signs pertain to you, it’s possible that you are forcing a relationship.
A toxic relationship is one where love starts to become more negative than positive. There’s no mutual trust, respect, support, or cohesiveness. Even more, either one or both parties may refuse to cooperate or compromise.
In such relationships, things could get very negative as issues like verbal abuse, physical abuse, unnecessary competition, and dominance arise constantly.
I hope you enjoyed reading through this list? I sure enjoyed writing it. It’s important for us to understand when we are forcing love and when to let go. These signs listed above should help you realize if you are forcing yourself to love someone or not.
Have any opinions on this topic? Kindly let me know in the comment section below, and if you’re feeling generous, kindly share this article with others. Good luck!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.