It is common knowledge that many relationships lack equality. Such relationships are unhealthy and are not bound to last long. Even if they do, it is bound to be riddled with a lot of toxicity and chaos. What every relationship needs at the forefront is equality.
Equality in relationships means each partner’s interests, needs, and wants are considered and satisfied to a reasonable level rather than just one partner benefitting from the relationship. So it is obvious it is not a one-person relationship.
That being said, equality can be quite difficult to measure. I mean, how exactly can you split activities in the relationship equally? This question is to be answered by perception. Because if one person is giving too much, that person should be able to receive as much. On that note, here are some clear tips for building relationship equality.
- 0.1 13 Tips For Building Relationship Equality
- 0.1.1 1. Learn to listen
- 0.1.2 2. Communication
- 0.1.3 3. Share duties and make decisions together
- 0.1.4 4. Respect
- 0.1.5 5. Transparency
- 0.1.6 6. Positive financial behavior
- 0.1.7 7. Intimacy
- 0.1.8 8. Trust
- 0.1.9 9. Support
- 0.1.10 10. Negotiation
- 0.1.11 11. Boundaries
- 0.1.12 12. Curiosity
- 0.1.13 13. Physical affection
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 In Summary
13 Tips For Building Relationship Equality
1. Learn to listen
It is a fact that in an unequal relationship, a partner who is in the underbalanced part of the relationship will hesitate before expressing his or her feelings. In an equal relationship, it will be easy for either boy or girl to express himself or herself fully while their partner listens to them. What is the essence if they speak and they are not listened to anyways?
Listening is somehow an assurance that you are interested in doing better. It is an indication that you are ready to do what your partner is requesting. This is why listening is an important part of every healthy relationship.
Encourage open communication in your relationship. Allow your partner to always express his or her feelings. You both don't have to agree on everything and know that you both can agree to disagree. Certainly, communication is an essential part of every healthy union. This is because, in order for you to be able to satisfy your partner adequately, they need to communicate.
If you also want your needs met, you have to talk about it. It would be really unfair if only one party gets his/her needs met while the other spouse is left on his or her own. In every long-term relationship, it is observed that couples do a lot of communication. Allow your partner to always express his or her feelings and know that you both can disagree to agree.
In order to build equality, both individuals need to participate in decision-making. Allow fairness to reign. If one party is in charge of the decision-making, it will defeat the whole purpose of the relationship being an equal one. Also, share housework with each other. Inequality says one person does the housework all the time.
It is usually assumed that most housework duties belong to only women, and men always make decisions and pay the bills on dates. And that is a big problem. This is the 21st century, break that stereotypical cycle.
Learn to do things for each other. For instance, when you plan to go on dates, split the costs.
One person should not always pay the money. So when you make plans to go out together to watch a good movie etc, try to incorporate the team spirit.
Respect is basic and is something that needs to be appreciated by especially couples. Respect dictates that you value your partner's opinions, though they are different from yours. Even though you don't agree, you are willing to listen to them. In a union where inequality is the norm, the other spouse's opinions are always discarded before it is even out.
In such a union, it's quite obvious one person is exercising control over the other, which is unfair and toxic. How you also treat your partner in the midst of people and when you are both alone is telling of the kind of relationship you have. Is it one where one partner excessively controls the other? Or is equality the norm?
Transparency is imperative in every equal relationship. When there is no honesty, the sentiments are not very true. This is because almost everything will be a lie. Where the imbalance is evident, i.e only one party's needs are met, the one being starved of his or her needs will want to get it somewhere else.
And that is the beginning of a toxic relationship, because your spouse will be cheating on you, and obviously would not want you to know about it. To create the balance, allow honesty into your relationships. It does much good.
6. Positive financial behavior
Money is very important. This is why as a couple, you need to find that financial balance, or else it will create bones of contention between you two. Establish ground rules about money and learn how to manage your finances positively. If you want to buy an overly expensive item, ask your partner first.
If you both have a joint account where you both put your salaries, you should both plan on how to spend, pay off debt or prepare towards retirement. Keep equality in the picture. If, as a couple, you never discuss money, you will keep having arguments. To establish financial rules on how to manage money, so that you both have fewer chances of entering into conflict.
This is a bedroom situation where one party is sexually satisfied, but the other party is left feeling inadequate. For instance, It is known that men reach their sexual peak earlier than women. When a woman constantly feels inadequate in the bedroom, she wouldn't want to indulge in sexual intimacy with the man, because he is the only one who gets satisfied.
And that means a problem is in sight. In an equal relationship, the couple exercises initiative and choice which satisfies them both. These include: being faithful to each other, respecting each other's privacy, and not putting your spouse under pressure to do something he or she may not want to do.
Trust is fundamental in every union and one of the basic building blocks in the relationship. Where trust is present, love is automatically easy. I say this because your partner would feel at home with you, and can be himself or herself around you. If he/she is weird, you are very accepting of his or her weirdness.
In a relationship where equality is the norm, trust is bound to grow, because it allows space for equal participation. Both parties can talk and express themselves freely, and they are each other's safe space. That way, their needs are met, and there are fewer issues.
In many relationships, there is always one person giving support more than the other. This could be because the other person might have one or two issues that are weighing him or her down, so they are not able to put as much energy into the relationship. This is where you ought to step in your partner's shoes and take up his or her role.
It is very possible that there will be times in your union where you feel as if you are carrying all the weight. Know that, it is okay. We all have our off moments. So when you feel strong enough to support your partner, never hesitate. A time may come where that partner too will be your support system.
Where equality is present, negotiation is also in the picture. This is because both parties may not always agree on the same things. And when that happens, they are both willing to compromise and find practical solutions that can suit both of them.
Understand that, aside from being a couple, your partner has a life outside the union. Your spouse needs to respect that you can be happy outside your relationship. Actually, it is very healthy when the happiness of the couple is not tied to each other. This is why you both need to respect each other's boundaries.
Maintain that individuality within the union. Don’t let your spouse demand your presence every time or stop you from having other friends or hobbies. That is a big red flag and does not build relationship equality.
Equality can be equated to selflessness. Selflessness is looking out for the other person rather than yourself. It also includes seeing things from their perspectives. To be able to understand which angle your partner may be coming from concerning a particular matter, you need to be curious enough.
Try to find out what makes them feel what they feel, why they feel how they feel, why they see the situation in the way they see it, what it means to them and why? Be interested in your partner's life. It will create more understanding from your end so that you can build equality in the relationship.
13. Physical affection
Physical affection is essential in every equal relationship. But understand that it is usually the case where people end up falling into traditional gender roles without realizing it. Men are known to be socially independent while women are the nurturers. Even in an enlightened age as the 21st century, people still fall into these roles.
To make equality very obvious, you both need to be very intentional about establishing it in the union. You could both make plans: watch a movie, go out for a romantic dinner, watch the sunset together, take a walk, etc.
There are lots of ideas to choose from. You both can also schedule time together to talk about yourselves; so what did your partner do that made you feel frustrated or appreciated or swept you off your feet even more?
This will direct you two to treat each other thoughtfully as you both work together to make your relationship a mutual partnership.
The five most important things in a relationship include trust, respect, communication, boundaries, and support.
In “unfair relationships”, your partner can’t seem to deal with your individuality, and would always want you to spend them with them. These partners somehow do not seem to understand that you have a life with friends, and interests apart from them.
Some toxic traits in a relationship include dishonesty, jealousy, lack of support, disrespect, controlling behaviors, bad communication, resentment, negative financial behavior, etc, and other behaviors which do not lead to the progression of a healthy relationship.
Love and trust are the most intimate acts in a relationship. Where there is love, there is fuel to stay in the relationship. However, where there is trust, there is the opportunity for a safe space. Your partner can feel safe expressing himself or herself in whichever way he/she understands intimacy without being mocked.
Every healthy relationship requires transparency, empathy, compassion, patience, love, flexibility, respect, and honesty. If you see these qualities daily in your relationship, then it means that your relationship is definitely going to last long.
Before I sign out, these points are clear-cut ways to build equality in your relationship. Do not settle for less and you deserve all the best.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.