Dumpers Remorse (11 Reasons Dumpers Feel Regret)

Sometimes, we question ourselves about the decisions we make. We wonder if we should have left that last job so soon because there was a new offer. You ask yourself if the right decision was to have stayed back and fixed things to your will, or if leaving was the completely normal thing to have done in that situation. 

Similarly, when you happen to be the dumper in a recently gone-bad relationship, you might think you’ve done the best thing until you start to feel bad about your seemingly hasty decision. If you recently broke up with your boyfriend, it’s normal to feel guilty to a certain extent. 

If you’ve been finding it hard to place the feeling, it’s called dumper’s remorse and you might be feeling it for different reasons. You have supposedly moved on with your life, and your ex-boyfriend seems to be doing okay too. So, what’s the problem? 

Why can’t you just be happy to see him creating new memories as you’re also doing? Why can’t you miss him without wanting your ex back? This article will shed some light on why you have a serious case of dumper’s remorse and how to deal with the feeling.

11 Reasons Dumpers Feel Regret

1. You feel he is the only best thing you’ll ever have

When idealization is the basis of your relationship, it will be extremely difficult to start seeing the reality even long after the relationship is over. No matter how great a person is, there are hundreds of amazing people who will want you in their lives, especially if you’re an amazing person yourself. 

As such, it is not good to idealize a man to the extent of thinking you can never land another good man. If you had genuine reasons for breaking up with him, you should feel less guilty about your decision. Yes, you could have been more patient to see if things will work out, but you shouldn’t continue to beat yourself after the deed is done.

Guilt can do so much damage, including making you doubt the best decisions you make after endless thoughts and cross-checking. If you’re a good person who doesn’t give up on love, you’ll find a good man who’ll give you reasons to spend forever with him.

2. Doubt over the reason why you loved him

If you were never sure of the reasons why you loved or dated your ex-boyfriend, you might also be doubtful of why things didn’t work out. Did you have strong feelings for him, but weren’t sure if they leaned towards mere likeness, lust, or love? When you aren’t sure of why you like someone, it might be hard to fight for the survival of your connection with them.

The reason you’re having dumper’s remorse could be because you didn’t give yourself the chance to process your feelings while dating. As such, you’re now confused as to what the heck you were doing all along. 

Now, you wished you’d been more aware of what you were doing, rather than just playing along. With time, you’ll process your feelings and decide if getting your ex back is the best thing to do.

3. You haven’t given yourself enough time

Getting over your ex back is an option you’ll readily have soon after a break-up. If you’re the dumper, you’ll feel dumper’s remorse and that makes it harder to maintain your previous decision. Some experts say it takes half the time you dated your ex to get over him. This means, that if you dated him for three years, it might take you one and a half years to finally forget him.

If your dating period was just 6 months, it won’t be a big deal to get over him in three months. Regardless of the time you had with him, it will take a while to get over someone you gave so much time and resources to. One reason why you’re suffering acute remorse and doubt after the breakup is because you haven’t given yourself time to heal. 

The fact that you were the dumper doesn’t mean you won’t feel broken. As such, give yourself time to become whole again. Afterward, ask yourself if you made a huge mistake and still want your ex back.

4. You still have an open communication system in place

You’ve made your decision by initiating the break-up. Now, you need to live without your ex. It is cruel to not only him, but also yourself by breaking the no contact rule. While it is a common trait for dumpers to reignite contact after they’ve stopped talking to their exes, it’s still a fact that it’s unhelpful to both parties. 

Keeping open communication will give you unsolicited information that won’t help you move on with your life. You won’t make peace with the idea of not having your ex in your life, and that could be the basis of your desire to have your ex back. 

Chances are, you will get him back, but it won’t work because you got him back for the wrong reasons. After breaking up with someone, sever as many ties as possible to enable an easy transition.

5. You had no context for the breakup

you had no context for the breakup

Your post-breakup guilt could result from the fact that you aren’t sure of why you broke up with him in the first place. For a moment, put yourself in your ex's shoes and discontinue things the same way you did with him. Did you end things for the right reasons, or you were trigger-happy to end things for selfish reasons? 

If his mistakes weren’t in a context that warranted breaking up, realizing your error might cause you to have regrets. Before putting yourself through another round of hurt, consult mutual friends to know if your ex shows any desire and that he also wants you back.

6. You’re a honeymoon phase clinger

There is this feeling of instant relief when you initiate a break-up. You feel elated that you could leave bad memories behind, and you can proceed to create happy memories with someone new. However, that euphoric moment fades quickly, and you’re left to deal with doubt.

If you’re the type to quickly move on to another man, you will have issues forming deep emotional connections that will outlast various problems. The reason you feel shitty after the first weeks of a new relationship is that you usually zone out after the honeymoon phase passes.

When the initial attraction recedes to show the quirks and annoying side of your new partner, you begin to miss your ex. You’ll need to practice perseverance, contentment, and the ability to commit to one person if you’re to stop feeling guilty after every breakup.

7. You’ve just reached the grass ain’t greener level

The cliché, “the grass ain’t greener on the other side” usually proves more true than not when it comes to love. If you jump from one person to another, you’ll hardly understand the concept of satisfaction with one partner. 

The idea of greener pastures isn’t that things are perfect in one place. It is that you can make things absolutely amazing because you can handle whatever comes your way.

Having a great man or opportunity is not enough to make you happy. Creating a good life with that man or opportunity is what gives you green pastures. If you’ve started dating someone else immediately after leaving your ex, you might soon have the grass ain’t greener syndrome and want your ex back.

However, be sure you want to get your ex back for the right reasons, not because you’re seeking the quick thrill that comes in the first few weeks of dating.

8. You’ve been lying to yourself

Soul searching is one important trait you should adopt after a recent breakup. It can be hard to tell yourself the truth because you might not like the answer you get. However, it will protect you from acting out of ignorance or confusion. 

You have no business trying to get your ex back until you’ve sorted your feelings. Lying to yourself that you’re not hurt by your decision, or lying that getting back with him is the right thing to do will end badly for you.

9. You simply miss companionship

Loneliness can make you do funny things such as hooking with the wrong people, or maintaining contact with your ex under the pretense of being ‘just friends’. If you’re missing companionship, hang out with friends and families until you can be alone.

Don’t try to use your ex to satisfy your selfish needs. Both of you will get hurt, and you’ll feel even more guilty.

10. You still have his items

you still have his items

The best thing for both parties to do after breaking up is to get rid of personal effects immediately. There will be a reduction in the chances of opening your raw emotional wounds by seeing each other.

By keeping something as ridiculous yet intimate as his toothbrush, it means you’re willing to play games you’ll eventually lose.

11. You made a bad judgment quickly 

Everyone wants a happy ending, a second chance even after messing up. If you made a quick decision of breaking up with the love of your life, you’d soon realize your mistake because nothing will feel right anymore. The peace you seek will not come and the moments you spent together will continue running through your mind like a tape on loop.

It’s okay to admit you messed up and what your ex back. Whether or not you’ll get your ex back depends on several factors, including his availability and desire to have you back. Merely admitting your error will give you closure even if things don’t work out with your ex.

FAQs

What is dumper’s remorse?

Dumpers remorse refers to the feeling of doubt a dumper feels after breaking up with the dumpee.

Do dumpers ever feel remorse?

Yes, dumpers feel a measure of failure for not trying harder to make things work. Hence, the feeling of remorse. 

Do dumpers regret their decision?

If your boyfriend broke up with you without giving both of you a chance to fix the problem, he might feel regret.

How long does it take for dumper's remorse?

It takes as long as is necessary for you to let go of the remorseful feeling you feel. It could be as long as you find another person you can commit to, or when your ex takes you back. 

Should you ever contact the dumper?

Try as much as possible to avoid contact with your dumper. This helps you to avoid making the unwise move of getting back with him while you’re not sure you want to spend your future with him.

Summary 

Dumper's remorse is real even though many people don’t know that’s what they’ve been feeling. Now that you know what that restless feeling is, adopt some of the tips in this post to pace yourself during the post-breakup process. 

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