I am sure if you ask 10,000 happily married people the secret to longevity and happiness in their relationships, they will all echo “Don’t go to bed angry. This is because anger leads to resentment. They say it all the time.
It is almost like a golden rule, and as much as you will like to think that this is impossible and can not be achieved, I am here to let you know that this is possible. It also works because a lot of people are happily married and swear by this rule. Fighting is unavoidable, especially with people in love, and the best way to solve the dispute is by talking about it.
So when you fight with your partner, instead of staying apart for a few days or expecting that the problems will disappear if you ignore them and go to bed, stay up. Look at each other in silence if you don’t want to say things that you might both regret later. Regardless of what works for you, don’t be angry at each other.
Fighting is good. Let me rephrase, “healthy fights” are good. They help couples form a stronger bond in the relationship or marriage. I mean, you are very human so arguments will definitely come up and what makes things even better is resolving problems at the moment.
If you are still not convinced, here are seven reasons why couples should not be sleeping angry with your partner.
Don’t Go To Bed Angry
1. It’s simply toxic
Anger is toxic, and sleeping angry is unhealthy. You think I’m lying? Well, let me convince you. When you are angry, your body releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones increase blood pressure, heart rate, breathing rate.
You don’t need to go through the entire night with all these hormones skyrocketing and causing havoc in your system—when you can simply avoid it by talking it out. You are going to argue and get angry at your partner a lot of times in your relationship or marriage.
So, try not to keep these hormones running in the blood over something you could have resolved before going to bed.
2. Your beauty sleep matters to me
You need to be sleeping well so as to keep up your peng queen magic and going to bed angry is totally against this. If you go to bed angry you are four times more likely to have nightmares. What this means is you are not getting worked up over a fight that might or might not matter in 24 hours.
It also means that you are missing out on good sleep, and you will get eye bags in the morning. You need a good night's rest to function properly. Hence, resolve your conflict before bed so you can be at your best.
3. Things get worse in the morning
Research has shown that when you go to bed angry, the brain incorporates the experience into your long-term memory. This further exacerbates the anger and makes it hold a permanent impression.
Do you see why this is a terrible idea? These fights or arguments are going to happen a lot as long as you are both humans. And as a couple, it is just advisable to cultivate the idea of not going to bed angry in a relationship or marriage.
If you don’t want meaningless fights to be a major part of your long-term memory and love story, then you should really consider not going to bed angry. But if you want your long-term memories with your man to be filled with fights and unresolved conflicts, then be my guest.
4. Angry new day
If you go to bed with an unresolved conflict with your spouse, chances are that it will be the first thing on your mind when you wake. This will bring back the emotions from the previous day and the emotions of the day won’t be happiness or satisfaction, but rather, anger from the conflict of the previous day.
This will immediately ruin the day and set the tone for what your entire day will look like. Also, what if your partner is busy and is not available in the morning when you finally have time or are in the “right frame of mind” to talk? Now you are left with unresolved problems, a bad day, and eye bags.
5. It conveys the wrong message
If you have a pattern of going to bed angry and not staying up to talk about the conflict (or at least try to resolve it as a couple), the message you are unknowingly passing to your spouse is “I don’t think this is important enough for me to stay up to talk about.
Your happiness can wait till the next morning”. It might not be your intention, but nights can be long and thoughts can run wild. So ensure that you never go to bed angry at your partner.
6. Tomorrow is uncertain
Tomorrow is uncertain, and who knows what it will bring? Who knows if that’s the last time you might talk to your partner? Who knows if your final memory with the person you love might be of both of you fighting about something insignificant?
What if you won’t have time to “deal with it in the morning” what if that’s the last time? Anger is a fickle emotion, and you don’t want it to taint any sweet memory.
7. Forgiving is just easier
Lastly, I understand how inevitable fighting is for couples, however, you are both adults and should be able to talk and resolve your issues—no matter how big it is. The truth is, if you think sleeping over issues will magically invoke the anger fairy to resolve the conflict, then you are wrong.
Rather than sleeping over a said argument or going to bed early, discuss. If you cannot discuss at the time because you don’t want to say things you will regret, take time off to cool down and talk about it. Because, the longer you drag it out, the more time they have to overthink, jump to conclusions and make rash decisions.
It is not good to go to bed mad because it can cause irremediable damage to the marriage or relationship. It gives more time to overthink and make a big deal out of nothing.
Don’t go to bed angry. You might not have time to vividly discuss or resolve the argument in the morning. And If this becomes a response to every argument in your marriage, you and your spouse might end up hating each other and just end things.
No, you should not sleep apart after a fight. If you do, it will give you time to overthink and misinterpret some parts of the conflict. It is best to talk it out like adults. Resolve it. Don’t go to bed angry. You could even sit and just stare at each other, but don’t sleep apart.
There is no offense limit or forgiveness threshold, no one is counting. So far, your spouse isn’t causing you physical, emotional pain, then resolving conflicts and forgive as many times as possible. Remember that it is your relationship against the problem, not you against him.
Many things can cause conflict. It can range from not disposing of trash at the right time to forgetting important dates or details in the marriage. No one has a conflict encyclopedia, it is subjective to you and your partner. Conflicts mean that you people are moving forward and are getting to know each other.
I hope you find this article helpful. Remember that as couples, it is always important to stay up and resolve whatever issue it is. Going to bed angry will only worsen it. So stay up and resolve it. Talk, analyze the situation together as a team. It is always your marriage against the problem.
Let me know what you think in the comments and kindly share this article if you liked it.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.